|09-17-2011, 12:51 AM||#1|
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Insert pithy witticism here
Here's an idea -- Writers, post your best one-page stories here. A while ago, CHWolf suggested posting one-pagers that seem like part of a bigger comic. If that's your thing, go for it. But self-contained stories are cool too!
“NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP”
a horror story in one page
Script by Evan Henry
1- Establishing shot. The bedroom of a five-year-old boy at nighttime. The child (for purposes of dialogue we’ll call him BOBBY) lies on his bed under the covers as his MOTHER bends down to kiss him good night. Seen around the room are the various artifacts you would see in the bedroom of a small child -- toys, stuffed animals, etc. A window (partially closed off by drapes) is visible on the far side of the room from our POV, and through the window we see that it is night. The full moon is also partially visible.
MOTHER: GOOD NIGHT, BOBBY. MOMMY LOVES YOU.
2- His MOTHER is now visible standing in the doorway. She has just turned off the overhead light in the bedroom, and now the only light visible is pouring in from the door. She is looking in on BOBBY, who is visible in the left-hand foreground, his eyes closed. He is feigning sleep.
MOTHER: I’LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING. DON’T LET THE BED BUGS BITE.
3- Same shot as the last panel, except now the door has been closed and the only light is coming from the moon, streaming in from the window. BOBBY’s eyes are now wide open.
4- View from outside the bedroom window, with a barren tree branch protruding into our frame of view. Inside, BOBBY has sat up in bed, now sitting on his knees with his hands clasped together and his eyes closed in a classic praying pose.
BOBBY: NOW I LAY ME DOWN TO SLEEP…
5- Closer in as BOBBY continues praying. The panes of the window are now in the immediate foreground.
BOBBY: …I PRAY THE LORD MY SOUL TO KEEP…
6- Closer still. Now a close shot of BOBBY, still kneeling and still praying.
BOBBY: …IF I SHOULD DIE BEFORE I WAKE…
7- Small panel. Close-up on BOBBY’s mouth, smiling a wicked smile with a mouth full of razor-sharp fangs.
BOBBY: I PRAY THE LORD MY SOUL TO TAKE.
29 Jan ‘11
|09-20-2011, 10:24 PM||#3|
Join Date: Aug 2011
Pistol Packing Granny
I was converting my blog to script format and sort of fizzled out for the night. Decided to toss in a one-pager just to get away from my big projects for a bit.
Brand new to this so feel free to critique anything about it - would love to have some feedback.
Pistol Packing Granny
One Page Short
As re-told by The Graveyard Dog
Scenario: A police officer has initiated a traffic stop and finds an elderly lady behind the wheel. The officer soon finds out that there is no such thing as a ‘routine’ traffic stop.
Panel One: A long shot establishing the scene of an elderly lady behind the wheel of a larger, out-of-date car. There is a patrol car behind her with the lights activated. The police officer is approaching the elderly lady’s door. The elderly lady is digging through her purse in order to get her papers ready for the cop.
OFFICER: (Thought) Greeeeaaaaaaat… a blue hair. I hate stopping older drivers…
Panel Two: A medium shot focusing on the officer standing along side the door of the lady’s car. The lady has retrieved her wallet which stands open for the officer to see as he begins to address her.
OFFICER: Hello, Ma’am. Can I see your drivers license, registration, proof of –
Panel Three: We focus on the face of the officer who is obviously - surprised? Alarmed? Perhaps a little of both. As he points towards the wallet of the elderly lady.
OFFICER: WAIT! Is that a concealed carry permit?!?!
Panel Four: Returning to a medium shot of the officer standing alongside the lady’s window as the two converse.
ELDERLY LADY: Yes it is, officer. I have a .45 in the glove box, a 9 mil under my seat and a .38 strapped to my ankle.
Panel Five: A medium shot of the two, focusing on the reaction of the officer as he inquires about the old ladies need for the weapons.
OFFICER: Wow – that is a lot of firepower. Tell me, Granny… just what are you so afraid of?
Panel Six: A medium shot of the lady and the officer conversing, however this time we focus on the elderly lady’s face. There is a twinkle in her eye and a mischievous grin across her mouth.
ELDERLY LADY: Truthfully, sonny – NOT A GOD-DAMNED THING!
|09-21-2011, 09:25 AM||#4|
Stepping on Giants
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Upstate NY
Hard at work
HARD AT WORK
Page 1: Night - 7 panels
Pan 1 Medium
Foreground: A man sits at his desk busily typeing on his computer. It's a work den with various bookshelves and office related articles. A cracked (ajar) door can be seen in the background. Moonlight shines in from off panel through the partially opened blinds to the ajar door. The man's face is lit by his monitor. Near the man between the door and the desk is a separate small stand cluttered with a lamp, photos of his kids, the pet cat and family. There is a clear glass beverage here as well. The stand has a decorative woven tablecloth cover that hangs over the sides.
SFX- Tikt Takt tikitytiktiktak TAK.
Pan 2 Medium
Same as above but the "ajar" door in the background is now half open.
SFX - Tiktytakttitktitk TAK
Door SFX- creeeak
Pan 3 Medium
Same as above, the man has stopped to take a drink.
Pan 4 Medium
Same as panel 2.
Pan 5 Medium
Same angle as above. The family cat slams halfway onto the small draped table and scares the man typing. All the crap on the table teeters. The cat's front claws are dug in for dear life, it's fighting for a hold and the cloth is slipping.
Pan 6 Medium
This panel is devoted to several SFX.
SFX- CRASH-CRUNK-SCRRRRAAPE! WHOOOOSH!
Panel 7 Long
Angle is from the open door where the cat came in. Cat in foreground. This is the big ending reveal and the man's reaction. The Cat licks it's crotch among the debre like nothing happened. All clutter that was on the small table is now on the floor around the cat. The man stands in a "WTF?!" gesture over the cat, his hands clench the air to his sides, a vein buldges on his forehead, his mouth is wide open. He is soaking wet from the beverage that landed on him. The computer fizzles and sparks in the background.
|09-27-2011, 11:30 PM||#5|
Plucky Young Writer
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Michigan, USA
Simple little one-page script here. Want to see if I have any talent for writing sports in sequential form.
1. Something of an establishing shot here inside of an American Football stadium. The quarterback, wearing number 13, walks up behind his row of down linemen, ready to receive the ball. On the scoreboard in the background, we get all the information we need. COL has 16 points, UT has 21, and there are two seconds remaining in the fourth and final quarter. With a score like that, it’s clear that Colorado, the home team, need to score a touchdown in order to win the game. If not, then Utah will leave with the victory.
2. The quarterback is handed the ball through the legs of the center. A close-up is good here, as to not crowd the shot with too much of a 300 pound man’s backside.
3. The quarterback falls back and throws a pass, with the ball spiraling right out of the panel and over to panel 4.
4. The receiver, wearing the number 82, collects the ball that the quarterback threw from panel 3. He is forced to jump up into the air a bit to make the catch, reaching up out of the panel himself to make the grab, but he catches it all the same.
5. The defense spots the receiver, pointing over toward him (or rather, the left side of the panel and, thus, the last panel where he make his catch) and running as fast as possible in his general direction.
6. The receiver is cornered by the defense near the orange pylon marking the edge of the endzone, forced to leap over their heads or else be tackled. So he launches himself skyward. It is a mighty leap indeed.
7. The receiver lands face-first in the edge of the endzone, stretching his arms forward and over the line, ball in hand. In the background, the referee raises his arms vertically overhead, signaling a touchdown. He is also puffy-cheeked and blowing quite hard on his whistle.
8. The receiver is carried off as a hero on the shoulders of his teammates, while in the foreground, the football lays discarded on the painted grass.
|09-28-2011, 12:58 AM||#6|
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: In the Conservatory, with the Revolver.
THE PLOT UNRAVELS
Written and created by CHWolf, all rights reserved.
This is a close shot of a man's face. Sweat marks his brow as he stares, wide-eyed, directly at the reader. Fear has obviously gripped him as his teeth are clenched.
MAN: GOOD GOD.
|10-26-2011, 12:38 PM||#7|
Join Date: Oct 2011
Any feedback on the one-pager below would be appreciated. I'd especially like to hear from artists on whether the amount of panel description is appropriate and any suggestions they may have for writers on conveying clear descriptions without being too cumbersome.
"SOMEBODY SAVE ME"
PAGE ONE (six panels)
Open panel - no borders. A skyscraper looms on the left, it
trails down into the left-hand gutter. To the right in the
sky, is DRAGON-MAN in a superhero outfit holding a giant
missile/rocket back from hitting the city. He looks muscular
but human, except for the dragon wings. The missile/rocket
has large dents in, as the DRAGON-MAN has pounded it with
his fists, and an open panel where he has torn out the
explosives. On the right of the panel is an unfinished
skyscraper extended higher than the building on the left.
As young woman in a flower-print sundress which is being
blown by a strong wind, is walking on one of the steel
They're careless and I save them.
In the same tier as panel 3. DRAGON-MAN swooping a baby out
of a carriage about to be hit by a truck.
From dangers great and small.
DRAGON-MAN, in his outfit but without wings, ringing the
bell at the stock exchange flanked by men in suits (see
Defense spending is down. The economy
DRAGON-MAN inside a bank being robbed. A small flame, on
its side as compared to how flame is normally, is near his
open mouth. Extending from it are heat waves breathed towards
frozen patrons to the right. The closest one or two are
melted from the head to the torso and frozen from the rest
of the way down. Others are frozen completely. To the right
of them a frozen vault door is shattered as it is kicked by
a criminal with a freeze-ray gun in his/her hand.
CAPTION 1 (upper left of panel)
And they fight for scraps. Always
inventing new ways to hurt themselves.
CAPTION 2 (lower right of panel)
SHOT FROM BELOW
Same tier as panel 6. This panel conveys super-heroism. The
young woman from panel 1 has fallen and DRAGON-MAN has caught
her by her fingers. He is standing on a girder and his
wings are folding in.
...I catch them when they fall.
SHOT FROM ABOVE.
The atmosphere/mood and DRAGON-MAN's expression have changed.
His hand is open - wings gone, withdrawn into his body - and
the young woman is falling towards the crowd below.
What would happen if I don't?
|10-27-2011, 06:08 PM||#8|
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: At the computer...duh!
|10-29-2011, 11:45 PM||#9|
The artist from Brooklyn
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Graveyard dog, the way you wrote this looks great. It does seem simple enough for an artist like me to follow. Once I find my place on where I stand on which style I feel comfortable drawing in, I will like to tackle this script. My art is put up on this forum if you’re wondering; I’m asking the kind folks here at DW to help me with it, anyway, good job.
|10-30-2011, 12:01 AM||#10|
The artist from Brooklyn
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Nice amcoppola. Honestly the way you describe your panels and how an artist will take the amount of descriptions depends of course on the artist. Some like it and others would want the freedom to do what they want. I personally like scripts like this because it doesn’t leave me in the dark, I’m not saying I’m not creative but this is helpful. You did well.
|11-09-2011, 11:58 AM||#12|
Join Date: Apr 2005
Int. Liquid Store early evening
This is a full panel shot, we’re inside a liquid store and NR (Nightraptor) is performing a dramatic yet gracefully ass-kicking of three preps who are trying to rob the place.
If I admit that seeing grown men grown scrap in front of me turns me on and I’ll be setting back women back a few decades.
So I guess I need to start apologizing now and give up my right to vote.
By the way name is Alissa and the guy in the Kevlar kicking ass and taking names is my current beau Nightraptor
And the guy who is currently getting his ass kicked is my ex-boyfriend and father of daughter.
Welcome to my world.
Title – BETWEEN A ROCK AND SOME PLACE.