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Old 01-06-2019, 04:55 PM   #1
ssj
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Smile Comic Book - Crits? Tips? :)

Hey everyone! Work in progress. Crits? Tips? Thank you
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Old 01-07-2019, 04:37 PM   #2
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Im just nitpicking here because it looks awesome. Panels 1,2 and 3, the heads are always almost the same size.
Also 4th panel im not sure if they have exited the vehicle or not?
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Old 01-07-2019, 10:09 PM   #3
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looks pretty good to me. you say work in progress...so im guessing that the unfinished stuff in a few panels will he filled in? jeep looks great. these are digital right? everything looks solid to me. the heads being the same size like was mentioned above doesn't exactly bother me, as long s following pages end up with more variety to spice up the visual flair.

the gun is smallish tho. is it supposed to be a tiny thing?

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Old 01-08-2019, 10:15 AM   #4
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Looks really awesome! Love the jeep, the atmosphere and characters. Really love the flow of sequences. Good storytelling. You said WIP, I guess you're still adding the finishes and blacks. Can't wait to see it's finished. Is it done digitally?

Just a few minor comments:
Panel 4 - maybe you could have change the angle to make it like POV of the guy being shot, so you get a good and better impact of the story since that's the climax of the story in that page. It will also show the gun being in the foreground and giving the viewer a much better view of the shooter. This panel should have been the biggest one from the rest of the 2 panels leading to the actual shooting.
Panel 5 - could have been a copy of panel 1, but with the shooter on the foreground looking out to the readers since that's the angle you want to show on the original panel 5.

Just my analysis.
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Old 01-08-2019, 01:03 PM   #5
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Looks cool. All I would say is Mickey looks like a third character in the car, you might need to shift his perspective a little to make it more in line with the shirt - or have some of the shirt creases and shadows on the actual Mickey graphic.

Or maybe it will be less noticeable as you complete the page.
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Old 01-08-2019, 02:21 PM   #6
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Thank you very much friends! All of you guys are very talented and experienced so your advice is very valuable to me. Yes, I draw digital. The page has been drawn on ipad pro. This is my first page of the comic book for many years. I wrote the script myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ld-airgrafix View Post
Im just nitpicking here because it looks awesome. Panels 1,2 and 3, the heads are always almost the same size.
Also 4th panel im not sure if they have exited the vehicle or not?
I understand what you mean with the size of heads. I had a problem with showing other shots in such a small space. In the 4th panel, the bald guy shoots in the car. Maybe I should draw it better. But in the 5th panel, the head of the shot boy lean on the steering wheel. In the final version, the window on the driver's side will be red from the blood.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 12013 View Post
the gun is smallish tho. is it supposed to be a tiny thing?Rob
You're right. The pistol is actually too small and I will change it for sure.
Quote:
Originally Posted by pandayboss View Post
Panel 4 - maybe you could have change the angle to make it like POV of the guy being shot, so you get a good and better impact of the story since that's the climax of the story in that page. It will also show the gun being in the foreground and giving the viewer a much better view of the shooter. This panel should have been the biggest one from the rest of the 2 panels leading to the actual shooting.
Panel 5 - could have been a copy of panel 1, but with the shooter on the foreground looking out to the readers since that's the angle you want to show on the original panel 5.
Panel 4. This is a good point. I'm just afraid that I will have to redraw the entire page
Panel 5. The shooter after killing the driver looks towards the place they were driving. The page is without dialogues, but I will tell you that it will be Kalb ar-Riszat - The Eye of the Sahara. And this is what I have yet to draw.
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Originally Posted by vinbat View Post
Looks cool. All I would say is Mickey looks like a third character in the car, you might need to shift his perspective a little to make it more in line with the shirt - or have some of the shirt creases and shadows on the actual Mickey graphic..
I agree completely. I even wanted to draw Mickey in a different perspective, but it turned out to be the biggest challenge

Very nice to read constructive comments. Thank you for all your tips, analysis and also for kind words. I'm sorry for my english. I try as much as I can.
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