Superhero script

[The McC]

I wrote this 8 months ago for an artist I met through DW. They’re his characters, he was hoping I’d come up with a 6 page script using sketches and brief descriptions.

I got into the characters and ended up writing a 14 pager with a cliff hangar ending.

I’m wondering about the script, specifically the ending. What do you guys think?

He never found the time to draw it, I’m not sure if he ever used the characters in a story actually.

So here it is for your reading pleasure.


Title: How I Came to Rule the World


Page 1
Panel 1
Bird’s eye view of a bar “Larry’s Tavern”, a run down, seedy joint on a run down dirty street. Switch-Bit is coming in for a landing. He’s covered in blood, having just slaughtered the police. A bum resting against the bar, begging with a change cup is watching wide eyed.

Caption (All the captions are Torn-Coat’s thoughts): Why do things always get worse before they get better. That’s if they get better.
Caption: A rare thing in my experience. Most things I touch go right to hell.

Panel 2
Inside the bar it is dimly lit. A bartender is wiping down the glass with a dirty rag. His head is down and he doesn’t see that Switch-Bit has walked up to the bar. Switch-Bit is in a foul mood. His new hand isn’t visible and in his other he carries his helmet. There are a few patrons seated at the bar, most look miserable and stare into their pints.

Caption: But then I never knew how to keep my hands off.
Switch-Bit: Beer me.
Caption: What fun is there in that?
Bartender: One sec.

Panel 3
The bartender’s eyes pop open, stepping back from the bar with surprise as Switch-Bit drops his mechanical hand onto wood with a thud.

Switch-Bit: I said beer me!
Caption: Looks like this guy's the same.

Panel 4
Looking down the bar again. The bartender has placed a pint in front of Switch-Bit beside his helmet which he’s placed on the bar. No one pays any mind except for an individual at the end of the bar who comes into view, Straparella. She is definitely intrigued.

Bartender: What happened to you?
Switch-Bit: Just keep em comin.
Straperella (Thought Balloon): Umm, what have we here? Tall, dark and handicapped. Just what the boss ordered.

Page 2
Panel 1
Switch-Bit is taking a drink. Straparella is walking towards him. Due to the changing view a heavily shadowed table comes into view in the background. Sitting at it is Torn-Coat.

Caption: What have we here?

Panel 2
Straparella is leaning up against the bar seductively. Switch-Bit is ignoring her.

Straparella: Hey sugar, you look like you could use some company.
Switch-Bit: That so.
Straparella: I promise I won’t bit. Make it worth your while.

Panel 3
Close up of Switch-Bit wiping his mouth with his drill hand. There is lots of gore and dried blood on it.

Switch-Bit: Piss off. I ain’t payin.

Panel 4
Close up of Straparella with a coy smile.

Straparella: You got it all wrong hon. I’m going to pay you for your…particular talents.

Panel 5
Straparella has tucked her arm under Switch-Bit’s and is leading him away from the bar. He has his helmet in his hand. Torn-Coat watches them in the shadows.

Straparella: Come on I won’t bite…much.

Page 3
Panel 1
Torn-Coat is standing up, moving away from the table to follow.

Caption: What’s Straparella want with this pseudo space cadet? Looking to get drilled? Scouting for Mr. Maw?

Panel 2
Balcony shot of Torn-Coat exiting the tavern. There are a couple of people walking by but Straparella and Switch-Bit are nowhere to be seen.

Caption: What the…where did they…oh hell.

Panel 3
The view is over Torn-Coat’s shoulder, looking up into the sky. Flying away are Switch-Bit and Straparella in his arms. One of her legs is extended high up, showing it off.

Caption: Damn, I’ve got to get me a pair. That’s the problem with being ex-secret agent, I miss the toys.

Page 4
Panel 1
Straparella has her arms wrapped around Switch-Bit as they fly through the air. Buildings frame the sides and bottom of the panel.

Straparella: What’s your name darling?
Switch-Bit: Call me…Switch-Bit. Where you taken me?
Straparella: To meet someone that could us your talents. Head to the lower east side. He’s outfitted a warehouse for his…experiments.

Panel 2
Torn-Coat is running through the street. An old wino has gotten into his way and Torn-Coat’s pushed him aside.

Wino: Hey, asshole, watch were yer goin!
Caption: Damn, going to lose sight of them.

Panel 3
In the background Torn-Coat is running towards a guy on a Ninja bike. The biker is pulled over to the side of the road. He is making a drug deal with a slimly looking two time hood.

Biker: Yo G, the usual.
Dealer: Got what ye need right here Homes.

Panel 4
Torn-Coat has grabbed the biker by the back of his coat collar and is yanking him off the back of the bike. The surprised dealer is going for a gun tucked under his pants.

Biker: What the..!
Dealer: Mutha…

Panel 5
Torn-Coat has his ray gun out faster and is pointing it directly into the dealers face.

Torn-Coat: Don’t bother. Mines bigger.

Page 5
Panel 1
The owner of the bike is starting to sit up and is reaching for a gun in his coat. Back turned from this, Torn-Coat is sitting on the bike, gun pointed at the dealer. The dealer’s gun is dropping out of his hand, as he backs up.

Torn-Coat: Step back before you take it in the eye.

Panel 2
Torn Coat is driving his boot heel hard into the biker’s midsection and arm, knocking the biker’s gun away, while keeping his own still trained on the dealer.

Torn-Coat: Stay down!

Panel 3
Torn-Coat is riding off, gun pointed behind him.

Torn-Coat: Thanks for the ride. Ciao.

Panel 4
Head down, Torn-Coat is ripping through the streets, dodging traffic. His cap flaps behind him.

Torn-Coat: Come on, where are you? You weren’t moving that fast.

Page 6
Panel 1
Bird’s eye view. Torn coat is going around a street corner like a madman; his tires are squealing/smoking. He narrowly misses a car, light post and a couple of now freaked out pedestrians crossing the street.

Pedestrian: Watch it maniac!

Panel 2
View from behind Torn Coat hunched over the bike. Off in the distance Switch-Bit’s boots are visible in the sky.

Torn-Coat: Got yah.

Panel 3
Switch-Bit and Straparella flying.

Switch-Bit: You better not jerk me around. I ain’t going to work cheap. Not anymore.
Straparella: Baby, working for the boss will get you a leg up.

Panel 4
Switch-Bit and Straparella are flying over rows of warehouses situated along a lake shore. Off on the edge of the panel is the Statue of Liberty, or something like it. Straparella is pointing to a warehouse below them. Lights flash through its windows.

Straparella: It’s that one with the flashing lights.

Panel 5
Torn-Coat in the foreground has pulled up on his bike and watches as in the background Switch-Bit and Straparella land in front of the building.


Page 7
Panel 1
Switch-Bit watches as Straparella unlocks a door.

Straparella: A warning, be careful when you meet the boss. He’s sensitive about his appearance.
Switch-Bit: What yah mean? What do I care how ugly he looks?
Straparella: Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Panel 2
Switch-Bit follows Straparella into the warehouse. He is overwhelmed by the machinery inside, a mix of giant computer processors, reminiscent of old 60’s models, and something you’d find in Frankenstein’s lab.

Straparella: Mr. Maw, I have someone you’d be interested to meet.
Mr. Maw (off panel): Do not waste my time Straparella. Construction is entering the critical phase and requires my outmost concentration.

Panel 3
Close up of Mr. Maw’s hands. They look tiny, his left is working a lever, the right is pushing a button on a keypad. One of his gooey maggots is slithering across a button by this hand and another is crawling down the arm by the lever.

Mr. Maw: I’m rather extended at the moment. You will have to wait…one...moment. There! It is done! Now prepare to bare witness…


Page 8
Full page shot. Switch-Bit is leaning backwards in shock/disgust while Straparella is taking a step onto a metal staircase leading to a platform roughly ten feet off the ground. Standing on the platform, arms wide is Mr. Maw. The top of his head is wriggling with pleasure. A few maggots crawl on his body. One can be seen exiting the top of his head. The background is surrounded by his machinery. A couple of large electrical Van de Graff’s looking devices are shooting out bolts of lighting at the top of the page.

Mr. Maw: …as I, Mr. Maw, tear open the fabric of space time and ride its current like my own personal whore from which I shall raise my empire in the past!


Page 9
Panel 1
A close up of Mr. Maw, he looks just insane, completely loony tunes.

Mr. Maw: An empire through which I shall control the future and rule mankind for all history!

Panel 2
Straparella is standing with an arm around Mr. Maw. She towers over him. Switch-Bit is standing in front of the platform and is looking up at them.

Straparella: Of course Mr. Maw. This is Switch-Bit.
Mr. Maw: Why have you brought before me a ditch digger.
Straparella: He’s more than that, he’s…
Switch-Bit: The top of your head…is that a vagi--…

Panel 3
A laser is cutting a large circle in the wall. Its three quarters finished.

Straparella (off panel): What the?

Panel 4
The hole has popped off the wall and Torn-Coat is jumping through it on the Ninja. His laser gun has smoke piping out the end of it.

Straparella (off panel): Torn-Coat!


Page 10
Panel 1
Torn-Coat lands the bike.

Panel 2
The bike is turning over onto its side and Torn-Coat is rolling off it.

Panel 3
The bike smashes into a wall of machines causing an explosion.

Mr. Maw (off panel): NO!

Panel 4
Close up of Mr. Maw’s head. It is starting to open wide, his brain is visible beneath a pile of writhing maggots.

Mr. Maw: Again you try to deprive me of what is mine! Enough!

Panel 5
A torrent of maggots erupts from Mr. Maw’s head.

Mr. Maw: Consume his flesh my children!


Page 11
Panel 1
Torn-Coat is rolling out of the way of the maggoty upchuck and is firing his gun back. The maggots are splattering against the ground beside him.

Panel 2
Straparella has ducked behind the platform railing, pointing in the direction of the laser fire. Switch-Bit is about to blast off in that direction. Mr. Maw is seething.

Mr. Maw: Stop him! He’s ruining everything!

Panel 3
Switch-Bit is flying towards Torn-Coat. His drill bit is spinning rapidly.

Panel 4
Torn-Coat duck’s beneath the drill but his cloak drifts upward becoming tangled up in it.

Page 12
Panel 1
Torn-Coat and Switch-Bit crash through the warehouse wall.

Panel 2
Switch-Bit’s backpack is starting to smoke. The pair are skidding along the ground to a halt.

Panel 3
Switch-Bit is poised to smash in Torn-Coats head with his drill bit, it’s spinning slowly as the smoke from the backpack grows. In the background the warehouse is bursting into a mix of flames and lightning bolts.

Panel 4
The warehouse explodes. The blast wave is an odd looking shock wave, like a ripple as the space-time continuum is altered from that point. Switch-Bit grimace’s as the blast hits him from behind. Torn-Coat has his hands up in the air to try and protect himself.

Page 13
Panel 1
Switch-Bit is lying on his belly unconscious beside Torn-Coat. Torn-Coat is pushing off so that he can get to his feet. He’s looking towards the warehouse, which is off panel, and he can’t believe what he’s seeing.

Torn-Coat: What the hell?

Panel 2
The view is from behind Torn-coat looking past the right side of his cloak. His head is tilting upward at what is now no longer the warehouse but is, instead, a giant glass office building. The building is only a few feet away from him. One of Ptooie’s portals is opening up on the glass windows to the right. His voice can be heard coming through the portal.

Torn-Coat: Where the hell am I?
Ptooie: Where the hell is he, by God where…

Panel 3
Ptooie is jumping through the portal.

Ptooie: You did this! You’re responsible for this God damn catastrophe!

Panel 4
Torn-Coat doesn’t know what to make of Ptooie standing in front of him, giving him shit, since he doesn’t know what he’s done yet.

Ptooie: You imbecile! You have to make it right!
Torn-Coat: Look little man, I don’t know what the hell you’re ranting about but I not where I am supposed to be!

Panel 5
Ptooie has Torn-Coat by the coat. Torn-Coat looks caught off guard by Ptooie’s boldness and is allowing himself to get pulled along. Ptooie is pointing at something ahead of them; his arm is at a slight angle upward.

Ptooie: No ones supposed to be here! You screwed the pooch this time!

Panel 6
Ptooie is standing beside a glass building. His hand is swirling the glass like it was made of water and a portal is opening beside him. Torn-Coat isn’t even watching him, he looks like someone just kicked him in the balls he so stunned.

Ptooie: Your heroics set off his time machine!

Page 14
Full page shot.
The physical geography of the water front hasn’t changed, except the shore line is now dominated by a few glass towers. Out on the water though, where the Statue of Liberty should be, there is now a grotesque mockery of Lady Liberty, replaced by the brutal image of Mr. Maw in all his glory, in a similar pose as the original. Military helicopters, barring Mr. Maw’s symbol/logo circle the sky.

Ptooie: Now Mr. Maw rules the world!

[Lee Nordling]

Originally Posted by The McC

Page 1
Panel 1
Bird’s eye view of a bar “Larry’s Tavern”, a run down, seedy joint on a run down dirty street. Switch-Bit is coming in for a landing. He’s covered in blood, having just slaughtered the police. A bum resting against the bar, begging with a change cup is watching wide eyed.

Caption (All the captions are Torn-Coat’s thoughts): Why do things always get worse before they get better. That’s if they get better.
Caption: A rare thing in my experience. Most things I touch go right to hell.

Story aside, I want to point out two things that caught me eye, craft-wise.

They both have to do with things we can do in a script that will track for the script reader, but not necessarily for the comics reader.

The first is "He’s covered in blood, having just slaughtered the police." Now, I just scanned the story after this, so maybe I missed it, but HOW is the comic reader supposed to understand that this character is covered in the blood of police officers that he slaughtered? Answer: they can't.

Even if you tell where the blood came from later, this exposition in the description has no place here. Worse, you've blown a piece of drama for the script reader. If Switch-Bit was simply covered in blood...that wasn't his own...we'd be asking, "Whose blood IS it? What happened??" As I wrote, this moment is blown. Worse, it's not (from what I read later) effectively played out, either.

Now to the second point of interest/confusion. The narrator is Torn-Coat, and I missed that on my first, quick-read pass. I caught it on the second pass, and I wasn't entirely sure this would be clear to the comic reader. (Yep, the script reader who was more careful that I would get it, but not necessarily the comic reader.) The first mention later on that the caption is ABOUT Switch-Bit also had a bartender in the picture, so I thought it was Switch-Bit's thoughts ABOUT the bartender. Later, it's a little more clear...but if I was already off the tracks, it was going to be hard to be back on, and if I did get back on it'd be after some measure of confusion and reorientation.

Simply, the actual copy/words in the captions need to be MUCH more clear that they're by and about somebody who's not in the scene. (I haven't gone back and looked to see HOW Torn-Coat can be commenting about a scene in which he wasn't present; perhaps it's not an issue, and if not, I apologize for not reading the rest of the script more closely.)

I wish I could spend more time on the script story, but as I've written in the past, I try and stay away from that. (Gangrene got my attention from being much shorter, so that was really an exception.)

Hope this helps.

--Lee

[The McC]

Thanks for the criticism Lee. Seeing those two pieces pointed out helps.

I think the description of the blood coming from the police was to set up continuity time lines for Tim since that’s a story plot point for Switch-Bit. But everything you wrote made sense. Don't blow a scenes suspense with a kiss and tell.

Tim also mentioned the point about the captions being confusing. I’ll definitely watch for and work on that.

How are things with The Pack?

Phil

[Lee Nordling]

Originally Posted by The McC

How are things with The Pack?

Cool. Thanks for asking.

Lots of projects in development, and we're working for a number of clients on their projects.

The most interesting aspect of what we're doing is applying sequential art to trade book publishing needs...and the potential is endless (once creators are willing to work on projects other than superheroes and straight-genre storytelling).

--Lee

[r nelson]

The creators will come sooner or later, Lee. It's intelligent branding, and when they realize that, they'll come.

I still have a couple pitches on the back burner specifically for The pack, but I came to the realization about a month ago that with developments at the day job, I'm not in a position to start anything new for about 3-4 months, though

- Richard

[Lee Nordling]

Originally Posted by r nelson

The creators will come sooner or later, Lee. It's intelligent branding, and when they realize that, they'll come.

I still have a couple pitches on the back burner specifically for The pack, but I came to the realization about a month ago that with developments at the day job, I'm not in a position to start anything new for about 3-4 months, though

- Richard

That's fine. This isn't a horse race.

Oh, and let's save our personal work together for our email correspondence.

And yep, the creators will come...eventually.

But I'd rather be early than late.

There's a metaphor about an early bird and a worm that comes to mind.

--Lee