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Old 08-06-2007, 07:22 PM   #1
cylisderrens
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 17
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Here it goes...

While I might not understand the mechanic I guess I can show a little of the story and go from there.

Page 1:

Note for readers:

SAMATA and MARIKO HIDORI KENSHIRO’s parents
Kenshiro’s Parents Samata and Mariko Hidori enter a bank to make a deposit standing in line. Samata is wearing a gray business suit with black shoes, and is a member of the Japanese military after serving in the U.S. Navy where he met Mariko in American.

Born in Japan on a U.S. base he returned home to serve the country of his birth where there son Kenshiro was born. Samata is about average height and stands about five inches taller than Mariko in her simple pink dress and white sandals.

Both are looking forward to seeing their son who is in the care of Yoshi Hidori Samata’s father.

Panel 1:

The overall scene of inside of bank: lines, tellers and customers
There are long lines of people waiting for the tellers chatting. Samata and Mariko are at the end of one of the lines and the time is the late afternoon.

sfx: people talking in background


Panel 2:

Five bank robbers sit outside in a stolen car

Action: donning their masks they get ready to enter cocking their shotguns

sfx: click of shotguns and car doors opening and closing


Panel 3:

Bank Robbers enter bank wearing ski masks and Samata dives to the floor covering his wife as people begin to panic and shots are fired.

sfx: shotgun blasts are heard and people screaming

Panel 3:

One of the tellers seeing this presses the silent alarm at her station behind bullet proof glass.

Action: Presses button underneath her desk

Panel 4:

As the men and women are separated on either side of the bank Samata is unafraid. Raised in the samurai traditions he has been taught not to fear death. Unfortunately Mariko who had been raised in America had not grown up in this value system panics.

Action: While other robbers focus attention on the cops and other hostages one turns and sees Mariko move.

Action: As she gets up and rushes for one of the teller stalls she is shot by one of the robbers as the police burst in firing at the criminals.

sfx: single shotgun blast

Panel 4:

Seeing his wife die Samata is filled with a steely purpose attacking one of the robbers.

Action: Stabbing with a ball point pen hidden in his jacket pocket he catches a robber in the throat before ripping his shotgun away.


Action: Diving clear he sees the robbers try to shoot him and instead hit their wounded comrade. Returning fire two robbers fall before the last two shoot him twice. The cops shoot the fourth robber leaving only one alive as he surrenders.

sfx: the wet sound as the pen enters robber's throat and shotgun blasts and other small arms gunfire that follow

Last edited by cylisderrens; 08-06-2007 at 10:14 PM. Reason: Improving script
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