New page needs critique

[Static]

Hello Peeps,

Here's new page from X-factor 21, which I got from Newsarama & lettered myself from the actual comic.

[Kep!]

Nice work overall...here's the big comments.

1. The green you used is not part of the palette the colorist set up. i understand you only have access to this page, but that color is not close to the greens implied...use that little eyedropper and go to town.

2. Your placements are pathologically just touching or overlapping art when they don't have to...
2a. Panel 1: center the caption box in the panel...it's a VERY centered panel...the glass is dead center...so the caption being off looks REALLY off. Also reformat that text 9drop your leading and kerning 10% if you have to) to get that "one" onto the line above...it'll remove it's orphan status and get the caption OFF THE LINE of the glass...which is an absolute no-no.

2b: Panel 2: The dripping is the secondary action of the scene (the hand picking up the glass is the first), therefore the caption touching the drip at all is not allowed. Decrease your leading a bit so you can shrink your caption box size.

2c. Panel 3: Once again you're riding the line of the art...this is not only distracting (quite) it also creates a moire effect when printing that looks UGLY... (editors will also call this a tangent)...DON'T DO IT! Move your placement over his ribs a bit (it's not an action pint so who cares) or better still put the caption in that dead space in the upper right corner.

2d (getting the theme here) Panel 4: That caption is riding the line of the panel 1 boarder. Drop it down.

3 (look mom, a 3!): Panel 6. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! You put the one caption right on top of the important part of the scene (the reaction of the two characters) leaving the rest of this otherwise boring panel open...AND you overlapped the characters. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Drop this caption to the lower right (over that big MARVEL) which is where it was intended...Panel 5 clearly shows a beat and panel 6 shows a reaction to that beat...you just slammed a cymbal into it for no reason. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Hopefully that helps. what font did you use? Nice choice and good usage.

[Static]

Thanks for the input, the font is Dave Gibbson

[Jason Arthur]

Nasty widow in panel one. Make that last word fall on the line above...that will also solve your problem with the caption touching the glass.

Otherwise Kep nailed it.

-- J

[Static]

How's this

[Kep!]

So much better! you can still wiggle the placements a little to get them "perfect" but this would pass an editor as a usable page.