Flash runs

ink4884 · 11-14-2008, 07:35 AM

From a chuck dixon script from a flash annual , these are my layouts. I wonder if they read clear enough and in case your wonder what the hell the flash is doing...

Here is the script

PAGE EIGHTEEN

PANEL ONE
Close-up(?) of Guaricho.
GUARICHO: YOUR CONFIDENCE IS ASTOUNDING.
GUARICHO: THESE OTHERS SERVE TO EMBOLDEN YOU.

PANEL TWO
Flash turns to see Jay and the heroes dissipating like a mist in a strong wind.
OFF PANEL: BUT THEY ARE AS DUST IN THE WIND.
JAY: (FADING) …FREE SALAMANCA…THAT’S THE ONLY WAY…
FLASH: KEEP YOUR PIE PLATE ON, JAY. THIS IS A CINCH.

PANEL THREE
Flash turns to see a mountain standing more prominent than the others in a distant range.
OFF PANEL: THE RACE IS TO THAT PEAK BEFORE YOU.
FLASH: LOOKS LIKE AN EASY TROT.

PANEL FOUR
Flash turns to look the other way at a rising cloud of dust in the distance behind
him.
OFF PANEL: THE PETEYS WILL ACCOMPANY YOU.
FLASH: THE FURBALLS…

PAGE NINETEEN

PANEL ONE
LARGE PANEL
Flash runs toward us with a horde of Peteys rushing up across the wasteland behind him. The sky is filled with the laughing visage of Gualicho.
FLASH: I SHOULD BE ABLE TO OUTPACE THEM…
FLASH: BUT JAY SAID THIS CLOWN CHANGES THE RULES.
SFX: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

PANEL TWO
Downshot of Flash doing a hairpin turn to go back the way he came and raising a lot of dust in the process.
FLASH: MAYBE I CAN RUN A FEW NEW PLAYS ON HIM.

PANEL THREE
Peteys with claws and fangs bared race toward us with the image of Gualicho’s face filling the sky.
GUARICHO: THE FOOL!
GUARICHO: HE RUNS THE WRONG WAY!

PAGE TWENTY

PANEL ONE
Flash runs THROUGH the horde of Peteys bowling them over like tenpins.
FLASH: YES!

PANEL TWO
Flash runs around the spilled Peteys creating a vortex of wind around them.
FLASH: YOU GUYS EVER PLAY “TWISTER”?

PANEL THREE
The Peteys are lifted into the air by the galeforce wind.
PETEY 1: eep!
PETEY 2: ook!

PANEL FOUR
Flash is smiling as he races toward us leaving a tornado that spills Peteys all over the landscape behind him.
FLASH: WHAT D’YA KNOW…
FLASH: IT’S RAINING PETEYS.

PAGE TWENTY ONE

PANEL ONE
The Flash is coming to a skidding halt as the earth rises before him. It’s like an earthquake.
FLASH: GREAT. AN EARTHQUAKE.
FLASH: BUT THIS ONE SEEMS LOCALIZED.

PANEL TWO
It’s El Tatu, an enormous armadillo monster like something out of Kirby. Like one of those giant monsters like the ones he did in TALES TO ASTONISH and those books. It’s lifting an acre of ground that the Flash is skidding up.
FLASH: AND AIMED AT ME.
EL TATU: RAAHHHHHHHR!

PANEL THREE
Flash tumbles from the edge of the lifted ground.
FLASH: oop!

PAGE TWENTY TWO

PANEL ONE
El Tatu bats Flash aside with a huge clawed paw.
FLASH: unnh!

PANEL TWO
Flash lies recovering where he’s tumbled to the dust as the huge Tatu comes for him.
FLASH: JUST A LITTLE FIFTY K JOG.
FLASH: IT WOULD HAVE BEEN OVER BY NOW IN THE REAL WORLD.

PANEL THREE
Flash smiles where he sits up even as the huge shadow of El Tatu falls over him.
FLASH: HEY…

PANEL FOUR
El Tatu smashes his foot down where the Flash was with tremendous force that shakes the ground.
SFX: THOOOOM!

PANEL FIVE
I don’t know what kind of folks live out in Patagonia or what they’d be doing here. (herding sheep, maybe?) But show someone doing something in the foreground back on Earth at the foot of that mountain. Make sure you indicate to the colorist that we’re back in the “real” world.

PANEL SIX
The same shot and angle as the person or persons reacts in surprise at the Flash vibrating into existence in the background.
PERSON: (SOME APPROPRIATE EXPRESSION OF SURPRISE IN SPANISH)
SFX: POP!

hellblazer72 · 11-14-2008, 08:52 PM

cool layouts, theres a really nice energy about them... i think with a character who's power is speed you should have more full shots of him running...his lower body is cropped in almost every panel...

ink4884 · 11-15-2008, 05:36 AM

thanks for the feed back, not allot of of feed back for this piece. I am thinking about reworking some panels so it pops more.

paul brian deberry · 11-15-2008, 09:10 AM

very cool.

BobRivard · 11-15-2008, 09:43 AM

The art looks nice, but these are just way too big to be able to really look at with any clarity. You should resize these to something that fits on your screen at 100%.

j giar · 11-15-2008, 10:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ink4884

thanks for the feed back, not allot of of feed back for this piece. I am thinking about reworking some panels so it pops more.

Don't think it's your approach. It's just hard to tell what a lot of the shapes are.
The pages are to large on screen....you've got a ton of energy in these. Resize them (if your using imageshack it gives the option for size to post to forums.) And I'm not trying to be an ass...but if you're doing everything correctly you shouldn't need to post the script. Try tightening your pencils and details, spot your blacks. That should help. Nice work though. Like the energy. Jim

MARS · 11-15-2008, 07:56 PM

I am wondering exactly what stage is this in the progression of your page work?

M.

ink4884 · 11-16-2008, 03:02 AM

I am still in the layout stages of my piece. I'll spot the blacks as soon as i become happy with the poses and the figures.

Sorry with the page sizes. They are too large

I'll resize them and yeah . I wanted to post the script because he gets step on and than he shows up by a shepard and if your read earlier in the script he went some parallel universe . So yeah i post the rest of the pages and not the script and maybe you guys can tell me how the story's clarity is . Thanks though for more feed back!

ink4884 · 11-16-2008, 08:37 AM

ink4884 · 11-16-2008, 08:38 AM

now with resized images and script less pages ^_^
_

JamieRoberts · 11-16-2008, 10:02 AM

Okay, I follow this now.

I think you've got the dynamism down pat. Layout seems to be suited to the character, ie: spacious, with Flash appearing relatively small in some panels. It helps to keep the emphasis on the fact he's making tracks.

Obviously, at this stage it's hard to crit too much on stuff like anatomy and spotting blacks, but I have every confidence you'll nail it based on what I can see. The slower scenes are looking good. I like the fact that (although I don't know how you'd carry this over into the final version) as Flash slows down or stops, the detail increases! Maybe that was intentional, but it'd be a cool device anyway.

Are you going to show the later stages, as I'm keen to see the progress.

j giar · 11-16-2008, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by quones

Okay, I follow this now.

I think you've got the dynamism down pat. Layout seems to be suited to the character, ie: spacious, with Flash appearing relatively small in some panels. It helps to keep the emphasis on the fact he's making tracks.

Obviously, at this stage it's hard to crit too much on stuff like anatomy and spotting blacks, but I have every confidence you'll nail it based on what I can see. The slower scenes are looking good. I like the fact that (although I don't know how you'd carry this over into the final version) as Flash slows down or stops, the detail increases! Maybe that was intentional, but it'd be a cool device anyway.

Are you going to show the later stages, as I'm keen to see the progress.

Agreed on all points. Much easier to follow now..and would love to see the progress on this. Jim

MARS · 11-16-2008, 12:16 PM

Ok.

Knowing that these are layouts i will toss this in.

General observations.

-Even though you have some dynamic shots here i think you tend to repeat them.

- Watch out for "colliding panels". Page 2? last two panels- Flash looks like he's about to run into himself. Also- myself being a fan of jagged and slanted camera angles...But from former endeavors this doesn't read well at all IMOP in a final read. The human eyeball naturally reads from left to right- this is especially true in most American comics. You want to direct the reader off page right so they can turn the page and continue with the action taking place.

- Yes. I agree with everyone else. You need to show his legs and feet. It's the most important part of the characters abilities.

A lot of energy here- Good luck with it!

M.

ink4884 · 11-17-2008, 05:47 AM

starting to spot blacks but some part of me thinks i am rushing the blacks so and not securing the layouts. The face needs some work i noticed because i flipped it in photo shop so i'll going to make some alterations and maybe simplify a little more.

Hey mars ....can you tell me what panels are too similar because i want to adjust that because i seem to do that allot in my work.

quones
thanks ...it was kind of intentional but now that you brought it to the forefront i'll try to keep it down.

ohh and i got to move the flash's hand...haha...it's going to low.

Eggbert · 11-20-2008, 01:56 PM

wonderful wonderful wonderful

11-14-2008, 07:35 AM	#1
ink4884 ...~_~... Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: califorina Posts: 414	Flash runs From a chuck dixon script from a flash annual , these are my layouts. I wonder if they read clear enough and in case your wonder what the hell the flash is doing... Here is the script PAGE EIGHTEEN PANEL ONE Close-up(?) of Guaricho. GUARICHO: YOUR CONFIDENCE IS ASTOUNDING. GUARICHO: THESE OTHERS SERVE TO EMBOLDEN YOU. PANEL TWO Flash turns to see Jay and the heroes dissipating like a mist in a strong wind. OFF PANEL: BUT THEY ARE AS DUST IN THE WIND. JAY: (FADING) …FREE SALAMANCA…THAT’S THE ONLY WAY… FLASH: KEEP YOUR PIE PLATE ON, JAY. THIS IS A CINCH. PANEL THREE Flash turns to see a mountain standing more prominent than the others in a distant range. OFF PANEL: THE RACE IS TO THAT PEAK BEFORE YOU. FLASH: LOOKS LIKE AN EASY TROT. PANEL FOUR Flash turns to look the other way at a rising cloud of dust in the distance behind him. OFF PANEL: THE PETEYS WILL ACCOMPANY YOU. FLASH: THE FURBALLS… PAGE NINETEEN PANEL ONE LARGE PANEL Flash runs toward us with a horde of Peteys rushing up across the wasteland behind him. The sky is filled with the laughing visage of Gualicho. FLASH: I SHOULD BE ABLE TO OUTPACE THEM… FLASH: BUT JAY SAID THIS CLOWN CHANGES THE RULES. SFX: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! PANEL TWO Downshot of Flash doing a hairpin turn to go back the way he came and raising a lot of dust in the process. FLASH: MAYBE I CAN RUN A FEW NEW PLAYS ON HIM. PANEL THREE Peteys with claws and fangs bared race toward us with the image of Gualicho’s face filling the sky. GUARICHO: THE FOOL! GUARICHO: HE RUNS THE WRONG WAY! PAGE TWENTY PANEL ONE Flash runs THROUGH the horde of Peteys bowling them over like tenpins. FLASH: YES! PANEL TWO Flash runs around the spilled Peteys creating a vortex of wind around them. FLASH: YOU GUYS EVER PLAY “TWISTER”? PANEL THREE The Peteys are lifted into the air by the galeforce wind. PETEY 1: eep! PETEY 2: ook! PANEL FOUR Flash is smiling as he races toward us leaving a tornado that spills Peteys all over the landscape behind him. FLASH: WHAT D’YA KNOW… FLASH: IT’S RAINING PETEYS. PAGE TWENTY ONE PANEL ONE The Flash is coming to a skidding halt as the earth rises before him. It’s like an earthquake. FLASH: GREAT. AN EARTHQUAKE. FLASH: BUT THIS ONE SEEMS LOCALIZED. PANEL TWO It’s El Tatu, an enormous armadillo monster like something out of Kirby. Like one of those giant monsters like the ones he did in TALES TO ASTONISH and those books. It’s lifting an acre of ground that the Flash is skidding up. FLASH: AND AIMED AT ME. EL TATU: RAAHHHHHHHR! PANEL THREE Flash tumbles from the edge of the lifted ground. FLASH: oop! PAGE TWENTY TWO PANEL ONE El Tatu bats Flash aside with a huge clawed paw. FLASH: unnh! PANEL TWO Flash lies recovering where he’s tumbled to the dust as the huge Tatu comes for him. FLASH: JUST A LITTLE FIFTY K JOG. FLASH: IT WOULD HAVE BEEN OVER BY NOW IN THE REAL WORLD. PANEL THREE Flash smiles where he sits up even as the huge shadow of El Tatu falls over him. FLASH: HEY… PANEL FOUR El Tatu smashes his foot down where the Flash was with tremendous force that shakes the ground. SFX: THOOOOM! PANEL FIVE I don’t know what kind of folks live out in Patagonia or what they’d be doing here. (herding sheep, maybe?) But show someone doing something in the foreground back on Earth at the foot of that mountain. Make sure you indicate to the colorist that we’re back in the “real” world. PANEL SIX The same shot and angle as the person or persons reacts in surprise at the Flash vibrating into existence in the background. PERSON: (SOME APPROPRIATE EXPRESSION OF SURPRISE IN SPANISH) SFX: POP! Last edited by ink4884; 11-14-2008 at 07:42 AM. Reason: lower res

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11-14-2008, 08:52 PM	#2
hellblazer72 the love ninja Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 874	cool layouts, theres a really nice energy about them... i think with a character who's power is speed you should have more full shots of him running...his lower body is cropped in almost every panel...

11-15-2008, 05:36 AM	#3
ink4884 ...~_~... Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: califorina Posts: 414	thanks for the feed back, not allot of of feed back for this piece. I am thinking about reworking some panels so it pops more.

11-15-2008, 09:10 AM	#4
paul brian deberry is a MASShole Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: just out of reach Posts: 2,280	very cool.

11-15-2008, 09:43 AM	#5
BobRivard Helloski! Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Central PA Posts: 782	The art looks nice, but these are just way too big to be able to really look at with any clarity. You should resize these to something that fits on your screen at 100%.

11-15-2008, 07:56 PM	#7
MARS Alien Technologist Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: The Fishbowl, Feel-adelphia Posts: 882	I am wondering exactly what stage is this in the progression of your page work? M.

11-16-2008, 03:02 AM	#8
ink4884 ...~_~... Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: califorina Posts: 414	I am still in the layout stages of my piece. I'll spot the blacks as soon as i become happy with the poses and the figures. Sorry with the page sizes. They are too large I'll resize them and yeah . I wanted to post the script because he gets step on and than he shows up by a shepard and if your read earlier in the script he went some parallel universe . So yeah i post the rest of the pages and not the script and maybe you guys can tell me how the story's clarity is . Thanks though for more feed back!

11-16-2008, 08:37 AM	#9
ink4884 ...~_~... Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: califorina Posts: 414

11-16-2008, 08:38 AM	#10
ink4884 ...~_~... Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: califorina Posts: 414	now with resized images and script less pages ^_^ _

11-16-2008, 10:02 AM	#11
JamieRoberts Registered User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 3,689	Okay, I follow this now. I think you've got the dynamism down pat. Layout seems to be suited to the character, ie: spacious, with Flash appearing relatively small in some panels. It helps to keep the emphasis on the fact he's making tracks. Obviously, at this stage it's hard to crit too much on stuff like anatomy and spotting blacks, but I have every confidence you'll nail it based on what I can see. The slower scenes are looking good. I like the fact that (although I don't know how you'd carry this over into the final version) as Flash slows down or stops, the detail increases! Maybe that was intentional, but it'd be a cool device anyway. Are you going to show the later stages, as I'm keen to see the progress.

11-16-2008, 12:16 PM	#13
MARS Alien Technologist Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: The Fishbowl, Feel-adelphia Posts: 882	Ok. Knowing that these are layouts i will toss this in. General observations. -Even though you have some dynamic shots here i think you tend to repeat them. - Watch out for "colliding panels". Page 2? last two panels- Flash looks like he's about to run into himself. Also- myself being a fan of jagged and slanted camera angles...But from former endeavors this doesn't read well at all IMOP in a final read. The human eyeball naturally reads from left to right- this is especially true in most American comics. You want to direct the reader off page right so they can turn the page and continue with the action taking place. - Yes. I agree with everyone else. You need to show his legs and feet. It's the most important part of the characters abilities. A lot of energy here- Good luck with it! M.

11-17-2008, 05:47 AM	#14
ink4884 ...~_~... Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: califorina Posts: 414	starting to spot blacks but some part of me thinks i am rushing the blacks so and not securing the layouts. The face needs some work i noticed because i flipped it in photo shop so i'll going to make some alterations and maybe simplify a little more. Hey mars ....can you tell me what panels are too similar because i want to adjust that because i seem to do that allot in my work. quones thanks ...it was kind of intentional but now that you brought it to the forefront i'll try to keep it down. ohh and i got to move the flash's hand...haha...it's going to low.

11-20-2008, 01:56 PM	#15
Eggbert Registered User Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: London Posts: 50	wonderful wonderful wonderful