Widower: 7 Pages

[Papercuts!]

I've been working with the artist on this book -- called "Widower" -- since February. I'm quite pleased with the final product, but I thought I'd put the first seven pages up and see what kind of feedback the community can provide for me when it comes to the writing.

Page 1 (http://www.bryanward.net/pages/01.jpg)
Page 2 (http://www.bryanward.net/pages/02.jpg)
Page 3 (http://www.bryanward.net/pages/03.jpg)
Page 4 (http://www.bryanward.net/pages/04.jpg)
Page 5 (http://www.bryanward.net/pages/05.jpg)
Page 6 (http://www.bryanward.net/pages/06.jpg)
Page 7 (http://www.bryanward.net/pages/07.jpg)

[Buckyrig]

It moves a bit quickly. It also seems a bit standard until page seven there. That's the first "grab"...it might have worked better if the pages were compressed and that happened of page 4.

I would turn the page after page 7 however.

[Papercuts!]

I would turn the page after page 7 however.Ah, that's the most important line for me from your post. Thank you. It's good to get some helpful feedback.

[bitemetechie]

I was pretty bored up until page seven, to be perfectly honest. It was all really standard stuff until that point and then I got sucked in. Now I'm intriuged about where this thing is going to go. Is this guy a stalker? Was our widower's wife involved in something she shouldn't have been and had the cops/CIA/FBI/Mob after her? See, it's got me wondering about the possibilities now...

Nice work.

[Knuckles]

It moves a bit quickly. It also seems a bit standard until page seven there. That's the first "grab"...it might have worked better if the pages were compressed and that happened of page 4.

I would turn the page after page 7 however.

I agree with this. Its seems very standard and I don't understand how Dawson jumped to the conclusion that the detective was accusing him of killing his wife. He didn't say anything remotely close to that.

I also would turn the page after 7. You have very large panels that you can combine some of the pages with.

[Papercuts!]

I was pretty bored up until page seven, to be perfectly honest. It was all really standard stuff until that point and then I got sucked in. Now I'm intriuged about where this thing is going to go. Is this guy a stalker? Was our widower's wife involved in something she shouldn't have been and had the cops/CIA/FBI/Mob after her? See, it's got me wondering about the possibilities now...

Nice work.Thanks. If page seven's got you hooked, the first issue ends with a cliffhanger...

I don't understand how Dawson jumped to the conclusion that the detective was accusing him of killing his wifeGrief will do strange things to people, yeah?

I appreciate all the feedback. We're both first time creators and we're pretty much ready to go to press with this thing -- we're just waiting on a local business to supply an ad for the back cover and then it's off to Ka-Blam. ;)

With the script, I was writing for an artist who has a background in graphic design and portrait artistry and had never really worked sequentially at all before. So I had to find a balance between getting the story told and making it so he wasn't completely overwhelmed artistically. He did take a few liberties with the script here and there and it may have obfuscated my storytelling a bit, but I understand the process is give and take anyway.

His artwork is all digital. Everything is in layers so he can change anything very easily. Since there was no "true" pencil stage, the layers allow him to make changes whenever necessary. It may not be the fastest process, but it's what he's most comfortable with.

Again, I appreciate the feedback. It's very helpful and encouraging.