"Heaven's eleven" (Noob story idea)

TheComicRats · 09-12-2006, 04:29 PM

Hi all!

Warning, I very rarely write anything, when I do I enjoy it, it’s all fun to me!

Here is a rough outline for an idea I have recently come up with. At the moment this outline is very much all over the place not making much sense to read, but I’m fine tuning it and making sure it all makes sense.

I’m also in the middle of character profiles for Heaven’s eleven Angels and a few of the Demons. Not all of the Demons will be introduced in the beginning so the rest will be left for the future.

WARNING! THIS IS VERY ROUGH!

I was hoping for a bit of feedback on the parts which don’t add up. Any other comments welcome.

“Heaven’s eleven”

It’s the year 3000; an epic battle is being staged on Earth to determine the future existence of the Human race. Forces of Heaven and Hell, Angels and Demons wage their war! This battle goes un-noticed by the people of Earth… for the moment.*

(* Both Angels and Demons take to their Semi-Human form so they can wander freely on Earth without suspicion. The term “Semi-Human” means they take the form of a Human but still keep their wings. Also, both Angels and Demons are immortal; the only way to truly kill either of these forces is to cut their wings off first, making them mortal forces. This is the reason each Angel and Demon carry their very own unique swords. These swords can only be wielded by their masters.)

Heaven’s force consists of eleven very powerful Angels. Heaven’s eleven is Earth’s last defence against the rise and power of Hell (which will, of course consume all of mankind!). If all eleven Angel’s are slain, then Hell is victorious. The Demons of Hell outnumber the forces of Heaven by two-to-one. For every Angel there are two demons with power that equals that of an Angel.*

(* So basically that’s 11 V’s 22)

Thank's for taking the time...

**Buckyrig** · 09-13-2006, 02:04 AM

There's no real hook yet. You could write a very good story with this...would all be in the execution. But as written, there is not enough here to make me take a look.

You don't even have any defined characters.

TheComicRats · 09-13-2006, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buckyrig

There's no real hook yet. You could write a very good story with this...would all be in the execution. But as written, there is not enough here to make me take a look.

You don't even have any defined characters.

Thanks for a reply.

This was just ideas jotted down here and there.

I have two of the main characters created. All my time now is going into the rest of the character profiles, as soon as I have enough main characters ready I will start the 'real' writing.

martin993 · 09-17-2006, 03:44 PM

Hey, man. Like the fella said you don't really have much at the moment . I'm not into the Heaven Versus Hell stuff most of the time but if you do something original with the characters it'll be fun. I like the title a lot and the basic Dirty Dozen with wings idea is a good starting point. Best of luck.

Eric Palicki · 09-18-2006, 04:02 PM

First, and this is not a criticism, your hook is very reminiscent of HIGHLANDER, and to a lesser extent THE PROPHECY, so you're going to want to tread lightly, careful not to rehash stories that take place in either of those universes.

Secondly, I'd reconsider the number of characters...A seasoned pro would have trouble juggling eleven distinct voices (and that's just the good guys, never mind the villains!) For a so-called noob, such a task would be nigh-impossible (I, for one, would shy away from that challenge...)

One other suggestion: is there any particular advantage to setting this story a thousand years from now? I enjoy the occasional mash-up, but if an element of the story doesn't add to the whole, you should get rid of it. From what I can see, there's no real reason to set this story in the future...

Best of Luck. Keep writing.

09-12-2006, 04:29 PM	#1
TheComicRats The ghetto's very own... Join Date: May 2006 Location: Cardiff, Wales, UK Posts: 17	"Heaven's eleven" (Noob story idea) Hi all! Warning, I very rarely write anything, when I do I enjoy it, it’s all fun to me! Here is a rough outline for an idea I have recently come up with. At the moment this outline is very much all over the place not making much sense to read, but I’m fine tuning it and making sure it all makes sense. I’m also in the middle of character profiles for Heaven’s eleven Angels and a few of the Demons. Not all of the Demons will be introduced in the beginning so the rest will be left for the future. WARNING! THIS IS VERY ROUGH! I was hoping for a bit of feedback on the parts which don’t add up. Any other comments welcome. “Heaven’s eleven” It’s the year 3000; an epic battle is being staged on Earth to determine the future existence of the Human race. Forces of Heaven and Hell, Angels and Demons wage their war! This battle goes un-noticed by the people of Earth… for the moment.* (* Both Angels and Demons take to their Semi-Human form so they can wander freely on Earth without suspicion. The term “Semi-Human” means they take the form of a Human but still keep their wings. Also, both Angels and Demons are immortal; the only way to truly kill either of these forces is to cut their wings off first, making them mortal forces. This is the reason each Angel and Demon carry their very own unique swords. These swords can only be wielded by their masters.) Heaven’s force consists of eleven very powerful Angels. Heaven’s eleven is Earth’s last defence against the rise and power of Hell (which will, of course consume all of mankind!). If all eleven Angel’s are slain, then Hell is victorious. The Demons of Hell outnumber the forces of Heaven by two-to-one. For every Angel there are two demons with power that equals that of an Angel.* (* So basically that’s 11 V’s 22) Thank's for taking the time... Last edited by TheComicRats; 09-12-2006 at 04:31 PM.

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09-13-2006, 02:04 AM	#2
Buckyrig I Coulda Had a VH Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Steve Buscemi's Couch Posts: 11,599	There's no real hook yet. You could write a very good story with this...would all be in the execution. But as written, there is not enough here to make me take a look. You don't even have any defined characters.

09-17-2006, 03:44 PM	#4
martin993 Plan 10 From Outer Space Join Date: May 2006 Location: Attackosaur.com Posts: 457	Hey, man. Like the fella said you don't really have much at the moment . I'm not into the Heaven Versus Hell stuff most of the time but if you do something original with the characters it'll be fun. I like the title a lot and the basic Dirty Dozen with wings idea is a good starting point. Best of luck.

09-18-2006, 04:02 PM	#5
Eric Palicki Registered User Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Toledo, Ohio Posts: 122	First, and this is not a criticism, your hook is very reminiscent of HIGHLANDER, and to a lesser extent THE PROPHECY, so you're going to want to tread lightly, careful not to rehash stories that take place in either of those universes. Secondly, I'd reconsider the number of characters...A seasoned pro would have trouble juggling eleven distinct voices (and that's just the good guys, never mind the villains!) For a so-called noob, such a task would be nigh-impossible (I, for one, would shy away from that challenge...) One other suggestion: is there any particular advantage to setting this story a thousand years from now? I enjoy the occasional mash-up, but if an element of the story doesn't add to the whole, you should get rid of it. From what I can see, there's no real reason to set this story in the future... Best of Luck. Keep writing.