Replying to Spam

[CHWolf]

Ever reply to Spam messages? If so, post yours. If not, do it then post it!

I've heard you're planning to get a promotion soon.
Get a diploma of any University you like.
Dial this number:
Inside the USA: [NUMBER REMOVED]
Outside the USA: [NUMBER REMOVED]
Leave your name and phone # (including your country code), they will call you back promptly.
It will solve all your problems.

I heard you're planning to get a boot in your ass soon.
Get a tombstone of any style you like.
Follow these instructions:
Soak your head in honey
Punch a Kodiak bear
Leave your house key and bank account # (including your PIN), I will take your stuff promptly.
This will solve all my problems.

----

And a couple old ones...

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Dear Beneficiary,

This is to notify you that your Inheritance/Contract Payment has been approved for payment and everything is set for the payment before we received Janet Smith from United States of America who claimed that you are dead. She forwarded below account information for the transfer of the fund since she is your closer friend who can receive the fund.


NAME: JANET SMITH
BANK NAME: CITY BANK
BANK ADDRESS: ARIZONA,
USA. ACCOUNT Number: 6503809428.


You should confirm immediately if you truly sent her or not because if we wait for five working days without hearing from you, we shall proceed with the payment to the account she provided. But if you did not send her kindly notify us immediately and send your personal information, which include your full name, house or office address, house/office and cell phone numbers and any form of ID.

I am waiting for your immediate reply and call.


Sincerely yours,

Jim Clement.
Chairman Senate Committee on foreign payment.
Direct no: +234-8029315467
Email;jim2011c@hotmail.com

Dear Doctor,

This is to notify you that I am dead. Please make payment to Janet Smith in your bank from ARIZONA, USA. I am thankful to forward any proof of evidence regarding my passing for twelve business minutes until I must return to the grave.

Thank you for your kindness in regarding this matter, and please to make all future requirements to my next of kin. I provide his information below so as you can forge contact efficiently within the internet.

NAME: JOHN BIBB
BANK NAME: WELL S FARGO
BANK ADDRESS: MONTANA,
USA. ACCOUNT Number: 33333-3-333333-333-333333339.


You should confirm immediately if you truly wish to proceed with decided actions because if I wait for a millenia without hearing from you, I must become like unto a poltergeist which haunts you. But if you do not wish a ghost, please send your personal information, which will include your measurements, dental record, preferred styling gel, and a photo of yourself dressed as a Bishop while seated atop an alpaca.

I am waiting for your immediate reply and call.


Deadly yours,

A. Guy
Postmaster General
Direct no: +4
Email;BountTheDoggyhunter@rudeodor.org

-----

With Due Respect,

Sincerely speaking, I want to let you know that I have been on course and based on this fact, I would like to Establish a relationship, Which will yield dividends in due course.

Before I continue, let me introduce myself to you, I am Major Goodman Foster. in charge of Multi-National Division with the U.S. troops in Baghdad, was fighting against terrorism.

Effectively, the United States legislative and executive decision for withdrawing troops from Iraq, i have to put in my deployment and go into business world in your country. I have now in my possession the sum of Five Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars (USD $ 5.5M ) which was recovered from one of our raids on terrorists camps here in Iraq, because they keep most of their money at home for evil acti

"Evil acti--"? I don't get it, unless...

Oh, no...

Major? MAJOR, SPEAK TO ME!!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS TAKE THE GOOD ONES, GOD? WHY THE GOOD ONES?

DAAAAAAMN YOOOOUUUU!!!


Sincerely yours,
Rupert Cornwallow

PS. Please confirm to Doctor Jim Clement that you are dead.

[SuperMonkey]

So what you're saying is that you have a supernatural amount of time on your hands?

I've done it before but haven't cared to in a while. I kept a conversation consisting almost entirely of (at least on my end) 1980s action movie references going for about two weeks once. I may have to dig through my old gmail account to get to those emails, though.

[CHWolf]

Do it.

[SuperMonkey]

Took me about twenty minutes to remember the password, and now I can't even find the damn things. Suffice it to say that Col. Norris Plissken was absolutely thrilled to enter into a business relationship with the son of a deposed Cote d'Ivoire-ian warlord.

[jedipencil]

CWolf, I wish I could get you to answer those stupid spam calls I get on my cell phone, all aimed to the previous owner of the number I now have.

I wish I could post what I said to HBC the last time they called - three damn times in a row within fifteen minutes. I was so mad, so godam fucking mad, really mad, I took five entire minutes to tell them - in french - what they could do with their phone calls, what I would do to them if they ever called again, that I was not, nor would ever be, someone called Nathalie.

I tell you, Nathalie has one bloody busy life. I get all her HBC calls, calls from stoned guys, women who sound like they are knitting while they phone... The last guy who phoned was promptly told to fluck himself with his phone.

My phone has been nice and quiet for a week now.

[CHWolf]

Dude, I was just trying to find out if Natalie still had my Oasis CDs.

SHE WAS MY WONDERWALL!!11



But yeah, I love screwing with telemarketers, etc.

"Do you have Diabetes?"
"No, but I'm very interested in getting it."
"..."
"Listen, just toss out a price and I'm all over that. How much?"

[jedipencil]

[Kors]

hilarious!!! I'm gonna start doing that!!

[cheeseisgood1918]

I get surprisingly few of those emails, maybe 1 every few months, so they go ignored. I will be responding now though.

[Biofungus]

This is all part of Wolf's scam to collect your email addresses (who do you think is coming up with and sending out those emails? Hmmmm...)

[CHWolf]

If I were sending them, they'd be spelled corectly.

[Biofungus]

If they were spelled correctly, one would not suspect spammers were behind them...

[CHWolf]

If one had a backside like your avatar, one could expect me to be behind them.

[Biofungus]

Are you... are you hitting on my avatar?!

[CHWolf]

No.

I'm hitting your avatar.