New pages!

[Barnaby]

Finally finished these!

I has been occupying an important chunk of my time for the last several weeks, but I hope it was worth it! Thankfully I'm not dealing with very tight schedules these days, but anyway, time to focus on the "real" work!

You know the drill, C&C very much welcomed. Not pull your punches.

Hope you guys like these!


















Thanks!

[thejaz180]

I like ‘em. Some brutal stuff goin’ on, but I like them a lot. Awesome.

[nams]

I Think these pages look Awesome great Storytelling.
Your Style it looks like everything is easy to draw… I love that about it. Your anatomy is solid you draw big hands but so did Michael angelo… so.
I think that the position of Psylock an Archangel in relation to Wolverine and company is not well established I know they are in the top of the hill, but it took me a while to understand that.
I think Psylokes face is weak at some points.
I have looked for the original Comic to see if I could get from the script so I could help you with my opinion only found a review with a couple of pages as preview I find it Odd that Archangel wing is cut in a panel and in the next panel he is flying psylock away… but I guess that was on the original comic as well. I think Your pencils are vibrant and full of energy, but are not tight enoguhf for a Marvel Tryout ( this I don’t Know from experience but What I hear from other members of the DW forum)
Never the less great, great pages and hope you get the gig!

[jeffo46]

Damm, these are great and have that old school Sal Buscema touch to them. I love these and hope you get yourself a gig at Marvel .

[MattTriano]

Right.


PNL 1: nice drawing, nice blacks, shot feels a little congested. Pull back, show me what the ground looks like/where they are in relation to those buildings. There's a fluid sense of perspective between them, the buildings, the mesa in bg--everything's the same general height, works to flatten.
PNL 2: Nice drawing, except Psylocke is Japanese--not half-asian, not Philipino, she's 100% Japanese and *nobody* draws her correctly.
PNL 3: Nice shot/drawing--building feels small. I assume Wolvie's claws in fg, ok, but where is Psylocke from previous pnl? Nice blacks, I love that you're referencing your hands, that they're big and clear--never stop!
PNL 4: Nice. Nitpick--motion lines that cross, contrary to Neal Adams' ethos, always work to STOP the motion. No need here, clear without them. Toth said 'simplify'
PNL 5: Mm. Unreferenced explosion, no figures no environment, flat. Where did everybody go?
PNL 6: Archangel and Psylocke--unreferenced, not drawn as well as rest of pg. Again, where are they? Where did he come from? Set up ALL the info you are going to use before you need to use it--there are SIX people in this ghost desert town, but I don't know where they are. Layer information, over-think, push clarity.

Overall ok.


PNL 1: Where are we? Introducing new character, I think--but how do I know, intro from behind? Sloppy thinking. Nice drawing, composition feels a little off.
PNL 2: Ok shot, gestures feel forced esp. Psylocke's arm. Ok drawing, smoke conflates the downshot, fake.
PNL 3: Nice perspective, nice buildings. Whose hands in fg? How do I know? Where did Deathstrike and the Reavers come from? Why is the one guy on fire? I know it's from a script, a lot of this is the writer's problem--but then again it's your job to sell the page, both to the reader and as samples--fix the script if you can to make everything as clear as possible. Nice drawing.
PNL 4: Lovely Deathstrike, nice gesture. Hard to crop hands at wrist, always hurts.
PNL 5: Ditto. Nice drawing.


PNL 1: Nice drawing but now I'm really confused--what's happening? Where the hell are we? That's never a great thing to ask in samples, I should never be confused. BTW Arch on left Psylocke on rt...
PNL 2: ...suddenly Arch on rt Psylocke on left, why? Ok shot, clear enough if a little cramped. Nice blacks.
PNL 3: And now Arch is back on the left and Psylocke on the rt--why? Odd composition of blacks, shapes--odd crop of Psylocke and Gateway's faces.
PNL 4: I have questions. Have we left the hill? Where is the hill in relation to the buildings/mesa? Why is the movement right to left? Why crop the fg figures at their heads? Tilted shot hurts. Drawing awkward. Weakest pnl thus far--big shot, should be the most important on the pg.


PNL 1: Ok shot, nice drawing. I can't stand asking this question, man...where are we? Where's everyone else? I'm starting to think the Psylocke/Arch/Gateway stuff is happening in a completely different place, but I CAN'T TELL. Your establishing shots seem to serve only establishing the characters at the expense of their environment.
PNL 2: Nice Deathstrike, ok Wolvie--why break the pnl border? Why not flip pnl 1 and 2 et al so that Wolvie on left, Deathstrike on rt and all movement works left to right? New page, new assortment of elements is ok, provided the setting has been set up clearly beforehand.
PNL 3: Lovely.
PNL 4: YES!


PNL 1: Nice drawing, clear actions. Psylocke's sword stuff is un-inkable, so are the clouds, and it's because the pencil marks aren't confident. If the composition were a bit tighter and we got some bg to establish where in the hell this hill is, it would be A+
PNL 2: Great Reaver drawing, odd action--show her doing it and get ref for her figure, she feels fake.
PNL 3: Ok. Odd crop on Reaver and Psylocke in fg, pnl reads unfocused. What am I meant to be looking at first? second? so on. Don't rely on left to right reading to take care of that. Nice drawing overall.
PNL 4: Nice shot, interesting Reaver action--Psylock's face unreferenced, push the expression.
PNL 5: HOLY SHIT FINALLY! So...wait, we've been ON the mesa this whole time? Ok, then no excuse for not showing the town at some point thus far, or at least pulling back and making their setting clear. This pnl is ok. but I'm confused as to why they're falling--have they been on the 'edge' of the mesa? Did she do something to him? Is it a suicide move, like now he's got her and he's killing them both? Nice drawing either way.
PNL 6: Half of this pnl is great, the Reaver and the blades, what great shapes/shadows! Archangel's pose is ok but his wings feel squeezed in, awkward--like squirelly foreshortening. Hard to solve that, who has metal wings lying around to reference? Make it work.


PNL 1: Awkward hand crop on Arch. Gateway's whirlygig should be clearer, the ellipse is hiding behind Arcg and whatever thing is going on on the rt--are the Reaver's opening a portal? I don't know.
PNL 2: There's a big problem with this action--I don't know if he CAUGHT her or picked her off the ground! The main action takes place off-pnl and in the past--why not show it? Her face makes me think she's hurt but that gorilla grip on her sword seems to contradict. Cropped wings, big figures in relation to pnl size hurts movement/sense of space. Odd composition as result.
PNL 3: Oh. So wait, the portal is Gateway's doing? Hard to tell, there must be some way (if that's the case) to tie the whirlygig motion to the portal. Nice drawing otherwise. Normally slanted pnl borders hurt more than help but here's it's ok.
PNL 4: Nice drawing. Nitpick--for easier lead-in, flip so Deathstrike leans left to rt. Pnl changing size to make new location clear is great.


PNL 1: If you flip the last pnl on previous pg then THIS pnl can flip to help movement. Nice drawing, but because Deathstrike and Wolvie are positioned in a way that her back/his front are facing us, I thought the shot was actually a downshot. Confusing, why not profile-justified figures? Ok bar, cleaner lines would be easier to ink.
PNL 2: Nice. Push the gesture if nothing else, more impact, harder hit, explosive blood--her hands are literally REACHING THROUGH HIS CHEST, that should feel super violent.
PNL 3: Awkward movement, crop. Drawing feels unreferenced.
PNL 4: And then there's this fantastic drawing! Wow. The only thing I don't know (which isn't a small thing BTW) is whether or not he's actually made contact or if he missed her--and since it's an action pnl w/o bg, I kinda need to KNOW that.

Ok man, overall I think there's a bunch of nice drawing decisions but an equal amount of storytelling missteps--which could absolutely be the writer, it could be a lot of things--but you're in the driver seat, you have control.

Establish your settings, map your shapes, you reference a lot and it works--go further.

Keep going, and thanks so much for sharing.

Cheers,

M

[Barnaby]

First of all thank you all for commenting and giving me your support! You guys rule!

A very special thanks to Matt. An in-depth analysis like yours is invaluable!
My biggest flaw is storytelling. The technical part is good (not perfect though), but storytelling is the trick... is all about practice, reading and research. No secret formula there!
To make things worse, this script is a bit weak IMO. The establishing shots were all done in previous pages (which can make action confusing in these pages) and it has some errors (notice how Archangel's wing is cut in half in one panel and "healed" 2 panels later), there were also some weird scripting decisions (action was constantly bouncing back and forth between the 2 "scenes", some complex actions, which should use 2 panels were using just 1, etc.)... it works better with words, but like you said, it's up to me to make it work, no matter how hard it may seem and WITHOUT words!

Don't be surprised if I drop you some page roughs before I send my next samples in a few months

Thanks you all again!

[thejaz180]

Who posted all those critiques with informative info regarding to what to look out for? Was it Stan Lee? No, it was Matt, very educational as usual. I hope you don’t take offense to it either Matt, because your posts are very educational. They make me wonder if you are the guy at conventions working for the big 2’s viewing portfolios.

And on that note, when I go to the comic shop I’m starting to notice things that you would’ve had fun looking at, no lie. I’m only mentioning this because I’m working on my sequential art as well. Do these rules apply to all project houses, ex., and independent companies? For those who read this, I’m not being funny; this question is a serious one, why, because we should take heed of what works and what doesn’t work when it comes to doing sequential art even though opinions may vary.

Yes Barnaby this thread is still your thread, your work is awesome, but I just can’t help but put in my 2 cents to see how I can benefit as well.