|07-12-2011, 04:30 PM||#1|
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Toronto, Canada
Of Men and Monsters
Hey Guys. I'm looking for some advice on whether this story is worth finding an artist for.
It's eleven pages, I'd like to be able to cut it down to 10 to keep it an even number, instead of expanding it to 12, mostly to save money.
Any crits welcome. Thanks for taking the time to read it.
Title: Of Men and Monsters
Kronk Character Description: Kronk is half human, half Neanderthal and he looks it. He’s short and extremely stocky. His arms and legs look shorter then they should. He’s heavily muscled with a slopping brow, strong brow ridge, long scraggily hair; some of it is in braids. He has a beard, though the mustache has been shaved off. There are also a couple of braids in it. His lower jaw is prominent. He wears leather armor, has a wooden shield that is bound in metal and his sword is a heavy bladed weapon, almost like the swords carried by the Uruk-hai in Lord of the Rings.
The story opens in a run down Greek merchant’s office. The plaster walls are cracked and peeling. An old, faded painting, a portrait of the merchant in his younger days when he was still strong and good looking, hangs on the wall. Seated behind a desk is the merchant. He’s old; his face is weathered with thick wrinkle lines. His eyes are sunk into his skull, he’s thin and his head has little hair on it which he combs over.
Merchant: I bought the island with the last of my fortune. Its resources are plentiful and would be worth considerably more if this problem is taken care of.
Shot of Kronk standing across the table, his thick, heavily muscled arms folded across his chest.
Kronk: That’s why you need me?
The merchant is holding a pouch; into the other hand he has poured its contents, a selection of small gem stones.
Merchant: Yes. The monster is a disfigured giant, a cannibal. An old crone watches over him.
Merchant: Will this do for payment?
The scene shifts to the ocean. An old Greek man is seated in an old dinghy boat. He has his hands on a pair of paddles. Standing in the bow is Kronk looking out into the distance. In the background is a large sail boat with a single mast that’s unfurled. The water is calm.
Old Man: That is the island of Knossos. Once, many Sheppard’s tended their flocks upon those hills.
The view shifts to behind the dinghy boat towards the rocky, hilly island in the background.
Old Man: Until they came. The old witch, and the monster live there now.
The old man is watching Kronk walk through shallow water towards the island.
Old Man: I will wait here for one day. If you are not back by then you will never be coming back, my friend.
Kronk: Very well.
Kronk is walking up a rugged hill. Sheep graze around it.
Caption: The merchant lied.
Caption: What worth is to be found on this barren rock? Where are its resources?
Extreme close up of Kronk.
Caption: Something smells off.
The shot originates from atop the hill from behind Kronk looking over his shoulder at a stone cottage with a thatch roof. Smoke curls from the chimney.
Caption: He’s hired one monster to kill another, a savage from the north with the mixed blood of a Neanderthal.
The scene moves to inside the stone house. An old hunched witch with her hair tied back in a bun is stirring a pot of boiling stew. Behind her, off to the side, are a wooden table and bench. Garlic strands, a skinned sheep and dried herbs hang from the rafters. Standing in the doorway of the house is Kronk. The woman has her back to him.
Caption: Sometimes it takes a monster to kill a monster.
Old woman: You’re back. Good. Soups almost ready.
Kronk: Smells like fresh dung.
The woman’s spun around, surprised to her the voice. Kronk has moved closer towards her.
Woman: You. I have seen your coming, barbarian. Why do you bring trouble to my door for his gold?
Close up of the witch, all wrinkled and warty.
Witch: He has caused enough heartache. I only wish to care for my son.
Kronk’s looking pissed, pointing an accusing finger at the witch.
Kronk: By feeding him the sheepherders that once roamed these hills?
Witch: His…appetite...was voracious.
Flashback scene. A beautiful young woman (the witch) is being taken by the arm away from an old house by the same merchant from the portrait on page one. In the background an old man fisherman with a hand over his eyes stands in the doorway.
Caption: This is not our fault alone. A third must share this tragedy.
Caption: My father owed a large sum of money. He paid his debt with my hand.
The merchant has just hit the woman. He looms over her. She’s cringing curled up on the ground with a hand on her cheek.
Caption: When I failed to produce a child his feelings for me turned to spite and hate.
The woman is inside the home of a witch. Strange things hang from the ceiling. Jars filled with eyes and pickled bats clutter shelves. The old witch is handing the woman a tiny vial.
Caption: My heart filled with hate, I sought the village crone, for the means to ruin him.
It’s nighttime. The woman looks like she is stumbling through hilly fields. There is something large standing in the shadows by her, a giant, demonic god like creature. Only its silhouette is visible.
Caption: I drank it that night and stumbled through a moonlit dream. Shortly after that I became pregnant.
The woman’s belly is swollen; she’s ready to give birth any day now. The man is beaming, holding a hand out in her direction, showing her off to a couple of associate merchants.
Caption: Such pride and arrogance he exhibited.
The woman is in bed in labor, covered in sweat, and in great pain. An old mid-wife is in the room with her.
Caption: And the day came…
Close up of the mid-wife. She has a look of sheer horror.
Caption: …when I gave birth to our son…
The man is standing by a crib looking down at the baby which is wrapped in a blanket so that you can’t make out what it looks like. His face is one of disgust and loathing.
Caption: …our monster.
The woman is holding the swaddled Cyclops baby in her arms. She looks dirty, worn and tired walking through rugged countryside.
Caption: He would have killed us had not Hecate answered my pleas for protection, leading us through the countryside and eventually to this island.
The flashback is over. Kronk’s hands are out, holding out his shield and sword, in disgust.
Kronk: And? Then you just decided to eat the people that lived here?
Witch: No. Hecate told me my son would need to be made strong for the day when a barbarian from the North would come to kill him.
The woman has a nasty smile on her face. Kronk is looking over his shoulder as a large shadow falls over him.
Old woman: Ah, and here he is. Mordok, we have an unwelcome visitor, the one from the North I told you about.
Kronk is turning to face Mordok, the Cyclops, who stands imposingly behind him, his single eye large and menacing, right arm cocked holding a large mace ready to smash Kronk. Mordok also has a large bullring through his nose.
Mordok: No hurt Muma!
Mordok’s hit Kronk with a blow that’s launched him into the air, shattering his shield and causing him to drop his sword.
Kronk’s getting up, picking up the table adjacent to him.
Kronk smashes it overtop of the Cyclops’s head.
The Cyclops is un-phased by the blow. It stands menacingly before Kronk. Behind Kronk the old woman is sneaking up on him. She holds a large knife in her hand. The hilt is fashioned like a dragon, with the head at the pummel, the wings are the cross guard.
Kronk: Should have known an ugly bastard like you would have a head like a stone.
The old woman stabs Kronk in the shoulder with her knife. He’s buckling from the pain, trying to reach over his shoulder for it.
Old woman: Leave my boy alone!
Kronk gives her a backhanded slap which has launched her towards the wall.
Kronk: Back witch!
The woman hits the wall hard, cracking open the back of her head, shattering her fragile body.
Kronk is pulling the knife out of his shoulder with his left hand. Mordok is looking over at his mother who is lying in a heap at the base of the wall. Blood and brains smear the wall. She’s dead.
Close up of Mordok. Smoke curls from his nostrils and his eye burns with hate filled fury.
Mordok: What you do to Muma?!
The Cyclops’s lands a vicious head butt on Kronk knocking him back.
Kronk looks dazed, propped up against the wall. Blood is pouring from his busted nose. He still has a hold of the knife.
Kronk: That the best you got? I’ve been hit harder by a baby mammoth.
Mordok is charging towards Kronk.
Mordok: Me kill you! Me eat you!
Switch to outside the house. The stone wall explodes outward as Mordok drives Kronk through it. With his right hand Kronk’s grabbing the bullring.
Kronk’s pulling himself around behind the Cyclops, holding onto the bullring. In his other hand is the old woman’s knife ready to strike.
Kronk is on the monsters back holding onto the nose ring while stabbing the knife into the monsters neck.
Kronk: Die! Die!
Mordok: Off me!
Kronk’s muscles strain as he drives the knife into the Cyclops’s neck for the final time. Blood is gushing from his jugular. Mordok’s eye looks to be rolling into the back of his head as he dies.
The pair crash to the ground as the Cyclops collapses dead. Dust rises from the ground around them.
Kronk is picking himself up, facing towards the hole in the cottage wall. He’s got a hold of the knife in his hand.
Caption: I feel vile.
Kronk is coming out of the whole in the cottage wall. He’s got his sword in hand, it’s dripping blood. Slung over his shoulder is a large sack with two large, round objects in it, the head of the witch and Cyclops. The knife is tucked into his belt. Smoke is coming through the hole in the wall. Flames can just be scene at the edge.
Caption: This job was an ugly one.
Kronk is walking away from the cottage which is on fire. Thick smoke rises from it.
Caption: Fell deeds done for a scornful, callous old man and a bag of gold.
Kronk is approaching the shoreline. The old man in the boat watching him approach. A line of smoke rises on the horizon.
Old Man: You did it?
Kronk: Aye, it’s done.
The merchant is coming out of his chair, anxious to hear the news as Kronk is walking through the door into the merchant’s office.
Merchant: You’re back! The island is free?!
Kronk: If you mean the monster and his mom are dead, then yeah.
The merchant has a hand on his head, relieved at the news. Kronk has dropped the sack onto the table.
Merchant: Ah good…good.
Kronk: I brought something.
The merchant’s brow is furled, curious with Kronk’s behaviour. He’s passing over the pouch we saw earlier that holds the gems.
Merchant: Here is your payment. What is this?
Kronk is emptying the contents of the sack onto the table. You can’t make out what they are as they are below the border of the panel.
Kronk: An opportunity to say goodbye to your wife and son.
Kronk is walking out the office door looking into the pouch at the gems. In the background the merchant is staring in horror at the severed head of the witch and Cyclops resting on his table.