Looking for feedback on comic script.

Grandia · 06-17-2012, 05:59 PM

Hey guys I'm new here!

I've got a full length 20 page script I was hoping some of you might want to look at and give feedback on. In the hopes of not spamming the forums, I've got a copy up on my DeviantArt page:

http://curious-josh.deviantart.com/

Let me know what you guys think! I'm pretty sure I've got it in the right format and everything.

Magnus · 06-18-2012, 03:16 AM

Sorry I don't have the time to read the whole thing. But from what I saw on the first two pages your formatting and sense of the medium is good.

:M:
www.magnus-aspli.com

Grandia · 06-19-2012, 09:26 AM

That's okay, thanks for looking at it. I was checking out your website and looks like you've done some very neat stuff, so it's nice to have some talent give some feedback.

If you get the chance to read it, let me know what you think of the story.

Magnus · 06-19-2012, 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Grandia

That's okay, thanks for looking at it. I was checking out your website and looks like you've done some very neat stuff, so it's nice to have some talent give some feedback.

If you get the chance to read it, let me know what you think of the story.

Thank you.

I suggest you put it in here in bulks. Say 6 pages at a time. That's a reasonable size that people here can read and give you feedback on.

:M:
www.magnus-aspli.com

Scribbly · 06-20-2012, 06:10 AM

Ditto.^^

Page 1 panel 1, It should start right of the bat with the narrator's voice from page 2 panel 1.
and the first balloon of dialogue with the father yelling on it.

Page 1 panel 2, only 2 balloons, one for the mother, other for the father.
Having 3 balloons in off for introduction is confusing, we don't know if there are 2 or 3 people talking
in that room downstairs.

Page 1 panel 3 is OK.

It looks good.

thenextlee · 06-26-2012, 02:25 AM

your scripting looked fine to me, as far as format is concerned. The story's got some heart to it, evoking some fun imagery in your panel descriptions (and my head

).
If I'm tossing a critique your way for anything, it would be your dialogue. It's natural for the most part, but none of your characters seem to have their own voice, and they fluctuate between almost olde english to modern slang. That threw me off a little.

Look forward to seeing more!

Cheers,
George!

Comics Commando · 07-08-2012, 03:40 AM

Grandia...

If you're brave, send me a PDF or DOC version...with contact info, of course.

I've said this for years, but I'll say it again--DO NOT send out your material without contact information in the document! >>IN THE DOCUMENT!<<

When I was an editor at Image looking for a writer for one of our series, the best writing sample I had had no contact info in it...still don't know who that person was I wanted to hire! I ended up writing the series myself.

I've been in the comics biz over 20 years...letterer, writer, editor.

Marvel, DC, Image--all over the place....so my critiques are harsh, but honest.

For those interested in format:
https://rapidshare.com/#!download|56...t.pdf|1336|0|0

I have my email open for anyone who wants to chat, send stuff for crits, etc.

I'm busy running two businessness: comics lettering/graphics and video, so I can't guarantee a prompt response at all times, but I do have down time when I can read/respond, etc.

Kurt Hathaway
Cartoon Balloon Studios

khathawayart@gmail.com

LINKS:

My graphics studio promo video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETGevjPkZso

Bleed Specs for Comic Artists:
http://rapidshare.com/files/21978639...s_Tutorial.pdf

Script Format for Writers:
http://rapidshare.com/files/37633504...ipt_Format.pdf

A short web-comic I did waaay back -- Just something fun if you have time:
http://www.komikwerks.com/komiks/epi...=119&utype=AOL

06-17-2012, 05:59 PM	#1
Grandia Registered User Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 2	Looking for feedback on comic script. Hey guys I'm new here! I've got a full length 20 page script I was hoping some of you might want to look at and give feedback on. In the hopes of not spamming the forums, I've got a copy up on my DeviantArt page: http://curious-josh.deviantart.com/ Let me know what you guys think! I'm pretty sure I've got it in the right format and everything.

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06-18-2012, 03:16 AM	#2
Magnus An agent of chaos Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Trondheim, Norway Posts: 1,126	Sorry I don't have the time to read the whole thing. But from what I saw on the first two pages your formatting and sense of the medium is good. :M: www.magnus-aspli.com

06-19-2012, 09:26 AM	#3
Grandia Registered User Join Date: Jun 2012 Posts: 2	That's okay, thanks for looking at it. I was checking out your website and looks like you've done some very neat stuff, so it's nice to have some talent give some feedback. If you get the chance to read it, let me know what you think of the story.

06-20-2012, 06:10 AM	#5
Scribbly Easy Reader Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Amerika Posts: 3,739	Ditto.^^ Page 1 panel 1, It should start right of the bat with the narrator's voice from page 2 panel 1. and the first balloon of dialogue with the father yelling on it. Page 1 panel 2, only 2 balloons, one for the mother, other for the father. Having 3 balloons in off for introduction is confusing, we don't know if there are 2 or 3 people talking in that room downstairs. Page 1 panel 3 is OK. It looks good.

06-26-2012, 02:25 AM	#6
thenextlee Registered User Join Date: Mar 2007 Posts: 22	your scripting looked fine to me, as far as format is concerned. The story's got some heart to it, evoking some fun imagery in your panel descriptions (and my head ). If I'm tossing a critique your way for anything, it would be your dialogue. It's natural for the most part, but none of your characters seem to have their own voice, and they fluctuate between almost olde english to modern slang. That threw me off a little. Look forward to seeing more! Cheers, George!

07-08-2012, 03:40 AM	#7
Comics Commando Registered User Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 590	Grandia... If you're brave, send me a PDF or DOC version...with contact info, of course. I've said this for years, but I'll say it again--DO NOT send out your material without contact information in the document! >>IN THE DOCUMENT!<< When I was an editor at Image looking for a writer for one of our series, the best writing sample I had had no contact info in it...still don't know who that person was I wanted to hire! I ended up writing the series myself. I've been in the comics biz over 20 years...letterer, writer, editor. Marvel, DC, Image--all over the place....so my critiques are harsh, but honest. For those interested in format: https://rapidshare.com/#!download\|56...t.pdf\|1336\|0\|0 I have my email open for anyone who wants to chat, send stuff for crits, etc. I'm busy running two businessness: comics lettering/graphics and video, so I can't guarantee a prompt response at all times, but I do have down time when I can read/respond, etc. Kurt Hathaway Cartoon Balloon Studios khathawayart@gmail.com LINKS: My graphics studio promo video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETGevjPkZso Bleed Specs for Comic Artists: http://rapidshare.com/files/21978639...s_Tutorial.pdf Script Format for Writers: http://rapidshare.com/files/37633504...ipt_Format.pdf A short web-comic I did waaay back -- Just something fun if you have time: http://www.komikwerks.com/komiks/epi...=119&utype=AOL