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Old 01-05-2018, 09:08 AM   #1
SSTiger
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Post HELLBOY & HULK: MONSTERS (DW Group Project)

Okay, this is an eight-page short story written for the Hellboy Group Project that we're currently doing. The artist who was attached to the short has cancelled, and it was suggested that I post the script here, so that other artists would be able to take a look at it and decide if they want to develop it instead.

If you're interested it drawing this, please reply here or let me know via PM. Even if you're only interested in contributing one or two pages and not the whole eight, that's fine.

(For those who don't know, the basic premise is that Hellboy encounters a portal that is tossing him through various dimensions, where he runs into different characters from different franchises. This particular short was supposed to be Red's foray into the Marvel U, resulting in a brief encounter with everyone's favorite Green Giant).

Feedback is of course welcome.


PAGE ONE


A portal opens up in the middle of a city (any place OTHER than New York, because we can't t have interference from other super-people) and Hellboy appears from it. He sees with surprise that Hulk and the Abomination are in a no-holds-barred throwdown.

Panel Layout Suggestion

Panel 1:

CLOSE UP on the portal opening up in the streets of a city. We can't see much else; the portal takes up the whole panel.
No Dialogue.
Panel 2:

Same scene. HELLBOY appears through the portal.
No Dialogue.
Panel 3:

Same camera angle. The portal has closed and Hellboy has landed gracefully on his feet.
No Dialogue.
Panel 4:

CLOSE UP on Hellboy's face. A look of "Oh, shit", surprise.
No Dialogue.
Panel 5:

Splash, bottom half of page. If possible, use this panel as the background for the full page and set the other panels inside it to carry a big sense of scale.

Reverse angle; OVER-THE-SHOULDER shot from behind Hellboy. We see what he's looking at: In the empty and deserted streets, HULK and ABOMINATION are going at it without holding back their punches. Cars have been tossed around, a BROKEN FIRE HYDRANT is spewing water upwards in a torrent, and a POLICE CAR is lying upturned, busted up in the fight.
No Dialogue.
PAGE TWO


Hellboy coolly takes a breather and lights up a cigar. He then draws the Samaritan and tries to decide which one to shoot.

Panel Layout Suggestion

Panel 1:

CLOSE UP on Hellboy's face. He's got that "Yeah, whatever, I've seen it all" look.
1. HELLBOY:
Huh.
Panel 2:

Same camera angle. Hellboy has half a CUT of a CIGAR in his normal, left hand and is bringing it towards his lips.
No Dialogue.
Panel 3:

Same camera angle. The cigar in his teeth, Hellboy lights up.
No Dialogue.
Panel 4:

CLOSE UP on the holster as Hellboy draws the Samaritan.
No Dialogue.
Panel 5:

Back up the camera bit for a medium shot, waist up. Heroic pose of Hellboy pointing the gun at the two fighters, who are off-panel.
No Dialogue.
ART NOTE: Now these next two panels are a bit tricky. They should look like screenshots from a FIRST PERSON SHOOTER video game; with the camera placed just behind the Good Samaritan in Hellboy's normal hand and pointing at the two giants in turn.

LETTERING NOTE: There's one piece of dialogue and it should be placed in a balloon exactly in the MIDDLE of the next two panels.

Panel 6:

FPS-style behind the Good Samaritan; the sights are trained on the HULK.

Panel 7:

Another FPS-style panel. This time the gun is aimed at the ABOMINATION.
2. HELLBOY:
Exactly which of these freakshows should I shoot here?
Panel 8:

Wide shot of the fight; the Abomination has landed a powerful PUNCH on the Hulk and is sending him FLYING towards an overturned car.
No Dialogue.

PAGE THREE


Hulk crashes into a car behind which are revealed two civilians. As the Abomination picks up a car and throws it at them, the Hulk shields them from getting hurt.

Panel Layout Suggestion

Panel 1:

Hulk is CRASHING into the car, which is crushed against his weight.
No Dialogue.
Panel 2:

Close on A MOTHER AND CHILD, huddled together behind the car, expressions of terror in their faces.
No Dialogue.
Panel 3:

CLOSE UP on the Hulk's face. A mix of surprise and some human emotion; a hint that Banner's in there, deep inside his mind?
No Dialogue.
Panel 4:

CLOSE UP on Hellboy's face. Shock. Anger.
No Dialogue.
Panel 5:

CLOSE UP on the Abomination's face. A malicious grin of pure spite.
No Dialogue.
Panel 6:

The Abomination picks up a car...
No Dialogue.
Panel 7:

...and THROWS it at the mother and child.
No Dialogue.
Panel 8:

The HULK is SHIELDING the civilians with his body as the car crashes into his back.
No Dialogue.
Panel 9:

Close on Hellboy's face. Eyebrows narrowed in understanding.
No Dialogue.

PAGE FOUR


Hellboy shoots out the Abomination's eye and proceeds to beat the shit out of him. Hulk watches in surprise.

Panel Layout Suggestion

Panel 1:

CLOSE UP on the Abomination's head; he is half-turning in response to Hellboy's line:
1. HELLBOY (OFF-PANEL):

Hey, buddy.
Panel 2:

MEDIUM SHOT of Hellboy, waist up (he still has the cigar in his teeth). We see what the Abomination sees: Hellboy is pointing the Samaritan at the Camera. Think James Bond pose.
2. HELLBOY:

Y'got somethin' in yer eye, pal.
Panel 3:

CLOSE UP on the Abomination's face; he's REELING back as his LEFT EYE takes a shot from the Samaritan. His green blood is spurting out.
No Dialogue.
Panel 4:

CLOSE UP on the Abomination's left knee, which is also getting SHOT OUT by Hellboy, who's still off-screen.
No Dialogue.

Panel 5:

The Abomination is ON HIS KNEES, bleeding from the eye and knee and trying to use his uninjured leg to stand up.
3. HELLBOY (OFF-PANEL):

I'm sorry, did that hurt?

4. HELLBOY (OFF-PANEL):

Here, lemme kiss the boo-boo and make it all better.
Panel 6:

CLOSE UP on the Abomination's face as Hellboy's HAND OF DOOM punches it, likely breaking a few bones.
No Dialogue.
Panel 7:

CLOSE UP on the Abomination's non-injured knee as he tries to stand up. Hellboy's foot is KICKING it, making it bend SIDEWAYS.
No Dialogue.
Panel 8:

CLOSE UP on the Abomination's CROTCH as Hellboy's BOOT connects to it, kicking him squarely in the BALLS.
No Dialogue.
Panel 9:

Close on HULK's face. Surprised.
No Dialogue.
Panel 10:

Hellboy violently BREAKS the Abomination's NECK.( NOTE: The cigar is gone at this point.)
5. SFX:

KRAK
PAGE FIVE


Hulk transforms back into Banner, which surprises Hellboy and the two of them talk to each other.

Panel Layout Suggestion

Panel 1:

Hellboy is standing over the Abomination, looking down at him. The camera is above and behind Hellboy's shoulder, with a downward angled view. The Abomination is still ALIVE, his one intact eye is open in a painful look (the other one's bleeding), but he's unable to move, sprawled on the ground.
1. HELLBOY:

Still alive.

2. HELLBOY:

Tough little bastard, aren't ya?
Panel 2:

The woman from Page Three is RUNNING away with her child held in her arms.
No Dialogue.
Panel 3:

CLOSE UP on one side of Hellboy's face as he watches the two of them go. They can be seen in the background, with Hellboy's face the Foreground of the panel.
3. HELLBOY:

You're welcome.

4. HELLBOY (SMALL):

Can't really say I blame ya for running, though.

Panel 4:

HEAD-AND-SHOULDERS shot of the Hulk. Still looking surprised.
5. HELLBOY (OFF-PANEL):

You okay there, big fella?
Panel 5:

CLOSE UP on the Hulk; he is now holding his head in his hands, feeling the transformation coming on.
No Dialogue.
Panel 6:

Hulk is transforming into Banner. Do that Jack Kirby transformation-lines thing if possible.
No Dialogue.
Panel 7:

On Banner, on the ground, holding up his now-too-large pants.
No Dialogue.

PAGE SIX


A short conversation between Hellboy and Banner.

Panel Layout Suggestion

Panel 1:

CLOSE UP shot of Hellboy's face. Surprised by what's he's just seen.
1. HELLBOY:

Oh-kay...

2. HELLBOY:

That's new. So what, you turn into the Jolly Green Giant?
Panel 2:

Reverse angle; HEAD-AND-SHOULDERS shot of Banner.
3. BANNER:

You - you don't know who I am?

4. HELLBOY (OFF-PANEL):

Nope. I'm not from around here.

5. HELLBOY (OFF-PANEL):

Not from this world, if you can believe that.

6. BANNER:

I... can, actually. That portal, it was an Einstein-Rosen Bridge to an alternate dimension?

7. HELLBOY (OFF-PANEL):

What are ya, a scientist?

8. BANNER:

Yes.
Panel 3:

CLOSE UP on Hellboy's face again. He's rolling his eyes, grumbling to himself.
9. HELLBOY (SMALL):

Sure, why would this world be any less weird than all the others...

PAGE SEVEN


The conversation continues.

Panel Layout Suggestion

Panel 1:

TOP-DOWN view of the Abomination, lying still.
1. HELLBOY (OFF-PANEL):

Where the hell is everybody?

2. BANNER (OFF-PANEL):

Army evacuated the neighborhood. How did you know he was the bad guy?

3. BANNER (OFF-PANEL):

People who don't know me look at me and they usually think I'm...

4. HELLBOY (OFF-PANEL):

What, a monster?

5. HELLBOY (OFF-PANEL):

I saw you protecting that woman and her kid. You ain't a monster, pal.

6. HELLBOY (OFF-PANEL):

And trust me...
Panel 2:

CLOSE UP on Hellboy's face; in the background, instead of the street use an image of Hellboy himself with his HORNS GROWN, and HELLFIRE burning between them. His demon form; Anung Un Rama risen.
7. HELLBOY:

I know a thing or two about monsters.

Panel 3:

Long TWO-SHOT of Hellboy and Banner, standing face to face. On the other side of them, the PORTAL is opening up again and they're both looking at it.
8. HELLBOY:

Hate to rescue and run, but that looks like my ticket home.

9. HELLBOY:

<I hope>.
10. HELLBOY:

You gonna be okay?
Panel 4:

On Banner. He looks like a great burden's been lifted.
11. BANNER:

I... think I will, actually.

PAGE EIGHT


Hellboy goes through the portal to his next adventure and we wrap things up.

Panel Layout Suggestion

Panel 1:

CLOSE UP on Banner and Hellboy's HANDS as they shake hands. (Hellboy is using his Hand of Doom).
1. HELLBOY (OFF-PANEL):

You take care of yourself.

2. BANNER (OFF-PANEL):

Thank you.

3. BANNER (OFF-PANEL):

Good luck with, uh... whatever's going on.

4. HELLBOY (OFF-PANEL):

Sure.
Panel 2:

Hellboy going into the portal.
No Dialogue.
Panel 3:

Hellboy is gone, the portal is closing.
No Dialogue.
Panel 4:

The portal is closed, completely gone.
No Dialogue.
Panel 5:

Mid-shot of Banner, smiling a distant smile.
5. BANNER:

Cool.
Panel 6:

Banner walks away from the Camera through the carnage, his back to us.
6. LARGE HEADING (CREDITS):

HELLBOY & HULK: MONSTERS

BY SAHITH S. TIGER AND <INSERT YOUR ARTIST CREDIT HERE>
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Old 01-11-2018, 09:46 AM
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Old 01-11-2018, 03:06 PM
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Old 01-11-2018, 06:31 PM   #2
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I just read it, there's very little in here to warrant 8 pages, I'm sure if you made it 4 pages you might get an artist a lot easier. You may want to make it a collaboration with an artist having input into the story so it's fun for that person to draw, otherwise it's just work, who has time to draw 8 pages for nothing.
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Old 01-11-2018, 08:17 PM
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Old 01-12-2018, 01:10 AM
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Old 01-12-2018, 02:03 AM
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Old 01-12-2018, 11:17 PM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Morganza View Post
You may want to make it a collaboration with an artist having input into the story so it's fun for that person to draw
Sure.
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Old 01-14-2018, 01:57 PM   #4
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so after re reading this story... I feel I need to say first..i still REALLY like the basic story. 100%. great story. well written. very very good.

but the panel break downs.. you have 8, 9, even 10 panels per page. as an artist..if I were tasked to draw this...id be pissed as hell. it doesn't really need to be that loaded up. especially in an action based scene. it needs room to visually breathe and LOOK good. I would suggest in future scripts, keeping that thought in mind... cause as it is...its just way to much.

I know there are artists out there that could pull something like this off and make it good. but in the context of what we are doing here..kinda like Morg was saying, trying to entice an artist to this story where its done for free, that's a huge investment of time and effort in addition to being really hard to draw.
I think you could take this basic concept and simplify it a whole bunch..to make it more appealing to an artist. drawing city street and rubble and damaged cars and various people.. ugh.. that's a pain in the ass.

drawing Hulk meeting and fighting hellboy and abomination...THATS fun. maybe change the setting to something easier to draw.
if I were to draw this...its not the page count that matters so much as the overwhelming complexity of the thing.

so..i will say again..i DO love the story and would like to see it as written..but I think a second pass at the script..trimming the fat. Scaling it down to only whats NEEDED..might be a good idea.

just my thoughts.

you write very well tho sir. I'm a fan.

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Old 01-14-2018, 04:04 PM   #5
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Quote:
its not the page count that matters so much as the overwhelming complexity of the thing.
I confess I didn't consider that. Lower page count but still extra work, is what you're saying.

I got a couple of PMs with similar comments about trimming it down, too, so I get it. I do want to take another couple of passes at it (this was a first draft) and I think it'd be best done in coordination with whatever artist maybe interested, since that way it'd be easier to tweak it in a way that suits their drawing style.

Quote:
Scaling it down to only whats NEEDED
The core element, the thing that the story absolutely needs, is Hellboy appearing in the middle of the Hulk vs. Abo fight without having any idea about the context but still recognizing easily that Hulk isn't a bad guy, helping him, and leaving Banner with some simple advice that gives him hope. All else is up for tweaks.

I thought the best way to pull that off was to show Hulk defending civilians, since in the comics he's been known to do stuff like that even when he's in full-on Smash mindset. Hence why the setting is the city. It'd still be possible to move it to a jungle or a desert or something, maybe use some campers instead of the mother and child behind the car.

Shortening it, I'd say pages One, Two and Four have the most that can go. Five's action scene could lose a few panels without problems, too - all-in-all, be probably easy to bring it down to six or even five pages set in a desert.

So yeah, the draft is perfectly flexible.
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Old 01-14-2018, 07:01 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSTiger View Post
I confess I didn't consider that. Lower page count but still extra work, is what you're saying.

I got a couple of PMs with similar comments about trimming it down, too, so I get it. I do want to take another couple of passes at it (this was a first draft) and I think it'd be best done in coordination with whatever artist maybe interested, since that way it'd be easier to tweak it in a way that suits their drawing style.



The core element, the thing that the story absolutely needs, is Hellboy appearing in the middle of the Hulk vs. Abo fight without having any idea about the context but still recognizing easily that Hulk isn't a bad guy, helping him, and leaving Banner with some simple advice that gives him hope. All else is up for tweaks.

I thought the best way to pull that off was to show Hulk defending civilians, since in the comics he's been known to do stuff like that even when he's in full-on Smash mindset. Hence why the setting is the city. It'd still be possible to move it to a jungle or a desert or something, maybe use some campers instead of the mother and child behind the car.

Shortening it, I'd say pages One, Two and Four have the most that can go. Five's action scene could lose a few panels without problems, too - all-in-all, be probably easy to bring it down to six or even five pages set in a desert.

So yeah, the draft is perfectly flexible.
well my opinions are just one mans. but yeah...so many panels per pages, especially when its got some dramatic action beats is so hard and frustrating.
if it was me drawing it, I wouldn't care if it was 8 pages if the complexity of it were scaled down. like I was saying. few panels...simpler setting. it could STILL be in a city. have an establishing shot, but the action could be in the classic "abandoned warehouse" where its just full of junk and rubble. that's easy enough.

anyway...again, I like what you do. for sure. I find myself actually doing a lot of the same things I'm mentioning here. when I'm breaking down a scene, I usually draw it out and ive found myself overloading the whole thing with un needed panels and shots and angles and all kinds of stuff. ill do a second or third pass to get it down to only what I need.

I hope someone picks this story up tho. it would be a great addition.

rob
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Old 01-15-2018, 01:33 AM   #7
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Quote:
so many panels per pages, especially when its got some dramatic action beats is so hard and frustrating.
if it was me drawing it, I wouldn't care if it was 8 pages if the complexity of it were scaled down.
I hear you, I get it. I'll probably put up a second draft when I get some time so that a shorter version with lesser panels per page is up for artists to see.
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Old 01-22-2018, 09:25 AM   #8
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This has been revised and is now being drawn.
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Old 01-22-2018, 10:37 AM   #9
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Nice! Who is your artist?
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Old 01-22-2018, 11:22 AM   #10
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Can’t wait to see the artwork for it, SS!
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Old 01-22-2018, 12:04 PM   #11
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Long story short: the other story that I was doing with DavidNH, The Demon's Whisper, won't be happening. There's a reason neither of us shared any details about what we were doing with that - it was something really ambitious (even more so than this one) featuring an unexpected character encounter and we were hesitant to hype it.

Anyhow, a couple of days ago we finally threw in the towel and surrendered, so David offered to draw this instead. The new script is seven pages now all with six panels or less, and the setting has been moved to the desert.

That piece of advice turned out to be spot on (Thanks, Rob!) because it really helped speed things up and Page 1 is already finished (and colored!). You can see it in David's thread here:

http://www.digitalwebbing.com/forums...wpost&t=179823
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Old 01-22-2018, 03:55 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSTiger View Post
Long story short: the other story that I was doing with DavidNH, The Demon's Whisper, won't be happening. There's a reason neither of us shared any details about what we were doing with that - it was something really ambitious (even more so than this one) featuring an unexpected character encounter and we were hesitant to hype it.

Anyhow, a couple of days ago we finally threw in the towel and surrendered, so David offered to draw this instead. The new script is seven pages now all with six panels or less, and the setting has been moved to the desert.

That piece of advice turned out to be spot on (Thanks, Rob!) because it really helped speed things up and Page 1 is already finished (and colored!). You can see it in David's thread here:

http://www.digitalwebbing.com/forums...wpost&t=179823
very cool...just saw that page. excited to see this coming together.

but now I want to know..what WAS the previous story you were gonna do and then stopped? was that for THIS project..the hellboy thing? who was gonna be the unexpected character? super curious....

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Old 01-23-2018, 10:16 AM   #13
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It was for this project, yes. We were kind of aiming to do what would have been the longest story in the collection, featuring Hellboy fighting Darth Vader.
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Old 01-25-2018, 11:16 AM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SSTiger View Post
It was for this project, yes. We were kind of aiming to do what would have been the longest story in the collection, featuring Hellboy fighting Darth Vader.
Oh man, thats a neat idea. Still, an encounter with vader could be done and not have to be visually difficult. I only say that cause id love to see that happen and am envisioning how i would construct the story to make it fun and awesome to draw.

Neat idea sir..
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Old 01-25-2018, 05:32 PM   #15
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Quote:
Still, an encounter with vader could be done and not have to be visually difficult.
Perfectly true, but I went the same route as this story - just like HB's advice to Banner gave him hope, his fight against Vader would've ended with an insult aimed at Vader (the "Whisper" that the title refers to) that would've had some lasting repercussions that fit in with the SW Canon.

With Banner, I see him and Red as more or less kindred spirits (both inhuman scary-looking people who aren't actually harmful) which he'd recognize right away and lend a helping hand. By contrast Vader, as Palpatine's right hand, is the opposite of HB (Red rejects his prophesied turn to evil repeatedly, whereas the Emperor was eventually able to break and turn Skywalker) which makes them instantly clash.

When I started working on the two stories I wanted HB to have a real impact on the characters' lives - Banner would gain some peace of mind, and Vader would seriously doubt some of his life choices, which was why both scripts went a bit beyond the respective team-up and fight, to build up to that.
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