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Old 06-06-2018, 12:18 PM   #2
Bishop
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Kholinar, Alethkar
Posts: 6,221
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Welcome to DW! I mostly like your story. I just wish we got a look at the monster at the end, and maybe some explanation as to what they were doing that created it.

My main criticism would be that your panel descriptions are too prose-like and could be confusing for your artist. You want to make sure that you are giving the artist what they need to adequately convey what you need in that panel, and remember that they can't draw more than one action in a single panel.

Examples:

Quote:
PANEL 3
Following the last panel, the Wife has resumed her trek towards the safe room. However, in the midst of this, she chances a glance behind her and of course she trips over one of the bodies strewn about the floor. Panel shows her just as she trips, in mid fall.
Do you want her to be shown resuming her trek and glancing behind her, to tripping over a body while glancing behind her...?


Quote:
PANEL 1
In this panel we get a shot of the dark hallway behind the wife. The monster is approaching, we still can't see it but we can feel it.
How do you draw the feeling of a monster approaching?

Quote:
PANEL 8
She finally manages to close and seal the door. The limb that was blocking her way now snapped in half. Just as she did so the creature slammed into the door, denting it and knocking her backwards.
What does the artist draw? Her slamming the door? Her flying off her feet?

One thought, to add a storytelling twist, would be to move pages one and two to the end. So, start with the horror and end with the beginning "...What's the worst that could happen"
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