PDA

View Full Version : The Answer - (6 Pages) Practice Script - Comments Feedback please


mohaps
08-20-2006, 06:25 PM
Hi All,

I am posting a 6 page script I wrote as a practice script for a wonder woman like character called GAIA who is part of a super hero team called "Maximum Impact".

GAIA has defensive earth powers and has a bond of empathy with her namesake, the spirit of the planet earth and by extension every living being.

Comments and Criticism welcome.

regards
Saurav


------------- Start Script ---------------------

THE ANSWER (Gaia One-Shot)
A Comic Book Script
By
SAURAV MOHAPATRA ( writerbloke@gmail.com )
Length: 6 pages



Page ONE: (1 panel)

This page has just one splash panel. This is a 6 page one shot featuring Gaia, a character I created for my superhero team series Maximum Impact.

Panel 1

We open with a Wide-angle shot of Manhattan skyline from the sea, just before the 9/11 attacks occurred. We see the two WTC Towers majestically piercing the skyline in the center of the shot. It is a glorious day.

CAPTION:
How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?


Page TWO: (3 Panels)

This page has three panels laid out as 2 at top and two side by side at the bottom. The top 2 panels are 1/6th the page height.

Panel 1:

We See a woman with a scarf and sunglasses (dressed like a socialite having a bit of me-time) sitting at Battery Park on a bench alone. She is sitting to the right of the frame and her left arm is placed along the top of the bench. She is watching the sea and the gulls and the Statue Of Liberty.

People are walking, picnic crowd in BG / FG.

CAPTION:

Yes, 'n' how many seas must a white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?

Panel 2:

Gaia’s POV we see a panoramic shot of Liberty Island with doves/gulls in the foreground

Panel 3:
A shot of the WTC Towers in the Foreground and the first plane is about to hit. The sun is in the background at top left shining down.

CAPTION:
Yes, 'n' how many times must the cannon balls fly before they're forever banned?


Page THREE: (1 Panel)

This page has one panel.

Panel 1:

There is a huge explosion and the towers can be barely seen silhouetted beyond the explosion. We see debris flying at us as we are very close to the explosion

CAPTION:
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind, The answer is blowin' in the wind.


Page FOUR: (4 Panels)

This page has 4 panels. 3 are laid out one by one horizontally in the top 2/3rds of the page of equal width. The last one occupies 1/3rd of the page at the bottom.

Panel 1:

This panel depicts Gaia turning back to look at the noise we see from behind her head the sky filling with smoke. The sun is blotted out.

CAPTION:

How many times must a man look up before he can see the sky?

Panel 2:

We are following Gaia with a chase-cam shot from over and behind her shoulder as she is running against the crowd running away from Ground Zero. She is the only one running towards it. She has lost the sunglasses and the scarf is flying back letting loose her long black hair.

CAPTION:
Yes, 'n' how many ears must one man have before he can hear people cry?

Panel 3:

Gaia’s POV we see people jumping from the towers as the second plane hits.

CAPTION:

Yes, 'n' how many deaths will it take till he knows that too many people have died?

Panel 4:

We see the towers collapse. Ash is everywhere and in the foreground a tattered burning US Flag floats down. We are already seeing people trying to help others trapped in the debris.

CAPTION:
The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind, The answer is blowin' in the wind.




Page FIVE (3 panels)

This page has 3 panels two at the top occupying 50% of the page height (and of equal height) and a big one at the bottom.

Panel 1:

We see debris every where. Somewhere an arm props out, some where a face is trapped under the wreckage. We see Gaia trying to dig out people with her bare hands. Her face is a mask of grief and rage. The smoke and ash make it nearly difficult to make out anything beyond three feet.

CAPTION:
How many years can a mountain exist before it's washed to the sea?

Panel 2:

Gaia’s POV We see people jumping from the burning buildings. Onlookers and Rescue personnel are pointing up at the buildings with their faces twisted in horror.

CAPTION:

Yes, 'n' how many years can some people exist before they're allowed to be free?

Panel 3:

We see Gaia kneeling down holding a dead dove in all the carnage. Her hair is swept across her face by the winds. There is an inset at top left of her eye brimming with tears and another inset at the bottom left showing a close up of the dove in her hand and a twisted olive branch. In the background we can barely see an evil silhouette of Osama made out of dark smoke and red blaze with eyes burning with hate.

CAPTION:
Yes, 'n' how many times can a man turn his head, pretending he just doesn't see?




Page SIX (1 Panel)

This page has one panel

Panel 1:

This is a one page splash. We see Gaia walking away on a wide avenue in the BG. We can see people on the left and right helping each other. The Chrysler building can be made out in the BG through the smoky haze.

In the foreground the olive branch we saw with the dead dove is slowly floating down. An inset at bottom left shows a close up of the olive branch settling on the tattered flag we saw earlier. The flames have gone out on the flag and it is glorious as ever.

CAPTION:
"The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind, The answer is blowin' in the wind."


THE END

br0k3n2
08-20-2006, 07:44 PM
I like, Send me some character samples and I'll draw this up for you if I get a spare moment.

A few crits though, instead of giving such a detailed description of the panel layout, you might want to consider just thumbing the page out. And you might have copyright issues with the song. You might want to include picture references of the locations also.

I'm just an artist so the writing thing isn't really my schtick. I wish I could give you a bit more detailed of a crit.

-Br0k3n2

mohaps
08-21-2006, 10:38 AM
hey thanks for the comment..

yeah i do stick figure storyboards for my artists usually to show how i visualize it... :) or do them by cutting pasting reference photos...


you want the character sketches for GAIA only or the whole team with detailed eries synopsis???;-) mail me at writerbloke AT gmail DOT com and i shall mail you back the char sketch..

about the song.. yeah. i think using it in its entirety kind of gets me on sticky ground... but then this was a practice script :)

chrisjohnwagner
08-21-2006, 11:39 AM
I read your story and have a couple crits. I am not sure how this introduces your character. I don't even know if this is to introduce her. I would never know she is a super hero unless I read the area of the post that is not part of the script. I am also a little confused about something in the story. I notice on page 4 panel 4 we see the towers collapse. Then on page 5 panel 2 we watch the towers collapse. This is after Gaia has already been at the tower helping people out of the rubble of the collapsed towers. I maybe looking at this wrong if so please explain. I am not sure about the legality of using the song but in my personal opinion it is very bad form.

mohaps
08-21-2006, 02:37 PM
hi chris,

thanks for catching that glitch. have made an edit to correct it

this is a short practice script... not intended for use in the main series.. but something i wrote just for fun.. :) I was listening to that song when i was writing GAIA's character bio and this sort of just flowed...


thanks again for your comments..


cheers
saurav

JonHParrish
08-21-2006, 04:36 PM
I liked it. From the way I vizualized it taking place, I thought it was a nice little script. While there are some errors, I liked the over all idea.

mohaps
08-21-2006, 05:43 PM
Hi Reaper,

could you explaina bit more about the errors. I want to polish this script even though it is just a practice one ...

thanks for your kind words..

cheers
mohaps

chrisjohnwagner
08-22-2006, 11:12 AM
I noticed your edit but you still have the people on page 5 looking up at buildings that collapsed on page 4.

mohaps
08-22-2006, 02:15 PM
Hi Chris,

i can't edit my original post :(

anyways i think the confusion stems from the use of the plural "towers" on the 4th page

Page 4

Panel 4:

We see the towers collapse.

should read


Page 4

Panel 4:

We see the first tower collapse.


and the page five one is the second tower collapsing

regards
Saurav