|08-19-2012, 11:12 PM||#1|
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Fishkill, NY
It's been a long time since I've cruised these pages (three years-ish) this is something I kicked around for a long time. I'm worried my panel descriptions are too much. Please let me know what you think about it.
PAGE 1 – 5 Panels
Panel 1: Long shot of a woman running down an alley towards us. Despite it being a nice sunny day in the late afternoon (3:30ish) the alley is fairly dark and shadowy. The surrounding buildings block out the light. The alley is your standard brick walls and garbage strewn alley. Maybe add some graffiti or a sleeping bum for effect. There should be a few garbage cans along the wall over her right shoulder. Sticking out of one of them is a bunch of white clothing and a blonde wig. She is very pale, almost white. She has dark eyes and jet black hair pulled back in a tight neat pony tail. She is a natural beauty (no makeup on). She's dressed in all black up to her neck. It is standard ninja garb, including the boots that make it look like the big toe is separate from the rest. Around her waist is a pouch roughly big enough to carry a grapefruit (which, consequently, it looks she has in there). Keep the pouch on the same side throughout. She is thin but athletic with appropriate proportions. Think Rachel Bilson in terms of height, weight, and measurements. Behind her we see the alley is pretty long. We can't see the tops of the buildings. Also behind her is a silhouette dropping to the ground.
Panel 2: The woman is looking back behind herself over her right shoulder with a look of shock/horror. The side of her face and shoulder should frame the left and bottom of the panel respectively. The most important thing is the emotion on her face. If you need to pull in or out a little to show more or less of her to make it work go ahead.
Panel 3: What she sees… Her pursuer is crouching and looks like a sprinter coming out of the starting blocks. He is the Egyptian god Anubis. He is massive. Think Arnold in Conan the Barbarian. He is slick looking, like a black dog that has a really shiny healthy coat. As for his clothing, I was thinking some kind of hybrid between clothing from his time and a futuristic style like a vest with a collar or something like that. If that looks bad just go with the traditional Egyptian fashion. His hands have 3 fingers and a thumb with sharp claws at the end. There is no distinction between where the finger ends and the nail begins, but they're not long and obnoxious, just sharp. He's barefoot. His eyes are fire truck red and glowing. His lips are curled back and he's baring his teeth, he almost looks like he's smiling.
Panel 4: Looking at him from dead on and almost from the ground up, about his knee level looking up at him. He is leaping towards us, his mouth is open like he's about to bite. He's drooling and has his claws bared.
Panel 5: A CU of her face. She has a determined grimace on her face.
PAGE 2 – 3 panels
Panel 1: Same composition as the last panel of Page 1. CU of her but she looks different. She's blonde now, her hair in a short bob, and she has a white silk scarf around her neck and over the top of her hair. (Like a 50's starlet) She's wearing sunglasses that are lightly tinted enough to see her eyes behind them. White frames with black lenses, kind of big, squares with rounded edges. She is wearing a fairly clingy white button down collared shirt. On the bottom; a white skirt, maybe with some kind of lace or eyelet design. Something really classy looking. She has on either black, or red, high-heeled shoes, and a small white purse about the same size as the pouch from earlier. In her eyes we can see a reflection of a large diamond. It is the MOON DIAMOND!!!! This beauty is roughly the size of a grapefruit, (hint hint), and is smoky in terms of color and clarity. It looks like smoke in the shape of a diamond. You can put as many cuts and facets as you can fit on the thing. Make it really gaudy and rediculuously obnoxious.
Panel 2: A 2-shot of the woman and the stone on opposite sides of the panel. Put her back up against the left side of the panel. The right side should be the diamond's display case. The stone floats in the air in suspended animation. No seams in the glass it was manufactured in a solid piece. It can either be a standard museum display (square), or, if you're feeling froggy, it can be an obnoxious bell jar shape. It rests on top of a pedestal that is just about an inch bigger around the outside than the glass. The shape of the pedestal depends on which glass topper you go with. Just make it match. The pedestal is also about waist high on her. She and the stone are staring at each other like a pair of long lost lovers. At least she is staring like that, if you can make the stone emote more power to you.
Panel 3: She is crouching next to the pedestal and they are in the middle of a large round room. It has archway halls all the way around the room every 10-12 feet. Each has two sentries in blue uniforms with yellow trim and a hip holster. One on either side. There are other displays all over. Fit as many as you can of all kinds. Paintings, sculptures, whatever else. Hang them from the rafters, coming up out of the floor, just go nuts and stretch out your imagination. Just leave a small raduis around her and the stone. Equally nutty are the aliens that surround her in the room. A tour group of amorphous bloblings, One big one and 12 or 13 little ones. A lupine couple. 3-4 of Green hands mounted on plungers with an eye in the palm. Plus what ever else you want to add. Even sprinkle in the occasional human. Lots of sunlight comes in through high windows that run around the entire perimeter of the room.
PAGE 3 – Six panels of equal size and of the same composition. The stone is going to stay in the exact same spot throughout this page. The only thing that is really going to move is her. And the scarf.
Panel 1: We are now back to looking at her and the stone. You can keep this shot pretty tight. She is crouching, bracing her hands on her knees like she is about to stand. She is on eye level with the stone. The background is an archway complete with sentries. The sentries are the left and right of the frame. We can see that the hall is long but nothing down it. It is mostly in shadow except for the ambient light from above at the mouth of the arch.
Panel 2: She has stood and she is a little towards the arch with her back to us. We see from about the mid back to her mid-calf, or however you need to do it so she doesn't look like a dismembered corpse. I just don't want to see all of her yet.
Panel 3: Now we see all of her as she sways her way towards the archway. She is about even with the sentries. Her scarf has slipped off. (Through the last three frames the scarf slowly floats out of frame.)
Panel 4: She is now into the shadows of the arch way but not completely. She can be between ½ and ¾ of the way into the shadow. Again, whatever looks better. The scarf is now behind her.
Panel 5: She is now all the way into the shadow and halfway down the hall. Don't forget about the scarf.
Panel 6: She made it to the end of the hall. A security light is flashing above her. Her silhouette is facing left. The sentries are springing to action turning into the arch and drawing their guns. A large solid steel gate is starting to descend from the top of the arch. The scarf is now an afterthought in one of the bottom corners.
PAGE 4 – 3 Panels
Panel 1: At the top of the panel a red light is flashing. Directly beneath the light is what looks like shackles on the end of a long pole. They are big thick ones that look like they would fit Anubis, but barely. They are well worn. The poles extend all the way to the floor. The poles are being carried by 2 armored alien guards. These guys are tiny. They shouldn't be any taller than ½ the panel. They walk on legs like a T-Rex's. They are a very ugly color, a cross between grey and snot green. They are scaly and wart pocked. Their armor is only on their top half and is a mish-mosh of American football shoulder pads and a bulletproof vest. No sleeves but arm guards on their forearms. All of it beat to hell. They have big ol' pot bellies and tiny arms and hands. Their hands have only two fingers and a thumb. They have matching tiny claws. They are just ugly knobby little things. They are wearing gas masks that cover their entire heads. Where the filter would normally be they have jutting mandibles (think Predator) that stick out through the front of the mask. The background looks like the inside of a submarine; single panel walls that are connected by joints with lots of rivets. There is lots of rust and chipped/cracked paint at the joints. The floor is standard grating. They are facing the left of the frame and a small bit of a door is visible on the left side of the frame.
Panel 2: From behind; another of these little guys in silhouette sitting in front of a wall of 4 huge monitors. He is raised up out of his chair shaking a fist angrily at the two from the previous frame. They are in the way of the monitors. On the monitors we see: 1. Top left: Museum Thief in the alley from way up high and behind. She is halfway through changing from white to black. On her bottom half she has on her black pants and boots and the pouch. On her top half she is pulling off her white shirt. The skirt and wig are in the garbage already. 2. Top right: CU of the empty diamond display. 3. Bottom left: Museum room full of sentries doing forensics/crime scene looking stuff. Try and show sentries of various ranks through color of stripes on the uniform. 4. Bottom right: This screen is blocked mostly by the two with the poles. We can see a little of the sarcophagus behind them. (See next page for a full description) There is a door at both ends of the room.
Panel 3: In the background, a console full of lights, buttons, switches, electric gauges measuring wavelengths, radar, all that good stuff. Then smack dab in the middle of all that mess a big red button. It shouldn't be obnoxious but should be prominent in the shot. A door at both ends again. The console should stretch end to end and be manned by two or three more of these little guys. The two with poles are close to the far left door.
PAGE 5 – 4 panels
Panel 1: A huge room completely bare except for the SARCOPHAGUS!!! In terms of background it should have the same décor as the rest of the ship. Our little guards are on either side of the sarcophagus with their poles at the ready. They only come up to mid-thigh on the sarcophagus. This thing is a monstrosity. I mean it has to be to contain a god. But I digress… It is like any other sarcophagus in terms of design. The face is Anubis'. Full body with flail and cane and lots of glyphs and scenes carved into it. Really just load it up and make it look fancy as all hell. The entire thing is solid stainless steel. It is so shiny it almost glows. There are no dings dents or scratches. It is in perfect condition.
The next three panels keep the same composition.
Panel 2: CU of the sarcophagus face.
Panel 3: The face now has a hairline crack down the middle and there is a
tiny wisp of steam escaping from it. Coming up from the right is her scarf in a pair of robot pincers.
Panel 4: The split has widened to show Anubis in all of his glory. The sides of the sarcophagus are the left and right walls of the panel. He is positioned the same as the sarcophagus; head/face straight ahead and eyes closed and if there is room arms crossed. Now the scarf is right under his nose. He is motionless except for his nose which is going nuts sniffing the scarf.
PAGE 6 – 4 Panels
Panel 1: This panel is in thirds. It is another CU of Anubis from ¾ view. He is turned towards the side with the scarf. (Fit the scarf in the frame if you can. If you can't, or it just looks atrocious, skip it.) The first section is his eyes bulging, burning bright red. The second section is his nose sniffing like crazy. The third is his mouth; salivating, drooling, ready to chomp.
Panel 2: One of the alien guards @ the console from earlier is mashing the also aforementioned big red button with maximum foreshortening. Maybe we can see it long ways, looking down the console @ the guard so he is stretched out to reach the button.
Panel 3: Make it as thin as possible without sacrificing detail. Anubis is falling through a hole that opened beneath him. He is about halfway down the hole; his arms are raised above his head, hands balled into fists. His face looks like someone on a roller coaster, but way more menacing and maniacal looking. He REALLY enjoys this.
Panel 4: A city skyline. It’s still the same time of day as before on a sunny day, maybe a random cloud or two in the sky and lots of tall buildings. The shortest building should look at least 300 stories tall. One should look rounded. (Like the museum) There is a small aircraft in the sky just above some of the mid-height buildings and near the museum. It should look like a stealth bomber with a big round bulbous underside. There is a hole in that underside and a small figure has just fallen out. (Guess who??)
PAGE 7 – 5 Panels
Panel 1: Seen from above, about the height of a security camera (8-10 feet high). He is just about to hit the ground she is running towards us and is just about at the edge of the frame.
Panel 2: Same comp. He's down in a crouch and he sees her, he's staring hard, eyes ablaze. She is just enough in the frame for us to see her turn over her shoulder to look at him.
Panel 3: She is to the right of the panel running in that direction. He has leapt at her and is airborne and at the apex of his leap. Maybe we can have shadow versions of him showing his progress thus far.
Panel 4: He lands on/catches her. They have fallen to the ground. Really play up her head hitting the ground. They land pretty much side by side but she clearly takes the brunt of the fall.
Panel 5: He is straddling her. She is lying diagonally across the panel. Her hand is griping the pouch at her side. She is facing the side the pouch is on. You can tell she is in a world of hurt.
PAGE 8 – 6 Panels
Panel 1: We are in a little closer from panel 5 on the last page. She now has the stone in both hands and is clutching it close to her chest her eyes are barely open and she is looking up at him.
Panel 2: CU of her face with a few scrapes and her hair is looking not so neat.
Panel 3: The next three will be the same comp. They are from her POV. The edges of the panel are fuzzy and a little darker than everything else. He is reaching towards her with glowing bright eyes and a toothy grin.
Panel 4: Even darker. His hands are closer now. He is mostly silhouette now, still with the same facial expression. His teeth and eyes are more pronounced.
Panel 5: Almost all darkness now. His hands are even closer to us and he and the edges are starting to blend together. He is just a faint outline now. His eyes look like they are smoldering and the smile is almost Cheshire cat like.
Panel 6: Complete Blackness.
PAGE 9 – 2 Panels
Panel 1: Anubis is on the right tossing the diamond ever so nonchalantly over his shoulder. Scrambling to catch it on the left hand side is four or five of the little guys.
Panel 2: Then all the way to the right is a skinny tight panel running top to bottom of Anubis back in the sarcophagus. His arms are crossed, his eyes are closed his head is back and he has a huge shit-eating grin on his face
|08-31-2012, 02:02 AM||#2|
Join Date: May 2006
I'm worried my panel descriptions are too much.
In some spots, yes.
I tend to leave the actual page and panel composition to the artist. Just tell them what the reader needs to see in each panel/page, but don't tell them where to put it....or how to arrange the panels. That's their job.
If they really screw it up on the first issue, then add more detail on the next script so you get more of what you want from them. Ideally, though, a good artist will take your script info and WOW you with their results.
I cover this and more in my comics script format guide...a result of 27 years in the freelance comics business.
It should help you to focus your efforts.
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