|08-02-2006, 01:50 PM||#1|
Liscensed to Funk
Join Date: May 2006
Location: WI, USA
Hand of Death Revised
Here's a revised version of a script I posted awhile ago. Enjoy, then crit!
HAND OF DEATH
Panel 1: Close shot of a dress shoe splashing into a puddle.
Caption: “All men are cowards at heart.”
Panel 2: We zoom out to see legs in midstride. There is a trashcan against the wall, we’re in a dingy alley.
Panel 3: Zoom out again to see two men’s shadows on the wall, both running. We can see they both have guns.
Panel 4: Long shot, an angled view of the alley. Two large men, reasonably well dressed in overcoats, are running at top speed, pistols in hand, one glancing back behind him.
Panel 5/6: Extreme close up of each man’s eyes: they are both glancing behind them, terrified.
Panel 7/8: The men go through a dingy door and slam it shut.
Panel 9: The men rest on the inside of the locked door for a moment, looking at each other, still sweating and scared.
Panel 1:The men hurry down a hallway through a small lobby
Panel 2- They finally burst into a smoky room with two or three men playing cards at a dimly lit table. They are all stocky and well dressed.
FRANK:“Boss! We gotta get out NOW!”
Panel 3- One of the men, The Boss, stands, angry that he’s been interrupted. He has a bad combover and a thin tiny mustache. He’s smoking an obnoxiously large cigar.
BOSS:“What the hell is going on?”
Panel 4- Med shot of the guards moving closer to the Boss
MARTY:“It’s a hit, Boss. It’s bad.”
Panel 5- Close on Boss, pointing at the guards as the other two men, Coscella and Zirelli, look stunned.
COSCELLA: I didn’t hear any shots…
BOSS: What the fuck happened, Marty?
Panel 1- We’re back in the alley, in a flashback. Three men (Frank, Marty and Larry) stand in the alley, heads slowly scanning for any sign of trouble.
CAPTION: MARTY:“We were standing guard with Larry…”
Panel 2-They hear a noise out in the side ally, garbage cans crashing.
Panel 3- The men all look suspiciously over at the alley
LARRY:“Ahhh, fuckin’ dogs...”
Panel 3- Another crash from the alley, louder this time. Inset panel- superclose on suspicious eyes of one of the guards
Panel 4- another crash followed by a distinct sound: a low laugh.
Panel 5- Larry reaches in his jacket and walks towards the small alley.
LARRY- “Probably just some kids. I’ll check it.”
Panel 6-The other two keep their watch.
Panel 7- Shot of the entry to the alley More strange noises from the alley-some rustling and a wet sound. Larry doesn’t return.
Panel 1- Long shot as Frank and Marty draw their guns and advance towards the alley
Panel 2- Med shot- the two standing looking into the alley, horrified.
MARTY: Oh, sweet Christ.
Panel 3-Bird’s eye view of Larry’s body lying facedown in the alley, a good deal of blood pooling around where the head and neck should meet… only Larry’s head isn’t there. It happens to be sitting a few feet away, eyes wide open in shock.
Panel 4-The men are horrified, they aim their guns into the darkness ahead … and nothing happens. The alley is silent.
Panel 5- The two give each other a look of horror… then it dawns on them
FRANKIE: It’s a hit…
MARTY: The Boss!
Panel 6- They break for the door, catching up to exactly how we saw them earlier. The flashback ends.
Panel 1- Med shot as the Boss and his two guards stand, arguing
FRANK: “We gotta get out now, boss! Whatever it is still out there!”
BOSS: “Relax, Frankie. We still got Coscella’s boys still out there in the lobby.
Panel 2- Med shot Frank and Marty look at each other suddenly.
MARTY- “But Boss… the lobby was empty when we came through…”
Panel 3-The door suddenly creaks open, with no one there.
Panel 4- Med shot as all five men draw their guns, cursing. Two of them fire out into the other room.
Panel 5-Long shotThere is no sound, no indication of anyone outside. The men keep their guns out, no one sure what to do.
Panel 6- The Boss points into the hall, as the guards stray back
BOSS:“You two check it out.”
BOSS: “Just DO it!”
Panel 6- Med worm’s eye as we follow the two henchman as they slowly creep into the hall, guns drawn. There is nothing there.
Panel 7- Close on the two men as they step out further, nervously. Still nothing.
Panel 1- Franky sees something, and points to it silently, signaling Marty.
Panel 2- Med shot as the two steady themselves, preparing to catch the intruder.
Panel 3- The two leap around the corner, guns drawn
FRANK: “ Don’t move, you son of a-
Panel 4- They both recoil as they see what meets them there
Panel 4- Close on the lifeless body of one of Coscella’s guards, propped against the wall, his throat cut.
Panel 5- Med shot on Frank and Marty as they stare at each other in disbelief. A scream comes from the back room, “AAAAAAGH!”
Panel 6- Long shot-The two are rushing back towards the back room, the door wide open now.
Panel 7-Long shot- interior of the game room looking out. The Boss is gone, the other two big shots are here and knocked unconscious. Marty and Frank are at the door looking in, staring in disbelief.
Panel 1- close on a men’s dress shoe at a 45 degree angle on a staircase.
Panel 2- Zoom out to see the body from the neck down of a man being dragged up stairs
Panel 3-zoom out again to a medium shot showing the Boss being dragged, bound and gagged, up a staircase. We don’t see anything but the legs and one arm of his captor, and they are clothed in black.
Panel 4- Long shot as the Boss and the mysterious attacker emerge on the roof of the building in the moonlight.
Panel 5- Medium/full body shot of the captor, a man clad entirely in a dark grey/black outfit, stops and turns to face him. His face is hidden by a mask, covering everything but his eyes. (It’s obvious to US from his outfit and tools that he is a ninja.) He finally speaks.
M.D.M:I am called the Mano della Muerte… the Hand of Death. I have been sent by Vincenzo Mavelli to kill you.
Panel 6- Med shot of the two, the Boss on his knees and the MDM standing.
MDM:”This is the place you will die. Don Mavelli has given you the chance to speak your last words… but only I will hear them.”
Panel 1- Superclose shot as a sword is drawn out of a scabbard with a metallic swish.
Panel 2- Close profile of Boss’s face as the sword slices through the gag and also opens a cut on the Boss’s cheek. He coughs and flinches in pain.
Panel 3- Close, front view of the Boss’s face. He is sweaty, bleeding, and enraged.
BOSS:“Aggghh…You dirty rotten son of a bitch, you’re going to die for this! Do you know who I am? Do you even—“
Panel 4- Med shot- silhouette as the ninja slips the tip of his sword under the Boss’s chin, cutting him off mid-sentence.
NINJA:“These are your last words on this Earth. Perhaps you should make them worth something.”
Panel 5- Closer view of The Boss, still looking angry. But he realizes the hopelessness and settles down to a calm rage, a final stare into the eyes of Fate.
BOSS: “Alright. You tell Mavelli… you tell him that he’ll pay for this! I spit upon him, I curse him and his children with my dying breath. You tell him that!”
Panel 6- Close on the hand holding the sword, now being drawn back for the killing blow.
CAP: He still wastes his final breath with empty promises of revenge. Foolish.
Panel 1- Med shot, wide cinematic panel- The Boss is silhouetted in the foreground. His head is being sliced off, the sword cutting neatly through clean through. The ninja is seen in the background him, guiding the deadly blade with precision.
Panel 2- Close shot- Silhouetted in the moonlight, the ninja picks up the head and wraps it in a small cloth bag.
Panel 3- Overhead long shot- his work finished, the ninja leaps off the roof in a graceful dive, fleeing the scene.
Panel 4- Long shot, the empty rooftop, the Boss’s body still kneeling, headless.
Panel 5- Med on Frank and Marty arrive on the rooftop, bickering
MARTY: --only place we haven’t checked!
FRANK: Alright, fine, but I’m telling you there’s no one up here…
Panel 6- Long shot of the two seeing the body, eyes wide in shock again, faces pale. The headless body of their Boss still kneels before them.
FRANK: “Jesus God Almighty…”
Comments? Questions? Ninja stars?