55

stahss · 02-04-2009, 02:33 PM

Okay, so here's the deal...I've written plenty, but it's stuff like screenplays and movie reviews and...whatever you want to call the stuff I post on Final Girl. Personal and subjective, but non-fiction-ish. I don't think I've written any prose or fiction since 8th grade when I had to write a 10-page "mystery novel" (sorry to spoil it in case you've never read The Family Jewels (seriously, that was the name of it...and I don't think I was being "funny"...ah, the teacher must have had a good larf at that one), but the twin brother was actually evil AND the jewel thief!)...where was I? Ah, the point is, the idea of writing straight-up fiction kind of terrifies me, which is precisely why I guess I should give it a try. What better place than ol' DW? If I could withstand the shame of posting baby inks back in the day, then I can post baby fiction now.

I was intrigued by Mama Dahl's mention of the 55-word story over in that other thread, and last night I wrote this thing. Then today I made something a bit more out of it, and...not to get ahead of myself like I always do...I was thinking about trying to turn it into some grand "book"- 55 55-word "stories" or snippets that, perhaps, form a cohesive whole. Different character voices and all that. What the point is, I don't know. Whether or not this would remain page 1, I don't know. How much planning to do ahead of time, I don't know. This is my first effort! Well, except The Family Jewels, of course...

Thanks for looking!

**Buckyrig** · 02-04-2009, 03:00 PM

It's more of a piece of free verse than a prose story. (The 55 word limit doesn't leave a lot to do that way though I suppose.)

It's a nice little piece, well constructed, evocative. The handwriting is a nice touch too.

Scaleyinx · 02-04-2009, 03:02 PM

Creepy Awesome!! I love first person stories! (Er, --I think that's what they're called)

And that tree makes it all that much more creepier.

I wrote a first person snippet about a month ago. You're braver than me. I'm still too chicken to post any writings.

paul brian deberry · 02-04-2009, 03:08 PM

I write a lot of this sorta thing.. but I try to do it 101 words. but, yeah, good stuff.

stahss · 02-04-2009, 03:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buckyrig

It's more of a piece of free verse than a prose story.

Yeah, I think the formatting makes it seem like that even more.

Like you said, the 55 word limit makes it a bit difficult. I don't know, if I write more of these that are linked somehow in one all-encompassing story, I can play with it a bit more- different "narrators" have different "styles" (and fonts, etc), and I can also do some regular ol' narrative as well...

...hmm....

We'll see. Thanks for the feedback...and Scaley, you should post. It only hurts a little!

stahss · 02-04-2009, 03:09 PM

oh, and isn't that the creepiest tree EVER??

jedipencil · 02-04-2009, 03:17 PM

That is just cool... It's almost like a prelude... and I LOVE that image!

the_beast · 02-04-2009, 03:21 PM

I Like.... I Like Alot

Cool Tree

j giar · 02-04-2009, 04:21 PM

Nice and creepy Miss Ponder. I would try switching "louder" with "closer"..as in,
"Still, every night the noises get closer."
It just feels creepier and gives you the notion somethings moving in the dark and getting closer...louder does the same but in a round about way.

**Buckyrig** · 02-04-2009, 04:40 PM

Read the last word, Jim.

j giar · 02-04-2009, 04:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buckyrig

Read the last word, Jim.

Goddamn small print!!

That's what I get for readin' without my glasses.

I'd still drop louder.

**Buckyrig** · 02-04-2009, 05:04 PM

I prefer it the way she has it. There is a beat where the speaker has the realization. Maybe, maybe she could still find a different word than "louder", but I don't see it as a big deal.

"...the noises grow"?

j giar · 02-04-2009, 05:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buckyrig

I prefer it the way she has it. There is a beat where the speaker has the realization. Maybe, maybe she could still find a different word than "louder", but I don't see it as a big deal.

"...the noises grow"?

Yeah..I like that.

stahss · 02-04-2009, 05:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Buckyrig

"...the noises grow"?

I like that, too- it connects well with "closer?". But that would leave me with 54 words, so I'd have to add something else!

Like haiku, this is.

**Buckyrig** · 02-04-2009, 05:59 PM

Add a "though" after "Still".

I could probably come up with something better if I took more than 30 seconds...but it's an idea.

02-04-2009, 02:33 PM	#1
stahss the funk of 40,000 years Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: www.stacieponder.com Posts: 1,960	55 Okay, so here's the deal...I've written plenty, but it's stuff like screenplays and movie reviews and...whatever you want to call the stuff I post on Final Girl. Personal and subjective, but non-fiction-ish. I don't think I've written any prose or fiction since 8th grade when I had to write a 10-page "mystery novel" (sorry to spoil it in case you've never read The Family Jewels (seriously, that was the name of it...and I don't think I was being "funny"...ah, the teacher must have had a good larf at that one), but the twin brother was actually evil AND the jewel thief!)...where was I? Ah, the point is, the idea of writing straight-up fiction kind of terrifies me, which is precisely why I guess I should give it a try. What better place than ol' DW? If I could withstand the shame of posting baby inks back in the day, then I can post baby fiction now. I was intrigued by Mama Dahl's mention of the 55-word story over in that other thread, and last night I wrote this thing. Then today I made something a bit more out of it, and...not to get ahead of myself like I always do...I was thinking about trying to turn it into some grand "book"- 55 55-word "stories" or snippets that, perhaps, form a cohesive whole. Different character voices and all that. What the point is, I don't know. Whether or not this would remain page 1, I don't know. How much planning to do ahead of time, I don't know. This is my first effort! Well, except The Family Jewels, of course... Thanks for looking!

02-04-2009, 03:17 PM	#7
jedipencil Rabid Horse Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: East of Montreal Posts: 3,101	That is just cool... It's almost like a prelude... and I LOVE that image! __________________ Rabid Horse l My Etsy Store l Goodreads Allons-y!

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02-04-2009, 03:00 PM	#2
Buckyrig I Coulda Had a VH Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Steve Buscemi's Couch Posts: 11,457	It's more of a piece of free verse than a prose story. (The 55 word limit doesn't leave a lot to do that way though I suppose.) It's a nice little piece, well constructed, evocative. The handwriting is a nice touch too.

02-04-2009, 03:02 PM	#3
Scaleyinx Chicken Whisperer Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: In a shack Posts: 1,878	Creepy Awesome!! I love first person stories! (Er, --I think that's what they're called) And that tree makes it all that much more creepier. I wrote a first person snippet about a month ago. You're braver than me. I'm still too chicken to post any writings.

02-04-2009, 03:08 PM	#4
paul brian deberry is a MASShole Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: just out of reach Posts: 2,285	I write a lot of this sorta thing.. but I try to do it 101 words. but, yeah, good stuff.

02-04-2009, 03:09 PM	#6
stahss the funk of 40,000 years Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: www.stacieponder.com Posts: 1,960	oh, and isn't that the creepiest tree EVER??

02-04-2009, 03:21 PM	#8
the_beast Devil's Advocate Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: In Your Head Posts: 76	I Like.... I Like Alot Cool Tree

02-04-2009, 04:21 PM	#9
j giar Has nothing to add. Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Elyria, Ohio Posts: 5,968	Nice and creepy Miss Ponder. I would try switching "louder" with "closer"..as in, "Still, every night the noises get closer." It just feels creepier and gives you the notion somethings moving in the dark and getting closer...louder does the same but in a round about way.

02-04-2009, 04:40 PM	#10
Buckyrig I Coulda Had a VH Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Steve Buscemi's Couch Posts: 11,457	Read the last word, Jim.

02-04-2009, 05:04 PM	#12
Buckyrig I Coulda Had a VH Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Steve Buscemi's Couch Posts: 11,457	I prefer it the way she has it. There is a beat where the speaker has the realization. Maybe, maybe she could still find a different word than "louder", but I don't see it as a big deal. "...the noises grow"?

02-04-2009, 05:59 PM	#15
Buckyrig I Coulda Had a VH Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Steve Buscemi's Couch Posts: 11,457	Add a "though" after "Still". I could probably come up with something better if I took more than 30 seconds...but it's an idea.