r nelson

So much for doing an excercise once a month, eh? To be fair, anelson put one up in June, so I didn't do one then, and then my fiance had a pretty major surgery in July so I didn't do one then.

In the end, excuses are like... Well, you know. So FINALLY, here's the second writing excercise of 2009, inspired by this thread and the interesting, if at times juvenile, argument summarized below:

Quote:

Originally Posted by maverick no dialog = fail.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fred Duran That statement = fail. Whenever I feel like stuff I'm writing is being forced, I try to rewrite it without dialogue. It helps to get the "show not tell" aspect down, and then the dialogue becomes more conversational and less "this is what's happening" if that makes any sense.

Exercise Your Write 2.2: The Wordless Story.

As writers, words are our primary tool. Often, we overuse that tool, using dialogue to tell the reader what's going on, when they should (in comics, at least) see what's going on or simply by saying far more than needs to be said.

We may overuse that tool because we don't trust our artists to do their part, or we may just have oversized egos that need feeding. Often, we overuse the tool just because we forget it doesn't need overusing.

So let's go to the other extreme and see how that plays out. Let's write a comic book story without using any dialogue at all. It's been done before (GI Joe #21 has been mentioned, and a few years back Marvel put out every comic without dialogue one month) with varying degrees of success.

Let's see how we can stack up...

FORMAT:
Make sure you follow all the structure of a traditional story, though and don't just give us a scene. Your story should have:

1) A beginning, a middle, and an end.
2) A protagonist your readers will root for.
3) An antagonist your readers will root against.
4) Conflict, and a clear reason for the conflict existing.

You can use words (on signs, placcards, etc) but NO DIALOGUE WHATSOEVER.

Please give your story a TITLE, so we can differentiate between stories when discussing them.

LENGTH:
1-10 pages.

DEADLINE:
AUGUST 29th (that's three weeks to say everything you need to say without your characters saying anything at all. Should be easy, right?)

I will add a poll if people want to vote for a "winner" on August 30th, and keep it open until September 5th (this gives people time to read and/or critique any last minute entries.

CRITIQUES:
Please, if you post an excercise entry, follow up and offer C&C on at least one other entry. When I post excercises, I usually try to C&C every entry (Note: said TRY), so that's either a boon or a bane depending on what you think of my critiques

Ready!

Set!

GO!

- Richard

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Mike V

I realise this is a bit of a "bump" but is anyone planning on taking part in this? If so, then I'll try and throw something together as well before the cut-off date, it sounds like an interesting challenge.

theamazingrando

Double bump, I'll try and throw something up if other people are in.

If nothing else, maybe we can get a new exercise posted if no one's interested in this one.

Soullessmwe

I'm in. It's something fun to try. Hell!

jedipencil

Makes me wish I was a writer..... Can hardly wait to read some of these!

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r nelson

I figured no one was interested in this one and was going to let it slip down to the dreaded "Page 2" of threads. If you guys still want to do it, I can extend the deadline a bit.

- Richard

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Writing, Lettering & Project Previews on ComicSpace

neverserious

Hells yeah I'm in.

Newt

I'd like to try, if the deadline is pushed out far enough.

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Aaron Walther

I'm really interested in trying too, but yeah, I'd like the deadline pushed back further also.

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Barri "Clubber" La

I'm in if you extend the deadline!

Barri "Clubber" La

Having said that. August 22nd deadline. I'll crack something out in my lunch break.

Are screams and death rattles dialogue?

Barri "Clubber" La

Ok, here's my effort. When reading and judging keep a few things in mind.
A) I wrote it in about 35 minutes on my lunch break
B) I am a very unsophisticated writer
C) I'm on a big special forces trip at the mo for reasons I'm not allowed to go into)


Siege.

Page 1
Panel 1
Wide shot of a stately home. It’s night and the Warm brown stone of the building glows as lights illuminate architectural features. Lights are also directed into the grounds, creating a boundary of light round the building. Looking towards it we see the grounds beyond the lights fade into darkness. A tree line, the beginnings of a forest, can just be made out behind the house. Running from the front of the house, towards us, is a well lit driveway leaves the bottom of the panel.

Panel 2
Interior of the house. We’re in a lavishly decorated dining room. Two large windows in the B/G the heavy curtains closed. An armed man, clothes in dark tracksuit and a balaclava pulls at them slightly creating a small opening for him to look through.
In the M/G a couple of “civilians” are on their knees, hands tied with cable ties behind their backs. In the F/G another hidden captor stands (we can see him from the top of his head to just above his hips). He looks out of the panel to the reader, his eyes wide and nervous.

Panel 3
Small Panel. A computer screen with the writing “Are you sure you want to shut power to grid NP12 82R? Below it a Microsoft style check box with “Yes” and “No” options. Over the yes option the mouse pointer hovers.

SFX - Click

Panel 4
As with panel 1 except all artificial light has been cut and the scene is lit by the eerie glow of a full moon. (slightly smaller in size than panel 1)

Panel 5
Viewing from inside the tree line (that is at the back of the house) we see 5 armed men, clad in dark military gear (boots, combat trousers, sidarms in thigh holsters and HK MPS5 held tight into their shoulders they power across the open terrain between forest and house.

Page 2
Panel 1
The 5 men surround a door. This is the servants entrance at the back of the house. Pressing themselves against the wall on either side of the door. One man stands clear of the wall and kneels with his back to us, facing the men. All of the men have night vision goggles on.

Panel 2
The leader, with his back to us, holds up two fingers of his left hand.

Panel 3
As above except his hand is held out to the left gesturing LEFT as the destination of the 2 men on the left of the door (we will refer to them as TEAM A with the two men to the right of the door being TEAM B).

Repeat panels 2 & 3 swapping left for right. (this will make panel 4 & 5)

Panel 6
Close on the door. The leads of Team A and B visible. The lead man of Team B grips the door handle as the lead man of Team A stands at the ready, looking down the sights of his rifle, ready to enter.

Page 3
Panel 1
The door wide open and we can just see backs of Team A and B as they disappear to the left and right of the doorway. Leader of the unit is passing the threshold.

Panel 2
With the back of the Leaders head in extreme F/G we watch Team B disappear down a hallway to the right.

Panel 3
As above with Team B

Panel 4
The team leader has advanced midway through the kitchen as a door in front of him begins to open, torchlight spilling through in front of who ever is entering the room.

Panel 5
Walking down the hallway towards the kitchen a man clothed in jeans and a dark and grubby jumper. He holds an AK74u (a small machine gun from the same family as the AK47) in one hand and shines a torch up the hallway as he nervously makes his way to the kitchen. Pressed against the wall at the corner of the hallway the Leader of the assault team is ready with his silenced MP5

Page 4
Panel 1
From the far end of the corridor (furthest from the kitchen) we see the killing. The gunman recoils, blood clouding from the silenced bullets the pepper his upper torso. The end of the MP5 just visible as the greatly reduced muzzle flair lights the target softly.

SFX – PFFT, PFFT, PFFT!

Gunman – ACKGH!

Panel 2
As above but the gunman is on the floor, the Leader has revealed himself in the opening and is pulling the dead enemy out of plain sight.

Panel 3
As above but the Leader is now making his way cautiously towards us.

Panel 4
He again adopts a cover pose pressing himself to the left of the door his fallen enemy entered from. He looks as his watch.

Panel 5
Close up of the watch. A digital readout shows “00:00:30”. 30 seconds left.

Panel 6
His hand grabbing an M84 stun grenade from his belt. On his wrist (also visible in shot the timer shows 00:00:10.

Page 5
Panel 1
With his MP5 hung from his chest by a harness, the leader keeps his back to the wall and pushed the door open slightly with extended left arm.

Panel 2
We’re inside the room from panel 2 again, lanterns have been placed around the room. In the centre of the panel in the B/G the door from the above panel is ajar, the man nearest to it has his rifle up, he fires at the door splintering the thick wood. The small shape of the grenade floats through the air, thrown by the leader from his position of safety. In the F/G two more armed gunmen look to the firing, their own weapons in various states of ready (one “cocking his rifle” the other has his pulled up to aim)

Panel 3
The background cannot be seen as the brightness of the flash blinds everyone in the room. The three men from panel 2 all look away, their faces screwed up in agony as the flash blinds them and the bang deafens them.

SfX – FATOOOM

Page 6
Panel 1
Still inside the room and a door to the left of the panel is open, with Team A having entered through it, silenced gunfire slamming into two if the gunmen.

SFX – PFFT, PFFT, PFFT!!!

Panel 2
As above but a door on the right of the panel is open. Team B have entered through it. One fires into a stunned gunman and the other kneels scanning the surroundings.

SFX – PFFT, PFFT, PFFT!!!

Panel 3
The team leader enters through his door, we follow him, looking over is shoulder. His pistol is drawn as he drills 3 rounds into the chest of the final gunman.

SFX – PFFT, PFFT, PFFT!!!

Panel 4
Wide shot of the empty room, the 5 men all scan the room for more enemies but it’s clear.

Panel 5
Close up of the team leader, he presses the comms link on his throat.

Team Leader - “Clear” (sorry I had to throw that in :-)

r nelson

Due to overwhelming response, and yadayadayadayada...

The deadline is extended one week:

DEADLINE:
AUGUST 29th (that's three weeks to say everything you need to say without your characters saying anything at all. Should be easy, right?)

I will add a poll if people want to vote for a "winner" on August 30th, and keep it open until September 5th (this gives people time to read and/or critique any last minute entries.

__________________


Writing, Lettering & Project Previews on ComicSpace

Ale_Tolosana

THE REMARKABLE HERBERT H. LEE, OR: THE MAN WHO REFUSED TO DIE.

The art for this comic is supposed to be dark and quite simple and only a few colors should be used, mostly to put emphasis on relevant details, lighting & contrast, etc, as in Sin City, for example.

PAGE 1 (6 PANELS)

PANEL 1
Extreme closeup on the face of a man (Herbert H. Lee) with his eyes shut, as if sleeping. His face is serene and marked by age and by experience. Think of Iggy Pop/Lou Reed (aged 40!).

PANEL 2
BLACK BG. Black silhouette of a wide-shouldered man entering the room through an open window. There’s a yellow half-moon in the dark-blue sky behind him.

PANEL 3
Same face as in PANEL 1, but now we see Herbert’s blue eyes are half-open and he’s looking towards his right.

PANEL 4
Same face, eyes are closed again.

PANEL 5
Half-body shot of the silhouette pointing a gun towards the man in bed. Behind the figure, we still see the window with the half-moon in it.

PANEL 6
Downshot. We see the white blast from a gun coming from the bed, throwing the silhouette of the attacker backwards, splattering red blood everywhere.

SFX:
BLAM!

PAGE 2 (FULL SPREAD)

We see the black silhouette of Herbert H. Lee sitting in bed, tying his shoelaces. His face is as calmed as it ever was. By the right side of the bed we see the black bulge of the attacker’s corpse, covered in dark-red blood.

TITLE:
The remarkable HERBERT H. LEE, or: The Man Who Refused To Die.

PAGE 3 (4 PANELS)

PANEL 1
Back of head shot of Herbert, holding a frightened-looking man against the wall of a dark alley.

PANEL 2
Full figure of Herbert’s black silhouette letting the man down on the floor. The scene is lit by a pale white light and they cast a shadow on the wall behind them.

PANEL 3
Closeup on Herbert’s white hand leaving a piece of newspaper on the man’s chest.

PANEL 4
Badly cut news clipping showing a picture of a handsome, black haired man in his 30’s, smiling, surrounded by news reporters as if stepping out of Court. The title of the article is “Wilson Wallace found innocent on his father’s murder trial” and in smaller print “Head of security remains prime suspect”. Over the picture of Wilson Wallace, coarsely handwritten in blue, we can read “You thought I would forget? I haven’t.”

PAGE 4 (5 PANELS)

PANEL 1
Behind window frame, sharply dressed Wilson Wallace stands up, talking on a red phone, leaning against the wall and looking outside. His face shows concern.

PANEL 2
Closeup of Wilson’s hand hanging up the red phone. In his hand he has a yellow ring with a red W in it.

SFX:
CLICK.

PANEL 3
Downshot on Wilson’s office. He’s sitting behind a big desk, talking on his mobile phone, now. We don’t see much of the office, just stuff on the desk that you would find on any desk and a garbage bin by it.

PANEL 4
Black BG. Profile shot of an italian mobster-type-guy in his 40’s talking on his mobile phone. He has a thin moustache.

PANEL 5
Closeup on the mobster’s phone-free hand inside his pant’s front pocket. Behind his jacket, we see the hint of a gun.

PAGE 5 (6 PANELS)

PANEL 1
Small, square, white window on black BG. Silhouette of a man in it.

PANEL 2
Closeup on Herbert’s right hand holding a capless bottle of whiskey by the neck. The bottle is sitting on a table and by it there’s an I.D. card with the photo of a younger Herbert grinning proudly, that reads “Herbert Hugh Lee – Head of Security – Wallace & Sons Ltd.”. There’s red W inside a yellow circle logo.

PANEL 3
We now see Herbert from the waist-up, looking at himself in a cheap mirror. There’s a notable contrast between the look on his face in the I.D. card shot and how it looks now, old and wrinkled and rather expressionless, but his eyes look to his side, not the mirror.

SFX (OP) SMALL:
CLINK.

PANEL 4
We see the white outline of a door on a black BG. The knob is moving.

SFX SMALL:
CLINK, CLINK.

PANEL 5
We see the same room where Herbert was a moment ago, but now there’s no one in front of the mirror.

SFX (OP):
THUD!

PANEL 6
Full figure silhouette of a man firing a machine gun towards the reader’s perspective, in front of the half open door. We see at least ten or twelve white blasts everywhere across the panel.

SFX:
RAT A-TAT A-TAT A-TAT A-TAT!

PAGE 6 (3 PANELS)

PANEL 1
Half head shot of the thin-moustached mobster we’ve seen in PAGE 4, PANEL 4. He looks confident.

PANEL 2
Same half head shot of the mobster, but we now see a a hand cocking a gun aimed at the ganster’s head from the right. His eyes are wide open and look towards the gun.

SFX:
CLICK.

PANEL 3
All red.

SFX BIG:
BL...

PAGE 7 (4 PANELS)

PANEL 1
All black.

SFX BIG:
... AM!

PANEL 2
Half body shot of Wilson Wallace with his right fist laying on his desk, as if he had just slammed it there. His mouth is thin and shut tight with anger and impotence.

PANEL 3
Behind window frame, ¾ figure of Wallace yelling at some short-tubby guy dressed in a mobster suit, looking at the floor with a grim expression. Wallace’s right fist is still pressing against the desk and, with his other hand, he points towards the door.

PANEL 4
Behind window frame. Dark grey foreground, closeup of WW’s head looking towards the reader with a worried expression. Behind him, we see the tubby mobster leaving the room.

PAGE 8 (6 PANELS)

PANEL 1
Small figure shot of Herbert H. Lee coming out of a simply drawn church, with his hands in the pockets of a long black coat.

PANEL 2
Black BG. Back of cab frame. HHL is sitting there with an expression of serenity in his face. Cabbie looks at him through the rear view mirror with disdain.

PANEL 3
Downshot of HHL, most of his body is hidden in the dark and he’s looking from across the street at some fancy-looking metal gates with the letter W on them.

PANEL 4
Black BG. White outline of a mansion. There’s light behind one of the windows and we can see the silhouette of a man behind it.

PANEL 5
Full figure, back-view of an armed man looking at the street from inside the gates.

PANEL 6
Frontal shot of the armed man’s lower body up to the waist only, with his feet moving helplessly in the air. We see HHL’s lower body behind him.

SFX:
GNGH!

PAGE 9 (4 PANELS)

PANEL 1
A dark prison cell. A man is lying in bed and we can only see the left side of his body, but not his face, covered by darkness.

PANEL 2
Close up on the man’s hands unfolding a piece of newspaper.

PANEL 3
Big head shot of a young Herbert H. Lee (as seen in his ID pic in PAGE 5, PANEL 3) looking down (at the newspaper), with an expression of fury.

PANEL 4
Close up on the folded newspaper where we can see the same article as we saw in PAGE 3, PANEL 4 (without the handwritten line, of course).

PAGE 10 (4 PANELS)

PANEL 1
Close up on Wilson Wallace’s reflection in a bathroom mirror. He’s brushing his teeth.

PANEL 2
Fill figure shot of WW from behind. He’s wearing his pajamas and we can see the scene through the door frame. The shadow of a man is cast on the floor, behind WW’s back.

PANEL 2
Big head shot of WW’s head with eyes looking to the side.

SFX (OP):
CLICK.

PANEL 3
Back shot of Herbert. He’s pointing a gun towards Wallace’s head from the hallway. Wallace looks scared, his mouth is wide open and he has both his arms stretched in front of him in a defensive gesture.

WALLACE:
...

PANEL 4
All red.

SFX:
BLAM!

THE END.