page two with finished pencils with fine details

robozo · 07-19-2012, 10:44 AM

hope ypu like it, comments and critics are wanted!!

Ebony Warrior · 07-19-2012, 04:32 PM

OK, so something you should watch for are the little things: She dumps her napsack in panel 4 but in panel 6 there is nothing around her feet, nor is she near a table. Same as the part in her hair, it moves from left in panel 1 to right in panel 3. i noticed this on the 1st page where she climbs down from the window, but if you look at all the panels after that, there isn't a window that high up, at best the window is at shoulder level.

Your line work is very clean and the page is easy to follow, but these lttle things can start to jump out after a while - the same way it does with Rob Liefeld (not making a comparison here)

keep up the good work.

robozo · 07-19-2012, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ebony Warrior

Your line work is very clean and the page is easy to follow, but these lttle things can start to jump out after a while - the same way it does with Rob Liefeld (not making a comparison here)

keep up the good work.

hey, liefeld made millions!! youre right, ill have to watch continuity!

thanks for the respond!!

robozo

UniverseX259 · 07-19-2012, 05:48 PM

Your linework is good, but your figures are very stiff. Try loosening up your hand a bit when laying the pages out - It'll make a big difference, and might add some organic sense of movement to the figures.

My biggest problem with the page is the panel layout. I'm assuming it goes:
- Girl standing
- Close up on girl's face
- Girl looks through backpack
- Girl dumps backpack on floor
- Girl throws backpack
- Pulled back shot of the room with girl to the side

Overlapping panels can be used well in action shots, or perhaps to bring greater attention to a small detail in a larger panel. But for a page like this, where the action is fairly innocuous, it might be best to stick to a typical grid. A lot of people bash grids for being boring, but as a comic artist your job is to tell a story as clearly as possible, and getting from A to B smoothly. Anything you can do to increase reader comprehension will improve your pages. Take a look at some of Kirby's mid-60's Marvel work - He drew VERY dynamic scenes, but he usually used a grid layout and rarely ever broke panel borders.

robozo · 07-19-2012, 06:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by UniverseX259

Take a look at some of Kirby's mid-60's Marvel work - He drew VERY dynamic scenes, but he usually used a grid layout and rarely ever broke panel borders.

thanks for the crits, ill try to improve next page, the reason why i didnt choose the grids is because when using them, every panel must be very good, to me its simply harder to make a page look good that way.

Saul Haber · 07-19-2012, 11:52 PM

I think you should use more reference when drawing objects and furniture. I can tell that you can draw but you're not taking the extra steps to make sure that what you are drawing is accurate and recognizable. The backpack, for example, doesn't really look like any backpack I have seen and I couldn't immediately tell what it was. You don't need to get fancy with details, just try and make it look a little more authentic. Same thing goes for the stuff that she is pouring out of her bag. I'm not sure what any of those objects are, but I know that if you think about what you want the objects to be and then pull up some quick reference and draw from that- that you can make those objects "real."
Also, I would zoom out your panels a little bit so we could get a clearer picture of the action and the objects in the panel instead of cropping out important things (eg. the backpack in panels 2,3 & 5).

robozo · 07-20-2012, 04:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Saul Haber

I think you should use more reference when drawing objects and furniture. I can tell that you can draw but you're not taking the extra steps to make sure that what you are drawing is accurate and recognizable.

thanks

i will do more preparation for the next pages, also for the caracters.

cheers robozo

ariel · 07-20-2012, 04:28 AM

This seems really stiff and mechanical to me. You know how to draw and how to story tell now just put the energy and life into it.

07-19-2012, 10:44 AM	#1
robozo Registered User Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 177	page two with finished pencils with fine details hope ypu like it, comments and critics are wanted!!

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07-19-2012, 04:32 PM	#2
Ebony Warrior Registered User Join Date: Jul 2006 Posts: 100	OK, so something you should watch for are the little things: She dumps her napsack in panel 4 but in panel 6 there is nothing around her feet, nor is she near a table. Same as the part in her hair, it moves from left in panel 1 to right in panel 3. i noticed this on the 1st page where she climbs down from the window, but if you look at all the panels after that, there isn't a window that high up, at best the window is at shoulder level. Your line work is very clean and the page is easy to follow, but these lttle things can start to jump out after a while - the same way it does with Rob Liefeld (not making a comparison here) keep up the good work.

07-19-2012, 05:48 PM	#4
UniverseX259 AKA Ian Miller Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: New York Posts: 383	Your linework is good, but your figures are very stiff. Try loosening up your hand a bit when laying the pages out - It'll make a big difference, and might add some organic sense of movement to the figures. My biggest problem with the page is the panel layout. I'm assuming it goes: - Girl standing - Close up on girl's face - Girl looks through backpack - Girl dumps backpack on floor - Girl throws backpack - Pulled back shot of the room with girl to the side Overlapping panels can be used well in action shots, or perhaps to bring greater attention to a small detail in a larger panel. But for a page like this, where the action is fairly innocuous, it might be best to stick to a typical grid. A lot of people bash grids for being boring, but as a comic artist your job is to tell a story as clearly as possible, and getting from A to B smoothly. Anything you can do to increase reader comprehension will improve your pages. Take a look at some of Kirby's mid-60's Marvel work - He drew VERY dynamic scenes, but he usually used a grid layout and rarely ever broke panel borders.

07-19-2012, 11:52 PM	#6
Saul Haber Registered User Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 1,581	I think you should use more reference when drawing objects and furniture. I can tell that you can draw but you're not taking the extra steps to make sure that what you are drawing is accurate and recognizable. The backpack, for example, doesn't really look like any backpack I have seen and I couldn't immediately tell what it was. You don't need to get fancy with details, just try and make it look a little more authentic. Same thing goes for the stuff that she is pouring out of her bag. I'm not sure what any of those objects are, but I know that if you think about what you want the objects to be and then pull up some quick reference and draw from that- that you can make those objects "real." Also, I would zoom out your panels a little bit so we could get a clearer picture of the action and the objects in the panel instead of cropping out important things (eg. the backpack in panels 2,3 & 5).

07-20-2012, 04:28 AM	#8
ariel Registered User Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: NYC, manhattan Posts: 332	This seems really stiff and mechanical to me. You know how to draw and how to story tell now just put the energy and life into it.