TheBeefChief

I've put together a first attempt at a pitch for my planned mini-series, GANGRENE. The first few pages are available in my other thread somewhere nearby, should anyone be interested.

Anyway, here it is. I'd really appreciate any feedback anyone has to offer.


GANGRENE

An undead Private Eye must race to rescue a kidnapped child, before his body decomposes once and for all.

***

Two weeks ago, private investigator Dan Green clawed his way free from a shallow grave. With his body and neck covered by deep stab wounds, Dan was amazed to still be alive.

A few hours later, he discovered he wasn’t. A mysterious man-made virus had brought Dan back from beyond the grave, trapping his fully working intellect inside the rotting body of a murdered corpse.

After initially terrifying his old friend – retired police coroner, Mike Fulton – the two men work together to solve the case Dan was working on when he was killed: The kidnapping of a six year old girl.

As Dan does some digging, his living dead status begins to prove useful. He does not tire. He can feel no pain. Short of a direct hit to the brain, in fact, nothing seems to be able to stop him.

When a run in with the kidnappers and their hungry dog leaves Dan as a limbless torso, Mike stitches him back together, using body parts robbed from the local graveyard. The virus spreads to the new limbs, and Dan is back on his – or at least, someone’s – feet in no time.

With renewed determination, Dan sets off to track the kidnappers down once again. He finds them performing at a motorcycle stunt show, and when he confronts them he is dragged into a three-on-one battle in the centre of the outdoor arena.

After a bloody tussle, Dan gets the truth from one of the bikers. The girl was kidnapped to order, and has already been passed on to the person who paid for her abduction.

Although his injured body is growing steadily weaker, Dan follows the trail until he finds the mastermind behind the kidnapping – a US Government Agent working on a top secret military weapons programme.

Realising he is in over his head, Dan grabs the girl and flees, but not before discovering how important she is for his own survival.

Before they can escape, the agent unleashes his latest work in progress – the kidnappers’ grotesquely mutated dog, which became infected by Dan’s virus after gnawing on his flesh.

Dan must face the savage monstrosity and defeat it, or else lose the girl he has fought so hard to find, and in doing so kiss goodbye to his own slim chance at life.

Lee Nordling

Fun fun fun.

And as I read it, I thought, "Now THIS is a version of The Spirit that would have it make more sense for him to be 'living' in a graveyard!"

And nope, I'm not suggesting The Spirit by Will Eisner doesn't work--it does--but there's a charming gruesome quality to this that immediately evoked The Spirit.

Nice work.

If somebody doesn't want to read the story after reading the pitch, all that means is that they're not interested in this specific story, but that wouldn't mean you haven't done your job here, which is to capture its essence.

And you've done that.

So this is a very successful pitch.

Congrats!

--Lee

PS. Not to let you entirely off the hook, I don't care for the title; I don't think it's as good as the pitch or the scripting.

Steven Forbes

This is very interesting. This is something I'd read, especially with the macabre humor element.

-Steven

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Knuckles

The opening line is what hooked me.

BJCochran

Hooked me right off the bat. Sign me up

TheBeefChief

Wow, I expected a mauling Thanks for the kind words, everyone. I actually spotted a typo in the opening sentence - I had him "composing" instead of "decomposing". Maybe a music maestro element wouldn't be such a bad idea, thought ...

Nah!

As for the title, Lee, it's only a working one at present. Gangrene is the alter ego Mike half-jokingly suggests Dan assume, which eventually becomes his nickname. The actual title for the series will have it's own name.

I just don't have a clue what it is yet!

Lee Nordling

Undead Like Me
Kill Me Again
Death Becomes Me
You Only Die Twice
Death Is My Hitchhiker

***

These are (obviously) all hardboiled noir send-ups.

It's a way to go. Not THE way to go, but A way to go.

Have fun.

--Lee

PS. Then there's:

Zombie Love Stories
Zombie With A Gun
...

Naw, these are all too camp. Ignore them all.

But I do think it needs to be something that is more evocative of the tone, especially if you want to extend it beyond the direct market.

Good luck!

TheBeefChief

Hang on - Zombie Love Stories?? I wrote and shot a feature film on DV with that title!

It all went horribly wrong in the editing process though, and fell apart. Weird for you to come up with it for this, though!

Here's an interview I did about it aaaaages ago...

http://www.netribution.co.uk/featur...tchinson/1.html

Steven Forbes

If you're looking for a name, and taking suggestions, I suggest using the character's first and last name, and then make an allusion to the fact that he's a dead private eye. I wouldn't really say un-dead, because people will then think of vampires. Just something to think about.

-Steven

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TheBeefChief

Dan Green: Dead Dick

Steven Forbes

Heh. Funny.

But, if you're going to use the suggestion, of course I'd advise changing the last name, at the very least. I even like the Dead Dick part. I'd go with it! Change the last name to something that starts with a D and that resonates some power, and I'd think about going with it.

-Steven

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Lee Nordling

Reminds me of a hard-boiled fantasy I read around twenty years ago: The Dick and the Devil.

Better title than a book.

"Dead Dick" is terrific...but might keep you out of bookstores.

"The Dick and the Dead" popped to mind, which means my mind is shutting down.

--Lee

TheBeefChief

"Dan of the Dead".

Nah, too similar to Shaun of the Dead. Shame.

Eugene Selassie

Dead Dick sounds like it should win an Eisner just for the name.