Buckyrig
09-12-2006, 01:48 AM
Ok, posting something quick (kind of I guess). 5 pages. Beginning of a story. Uh...don't know where to go with this. Really no point in prefacing it at all except to say it is obviously only the beginning of the story. Other than that, I'd like raw impressions. (Leave spelling and grammar alone unless they are glaring. Still a working draft. ;) )
Copyright © 2006 John A Gateson
Shecky’s Famous Italian Fishbucket
PAGE ONE (five panels)
Panel 1. Large, page-wide panel. REGGIE walks down a street in Queens, NY. (Reggie walks from left to right for the entire page.) He wears a black jogging suit and white sneakers. He is eating fried calamari from a bucket with “SHECKY’S FAMOUS ITALIAN FISHBUCKET” written in logo on it. The street is a string of neighborhood shops and restaurants. Behind Reggie are stores with signs reading as follows: AUTHENTIC NEW YORK PIZZA, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK BAGELS, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK DELI, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK KNISH, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK CHEESECAKE.
CAP: Queens, NY
CAP: October 26, 1985 A.D.
CAP: Or C.E. I don’t know.
CAP: Sixteen year old Hollis native Reggie Pompenbrough enjoys a snack of Shecky’s Famous Italian Fishbucket Fried Calamari as he heads out to meet his friend Jeff for a Saturday of baseball and beatboxing.
Panel 2. Reggie continues walking down the street. There are more stores in the background as he walks. The stores themselves look appropriate to Queens, although the signs begin to be out of place. The last store on the right edge of the panel, barely in frame, is a western-style barbecue restaurant. Reggie is putting squid legs in his mouth and making a face as if he tastes something funky. Signs read as follows: AUTHENTIC NEW YORK FISH & CHIPS, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK SUSHI, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK BAKLAVA, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK CHICAGO-STYLE PIZZA, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK TEXAS BAR-B-Q.
CAP: Jeff finally got a copy of Summer Games II for his Commodore 64 from the kid who just moved from Jersey. They’ll be playing a bit of that also.
Panel 3. Reggie is now walking down a Western movie “set”. There should be hints that it is a facade, but not particularly obvious. Reggie now hunches over while he walks, a little sick to his stomach. He also appears mildly confused by his surroundings. He has dropped the bucket of calamari. Signs now read: AUTHENTIC WESTERN SALOON, AUTHENTIC WESTERN BARBER, AUTHENTIC WESTERN BROTHEL, AUTHENTIC WESTERN HIGH NOON CLOCK.
CAP: Reggie hid Jeff’s Easton Power Core aluminum bat last time he was over. He was getting sick of almost having his head taken off playing the hot corner. Besides, “real” baseball is played with a wooden bat.
Panel 4. Panel 4 and five should be side by side and the same height at the bottom of the page. Reggie is now very woozy and stumbling as he walks out of the Western facade. He is headed towards an amusement park as he leaves the set. The set itself appears to be at the edge of a theme park. A rotating ride with cars shaped like old school rockets (reference) (http://www.clipartheaven.com/clipart/entertainment/circus_&_carnival/rocket_ride_3.gif) is just ahead of Reggie nearest the facade. Reggie focuses on the rocket with a confused look on his face.
CAP: Reggie got his hands on a bootleg tape of Doug E Fresh that Jeff wanted to check out. So it’s looking like a full day.
Panel 5. Reggie collapses face forward just in front of the rocket ride. His upper chest and head actually ending up off panel to the right.
SFX: PLOP
PAGE TWO(five panels)
ALL PANELS IN THIS SEQUENCE ARE FROM THE SAME ANGLE AND DISTANCE. THE PANELS SHOULD ALL BE THE SAME SIZE AND IN PANORAMA. “STATIONARY CAMERA”.
Panel 1. Long shot of a minimalist stage. Wooden floor boards. No curtains, audience or even seats can be seen. The edges of the panel merely blend into darkness like mild tunnel vision. The only things on the stage are a couple of scattered and poorly made cardboard cutouts of flames. The back wall also has some simplistic flames painted on. Up-stage and to the reader’s far right (the back right corner), is a folding card table and four folding chairs. The reader should feel as if they are in the back left corner of the “theater”. The table is angled so a point faces the reader. The seats closer to the front of the stage are angled forward to face the reader. The chair in the front and to the reader’s left is empty. A hand of thirteen playing cards sits face down on the table in front of this seat. Opposite the empty chair (on the back right side of the table) is RAYMOND, holding a hand of thirteen cards. In the other two seats are NUMISMA and TORQUEMADA (see reference). There is a small, luminescent red button on the back wall near Raymond. A spot light hits the card table and is the only source of light on the stage. The shadow of a figure approaches from the left side of the stage at the edge of the light.
CAP: Hell.
CAP: Friday night.
CAP: October 13, 2141 C.E.
Panel 2. Same set up as previous panel. The guys at the table look bored. This panel is broken into five sections to show time passage as the figure (THE DEVIL) walks across the stage. The figure walks across the stage to the table. When the figure enters the light in the second section, the reader can see that it is a frumpy man about five foot eight inches tall in a cheesy Halloween Devil costume with cape and horns and a plastic pitchfork. He is carrying a red brick in his right hand (which is facing the reader).
SFX: CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP(creak) CLOMP CLOMP
CAP: ...or A.D. I’m just not sure.
Panel 3. The Devil leans his pitchfork against his chair and places the brick on the table.
CAP: 11:30 PM New York Mean Time.
NUMISMA: Who was it?
DEVIL: I don’t know. Someone just left this brick.
TORQUEMADA: Strange.
Panel 4. The Devil sits and rests his plastic pitchfork on Numisma’s chair. Numisma looks annoyed, but does not speak.
DEVIL: So, where were we?
TORQUEMADA: I bid four diamonds.
DEVIL(attached): Uh...ok...three spades.
RAYMOND: Are you fucking retarded!
DEVIL(attached): I don’t know. Are you suicidal?
Panel 5. The Devil and Raymond get into it. Torquemada and Numisma look uncomfortable.
RAYMOND: Seriously dude, do you even know how to play?
RAYMOND(attached): It’s been over a hundred years!
RAYMOND(not attached): I mean, Jesus Christ.
TORQ: My teeth itch.
RAYMOND: I swear to...something...oath-worthy...
DEVIL: Shut up Raymond.
PAGE THREE(five panels)
THE PANELS SHOULD REMAIN CONSISTENT WITH THE PREVIOUS PAGE.
Panel 1. Raymond taps his hand on the table in annoyance.
RAYMOND: No. This is bullshit dude. It’s been quiet for fifty years.
DEVIL: Relax. You’re going to give yourself a heart attack.
RAYMOND: So...what, you’re happy to sit here until Elohim or whatever comes to snuff your sorry ass?
DEVIL: Bah...most of that’s the hooch talking.
DEVIL(not attached): I think.
Panel 2. Raymond is more calm now. Torquemada and Numisma are more at ease.
DEVIL: But hey, I could use the break. If you’re so damn bored, do something about it.
RAYMOND: Good. I’m gonna start a war - -
NUMISMA: - - BO–RING.
RAYMOND: Shut. Your. Whore. Mouth.
Panel 3. Raymond gives Numisma an icy stare.
RAYMOND: Who are you again?
NUMISMA: Numisma.
DEVIL: He’s the demon who helped me invent money.
RAYMOND: Money!?
RAYMOND(attached): I swear to Neil Diamond you are a simpleton.
Panel 4. Raymond has stood and presses the red button on the wall. The Devil attends to his cards, not paying any mind to Raymond.
RAYMOND: Money...pfft.
RAYMOND(attached): No idea about the nature of evil...
SFX: CLICK
RAYMOND: Uh...why is nothing happening?
DEVIL: That’s a prop, Einstein.
Panel 5. Inset in the bottom left hand corner is a panel of Raymond’s hand grabbing the brick on the table. In the main panel Raymond stands at the front of the stage, in front of the game. He has just hurled the brick at the reader. The brick should be placed in a forced perspective and look pretty large. It should be angled so that the edge of the brick primarily faces the reader. Only an extreme angle of the face of the brick can be seen.
PAGE FOUR(seven panels)
bPanel 1. Same size and shape as the previous panel. There is a distant, but very large force of invading space ships against a black background. A digital message in the bottom right hand corner reads, “END MODULE 8".
VOICE: ...in our next module.
Panel 2. This is the large panel for the page. Reggie is strapped into a chair that is bolted into the center of the floor. The chair is the in the center of a laboratory. It has a 1950s-style futuristic look. Clunky consoles and machines with levers, slots, and printouts. There is a PA speaker in one corner. Directly across the room in front of Reggie is a small catapult with a rectangular slot above the payload.
CAP: New York, NY
CAP: 1985 Y.A.
CAP: Skip Gap Education Center.
REGGIE: Huh? What was that?
PASPEAKER: Relax Mr. Pompenbrough.
REGGIE: Call me Reggie.
PA: That was just the end of the module Reggie. We are loading the next module now.
PA: Please bear with us for a moment.
Panel 3. Small panel. Close up of Reggie’s face. He looks bored.
CAP: Yes, Y.A. is correct. Year of America.
PA: Module 9 loaded.
Panel 4. Same. Reggie’s eyes look around in boredom.
PA: Subject matriculated.
Panel 5. Same. Reggie blows air out of the side of his mouth.
PA: Commencing inculcation.
Panel 6. Close up of Reggie, alarmed and frightened.
SFX(OP): DOING
Panel 7. Over-the-shoulder shot from behind Reggie. The miniature catapult had hurled a brick (it should look to be the brick from the previous scene) at Reggie’s head.
PAGE FIVE(four panels)
Panel 1. A profile shot of the brick hitting Reggie in the head in silhouette. The brick has bounced off his head and out of the panel in the direction of the reader. The face of the brick is clearly visible to the reader and shows the following writing:
BRICKO EDUCATIONAL SOLUTIONS
Module 9 (featuring Gary Oldman)
Panel 2. Large panel. Reggie, looking very out of place, is dressed as a private militia man. He is armed with a mildly futuristic machine gun and stands among a group of dumbfounded militia men staring at the invading space force from the last module.
VOICEOVER: The Beelzians appeared without warning and promptly attacked without provocation.
VO: The Earth had known peace for almost fifty years through a loose confederation of nations and gradual disarmament.
Panel 3. The militia men start scrambling. Their leader, ETHAN ALLEN, rallies them towards the apparent landing site.
VO: Fortunately, men like Ethan Allen (no relation) and his “Freedomists” took a moral stance against the Confederation’s fascist gun bans.
VO: From their stronghold in the wilderness of Detroit, Michigan (now Freedom Point, Texas), Allen and the Freedomists mounted the first effective defense of the planet.
Panel 4. In the Michigan woods, the militia battles giant roaches armed with plasma guns. The militia fight valiantly, but are being killed easily and viciously by the plasma guns and by being devoured and dismembered by the roaches. Reggie stands in frozen horror as a roach charges him. A very small number of roaches are killed by the militia.
VO: Though the Freedomists lost nearly eighty percent of their men and Allen was killed in the attack, their stand was a pivotal early event in the conflict
Copyright © 2006 John A Gateson
Shecky’s Famous Italian Fishbucket
PAGE ONE (five panels)
Panel 1. Large, page-wide panel. REGGIE walks down a street in Queens, NY. (Reggie walks from left to right for the entire page.) He wears a black jogging suit and white sneakers. He is eating fried calamari from a bucket with “SHECKY’S FAMOUS ITALIAN FISHBUCKET” written in logo on it. The street is a string of neighborhood shops and restaurants. Behind Reggie are stores with signs reading as follows: AUTHENTIC NEW YORK PIZZA, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK BAGELS, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK DELI, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK KNISH, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK CHEESECAKE.
CAP: Queens, NY
CAP: October 26, 1985 A.D.
CAP: Or C.E. I don’t know.
CAP: Sixteen year old Hollis native Reggie Pompenbrough enjoys a snack of Shecky’s Famous Italian Fishbucket Fried Calamari as he heads out to meet his friend Jeff for a Saturday of baseball and beatboxing.
Panel 2. Reggie continues walking down the street. There are more stores in the background as he walks. The stores themselves look appropriate to Queens, although the signs begin to be out of place. The last store on the right edge of the panel, barely in frame, is a western-style barbecue restaurant. Reggie is putting squid legs in his mouth and making a face as if he tastes something funky. Signs read as follows: AUTHENTIC NEW YORK FISH & CHIPS, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK SUSHI, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK BAKLAVA, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK CHICAGO-STYLE PIZZA, AUTHENTIC NEW YORK TEXAS BAR-B-Q.
CAP: Jeff finally got a copy of Summer Games II for his Commodore 64 from the kid who just moved from Jersey. They’ll be playing a bit of that also.
Panel 3. Reggie is now walking down a Western movie “set”. There should be hints that it is a facade, but not particularly obvious. Reggie now hunches over while he walks, a little sick to his stomach. He also appears mildly confused by his surroundings. He has dropped the bucket of calamari. Signs now read: AUTHENTIC WESTERN SALOON, AUTHENTIC WESTERN BARBER, AUTHENTIC WESTERN BROTHEL, AUTHENTIC WESTERN HIGH NOON CLOCK.
CAP: Reggie hid Jeff’s Easton Power Core aluminum bat last time he was over. He was getting sick of almost having his head taken off playing the hot corner. Besides, “real” baseball is played with a wooden bat.
Panel 4. Panel 4 and five should be side by side and the same height at the bottom of the page. Reggie is now very woozy and stumbling as he walks out of the Western facade. He is headed towards an amusement park as he leaves the set. The set itself appears to be at the edge of a theme park. A rotating ride with cars shaped like old school rockets (reference) (http://www.clipartheaven.com/clipart/entertainment/circus_&_carnival/rocket_ride_3.gif) is just ahead of Reggie nearest the facade. Reggie focuses on the rocket with a confused look on his face.
CAP: Reggie got his hands on a bootleg tape of Doug E Fresh that Jeff wanted to check out. So it’s looking like a full day.
Panel 5. Reggie collapses face forward just in front of the rocket ride. His upper chest and head actually ending up off panel to the right.
SFX: PLOP
PAGE TWO(five panels)
ALL PANELS IN THIS SEQUENCE ARE FROM THE SAME ANGLE AND DISTANCE. THE PANELS SHOULD ALL BE THE SAME SIZE AND IN PANORAMA. “STATIONARY CAMERA”.
Panel 1. Long shot of a minimalist stage. Wooden floor boards. No curtains, audience or even seats can be seen. The edges of the panel merely blend into darkness like mild tunnel vision. The only things on the stage are a couple of scattered and poorly made cardboard cutouts of flames. The back wall also has some simplistic flames painted on. Up-stage and to the reader’s far right (the back right corner), is a folding card table and four folding chairs. The reader should feel as if they are in the back left corner of the “theater”. The table is angled so a point faces the reader. The seats closer to the front of the stage are angled forward to face the reader. The chair in the front and to the reader’s left is empty. A hand of thirteen playing cards sits face down on the table in front of this seat. Opposite the empty chair (on the back right side of the table) is RAYMOND, holding a hand of thirteen cards. In the other two seats are NUMISMA and TORQUEMADA (see reference). There is a small, luminescent red button on the back wall near Raymond. A spot light hits the card table and is the only source of light on the stage. The shadow of a figure approaches from the left side of the stage at the edge of the light.
CAP: Hell.
CAP: Friday night.
CAP: October 13, 2141 C.E.
Panel 2. Same set up as previous panel. The guys at the table look bored. This panel is broken into five sections to show time passage as the figure (THE DEVIL) walks across the stage. The figure walks across the stage to the table. When the figure enters the light in the second section, the reader can see that it is a frumpy man about five foot eight inches tall in a cheesy Halloween Devil costume with cape and horns and a plastic pitchfork. He is carrying a red brick in his right hand (which is facing the reader).
SFX: CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP(creak) CLOMP CLOMP
CAP: ...or A.D. I’m just not sure.
Panel 3. The Devil leans his pitchfork against his chair and places the brick on the table.
CAP: 11:30 PM New York Mean Time.
NUMISMA: Who was it?
DEVIL: I don’t know. Someone just left this brick.
TORQUEMADA: Strange.
Panel 4. The Devil sits and rests his plastic pitchfork on Numisma’s chair. Numisma looks annoyed, but does not speak.
DEVIL: So, where were we?
TORQUEMADA: I bid four diamonds.
DEVIL(attached): Uh...ok...three spades.
RAYMOND: Are you fucking retarded!
DEVIL(attached): I don’t know. Are you suicidal?
Panel 5. The Devil and Raymond get into it. Torquemada and Numisma look uncomfortable.
RAYMOND: Seriously dude, do you even know how to play?
RAYMOND(attached): It’s been over a hundred years!
RAYMOND(not attached): I mean, Jesus Christ.
TORQ: My teeth itch.
RAYMOND: I swear to...something...oath-worthy...
DEVIL: Shut up Raymond.
PAGE THREE(five panels)
THE PANELS SHOULD REMAIN CONSISTENT WITH THE PREVIOUS PAGE.
Panel 1. Raymond taps his hand on the table in annoyance.
RAYMOND: No. This is bullshit dude. It’s been quiet for fifty years.
DEVIL: Relax. You’re going to give yourself a heart attack.
RAYMOND: So...what, you’re happy to sit here until Elohim or whatever comes to snuff your sorry ass?
DEVIL: Bah...most of that’s the hooch talking.
DEVIL(not attached): I think.
Panel 2. Raymond is more calm now. Torquemada and Numisma are more at ease.
DEVIL: But hey, I could use the break. If you’re so damn bored, do something about it.
RAYMOND: Good. I’m gonna start a war - -
NUMISMA: - - BO–RING.
RAYMOND: Shut. Your. Whore. Mouth.
Panel 3. Raymond gives Numisma an icy stare.
RAYMOND: Who are you again?
NUMISMA: Numisma.
DEVIL: He’s the demon who helped me invent money.
RAYMOND: Money!?
RAYMOND(attached): I swear to Neil Diamond you are a simpleton.
Panel 4. Raymond has stood and presses the red button on the wall. The Devil attends to his cards, not paying any mind to Raymond.
RAYMOND: Money...pfft.
RAYMOND(attached): No idea about the nature of evil...
SFX: CLICK
RAYMOND: Uh...why is nothing happening?
DEVIL: That’s a prop, Einstein.
Panel 5. Inset in the bottom left hand corner is a panel of Raymond’s hand grabbing the brick on the table. In the main panel Raymond stands at the front of the stage, in front of the game. He has just hurled the brick at the reader. The brick should be placed in a forced perspective and look pretty large. It should be angled so that the edge of the brick primarily faces the reader. Only an extreme angle of the face of the brick can be seen.
PAGE FOUR(seven panels)
bPanel 1. Same size and shape as the previous panel. There is a distant, but very large force of invading space ships against a black background. A digital message in the bottom right hand corner reads, “END MODULE 8".
VOICE: ...in our next module.
Panel 2. This is the large panel for the page. Reggie is strapped into a chair that is bolted into the center of the floor. The chair is the in the center of a laboratory. It has a 1950s-style futuristic look. Clunky consoles and machines with levers, slots, and printouts. There is a PA speaker in one corner. Directly across the room in front of Reggie is a small catapult with a rectangular slot above the payload.
CAP: New York, NY
CAP: 1985 Y.A.
CAP: Skip Gap Education Center.
REGGIE: Huh? What was that?
PASPEAKER: Relax Mr. Pompenbrough.
REGGIE: Call me Reggie.
PA: That was just the end of the module Reggie. We are loading the next module now.
PA: Please bear with us for a moment.
Panel 3. Small panel. Close up of Reggie’s face. He looks bored.
CAP: Yes, Y.A. is correct. Year of America.
PA: Module 9 loaded.
Panel 4. Same. Reggie’s eyes look around in boredom.
PA: Subject matriculated.
Panel 5. Same. Reggie blows air out of the side of his mouth.
PA: Commencing inculcation.
Panel 6. Close up of Reggie, alarmed and frightened.
SFX(OP): DOING
Panel 7. Over-the-shoulder shot from behind Reggie. The miniature catapult had hurled a brick (it should look to be the brick from the previous scene) at Reggie’s head.
PAGE FIVE(four panels)
Panel 1. A profile shot of the brick hitting Reggie in the head in silhouette. The brick has bounced off his head and out of the panel in the direction of the reader. The face of the brick is clearly visible to the reader and shows the following writing:
BRICKO EDUCATIONAL SOLUTIONS
Module 9 (featuring Gary Oldman)
Panel 2. Large panel. Reggie, looking very out of place, is dressed as a private militia man. He is armed with a mildly futuristic machine gun and stands among a group of dumbfounded militia men staring at the invading space force from the last module.
VOICEOVER: The Beelzians appeared without warning and promptly attacked without provocation.
VO: The Earth had known peace for almost fifty years through a loose confederation of nations and gradual disarmament.
Panel 3. The militia men start scrambling. Their leader, ETHAN ALLEN, rallies them towards the apparent landing site.
VO: Fortunately, men like Ethan Allen (no relation) and his “Freedomists” took a moral stance against the Confederation’s fascist gun bans.
VO: From their stronghold in the wilderness of Detroit, Michigan (now Freedom Point, Texas), Allen and the Freedomists mounted the first effective defense of the planet.
Panel 4. In the Michigan woods, the militia battles giant roaches armed with plasma guns. The militia fight valiantly, but are being killed easily and viciously by the plasma guns and by being devoured and dismembered by the roaches. Reggie stands in frozen horror as a roach charges him. A very small number of roaches are killed by the militia.
VO: Though the Freedomists lost nearly eighty percent of their men and Allen was killed in the attack, their stand was a pivotal early event in the conflict