King and Cub

Nico Leon · 06-26-2012, 08:26 PM

Script: Curtis Lawson
Art: Nico Leon

It was made for a 4 page heroic fantasy contest.
It's a story with no dialogue.
We would like to hear your criticism in order to improve our skills!

PAGE 01

PAGE 02

PAGE 03

PAGE 04

JMelloul · 06-26-2012, 11:44 PM

I like your art minus a few issues.

On pg. 3 where you see the man's face / eyes under the shadow of the hood it looks weird despite what you may be trying to convey.

Then, on pg. 4 when the kid throws the spear it doesn't really seem to fall in line with the rest of his flip, just as the panel in which the man is hit with both spears doesn't really seem right proportionally.

Last note would be how I don't quite understand what happened with the elder and his letting go of his spell.

TimR · 06-27-2012, 07:21 PM

very good drawing skills IMO. I like that clear-line look. A little unsure about some of the spotting of blacks and grays though.. did you consider other choices?

On the spear throw, it was a little unclear to me because I didn't notice he was holding his own spear while flipping.. but otherwise works for me.

The panel where the girl hugs the warrior is very sweet.. "Awww!" say the sentimental readers I'm sure (as well as the sarcastic..)

Senji · 06-27-2012, 08:56 PM

Needs more pages. I'm being serious.

(good stuff! Hard to ask for crit, I think everything looks great!)

Nico Leon · 06-27-2012, 09:07 PM

Thank for the criticism!
yeah, that flip have some kind of noise, I was thinking in some Final Fantasy moves when I draw it, phisically impossible but good looking moves. I see now it look a little weird.

About the use of black and grey, it was made for a black and white comic contest, I have no practice in adding other "color" than black to the page, but I needed that grey. So if I messed it up with the grey, I would apreciate to hear some criticism on that too!

Comics Commando · 07-11-2012, 08:41 PM

Definitely a graphic storytelling sensibility going on.

Love that panel with the girl and chain links. Sweet!

Best,

Kurt Hathaway
Cartoon Balloons Studio
khathawayart@gmail.com

Lettering / Logos / Fonts / Pre-Press / Page Design / Motion Graphics
for Print or Web / Entertainment, Advertising or Education!

Download a bleed guide for comics artists:
https://rapidshare.com/files/2683013...de__2012__.pdf

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETGevjPkZso

Nico Leon · 07-24-2012, 10:36 AM

Thanks! I'm glad you like it!

enthropi · 07-24-2012, 11:35 PM

Honestly, I really like these pages, the expressions are great [sniffing smoke, ZOMG girl, hug and even the lion looks jealous or something at the end], the animals well rendered. You instantly make us care about the girl, we sort of like her right away.

I agree that that the action sequence is a bit hard to follow, I also didn't get the throwing spear part at first, probably because you cropped the tip of the spear (and maybe because it's black without details) and we only see it whole in the previous page, so much like TimR mentioned, I hadn't noticed at first he was holding a spear. Also agree that the thrown action seems broken from the continuity of the movement, he should probably have his arm set to throw it on the previous panel to make it work, maybe have one arm leading forward and the spear arm already swinging back for the throw.

Another thing is I find odd on page 3 that the lion swaps the hyenas to the right side with girl at the left of them, and then the next panel she is on the right side with the lion triumphantly on the left side both pawns on the hyenas heads... Doesn't jive logically, feel like the girl should be on the left of them, but really nitpicking, because the panels look really nice and dynamic, and it doesn't really hinder the comprehension.

Anyway, really nice pages and storytelling, I don't really comment stuff much on here yet, I think it's worth it for you to work out those tiny bugs, especially the action sequence, so I decided to give my feedback. Cheers.

Now I'm going to get back working on my own sequential art I owe to Curtis...

Nico Leon · 08-01-2012, 11:08 AM

Thank you very much enthropi! thank you for your time! I didn' notice the right-left issue on page 3, now I can see that it look weird, the idea was a camera angle move, but the grass on leftside down on both panels make it confusing... I'll add grass or something up her on top of the cliff, maybe it would comunicate more the idea of change camera angle. Thank you!!

06-26-2012, 08:26 PM	#1
Nico Leon nico-leon.deviantart.com Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 30	King and Cub Script: Curtis Lawson Art: Nico Leon It was made for a 4 page heroic fantasy contest. It's a story with no dialogue. We would like to hear your criticism in order to improve our skills! PAGE 01 PAGE 02 PAGE 03 PAGE 04

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06-26-2012, 11:44 PM	#2
JMelloul Registered User Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Portland, OR Posts: 43	I like your art minus a few issues. On pg. 3 where you see the man's face / eyes under the shadow of the hood it looks weird despite what you may be trying to convey. Then, on pg. 4 when the kid throws the spear it doesn't really seem to fall in line with the rest of his flip, just as the panel in which the man is hit with both spears doesn't really seem right proportionally. Last note would be how I don't quite understand what happened with the elder and his letting go of his spell.

06-27-2012, 07:21 PM	#3
TimR Registered User Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Birmingham, AL Posts: 711	very good drawing skills IMO. I like that clear-line look. A little unsure about some of the spotting of blacks and grays though.. did you consider other choices? On the spear throw, it was a little unclear to me because I didn't notice he was holding his own spear while flipping.. but otherwise works for me. The panel where the girl hugs the warrior is very sweet.. "Awww!" say the sentimental readers I'm sure (as well as the sarcastic..)

06-27-2012, 08:56 PM	#4
Senji Registered User Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: London~ Posts: 29	Needs more pages. I'm being serious. (good stuff! Hard to ask for crit, I think everything looks great!)

06-27-2012, 09:07 PM	#5
Nico Leon nico-leon.deviantart.com Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 30	Thank for the criticism! yeah, that flip have some kind of noise, I was thinking in some Final Fantasy moves when I draw it, phisically impossible but good looking moves. I see now it look a little weird. About the use of black and grey, it was made for a black and white comic contest, I have no practice in adding other "color" than black to the page, but I needed that grey. So if I messed it up with the grey, I would apreciate to hear some criticism on that too!

07-11-2012, 08:41 PM	#6
Comics Commando Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 590	Definitely a graphic storytelling sensibility going on. Love that panel with the girl and chain links. Sweet! Best, Kurt Hathaway Cartoon Balloons Studio khathawayart@gmail.com Lettering / Logos / Fonts / Pre-Press / Page Design / Motion Graphics for Print or Web / Entertainment, Advertising or Education! Download a bleed guide for comics artists: https://rapidshare.com/files/2683013...de__2012__.pdf http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETGevjPkZso

07-24-2012, 10:36 AM	#7
Nico Leon nico-leon.deviantart.com Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 30	Thanks! I'm glad you like it!

07-24-2012, 11:35 PM	#8
enthropi Registered User Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 3	Honestly, I really like these pages, the expressions are great [sniffing smoke, ZOMG girl, hug and even the lion looks jealous or something at the end], the animals well rendered. You instantly make us care about the girl, we sort of like her right away. I agree that that the action sequence is a bit hard to follow, I also didn't get the throwing spear part at first, probably because you cropped the tip of the spear (and maybe because it's black without details) and we only see it whole in the previous page, so much like TimR mentioned, I hadn't noticed at first he was holding a spear. Also agree that the thrown action seems broken from the continuity of the movement, he should probably have his arm set to throw it on the previous panel to make it work, maybe have one arm leading forward and the spear arm already swinging back for the throw. Another thing is I find odd on page 3 that the lion swaps the hyenas to the right side with girl at the left of them, and then the next panel she is on the right side with the lion triumphantly on the left side both pawns on the hyenas heads... Doesn't jive logically, feel like the girl should be on the left of them, but really nitpicking, because the panels look really nice and dynamic, and it doesn't really hinder the comprehension. Anyway, really nice pages and storytelling, I don't really comment stuff much on here yet, I think it's worth it for you to work out those tiny bugs, especially the action sequence, so I decided to give my feedback. Cheers. Now I'm going to get back working on my own sequential art I owe to Curtis...

08-01-2012, 11:08 AM	#9
Nico Leon nico-leon.deviantart.com Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 30	Thank you very much enthropi! thank you for your time! I didn' notice the right-left issue on page 3, now I can see that it look weird, the idea was a camera angle move, but the grass on leftside down on both panels make it confusing... I'll add grass or something up her on top of the cliff, maybe it would comunicate more the idea of change camera angle. Thank you!!