Marvel Sample Page: Secret Avengers

jakebilbao · 04-12-2012, 06:26 PM

Hi guys, as mentioned in my other marvel thread found here:
http://digitalwebbing.com/forums/sho...=160547&page=3
i got four sample scripts from C.B. Cebulski and have decided to do the five page Secret Avenger sample. below each page i post, i would be posting the script so you guys can see if i hit it or missed. i really would love to know what you thought of the pages so crits will be very welcome.

PAGE EIGHTEEN
Pic 1
Widow hits the brakes and makes the car slew around to a sideways stop in front of us.
WIDOW ...OKAY, HOW ABOUT A PLAN B?
Pic 2
A large tank gun FIRES.
(no dialogue)
Pic 3
Widow's eyes go wide.
WIDOW (Russian phrase expressing surprise, also concerning an impolite part of a walrus)
Pic 4
She guns the car, twists it around and launches it back the way they came, as a shell the size of a garbage can shoots just barely past them.
(no dialogue)
Pic 5
A hail of gunfire comes from behind as they tear off. They're not happy.
BEAST THEY'RE POWERING UP THE PYLONS. THE FIELD'S GOING TO FORM IN MINUTES.
ROGERS HENRY, YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS THAN ANY OF US. GIVE ME A PLAN.

**carynord** · 04-12-2012, 06:50 PM

Is that a Panzer? lol.

Your pages look good, Jake. Good luck with CB.

Justice41 · 04-12-2012, 07:44 PM

Your element scales are off a lot in places like the car in front of the tanker looks like a toy. Look at the door of the tankers cab It's huge compared to the car thus making that Tanker twice as large as it should be compared to even our heroes car.
Not sure you were supposed to draw the actual Tank. I think it was just supposed to be the tank being fire and the shell being launched so a simple cannon would have done. Plus the last two panels were really supposed to be one panel. In fact the second to last panel is what was described in the script.
Looking good man but ya gotta watch out for weird perspective things like on one side of the tank the vehicles seem to be going uphill but the other side is right or more down hill. Was there an actual city or country this takes place in?
Also where is the wide eyed Widow and the hail of gunfire along with the charging up pylons, whatever that is? Good luck man.

ariel · 04-12-2012, 07:59 PM

good! how do you make your lines looks like ink but its pencil but not...?

jakebilbao · 04-13-2012, 02:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carynord

Is that a Panzer? lol.

Your pages look good, Jake. Good luck with CB.

thanks cary!
i think it is.

everytime you post in reply to my stuff is like about a years worth of motivation for me to do more work!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Justice41

Your element scales are off a lot in places like the car in front of the tanker looks like a toy. Look at the door of the tankers cab It's huge compared to the car thus making that Tanker twice as large as it should be compared to even our heroes car.
Not sure you were supposed to draw the actual Tank. I think it was just supposed to be the tank being fire and the shell being launched so a simple cannon would have done. Plus the last two panels were really supposed to be one panel. In fact the second to last panel is what was described in the script.
Looking good man but ya gotta watch out for weird perspective things like on one side of the tank the vehicles seem to be going uphill but the other side is right or more down hill. Was there an actual city or country this takes place in?
Also where is the wide eyed Widow and the hail of gunfire along with the charging up pylons, whatever that is? Good luck man.

just ice! yes! i knew you'd be the one to pick the perspective failures! thanks man! yeah, you got me on all the perspective flaws.

as for panel two and small tweaks on the storytelling, i was thinking these are just sample pages, right? so it really didn't matter after five pages. i'm guessing C.B. just wants to see how i draw, so drawing just the muzzle on the tank firing off wouldn't show off what i know i can do. so hence the whole tank and a bit of tweak on the story in which i can adjust on the next pages.

on the black widow expression, nah man, my widow is tough! a tank doesn't faze her. this defense is really true. i did draw her with the surprised expression but i really felt it was out of character for her to be surprised by a tank and just get away with it in the next two panels. so yeah my widow has the problem solved on the third panel.

those pylons are just dialogue, in which will not be even seen in the whole five pages anyway.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ariel

good! how do you make your lines looks like ink but its pencil but not...?

thanks!
wacom intuos 4 (a tad bit on the soft side for sensitivity)
photoshop cs5
400 dpi 11x17 drawing surface
#4 size round brush with opacity(100%) and flow(100%) sensitivity on (just this size all the way except for the last shadow on the car in the last panel which is a #5)

oh, my eraser size varies, but it has the same settings as the round brush

in short, It's all digital.

shannonh · 04-13-2012, 06:53 AM

The car looks like it is floating in every panel. In panel 4, the car doesn't even look like it's anywhere close to the same plane as the gas truck. You got to anchor things that touch the ground. other than that, looks good.

Barnaby · 04-13-2012, 07:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jakebilbao

as for panel two and small tweaks on the storytelling, i was thinking these are just sample pages, right? so it really didn't matter after five pages. i'm guessing C.B. just wants to see how i draw, so drawing just the muzzle on the tank firing off wouldn't show off what i know i can do. so hence the whole tank and a bit of tweak on the story in which i can adjust on the next pages.

Hey, Jake!

First of all, you sure can draw... that´s not an issue.
I've been sending some samples and talking to editors at Marvel and DC lately and I get the feeling that your ability to draw is not THAT important. Of course you have to draw relatively well, but they're more interested in how you tell the story.
In the couple of samples I sent, never my ability to draw was questioned (was in fact complimented), the (fatal) mistakes were made in storytelling. So, if you have to draw the muzzle on the tank firing, to help you telling the story and add clarity to it, draw the muzzle!
Let's say that I believe they prefer a reasonable artist that can tell a story clearly and dynamically than a great artist that can't.

Hope it helps and good luck, man!

the machine · 04-13-2012, 07:50 AM

That's how you do it right there. That's some impressive stuff Jake!!!

ariel · 04-13-2012, 01:22 PM

Digital thats nuts! Never thought id see digital stuff that looks good.

Paul Sanderson · 04-14-2012, 07:08 AM

Superb work, Jake.

Justice41 · 04-14-2012, 12:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jakebilbao

thanks cary!
i think it is.

everytime you post in reply to my stuff is like about a years worth of motivation for me to do more work!

just ice! yes! i knew you'd be the one to pick the perspective failures! thanks man! yeah, you got me on all the perspective flaws.

as for panel two and small tweaks on the storytelling, i was thinking these are just sample pages, right? so it really didn't matter after five pages. i'm guessing C.B. just wants to see how i draw, so drawing just the muzzle on the tank firing off wouldn't show off what i know i can do. so hence the whole tank and a bit of tweak on the story in which i can adjust on the next pages.

on the black widow expression, nah man, my widow is tough! a tank doesn't faze her. this defense is really true. i did draw her with the surprised expression but i really felt it was out of character for her to be surprised by a tank and just get away with it in the next two panels. so yeah my widow has the problem solved on the third panel.

those pylons are just dialogue, in which will not be even seen in the whole five pages anyway.

Problem is when you deviate from the script as you did the following panels make less sense or lose the impact they should have. The way it was written the Tank itself wasn't important at all it was the fired shell that was of import. So by shifting the scenes you killed the surprise and tension and threat of the shell nearly taking out the car. Virtuabutch did the same script and he did the muzzle shot like the Script called for. His drawing wasn't snazzy and could have had more excitement to it but he did follow the script.

My one advice to all artists looking to get into comics, don't fake perspectives because the eye gets drawn directly to the problem and that's all that will be noticed. This probably wouldn't have happened if you had done the drawings by hand on paper.

shannonh · 04-14-2012, 09:04 PM

I didnt even read the script lol. And neither will any editors he shows it to. Now that I read it, I'm seeing what everyone is saying.

**Renae De Liz** · 04-14-2012, 09:34 PM

Looks so awesome, Jake!

From everyone I've ever talked to at publishers, they really only care about storytelling and art, they don't really care how you get there, even if it deviates from the script some. You'll probably get quite a few editors/publishers reviewing your portfolio also give you rules to follow by (like no breaking of borders, etc) but if a page is GOOD then they'll overlook almost anything. I personally feel you should push forward to tell the story in your own special way, and don't let the worry about the rules or script hinder you. Too many people spend a lot of time worrying on what they're supposed to do. Break away from that and you will get noticed more than the average submission.

In this case if there was anything I would say about this page, it would be that it doesn't POP enough, and stand out as something to grab attention. Especially on an action page where stuff is exploding, this should really leap off the page! Your technical details are lovely, the vehicles are spot on, and the action is slick. But just to add to it in case it may help:

-Almost all panels are from the same angle or perspective (or just about). Though closeness of shot varies, it makes for a less interesting page to have things all the same. Maybe think of more dramatic shots could could portray the last panel as, and personally I feel you could put panels 1 & 2 together into one step, but that's just me

- This may be just my preference, but the close up of Widow would be MUCH better without panel borders

- Same with Widow, may be another preference, but her hair has many mistakes in it that I see a lot of people draw with women. There are too many short spots, which makes her look less slick and like she chopped her hair in strange spots.

- One more with Widow, her face seems to be lacking in emotion, I believe it's the eyes as they look more "relaxed" in the face of a fired missile (in which she may be because she's awesome, so maybe it doesn't matter) As this is the only close up on the page it should look great. People automatically focus onto faces in everyday life, so they'll zoom right to that first before going onto reading the rest of the page, so some tweaking there, I feel, would be wonderful.

- I agree there maybe should be some kind of indication of the initial firing of the missile.

But really I hate giving critiques because I like when people find their own unique way, but I feel like you're soooo close! I just wanted to try and help

Scribbly · 04-15-2012, 12:08 AM

It looks OK Jake.
Individually, I like each panel as they are.
Amazing drawing. Extra point for making it all in a tablet.

After reading the script, some storytelling issues appear in scene.
Panel 1, cool.
Panel 2, the distance between the tank and the car makes impossible the effect the writer wants
on having the cannon shells missing the running car.
This panel should be only of the muzzle of the cannon firing.Period.
But, IF you want to change it, as you did. Then you need to change the last two panels as well
to combine the effect proposed for this page.

Panel 3, her eyes expression are the important thing here. Focus.
Shoulder, arm, and her hair are distractions of this focus.

Panel 4, a total waste. That semi-truck is not helping is obstructing.
With the semi-truck reference you put in panel 1 you are indicating the car is moving a few inches of the firing cannon.
How it happens that this cannon is firing a shell that has a missile “curvy” trajectory in such
a short range??
Here is where panel 2 applies, but with the car running away of the shoots, leaving the tank far behind.

Panel 5, that explosion look like a spark of light, rather than a cannonball blast.
The blast should be making impact in the ground, spreading debris as the car is running through it.
Drama.

Conclusion,
It seems you find a nice Sketchup car that you want show in every panel,
FORCING the storytelling to follow the car, when it should be otherwise.
This also is telling you can trace a car from a 3D program very well, but is not boosting up your skills as artist very much.

You already show the car in the first panel, the next ones should be following the action described in the script.
BTW, thanks for sharing the script so we can give a feedback over real basis.

Keep working on these Jake, you are almost there!
Great job!

jakebilbao · 04-17-2012, 10:46 AM

here's the next page guys:

i really have to apologize to everyone that posted, i couldn't reply yet to all your valid posts. it's the hardest thing to think about the page that you are currently doing and thinking about the nagging flaws that the previous page had.

i'll tell you guys what, i'll finish the five pages but still post them as they are done. then when i finish them, i then read all your comments and critiques(which i really do appreciate) love you guys! i'll read and reply to all your replies after i am done, see you in the finish line!

oh and here is the script for this page:

PAGE NINETEEN
Pic 1
The car whips around a corner, behind cover, keeps going...
BEAST THERE IS SOMETHING I CAN DO.
BEAST IT IS, IN FACT, HORRIBLY EASY.
ROGERS WHAT?
Pic 2
On BEAST, looking sick at heart.
BEAST I CAN TURN THIS CAR INTO A FISSILE BOMB. A NASTY ONE.
ROGERS YOU MEAN LIKE A DIRTY BOMB?
BEAST I MEAN LIKE AN ENHANCED RADIATION TACTICAL DEVICE. LIKE A SMALL, LOW-RENT NEUTRON BOMB.
Pic 3
ANOTHER HELICOPTER becomes visible, travelling down towards them.
BEAST I CAN'T BLOW UP THE ENTIRE CITY TO GET ALL THE TIME PLATFORM STRUTS.
BEAST BUT I CAN MAKE AN ELECTROMAGNETIC PULSE THAT SHOULD FRY IT. AND A BURST OF RADIATION THAT'LL INSTANTLY KILL EVERYONE DOWN HERE, GOD HELP ME.
BEAST INCLUDING US.
Pic 4
Everyone ducks as a hail of fire from the chopper behind them rakes over their heads.
ROGERS WHAT IF WE COULD GET BACK TO OUR ENTRANCE POINT?
BEAST THE “SKY” ABOVE THIS CITY IS AT LEAST THREE FEET OF DENSE METALS. AND THERE'S A MILE OF DIRT BETWEEN THIS SPOT AND CINCINATTI.
BEAST IF WE CAN MAKE IT BACK TO OUR EXIT, THEN...
Pic 5
On ROGERS: decision made.
ROGERS ...THEN THE MECHANICAL SYSTEM WILL STILL WORK AFTER THE BOMB GOES OFF BECAUSE IT'S NOT ELECTRONIC.
ROGERS MOON KNIGHT. YOUR TRUNCHEON.
Pic 6
Rogers, MK's truncheon in hand, whirls around and fires its grapple behind and above them --
(no dialogue)

04-12-2012, 06:26 PM	#1
jakebilbao MattWaterman in progress! Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Pilipinas kong Mahal Posts: 1,734	Marvel Sample Page: Secret Avengers Hi guys, as mentioned in my other marvel thread found here: http://digitalwebbing.com/forums/sho...=160547&page=3 i got four sample scripts from C.B. Cebulski and have decided to do the five page Secret Avenger sample. below each page i post, i would be posting the script so you guys can see if i hit it or missed. i really would love to know what you thought of the pages so crits will be very welcome. PAGE EIGHTEEN Pic 1 Widow hits the brakes and makes the car slew around to a sideways stop in front of us. WIDOW ...OKAY, HOW ABOUT A PLAN B? Pic 2 A large tank gun FIRES. (no dialogue) Pic 3 Widow's eyes go wide. WIDOW (Russian phrase expressing surprise, also concerning an impolite part of a walrus) Pic 4 She guns the car, twists it around and launches it back the way they came, as a shell the size of a garbage can shoots just barely past them. (no dialogue) Pic 5 A hail of gunfire comes from behind as they tear off. They're not happy. BEAST THEY'RE POWERING UP THE PYLONS. THE FIELD'S GOING TO FORM IN MINUTES. ROGERS HENRY, YOU KNOW MORE ABOUT THIS THAN ANY OF US. GIVE ME A PLAN.

04-12-2012, 06:50 PM	#2
carynord Moderator Join Date: Dec 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 1,321	Is that a Panzer? lol. Your pages look good, Jake. Good luck with CB. __________________ http://cary-nord.blogspot.com/

04-13-2012, 07:50 AM	#8
the machine The Boob Master! Join Date: May 2002 Location: MONTREAL Posts: 2,573	That's how you do it right there. That's some impressive stuff Jake!!! __________________ ------------------------------------------------ Joël J Séguin Writer/ Colorist/ Penciler/ Digital Painter/ Maker of Stuff http://joeljseguin.deviantart.com/gallery/?loggedin=1 Look me up on Facebook! Available for contract work: joel_seguin@hotmail.com

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04-12-2012, 07:44 PM	#3
Justice41 Piss Off Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 9,366	Your element scales are off a lot in places like the car in front of the tanker looks like a toy. Look at the door of the tankers cab It's huge compared to the car thus making that Tanker twice as large as it should be compared to even our heroes car. Not sure you were supposed to draw the actual Tank. I think it was just supposed to be the tank being fire and the shell being launched so a simple cannon would have done. Plus the last two panels were really supposed to be one panel. In fact the second to last panel is what was described in the script. Looking good man but ya gotta watch out for weird perspective things like on one side of the tank the vehicles seem to be going uphill but the other side is right or more down hill. Was there an actual city or country this takes place in? Also where is the wide eyed Widow and the hail of gunfire along with the charging up pylons, whatever that is? Good luck man.

04-12-2012, 07:59 PM	#4
ariel Registered User Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NYC, manhattan Posts: 332	good! how do you make your lines looks like ink but its pencil but not...?

04-13-2012, 06:53 AM	#6
shannonh Registered User Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 233	The car looks like it is floating in every panel. In panel 4, the car doesn't even look like it's anywhere close to the same plane as the gas truck. You got to anchor things that touch the ground. other than that, looks good.

04-13-2012, 01:22 PM	#9
ariel Registered User Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NYC, manhattan Posts: 332	Digital thats nuts! Never thought id see digital stuff that looks good.

04-14-2012, 07:08 AM	#10
Paul Sanderson Dread Avenger Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Metro City Posts: 12,414	Superb work, Jake.

04-14-2012, 09:04 PM	#12
shannonh Registered User Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 233	I didnt even read the script lol. And neither will any editors he shows it to. Now that I read it, I'm seeing what everyone is saying.

04-14-2012, 09:34 PM	#13
Renae De Liz Art Wench Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Cape Elizabeth, MAINE! Posts: 5,374	Looks so awesome, Jake! From everyone I've ever talked to at publishers, they really only care about storytelling and art, they don't really care how you get there, even if it deviates from the script some. You'll probably get quite a few editors/publishers reviewing your portfolio also give you rules to follow by (like no breaking of borders, etc) but if a page is GOOD then they'll overlook almost anything. I personally feel you should push forward to tell the story in your own special way, and don't let the worry about the rules or script hinder you. Too many people spend a lot of time worrying on what they're supposed to do. Break away from that and you will get noticed more than the average submission. In this case if there was anything I would say about this page, it would be that it doesn't POP enough, and stand out as something to grab attention. Especially on an action page where stuff is exploding, this should really leap off the page! Your technical details are lovely, the vehicles are spot on, and the action is slick. But just to add to it in case it may help: -Almost all panels are from the same angle or perspective (or just about). Though closeness of shot varies, it makes for a less interesting page to have things all the same. Maybe think of more dramatic shots could could portray the last panel as, and personally I feel you could put panels 1 & 2 together into one step, but that's just me - This may be just my preference, but the close up of Widow would be MUCH better without panel borders - Same with Widow, may be another preference, but her hair has many mistakes in it that I see a lot of people draw with women. There are too many short spots, which makes her look less slick and like she chopped her hair in strange spots. - One more with Widow, her face seems to be lacking in emotion, I believe it's the eyes as they look more "relaxed" in the face of a fired missile (in which she may be because she's awesome, so maybe it doesn't matter) As this is the only close up on the page it should look great. People automatically focus onto faces in everyday life, so they'll zoom right to that first before going onto reading the rest of the page, so some tweaking there, I feel, would be wonderful. - I agree there maybe should be some kind of indication of the initial firing of the missile. But really I hate giving critiques because I like when people find their own unique way, but I feel like you're soooo close! I just wanted to try and help

04-15-2012, 12:08 AM	#14
Scribbly Easy Reader Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Amerika Posts: 3,729	It looks OK Jake. Individually, I like each panel as they are. Amazing drawing. Extra point for making it all in a tablet. After reading the script, some storytelling issues appear in scene. Panel 1, cool. Panel 2, the distance between the tank and the car makes impossible the effect the writer wants on having the cannon shells missing the running car. This panel should be only of the muzzle of the cannon firing.Period. But, IF you want to change it, as you did. Then you need to change the last two panels as well to combine the effect proposed for this page. Panel 3, her eyes expression are the important thing here. Focus. Shoulder, arm, and her hair are distractions of this focus. Panel 4, a total waste. That semi-truck is not helping is obstructing. With the semi-truck reference you put in panel 1 you are indicating the car is moving a few inches of the firing cannon. How it happens that this cannon is firing a shell that has a missile “curvy” trajectory in such a short range?? Here is where panel 2 applies, but with the car running away of the shoots, leaving the tank far behind. Panel 5, that explosion look like a spark of light, rather than a cannonball blast. The blast should be making impact in the ground, spreading debris as the car is running through it. Drama. Conclusion, It seems you find a nice Sketchup car that you want show in every panel, FORCING the storytelling to follow the car, when it should be otherwise. This also is telling you can trace a car from a 3D program very well, but is not boosting up your skills as artist very much. You already show the car in the first panel, the next ones should be following the action described in the script. BTW, thanks for sharing the script so we can give a feedback over real basis. Keep working on these Jake, you are almost there! Great job!

04-17-2012, 10:46 AM	#15
jakebilbao MattWaterman in progress! Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Pilipinas kong Mahal Posts: 1,734	here's the next page guys: i really have to apologize to everyone that posted, i couldn't reply yet to all your valid posts. it's the hardest thing to think about the page that you are currently doing and thinking about the nagging flaws that the previous page had. i'll tell you guys what, i'll finish the five pages but still post them as they are done. then when i finish them, i then read all your comments and critiques(which i really do appreciate) love you guys! i'll read and reply to all your replies after i am done, see you in the finish line! oh and here is the script for this page: PAGE NINETEEN Pic 1 The car whips around a corner, behind cover, keeps going... BEAST THERE IS SOMETHING I CAN DO. BEAST IT IS, IN FACT, HORRIBLY EASY. ROGERS WHAT? Pic 2 On BEAST, looking sick at heart. BEAST I CAN TURN THIS CAR INTO A FISSILE BOMB. A NASTY ONE. ROGERS YOU MEAN LIKE A DIRTY BOMB? BEAST I MEAN LIKE AN ENHANCED RADIATION TACTICAL DEVICE. LIKE A SMALL, LOW-RENT NEUTRON BOMB. Pic 3 ANOTHER HELICOPTER becomes visible, travelling down towards them. BEAST I CAN'T BLOW UP THE ENTIRE CITY TO GET ALL THE TIME PLATFORM STRUTS. BEAST BUT I CAN MAKE AN ELECTROMAGNETIC PULSE THAT SHOULD FRY IT. AND A BURST OF RADIATION THAT'LL INSTANTLY KILL EVERYONE DOWN HERE, GOD HELP ME. BEAST INCLUDING US. Pic 4 Everyone ducks as a hail of fire from the chopper behind them rakes over their heads. ROGERS WHAT IF WE COULD GET BACK TO OUR ENTRANCE POINT? BEAST THE “SKY” ABOVE THIS CITY IS AT LEAST THREE FEET OF DENSE METALS. AND THERE'S A MILE OF DIRT BETWEEN THIS SPOT AND CINCINATTI. BEAST IF WE CAN MAKE IT BACK TO OUR EXIT, THEN... Pic 5 On ROGERS: decision made. ROGERS ...THEN THE MECHANICAL SYSTEM WILL STILL WORK AFTER THE BOMB GOES OFF BECAUSE IT'S NOT ELECTRONIC. ROGERS MOON KNIGHT. YOUR TRUNCHEON. Pic 6 Rogers, MK's truncheon in hand, whirls around and fires its grapple behind and above them -- (no dialogue)