27 Things I No Longer Allowed To Do Now That I Am 27

Scott James · 10-01-2007, 06:45 PM

Well, I have been the grand old age of 27 for just under a month and a half and already people are telling me what I can and cannot do now that I am in my late twenties.

After conferring with several younger twentysomethings, my friends, coworkers and my mother here is a list of 27 things I used to do which apparently I cannot do anymore:

1. Answer the phone to my mother and pretend to be a Cantonese takeaway. "Flied lice" does NOT comes with everything.

2. Drink copious amounts of alcohol and write obscene and bitter emails to my ex-girlfriends.

3. Drink copious amounts of alcohol and steal bollards, road signs and small children.

4. Drink copious amounts of alcohol at all.

5. Especially not when I am three hours away from attending a staff conference.

6. Quote passages from the Koran and say "Peace be upon him" when standing in line to be searched at Her Majesty's Customs at Heathrow Airport.

7. Feed alcohol to trainee guide-dogs under the pretence that "It's the hair of the dog that bit him".

8. Lighter fluid, aftershave and peroxide are not meant to be taken internally... regardless of what my mates think or how much money is at stake.

9. Refer to myself in the third person when making a purchase at a retail outlet. (e.g. Shop Flunkey: "How do you like the jacket, sir?" Me: "Scott James thinks this jacket looks the bomb")

10. No longer allowed to use the words "bomb", "shit", or "bollocks" as constructive nouns. (e.g. "This beer is the bollocks!")

11. No longer allowed to use the words "party" or "rock" as a verbs.

12. Go to one end of a police blockade at a protest rally and ask "Excuse me, officer - is this the line to ride the horse?"

13. Clear road signs in a single bound and loudly exclaim "In your face, Karl Lewis!".

14. Try to be cool in front of adolescent schoolgirls.

15. Try to be cool at all, in fact.

16. Admit to liking any popular music.

17. Admit to liking anything popular at all.

18. Use profanity in front of adolescents (See Number 14)

19. No longer allowed to use the word "gay" as a pejorative noun, even if it is not in the homophobic sense. Especially if it is not in the homophobic sense.

20. Use the word "****" in civilized company.

21. Dance where there are people under the age of 25.

22. Drink or cavort where there are people under the age of 25 lest I want to be labeled a "drunk" or a "pervert" or a "drunken pervert."

23. Know the words to any song written after 2003.

24. Admit to owning any films starring Jean Claude Van-Damme, Steven Segal or Michael Dudikoff.

25. Wear a trilby hat... no matter how well Justin Timberlake pulls it off.

26. Never refer to Justin Timberlake as "Trousersnake" or worse "JT".

27. Endlessly quote Anchorman, Withnail & I and The Godfather. Especially not on a first date.

kdmelrose · 10-01-2007, 06:47 PM

If it's any consolation, you look much older than 27.

Biofungus · 10-01-2007, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kdmelrose

If it's any consolation, you look much older than 27.

And here I thought I was the only one who thought that!

I mean, I'm no looker myself (obviously), but I've seen pictures of Abraham Lincoln that looked younger than Scott James.

Scott James · 10-01-2007, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kdmelrose

If it's any consolation, you look much older than 27.

I actually look closer to 37. Ten years of smoking and binge-drinking will do that I suppose. On the plus side, I still have my own teeth and most of my own hair.

JamieRoberts · 10-01-2007, 06:51 PM

Wait til you hit 28. You're not allowed to put ironic tunes on the jukebox without looking like you meant it seriously.

Biofungus · 10-01-2007, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by quones

Wait til you hit 28. You're not allowed to put ironic tunes on the jukebox without looking like you meant it seriously.

I also think when you turn 28, you're not allowed to create "things I'm not allowed to do now that I'm ___ " lists

Scott James · 10-01-2007, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Biofungus

And here I thought I was the only one who thought that!

I mean, I'm no looker myself (obviously), but I've seen pictures of Abraham Lincoln that looked younger than Scott James.

You're not wrong. I recently had one of my rare sober spells (a solid three days without booze) and noticed how tired I look. Not just old, but tired. My mum and dad's good genes were wasted on somebody so detirmined to put his body through the mill.

**Jon Dahl** · 10-01-2007, 07:05 PM

Two days ago we went out for Renae's birthday. I'm the second oldest person visible in this picture by only a year, and I got carded for my Long Island Ice Tea. Not only carded, but the waitress made me take my ID out, and then she took it to the Apple Bee's resteraunt manager for inspection. He then came back with it, looked at me, picked at the corners of my ID, and still didn't believe I was over 21. I was tempted to stand up just so I could show him I was two feet taller than him.

kdmelrose · 10-01-2007, 07:08 PM

You've turned into quite the hair farmer, Jon.

Scott James · 10-01-2007, 07:11 PM

That is the most recent pic of me. Around about the time of my 27th. For the uninitiated, I am the one on the left.

JamieRoberts · 10-01-2007, 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Biofungus

I also think when you turn 28, you're not allowed to create "things I'm not allowed to do now that I'm ___ " lists

Hint taken.

**Buckyrig** · 10-01-2007, 07:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scott James

11. No longer allowed to use the words "party" or "rock" as a verbs.

In all fairness, you should never have been doing this without a measure of irony. Now you just need to turn up the juice is all.

Carry on...

**Buckyrig** · 10-01-2007, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jon Dahl

Two days ago we went out for Renae's birthday. I'm the second oldest person visible in this picture by only a year, and I got carded for my Long Island Ice Tea. Not only carded, but the waitress made me take my ID out, and then she took it to the Apple Bee's resteraunt manager for inspection. He then came back with it, looked at me, picked at the corners of my ID, and still didn't believe I was over 21. I was tempted to stand up just so I could show him I was two feet taller than him.

Grow a beard. Otherwise, it's only going to get worse.

Amanda · 10-01-2007, 08:02 PM

I turn 27 this year and I am NOT looking forward to it. I still think 30 is old and here I am 3 years away from it....

**Buckyrig** · 10-01-2007, 08:04 PM

30 is old. Everyone should kill themselves when they turn 30. Really not much point after that.

10-01-2007, 06:45 PM	#1
Scott James That's So Raven! Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 1,397	27 Things I No Longer Allowed To Do Now That I Am 27 Well, I have been the grand old age of 27 for just under a month and a half and already people are telling me what I can and cannot do now that I am in my late twenties. After conferring with several younger twentysomethings, my friends, coworkers and my mother here is a list of 27 things I used to do which apparently I cannot do anymore: 1. Answer the phone to my mother and pretend to be a Cantonese takeaway. "Flied lice" does NOT comes with everything. 2. Drink copious amounts of alcohol and write obscene and bitter emails to my ex-girlfriends. 3. Drink copious amounts of alcohol and steal bollards, road signs and small children. 4. Drink copious amounts of alcohol at all. 5. Especially not when I am three hours away from attending a staff conference. 6. Quote passages from the Koran and say "Peace be upon him" when standing in line to be searched at Her Majesty's Customs at Heathrow Airport. 7. Feed alcohol to trainee guide-dogs under the pretence that "It's the hair of the dog that bit him". 8. Lighter fluid, aftershave and peroxide are not meant to be taken internally... regardless of what my mates think or how much money is at stake. 9. Refer to myself in the third person when making a purchase at a retail outlet. (e.g. Shop Flunkey: "How do you like the jacket, sir?" Me: "Scott James thinks this jacket looks the bomb") 10. No longer allowed to use the words "bomb", "shit", or "bollocks" as constructive nouns. (e.g. "This beer is the bollocks!") 11. No longer allowed to use the words "party" or "rock" as a verbs. 12. Go to one end of a police blockade at a protest rally and ask "Excuse me, officer - is this the line to ride the horse?" 13. Clear road signs in a single bound and loudly exclaim "In your face, Karl Lewis!". 14. Try to be cool in front of adolescent schoolgirls. 15. Try to be cool at all, in fact. 16. Admit to liking any popular music. 17. Admit to liking anything popular at all. 18. Use profanity in front of adolescents (See Number 14) 19. No longer allowed to use the word "gay" as a pejorative noun, even if it is not in the homophobic sense. Especially if it is not in the homophobic sense. 20. Use the word "****" in civilized company. 21. Dance where there are people under the age of 25. 22. Drink or cavort where there are people under the age of 25 lest I want to be labeled a "drunk" or a "pervert" or a "drunken pervert." 23. Know the words to any song written after 2003. 24. Admit to owning any films starring Jean Claude Van-Damme, Steven Segal or Michael Dudikoff. 25. Wear a trilby hat... no matter how well Justin Timberlake pulls it off. 26. Never refer to Justin Timberlake as "Trousersnake" or worse "JT". 27. Endlessly quote Anchorman, Withnail & I and The Godfather. Especially not on a first date.

10-01-2007, 06:47 PM	#2
kdmelrose Pope of Appalachia Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: In the conservatory, with a candlestick Posts: 7,567	If it's any consolation, you look much older than 27. __________________ Robot 6 at Comic Book Resources

10-01-2007, 07:05 PM	#8
Jon Dahl Super Moderator Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Lawrence, Kansas Posts: 10,982	Two days ago we went out for Renae's birthday. I'm the second oldest person visible in this picture by only a year, and I got carded for my Long Island Ice Tea. Not only carded, but the waitress made me take my ID out, and then she took it to the Apple Bee's resteraunt manager for inspection. He then came back with it, looked at me, picked at the corners of my ID, and still didn't believe I was over 21. I was tempted to stand up just so I could show him I was two feet taller than him. __________________ 7% How to Kill a Zombie

10-01-2007, 07:08 PM	#9
kdmelrose Pope of Appalachia Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: In the conservatory, with a candlestick Posts: 7,567	You've turned into quite the hair farmer, Jon. __________________ Robot 6 at Comic Book Resources

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10-01-2007, 06:51 PM	#5
JamieRoberts Registered User Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 3,689	Wait til you hit 28. You're not allowed to put ironic tunes on the jukebox without looking like you meant it seriously.

10-01-2007, 07:11 PM	#10
Scott James That's So Raven! Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 1,397	That is the most recent pic of me. Around about the time of my 27th. For the uninitiated, I am the one on the left.

10-01-2007, 08:02 PM	#14
Amanda Devil Woman Join Date: Sep 2003 Location: Salina Posts: 584	I turn 27 this year and I am NOT looking forward to it. I still think 30 is old and here I am 3 years away from it....

10-01-2007, 08:04 PM	#15
Buckyrig I Coulda Had a VH Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Steve Buscemi's Couch Posts: 11,452	30 is old. Everyone should kill themselves when they turn 30. Really not much point after that.