Alien abductions and giant hotdogs...

Phatman · 05-25-2006, 03:25 PM

A small story I'm putting together of a guy minding his own business who gets abducted by aliens. Any comments or critiques appreciated. Thanks.

(note: I've allready fixed the incongruity of the earphones on again/off again in the original pages-just haven't updated the scans)

Grimspeare · 06-02-2006, 03:49 AM

Hey,

Pretty cool stuff. I don't know why, but it reminds me of the 70's.

I really like the design and layout.

In a couple of places I think your anatomy breaks down a little. The last panel on the first page and the last panel on the third page for example--stuff's just not quite clicking right. Using some photo reference for those couple panels would take care of that problem.

Also the perspective on the second page is a little off. It looks like the guy on the left's upper body is even with the hotdog seller, but when you look down at his feet both of them are closer to the viewer than the seller's. I think the perspective on the cart's a little off too. There's nothing here that some well places perspective lines and a little more planning couldn't fix.

I'm surprised no one else has commented on these. I think they're very good and with some more hard work, you'll be right where you want to be.

G.

Willustrator · 06-02-2006, 06:23 AM

Nice work.
Its a bit inconsistant however, for example, barring a few minor things Page two is great. Your figure work is very good. But the on some of the other pages he faces need some work.
Take a look at the bottom panel on page one, the face is skewed from bottom left to top right.
And page 3 each shot looks like a different person.
Try using photo referance to nail the look of a character.

Theres a lot right with this work though, your definately on the right direction

Phatman · 06-02-2006, 10:52 PM

Thanks for the comments guys. I've gotten a lot of the same feedback on these pages and I'm editing them right now. Hopefully, I can correct as many things as possible in the next round of pages.

Vyper · 06-03-2006, 01:50 PM

In the last panel on the second-to-last page, he's not wearing his headphones

Phatman · 06-03-2006, 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vyper

In the last panel on the second-to-last page, he's not wearing his headphones

Thanks Vyper-already fixed.

Roel_Torres · 06-03-2006, 09:32 PM

The people standing on the sidewalk looks too orderly and arranged. There are no gaps between people, almost like everyone has been told to stand an even distance apart and fill in all empty spaces.

I would put more work on the understructure of your figures before rendering them, especially faces. The bones structure of your faces is a little shaky.

I would recommend changing the levels on your scans to make them brighter and to eliminate a lot of the gray. A simple change of the slider would make things seem less muddy.

Erick Cruz · 06-04-2006, 04:53 AM

i've already commented on these over at penciljack but you hadnt posted the last page so ill make a comment about that here

You probably could substitute the last panel in pg 3 for the 1st panel in pg 4 and have the close ups on the eyes be the focus of pg 4 and with the extra room that was used for the first panel use it for a larger last panel to show us exactly whats going on the hot dog guy, or skip that last panel and make it into a splash page, imagine your flippiing the pages to the comic you get to the end of pg 4 with all the close ups (and i assume some sort of dialogue) you turn the page and we se an exploded view of hot dog guy trapped in some cyber-organic thingamabob.

Phatman · 06-05-2006, 11:00 AM

Roel: Thanks for the advice. I'm working on some other pages right now with more crowds and I'll try what you are saying.

Erick: Thanks for commenting here and over @ PJ. After reading alot of the comments on pgs 3 & 4, I think I may just redraw them. The faces are inconsistant and there are some stortytelling problems to work out.

05-25-2006, 03:25 PM	#1
Phatman Midi-chlorians are a lie! Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Folsom, CA Posts: 4,445	Alien abductions and giant hotdogs... A small story I'm putting together of a guy minding his own business who gets abducted by aliens. Any comments or critiques appreciated. Thanks. (note: I've allready fixed the incongruity of the earphones on again/off again in the original pages-just haven't updated the scans) Last edited by Phatman; 05-25-2006 at 03:28 PM.

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

06-02-2006, 03:49 AM	#2
Grimspeare Lord of Black Dimensions Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Holland, MI Posts: 92	Hey, Pretty cool stuff. I don't know why, but it reminds me of the 70's. I really like the design and layout. In a couple of places I think your anatomy breaks down a little. The last panel on the first page and the last panel on the third page for example--stuff's just not quite clicking right. Using some photo reference for those couple panels would take care of that problem. Also the perspective on the second page is a little off. It looks like the guy on the left's upper body is even with the hotdog seller, but when you look down at his feet both of them are closer to the viewer than the seller's. I think the perspective on the cart's a little off too. There's nothing here that some well places perspective lines and a little more planning couldn't fix. I'm surprised no one else has commented on these. I think they're very good and with some more hard work, you'll be right where you want to be. G.

06-02-2006, 06:23 AM	#3
Willustrator Will Sliney Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Ireland Posts: 216	Nice work. Its a bit inconsistant however, for example, barring a few minor things Page two is great. Your figure work is very good. But the on some of the other pages he faces need some work. Take a look at the bottom panel on page one, the face is skewed from bottom left to top right. And page 3 each shot looks like a different person. Try using photo referance to nail the look of a character. Theres a lot right with this work though, your definately on the right direction

06-02-2006, 10:52 PM	#4
Phatman Midi-chlorians are a lie! Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Folsom, CA Posts: 4,445	Thanks for the comments guys. I've gotten a lot of the same feedback on these pages and I'm editing them right now. Hopefully, I can correct as many things as possible in the next round of pages.

06-03-2006, 01:50 PM	#5
Vyper Registered User Join Date: Sep 2004 Posts: 152	In the last panel on the second-to-last page, he's not wearing his headphones

06-03-2006, 09:32 PM	#7
Roel_Torres Trying to be helpful Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Somerville, MA Posts: 217	The people standing on the sidewalk looks too orderly and arranged. There are no gaps between people, almost like everyone has been told to stand an even distance apart and fill in all empty spaces. I would put more work on the understructure of your figures before rendering them, especially faces. The bones structure of your faces is a little shaky. I would recommend changing the levels on your scans to make them brighter and to eliminate a lot of the gray. A simple change of the slider would make things seem less muddy.

06-04-2006, 04:53 AM	#8
Erick Cruz Starving Artist Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Tijuana, Baja Calif, Mexico Posts: 389	i've already commented on these over at penciljack but you hadnt posted the last page so ill make a comment about that here You probably could substitute the last panel in pg 3 for the 1st panel in pg 4 and have the close ups on the eyes be the focus of pg 4 and with the extra room that was used for the first panel use it for a larger last panel to show us exactly whats going on the hot dog guy, or skip that last panel and make it into a splash page, imagine your flippiing the pages to the comic you get to the end of pg 4 with all the close ups (and i assume some sort of dialogue) you turn the page and we se an exploded view of hot dog guy trapped in some cyber-organic thingamabob.

06-05-2006, 11:00 AM	#9
Phatman Midi-chlorians are a lie! Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Folsom, CA Posts: 4,445	Roel: Thanks for the advice. I'm working on some other pages right now with more crowds and I'll try what you are saying. Erick: Thanks for commenting here and over @ PJ. After reading alot of the comments on pgs 3 & 4, I think I may just redraw them. The faces are inconsistant and there are some stortytelling problems to work out.