A slightly revised story (Some Strong Language)

[JonHParrish]

I've been sort of in and out since I've been in the middle of moving. I haven't been able to work as much as I want to, but here is a script I posted earlier, slightly revised. I tried to make the main characters less alike than they were before. I also took out the narration at the beginning because I felt that it wasn't vital to the story. So enjoy and C+C would be greatly appreciated.

#1 Demons and Douchebags

[Page 1][5 Panels]

Panel 1: An establishing shot of a skyscraper. It has a pyramid at the top.

CAP: The Lansing Obelisk. Directly in the center of Easthaven.

VOICE: Gentlemen.....

Panel 2: A medium shot of REX LANSING, a middle aged man with slick black hair, a thin mustache and a white suit, sitting behind a desk with his hands in front of his face. In the background there is a large window, as if they were in an office in a skyscraper. The sun is rising and the sky should be a mix of orange and purple.

REX: I’m glad you two took up my offer for a job.

VOICE(op): Well, it was kind of hard not to considering...

Panel 3: A two shot of JIM PARKER and KARL LATTIMER. JIM, a black man in his early twenties is dressed in a blue hooded jacket with a black shirt underneath. KARL, a young white man same age as JIM with short brown spiky hair, is dressed in a black shirt with a white pentagram on it covered by a black jacket with blue jeans. Both of them have guns pointed to their heads. KARL looks calm, while JIM looks pissed off.

JIM: we didn’t really have a fucking choice..

KARL: We do have a phone you know.

Panel 4: A side shot of REX standing up facing the window.

REX: My apologies, but I had to do what was necessary. Desperate men will do desperate things.

JIM(op): No shit. I couldn’t turn you down even if I wanted to.

Panel 5: A side shot of KARL looking up in shock.

REX: I want you to find someone for me.

[Page 2][8 Panels]

Panel 1: An establishing shot of a dark country road.

CAP(REX): You’ll find that he’s right up your alley.

JIM: I can’t believe this.

KARL: We need the money and he’s going to give us more cash then we’ll know what to do with.

Panel 2: A two shot of JIM and KARL. KARL is behind the wheel and JIM turned towards him.

JIM: But we don’t have shit to go on. No name, description, nothing. All he said was that he was extremely dangerous and right up our alley.

KARL: So ?

Panel 3: A side shot of JIM shrugging his shoulders. KARL is in the background making a disturbed face.

JIM: This guy could be anyone. He could be some lame satan worshipping goth or a trannie that shoots fire balls out his ass. We have no fucking clue.

KARL: You think about this stuff way to much.

Panel 4: A two shot of them from outside the windsheild wipers are showing.

JIM: Maybe I do, but to survive you have to expect the unexpect--

Panel 5: Angle same as last panel. A bloody corpse has crashed onto the hood of the car.

JIM: What the fuck ?!

KARL: Jesus !

Panel 6: A shot of their car sliding out of control.

Panel 7: A shot of the car slamming into a tree.

Panel 8: A two shot of JAME and KARL. JIM has blood on his face and KARL is unconscious.

JIM: Oww....

[Page 3][4 Panels]

Panel 1: A two shot of KARL and JIM waking up.

JIM: What the hell happened ?

KARL: Where are we ?

VOICE(op): Well, you're awake.

Panel 2: A downward two shot of KARL and JIM looking up toward the reader
in shock.

BOTH: What the hell ?

Panel 3: An upward shot of a GOATMAN. He has a goat’s head and a man’s
body. He has a pot belly and a small tuft of brown hair on his head between his white horns. He should appear around five feet tall with a pot belly. He's wearing a robe.

GOATMAN: I'm surprised you survived. Not many--

Panel 4: A side shot of JIM looking up slightly annoyed. KARL is shrugging.

JIM: A goatman ?! We got ambushed by a fucking goatman ?!

KARL: It would seem that way.

JIM(2): Shit, we must be going soft.

[Page 4][7 Panels]

Panel 1: A bust shot of the Goatman. He looks very smug.

GOATMAN: As I was saying bef--

JIM: This has got to be some sort of April fools joke or something.

Panel 2: A bust shot of the goatman, he looks annoyed.

GOATMAN: Uh..

JIM(op): A fucking goatman got the drop on us ! How are we supposed to explain that to people ?

GOATMAN (2): Excuse m....

KARL(op): No one believes most of the things we see anyway.

JIM(connected): True, but it’s still a goatman. Not even a big one at that. Look at his scrawny arms and his fucking gut...

Panel 3: Angle on same as last panel. The GOATMAN is screaming at them.

GOATMAN: Hey, shut the hell up !

Panel 4: A downward shot from behind the GOATMAN. He is hanging his head in defeat.

JIM(op): And on top of that he’s a total douchebag !

GOATMAN: Are you even going to listen to what I have to say ?

Panel 5: A side shot of JIM shrugging.

JIM: That depends. Are you the man we’re after ?

Panel 6: A close-up of the GOATMAN shrugging.

GOATMAN: And if I said I was ?

Panel 7: A shot of JIM reaching back for a gun.

JIM: I’d say this is going to be a lot easier than I thought.

GOATMAN(op): Are you so sure ?

[Page 5][6 Panels]

Panel 1: An upward shot of JIM looking back in confusion. The GOATMAN is in the background looking down at him with a smug grin on his face.

JIM: Where the fuck is my gun ?!

GOATMAN: Did you honestly think I’d put you in a pit and not take all of your weapons away ?

JIM 2: Well, I was hoping you were as dumb as you look.

Panel 2: A side shot of KARL looking up.

KARL: Are you the person we are looking for ? Are you the man REX LANSING is after ?

Panel 3: A shot of the GOATMAN shaking his head.

GOATMAN: No, I am but a mere creation of that man. The man you seek is...

VOICE(op): Me.

Panel 4: A shot of the GOATMAN looking over his shoulder to see PROFESSOR
DANTE, a middle aged man with black hair styled into two satanic horns.

GOATMAN: Ah, Professor. We were just speaking about you.

Panel 5: A side shot of JIM looking upset. KARL is in the background rolling his
eyes.

JIM: I told you it would be some lame ass Satan worshipper.

KARL: It always is.

PROFESSOR(op): Silence !

Panel 6: A side shot of the PROFESSOR staring down at them.

PROFESSOR: Were you hired to kill me ?

JIM(op): No, but now I’m beginning to want to.

[Page 6][5 Panels]

Panel 1: A two shot of JIM looking very annoyed. KARL is still maintaining his
composure.

PROFESSOR(op): Well, I’m sorry to hear that because I was going to let you
two be the first to witness my genius.

KARL: This sounds familiar.

JIM: It’s like these guys take a fucking workshop or something.

Panel 2: A shot of a caged door behind JIM and KARL slowly rising. There is
nothing but shadows behind it.

PROFESSOR(op): Behold !

Panel 3: A two bust shot of KARL and JIM looking in confusion.

JIM(whispering): What are we supposed to be beholding ?

KARL: I don’t know.

Panel 4: A downward close-up of a large claw coming out of the darkness.

SFX: GRRRUUURRRR...

Panel 5: A downward from behind shot of the creature. All we can see is the
outline of fur. JIM and KARL are standing in front of it. JIM has his head down
in defeat. KARL is looking on in slight disappointment.

PROFESSOR(op): Perhaps if you swear allegiance to me, I will let you live.

JIM: I just can’t win can I ?

[JonHParrish]

[Page 7][7 Panels]

Panel 1: A full shot of the creature, which is a hamster demon. It is very
large, about the size of an old-school HUMMER, and has lava oozing out of it’s nose and mouth. JIM and KARL are standing a bit away from it.

PROFESSOR(op): Behold my living weapon !

Panel 2: A shot of the PROFESSOR looking down at them with an evil grin, revealing vampire like fangs.

PROFESSOR: May your god have mercy on you.

Panel 3: A side two shot of JIM and KARL.

JIM: A fucking hamster-demon. Is there a Villiany for Dumbasses book that I don’t know about ?

KARL: JIM ? May I ?

Panel 4: A two shot. JIM has his hands out in front of him and KARL is walking toward the monster.

JIM: Knock yourself out.

Panel 5: A side two shot of KARL skipping over to the creature.

KARL: Dum-Dum-Do-Dum.

JIM(op): Can you at least act like we’re professionals, KARL ?

Panel 6: A from behind shot of KARL. We can see the monster staring at him hungrily.

PROFESSOR(op): Are you in such a hurry to end your life, boy ?

Panel 7: Small panel. An extreme side close-up of KARL smirking. Two fangs
are revealed. They are slightly longer than the PROFESSORS.

[Page 8][6 Panels]

Panel 1: An upward shot of KARL crouching as if he was in pain.

KARL: Ahghh !

Panel 2: A shot of his eyes, they are now a glowing red.

Panel 3: A shot of his shirt. It is becoming ripped open.

PROFESSOR(op): What ?

Panel 4: A shot of his face. His ears are growing and his two front teeth are
getting longer. His hands are turning into claws. His skin is covered with a light blue fur.

Panel 5: A shot of the PROFESSOR. He does not look pleased at all.

PROFESSOR: What is going on ?

JIM(op): Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you. My man KARL....

Panel 6: A shot of JIM Looking up at the PROFESSOR.

JIM: rents his body out to a few demons. Three to be exact.

[Page 9][5 Panels]

Panel 1: A side shot of KARL’s head. His ears are amazingly long and his features resemble a rabbits, whiskers, little nose, buck teeth.

JIM(op): Fucked up, huh ?

Panel 2: A side shot of KARL standing upright. His shirt is now torn. His arms are long enough to still touch the ground. His feet are twice as large as they
were before. He has drool dripping from his mouth and is growling.

KARL: Grrrrr

Panel 3: A side two shot of KARL diving at the giant hamster. The hamster is roaring in defiance.

Panel 4: A shot of the hamster rearing up on it’s hind legs. KARL has landed on his face.

Panel 5: An upward shot of KARL slashing at the hamster’s eyes.

HAMSTER: Eeeee ! Eee !

KARL: Raghh !

[Page 10][8 Panels]

Panel 1: A two shot of KARL jumping backwards off of the hamster’s face.

Panel 2: A shot of KARL landing and sliding backwards.

Panel 3: A side shot of KARL sliding and stopping past JIM.

JIM: Show-off.

Panel 4: A shot of the hamster charging blindly toward them.

Panel 5: A shot of KARL preparing to jump.

Panel 6: A side shot of the HAMSTER about twenty feet from them.

Panel 7: An upward shot of KARL leaping into the air.

Panel 8: A shot of KARL coming back down toward the HAMSTER with one of his claws raised in the air. There is a large fire ball inside of it.

KARL: Raaaghhh !

PROFESSOR(op): My weapon !

[Page 11][5 Panels]

Panel 1: A shot of a large explosion.

Panel 2: A side shot of JIM shielding himself from the dust kicked up by the
explosion.

JIM: Aghh !

Panel 3: A shot of a large ball of smoke rising from a crater.

Panel 4: A two shot of the PROFESSOR and his GOATMAN. Both of them look very nervous.

Panel 5: A shot of a human hand rising up from the crater.

KARL: Well, that was fun.

[Page 12][8 Panels]

Panel 1: A side shot of JIM and KARL. JIM is yelling at KARL as he walks toward him. KARL is back to his normal form, just a little dirtier and shirtless. His pants are slightly torn.

JIM: Well, it took you long enough !

KARL: Well, next time you can fight the giant abomination and I’ll watch.

JIM 2: At least I wouldn’t have taken my sweet time.

Panel 2: A side shot of the PROFESSOR and the GOATMAN. The PROFESSOR is looking down with no emotion on his face. GOATMAN looks nervous.

PROFESSOR: Impressive.

GOATMAN: Master, I think we should be leaving now.

PROFESSOR: I didn’t create you to think. I created you to serve me loyally.

Panel 3: A side shot of the PROFESSOR shoving the GOATMAN over the edge.

GOATMAN is suspended in the air in cartoon fashion.

PROFESSOR: So serve your purpose !

GOATMAN: Master ?

Panel 4: An upward shot of the GOATMAN falling. He’s screaming.

GOATMAN: Ahhhh !

Panel 5: A shot of the GOATMAN crashing and rolling on the ground.

GOATMAN: Ooof.

Panel 6: A downward shot of the GOATMAN sprawled on the ground looking
up. JIM and KARL’s shadow are over him.

GOATMAN: Oh god.

JIM(op): KARL, do you know what time it is ?

KARL(op): I sure do, JIM.

Panel 7: An upward two shot of KARL and JIM. Their faces are heavily shadowed.

JIM: Ass whoopin time.

[Page 13][5 Panels]

Panel 1: A side shot of the PROFESSOR stroming towards a wooden door.
There are two muscular minions standing guard. They are both brandishing long javelin type weaons. One of them is saluting him. The walls should look as if their made of stone to indicate that they are underground.

CAP: Meanwhile.

PROFESSOR: I spent five months working on that weapon. It doesn’t matter.

MINION 1: Master.

Panel 2: A shot of him pushing open a door.

PROFESSOR: By the time they get out of the pit......

Panel 3: A side shot of the PROFESSOR standing in front of a desk picking up
old scrolls.

PROFESSOR: I’ll be long gone.

Panel 4: A side bust shot of the PROFESSOR looking shocked.

JIM(op): That’s what you think, asshole.

PROFESSOR: It can’t be !

Panel 4: A two shot of JIM and KARL standing in the doorway. KARL’s hands
are transformed into claws and he is holding two of the three minions.

JIM: It’s go time, motherfucker !

Panel 5: A side shot of the PROFESSOR up against the table in fear.

PROFESSOR: But how ?

JIM(op): How do you think ?

[Page 14][7 Panels]

Panel 1: A three shot of JIM and KARL. The GOATMAN is standing behind them.

PROESSOR(op): Minion ?

GOATMAN: Sorry, but they made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.

Panel 2: A side shot of JIM pointing at the PROFESSOR dramatically.

JIM: And now we have an offer for you. You can come quietly..

Panel 3: A bust two shot of KARL and JIM. KARL has his fangs bared.

JIM: Or we could seriously fuck you up.

Panel 4: A shot of the PROFESSOR looking very serious.

JIM(op): Either way, you’re coming with us.

PROFESSOR: Oh am I ?

Panel 5: A downward shot of the PROFESSOR standing with his arms outstretched. A pentagram of flame is formed at his feet.

Panel 6: Small panel. A close-up of the PROFESSOR with a grin on his face.
Flames are rising around him.

PROFESSOR: Now you will witness my true power.

Panel 7: A four shot. From behind shot of JIM, KARL, and GOATMAN. Before
them is a large pillar of fire.

KARL: Whoa !

JIM: What the fuck ?!

GOATMAN: Oh god no.

[Page 15][5 Panels]

Panel 1: A shot of the pillar of fire. The flames are receding.

PROFESSOR: Now you’ll pay.

Panel 2: A close-up of a hooved foot.

PROFESSOR: You destroyed my weapon...

Panel 3: A shot of a black muscular arm.

PROFESSOR: and now I’m going to destroy you.

Panel 4: A close-up of a black face with red-eyes and red horns.

PROFESSOR: All of you.

Panel 5: This shot should take up the middle of the page. A medium shot of
the PROFESSOR, now in demon form. He is large, with midnight skin, bright
red hair, and red horns. There are red tribal tattoos on his arms and
shoulders. He is also now bald. He has an evil grin on his face.

PROFESSOR: Prepare to die. Slowly and painfully.

[Page 16][7 Panels]

Panel 1: A bust shot of the PROFESSOR roaring.

Panel 2: A side shot of KARL hunched over again as if he’s about to transform.

KARL: Hugghh !

Panel 3: A shot of the PROFESSOR lunging at him with long claws.

PROFESSOR: If you think that I’m going to let you transform...

Panel 4: A side two shot of KARL getting slashed across the chest. He’s
reeling back in pain.

PROFESSOR: Think again !

KARL: Agghh

JIM(op): KARL !

Panel 5: A shot of the PROFESSOR following up with an uppercut. KARL is in mid-air leaning back.

SFX: Crack !

KARL: Ugn !

Panel 6: A shot of the PROFESSOR catching KARL by the head.

Panel 7: A side shot of the PROFESSOR throwing him with all of his might.

PROFESSOR: Araaghh !

[Page 17][5 Panels]

Panel 1: A side shot of KARL crashing into the wall.

SFX: Boom !

Panel 2: A shot of the PROFESSOR running toward KARL’s unconscious body.

PROFESSOR: Raaghh !

Panel 3: A side shot of the PROFESSOR looking confused

PROFESSOR: Eh ?

Panel 4: A shot from his POV of JIM standing in front of KARL with his hands
in his pockets.

PROFESSOR: So you want to try your luck against me ? Ha !

Panel 5: A close-up of JIM. He has an evil glare in his eye..

PROFESSOR(op): What’s wrong. You don’t have anything to say ?

[JonHParrish]

[Page 18][7 Panels]

Panel 1: A shot of KARL sitting up holding his head.

KARL: Ugn. My head.

Panel 2: A side shot of KARL looking surprised.

JIM(op): It’s about fucking time you came to.

Panel 3: A three shot of JIM and the GOATMAN standing over the
PROFESSOR, who has now returned to his original form and is bound and gagged. JIM has a triumphant grin on his face. The GOATMAN looks as if he’s seen something rather disturbing.

KARL(op): JIM ? What the hell happened.

Panel 4: A side two shot of JIM and KARL. JIM is standing in a defensive
boxing position. KARL has a skeptical look on his face.

JIM: Well after he handed you your ass. He came at me all crazy and shit. So I busted out my Muy Thai kickboxing skills and totally wrecked his shit.

Panel 5: Angle on same.

Panel 6: Angle on same. KARL is talking. JIM is hanging his head in defeat.

KARL: You just kicked him in the nuts, didn’t you ?

JIM: Why do you have to be such a prick ?

Panel 7: A worm’s eye view of the PROFESSOR laying unconscious on the ground. JIM, KARL, and the GOATMAN are standing in the background talking to each other.

KARL: So what do we do now ?

JIM: Get the fuck out of here.

KARL(connected): But our car is trashed.

GOATMAN: I may have an idea.

[Page 19][6 Panels]

Panel 1: A bust three shot. KARL is standing there in awe. JIM is rolling his
eyes. The GOATMAN is holding a ring of keys in his hand.

GOATMAN: Here it is.

KARL: This is...um...

JIM: You have got to be kidding me.

Panel 2: A shot from JIM’s POV of a large van with SATANMOBILE spray
painted across the side.

JIM: Satanmobile ? What was this guy, sixteen ?

KARL: A ride is a ride.

Panel 3: A from behind shot of the van. KARL is throwing the PROFESSOR into the back. The GOATMAN is climbing into the van. JIM’s arm is hanging outside of the driver’s side window.

JIM: Let’s get this show on the road. The sooner we can give LANSING this
walking cliche the better.

GOATMAN: So what happens to me ?

KARL: We were looking for a new fourth roommate.

Panel 4: A shot of the van through the windshild. The GOATMAN is sitting in the passenger’s seat. JIM is sitting behind the wheel. KARL is climbing in the side door.

GOATMAN: What happened to your old roommate ?

JIM: Well...

KARL: JIM put him in a coma for touching his porn.

Panel 5: A close-up of JIM’s hand turning the ignition.

GOATMAN(op): What ?!

JIM(op): Fuck you. I did not put him into a coma.

Panel 6: A from behind shot of the van driving down the road.

JIM: The fall from our fifth floor apartment put him in a coma. I just tossed
him over the banister.

GOATMAN: Oh god.

JIM 2: What ? I have a list in this order: God, porn, family, and friends. He knew what he was doing. He got what he deserved.

[Page 20][7 Panels]

Panel 1: A shot of REX LANSING’s skyscraper. The sun is now setting.

CAP: Later.

JIM: Well, we brought you your man. Where’s our cash ?

Panel 2: A shot of JIM looking upset.

REX(op): I don’t remeber promising you any money.

JIM: Are you fucking serious ?

Panel 3: A side shot of REX LANSING sitting at his desk.

REX: and I even if I did, you wouldn’t get it. I asked you to track him down.

Panel 4: A shot of the PROFESSOR on the ground tied-up.

REX(op): Not deliver him beaten and tied up..

JIM(op): But we had no...

Panel 5: A bust shot of REX LANSING glaring at them.

REX: I don’t want to hear any excuses. Just get out of my sight before I call
security.

Panel 6: A close-up of JIM’s face. He looks extremely pissed.

JIM: I don’t fucking believe this.

Panel 7: A three shot of KARL and JIM looking at each other. The GOATMAN
is standing behind them looking confused.

REX(op): Didn’t you hear me ? I said get out !

GOATMAN: Are you guys okay ?

KARL: You might want to leave.

JIM: Yeah. Go wait in the van. We’ll be out in a minute.

[Page 21][5 Panels]

Panel 1: A shot of the GOATMAN sitting in the van.

CAP(JIM): We need to have a discussion with Mr. LANSING.

GOATMAN: Man, I’m hungry. I wonder what’s taking them so long ?

Panel 2: A shot of JIM and KARL getting into the car.

GOATMAN(op): Are you guys okay ? What happened ?

JIM: We made that asshole give us our fucking money that’s what happened.

Panel 3: A shot of LANSING sitting under his desk in the fetal position.

CAP(GOATMAN): How’d you do that ?

CAP(JIM): Well, I guess KARL has a way with words.

Panel 4: A side two shot of JIM and KARL. JIM is waving a large wad of
money. KARL has a grin on his face.

JIM: We’ve got a new car, a new roommate, and a fat wad of cash. I have
to say, aside from me not getting laid, today wasn’t half bad.

KARL: Yeah, but DANNY will want a cut of the profits.

Panel 5: A shot of the van driving off into the sunset.

JIM: Fuck him. We’ll split it between the three of us. Me, you, and...hey
goatman, do you have a name ?

GOATMAN: No, my master always called me “minion”.

JIM 2: Well, I guess since you’re half-goat we’ll name you BILLY. BILLY GOAT.

KARL: Wow. How original.

JIM 3: Shut the fuck up, KARL.

KARL 2: Welcome to the fold, BILLY.

CAP: End.

[chrisjohnwagner]

Not a bad story. I would advise maybe giving a little description of the place Jim and Karl recover conscience. I am all for giving the artist freedom, but I don't think you mentioned any detail at all. That is just me though. I was wondering if you considered throwing a little goat sounds in with the goatman dialouge? I also think a picture with the hampster demon coming out a giant cage giant wheel, waterbottle, etc. would have been hilarious. I was envisioning that when I read your script. I would read more if you did anymore with these characters so good job.

[JonHParrish]

Thank you for your observations. I forgot to put any real detail in there because my brain suddenly froze up on me for some reason. I could see it in my mind, but I couldn't descrbe it. I will try so that it will be clearer.

Thanks again.

[Scribe]

The Villainy for Dumbasses line made me laugh out loud, really laugh out loud. That said I think you throw away some lines, like Goatman's "Oh God No," that I know you could do better with.

Also I think you could cut the first two pages of the script and not lose anything. I really think you could save page space by cutting out the skyscraper shots all together. I don't think they add anything to the story and villains having skyscrapers is kind of over done. Why does it matter where the villain lives for the purpose of this story?

I think it’s funny and original but I would have to see something beyond the sarcastic adventurer to stay with this series. Good script man.

[JonHParrish]

Yeah. Sometimes, I got stuck, but like I said..or did I, it's a work in progress. I will work on those lines.

As for the first two pages. Yeah I see that. See there are points in later stories where it cuts back to REX LANSING, who is kind of pissed about them stealing money and hurting his pride, I just figured that I should have a location that shows that he's rich, but you're right, it has been done to death. Well, I'll tinker with the pages a little.

It does go beyond the sarcastic adventure. Well, at least in my mind anyway. I have so many stories in my head and these are characters I created back in High School so there is a lot of backstory. I just need to get it all organized out.

Thanks for your comments. I really appreciated your input.

[JonHParrish]

I made some more revisions and added some scenes. Please let me know if they work. This is the last time I bump this thread up, I swear.

Terrible Tales From Easthaven
#1 Demons and Douchebags

[Page 1][4 Panels]

Panel 1: A two shot of KARL and JIM waking up in a sandy pit. It looks like
something out of a gladiator movie (sandy colored stone walls, a large metal caged door is in the background. There should also be a few torches hooked into the walls.

JIM: Oh my fuckin’ head.

KARL: Where are we ?

VOICE(op): So you’re awake.

Panel 2: A downward two shot of KARL and JIM looking up toward the reader in shock.

BOTH: What the hell ?

Panel 3: An upward shot of a GOATMAN. He has a goat’s head and a man’s body. He has a pot belly and a small tuft of brown hair on his head between his horns. He should appear around five feet tall with a pot belly. He should be wearing a red robe.

GOATMAN: Who are you and why are you h---

Panel 4: A side shot of JIM looking up slightly annoyed. KARL is shrugging.

JIM: A goatman ?! We got ambushed by a fucking goatman ?!

KARL: It would seem that way.

JIM(2): Shit.

[Page 2][7 Panels]

Panel 1: A bust shot of the Goatman. He looks very smug.

GOATMAN: Yes, I am a goatman, but back to--

JIM: This is bullshit !

Panel 2: A bust shot of the goatman, he looks annoyed.

GOATMAN: Uh..

JIM(op): A fucking goatman got the drop on us ! How are we supposed to
explain that to people ?

GOATMAN (2): Excuse m....

KARL(op): No one believes most of the things we see anyway.

JIM(connected): True, but it’s still a goatman. Not even a big one at that.
Look at his scrawny arms and his pot belly...

Panel 3: Angle on same as last panel. The GOATMAN is screaming at them.

GOATMAN: Hey, shut the hell up (mehh) !

Panel 4: A downward shot from behind the GOATMAN. He is hanging his head
in defeat.

JIM(op): And on top of that he’s a total douchebag !

GOATMAN: Will you just answer my questions ?

Panel 5: A side shot of JIM shrugging.

JIM: That depends. Are you the man we’re after ?

Panel 6: A close-up of the GOATMAN shrugging.

GOATMAN: And if I said I was ?

Panel 7: A shot of JIM reaching back for a gun.

JIM: I’d say this is going to be a lot easier than I thought.

GOATMAN(op): Are you so sure ?

[Page 3][6 Panels]

Panel 1: An upward shot of JIM looking back in confusion. The GOATMAN is in
the background looking down at him with a smug grin on his face.

JIM: Where the fuck is my gun ?!

GOATMAN: Did you honestly think I’d put you in a pit and not take all of your
weapons away ?

JIM 2: Well, I was hoping you were as dumb as you looked.

Panel 2: A side shot of KARL looking up.

KARL: Are you the person we are looking for ? Are you the man REX LANSING
is after ?

Panel 3: A shot of the GOATMAN shaking his head.

GOATMAN: No, I am but a mere creation of that man. The man you seek is...

VOICE(op): Me.

Panel 4: A shot of the GOATMAN looking over his shoulder to see PROFESSOR DANTE, a middle aged man with black hair styled into two satanic horns.
GOATMAN: Ah, Professor. We were just speaking about you.

Panel 5: A side shot of JIM looking upset. KARL is in the background rolling his eyes.

JIM: I told you it would be some lame ass Satan worshipper.

KARL: It always is.

PROFESSOR(op): Silence !

Panel 6: A side shot of the PROFESSOR staring down at them.

PROFESSOR: Were you hired to kill me ?

JIM(op): No, but now I’m beginning to want to.

[Page 4][5 Panels]

Panel 1: A two shot of JIM looking very annoyed. KARL is still maintaining his composure.

PROFESSOR(op): Well, I’m sorry to hear that because I was going to let you two be the first to witness my genius.

KARL: This sounds familiar.

JIM: It’s like these guys take a fucking workshop or something.

Panel 2: A shot of a caged door behind JIM and KARL slowly rising. There is nothing but shadows behind it.

PROFESSOR(op): Behold !

Panel 3: A two bust shot of KARL and JIM looking in confusion.

JIM(whispering): What are we supposed to be beholding ?

KARL: I don’t know.

Panel 4: A downward close-up of a large claw coming out of the darkness.

SFX: GRRRUUURRRR...

Panel 5: A downward from behind shot of the creature. All we can see is the outline of fur. JIM and KARL are standing in front of it. JIM has his head down in defeat. KARL is looking on in slight disappointment.

PROFESSOR(op): Perhaps if you swear allegiance to me, I will let you live.

JIM: I just can’t win can I ?

[Page 5][7 Panels]

Panel 1: A full shot of the creature, which is a hamster demon. It is very
large, about the size of an old-school HUMMER, and has lava oozing out of it’s nose and mouth. JIM and KARL are standing a bit away from it.

PROFESSOR(op): Behold my living weapon !

Panel 2: A shot of the PROFESSOR looking down at them with an evil grin, revealing vampire like fangs.

PROFESSOR: May your god have mercy on you.

Panel 3: A side two shot of JIM and KARL.

JIM: A fucking hamster-demon. Is there a Villiany for Dumbasses book that I don’t know about ?

KARL: JIM ? May I ?

Panel 4: A two shot. JIM has his hands out in front of him and KARL is walking toward the monster.

JIM: Knock yourself out.

Panel 5: A side two shot of KARL skipping over to the creature.

KARL: Dum-Dum-Do-Dum.

JIM(op): Can you at least act like we’re professionals, KARL ?

Panel 6: A from behind shot of KARL. We can see the monster staring at him hungrily.

PROFESSOR(op): Are you in such a hurry to end your life, boy ?

Panel 7: Small panel. An extreme side close-up of KARL smirking. Two fangs
are revealed. They are slightly longer than the PROFESSORS.

[Page 6][6 Panels]

Panel 1: An upward shot of KARL crouching as if he was in pain.

KARL: Ahghh !

Panel 2: A shot of his eyes, they are now a glowing red.

Panel 3: A shot of his shirt. It is becoming ripped open.

PROFESSOR(op): What ?

Panel 4: A shot of his face. His ears are growing and his two front teeth are
getting longer. His hands are turning into claws. His skin is covered with a light blue fur.

Panel 5: A shot of the PROFESSOR. He does not look pleased at all.

PROFESSOR: What is going on ?

JIM(op): Oh yeah. I forgot to tell you. My man KARL....

Panel 6: A shot of JIM Looking up at the PROFESSOR.

JIM: rents his body out to a few demons. Three to be exact.

[Page 7][5 Panels]

Panel 1: A side shot of KARL’s head. His ears are amazingly long and his
features resemble a rabbits, whiskers, little nose, buck teeth.

JIM(op): Fucked up, huh ?

Panel 2: A side shot of KARL standing upright. His shirt is now torn. His arms are long enough to still touch the ground. His feet are twice as large as they were before. He has drool dripping from his mouth and is growling.

KARL: Grrrrr

Panel 3: A side two shot of KARL diving at the giant hamster. The hamster is roaring in defiance.

Panel 4: A shot of the hamster rearing up on it’s hind legs. KARL has landed
on his face.

Panel 5: An upward shot of KARL slashing at the hamster’s eyes.

HAMSTER: Eeeee ! Eee !

KARL: Raghh !

[Page 8][8 Panels]

Panel 1: A two shot of KARL jumping backwards off of the hamster’s face.

Panel 2: A shot of KARL landing and sliding backwards.

Panel 3: A side shot of KARL sliding and stopping past JIM.

JIM: Show-off.

Panel 4: A shot of the hamster charging blindly toward them.

Panel 5: A shot of KARL preparing to jump.

Panel 6: A side shot of the HAMSTER about twenty feet from them.

Panel 7: An upward shot of KARL leaping into the air.

Panel 8: A shot of KARL coming back down toward the HAMSTER with one of
his claws raised in the air. There is a large fire ball inside of it.

KARL: Raaaghhh !

PROFESSOR(op): My weapon !

[Page 9][5 Panels]

Panel 1: A shot of a large explosion.

Panel 2: A side shot of JIM shielding himself from the dust kicked up by the
explosion.

JIM: Aghh !

Panel 3: A shot of a large ball of smoke rising from a crater.

Panel 4: A two shot of the PROFESSOR and his GOATMAN. Both of them look
very nervous.

Panel 5: A shot of a human hand rising up from the crater.

KARL: Well, that was fun.

[Page 10][8 Panels]

Panel 1: A side shot of JIM and KARL. JIM is yelling at KARL as he walks
toward him. KARL is back to his normal form, just a little dirtier and shirtless. His pants are slightly torn.

JIM: Took you long enough.

KARL: Next time you can fight the giant abomination and I’ll watch.

JIM 2: At least I wouldn’t have taken my sweet time.

Panel 2: A side shot of the PROFESSOR and the GOATMAN. The PROFESSOR is looking down with no emotion on his face. GOATMAN looks nervous.

PROFESSOR: Impressive.

GOATMAN: Master, I think we should be leaving now.

PROFESSOR: I didn’t create you to think. I created you to serve me loyally.

Panel 3: A side shot of the PROFESSOR shoving the GOATMAN over the edge. GOATMAN is suspended in the air in cartoon fashion.

PROFESSOR: So serve your purpose !

GOATMAN: M-master ?

Panel 4: An upward shot of the GOATMAN falling. He’s screaming.

GOATMAN: Mehhhh !

Panel 5: A shot of the GOATMAN crashing and rolling on the ground.

GOATMAN: Ooof.

Panel 6: A downward shot of the GOATMAN sprawled on the ground looking
up. JIM and KARL’s shadow are over him.

GOATMAN: Mommehhh...

JIM(op): KARL, do you know what time it is ?

KARL(op): I sure do, JIM.

Panel 7: An upward two shot of KARL and JIM. Their faces are heavily
shadowed.

JIM: It’s ass whoopin’ time.

[Page 11][5 Panels]

Panel 1: A side shot of the PROFESSOR storming towards a wooden door.
There are two muscular minions standing guard. They are both brandishing long javelin type weapons. One of them is saluting him. The walls should look as if their made of a sandy colored stone to indicate that they are
underground.

CAP: Meanwhile.

PROFESSOR: I spent five months working on that weapon. It doesn’t matter.

MINION 1: Master.

Panel 2: A shot of him pushing open a door.

PROFESSOR: By the time they get out of the pit......

Panel 3: A side shot of the PROFESSOR standing in front of a desk picking up
old scrolls.

PROFESSOR: I’ll be long gone.

Panel 4: A side bust shot of the PROFESSOR looking shocked.

JIM(op): That’s what you think, asshole.

PROFESSOR: It can’t be !

Panel 4: A two shot of JIM and KARL standing in the doorway. KARL’s hands
are transformed into blue, furry claws and he is holding the two minions.

JIM: It’s go time, motherfucker !

Panel 5: A side shot of the PROFESSOR up against the table in fear.

PROFESSOR: But how ?

JIM(op): How do you think ?

[Page 12][7 Panels]

Panel 1: A three shot of JIM and KARL. The GOATMAN is standing behind them.

PROESSOR(op): Minion ?

GOATMAN: Sorry, but they made me an offer I couldn’t refuse.

Panel 2: A side shot of JIM pointing at the PROFESSOR dramatically.

JIM: And now we have an offer for you. You can come quietly..

Panel 3: A bust two shot of KARL and JIM. KARL has his fangs bared.

JIM: Or we could seriously fuck you up.

Panel 4: A shot of the PROFESSOR looking very serious.

JIM(op): Either way, you’re coming with us.

PROFESSOR: Oh am I ?

Panel 5: A downward shot of the PROFESSOR standing with his arms
outstretched. A pentagram of flame is formed at his feet.

Panel 6: Small panel. A close-up of the PROFESSOR with a grin on his face.
Flames are rising around him.

PROFESSOR: Now you will witness my true power.

Panel 7: A four shot. From behind shot of JIM, KARL, and GOATMAN. Before
them is a large pillar of fire.

KARL: Whoa !

JIM: What the fuck ?!

GOATMAN: I think I just soiled my robe.

[Page 13][5 Panels]

Panel 1: A shot of the pillar of fire. The flames are receding.

PROFESSOR: Now you’ll pay.

Panel 2: A close-up of a hoofed foot.

PROFESSOR: You destroyed my weapon...

Panel 3: A shot of a black muscular arm.

PROFESSOR: and now I’m going to kill you.

Panel 4: A close-up of a black face with red-eyes and red horns.

PROFESSOR: All of you.

Panel 5: This shot should take up the middle of the page. A medium shot of
the PROFESSOR, now in demon form. He is large, with midnight skin, bright red hair, and red horns. There are red tribal tattoos on his arms and shoulders. He is also now bald. He has an evil grin on his face.

PROFESSOR: Prepare to die. Slowly and painfully.

[Page 14][7 Panels]

Panel 1: A bust shot of the PROFESSOR roaring.

Panel 2: A side shot of KARL hunched over again as if he’s about to transform.

KARL: Hugghh !

Panel 3: A shot of the PROFESSOR lunging at him with long claws.

PROFESSOR: If you think that I’m going to let you transform...

Panel 4: A side two shot of KARL getting slashed across the chest. He’s
reeling back in pain.

PROFESSOR: Think again !

KARL: Agghh

JIM(op): KARL !

Panel 5: A shot of the PROFESSOR following up with an uppercut. KARL is in
mid-air leaning back.

SFX: Crack !

KARL: Ugn !

Panel 6: A shot of the PROFESSOR catching KARL by the head.

Panel 7: A side shot of the PROFESSOR throwing him with all of his might.

PROFESSOR: Araaghh !

[Page 15][5 Panels]

Panel 1: A side shot of KARL crashing into the wall.

SFX: Boom !

Panel 2: A shot of the PROFESSOR running toward KARL’s unconscious body.

PROFESSOR: Raaghh !

Panel 3: A side shot of the PROFESSOR looking confused

PROFESSOR: Eh ?

Panel 4: A shot from his POV of JIM standing in front of KARL with his hands
in his pockets.

PROFESSOR: So you want to try your luck against me ? Ha !

Panel 5: A close-up of JIM. He has an evil glare in his eye..

PROFESSOR(op): What’s wrong. Nothing smart to say ?

[Page 16][7 Panels]

Panel 1: A shot of KARL sitting up holding his head.

KARL: Ugn. My head.

Panel 2: A side shot of KARL looking surprised.

JIM(op): It’s about fucking time you came to.

Panel 3: A three shot of JIM and the GOATMAN standing over the
PROFESSOR, who has now returned to his original form and is bound and
gagged. JIM has a triumphant grin on his face. The GOATMAN looks as if he’s seen something rather disturbing.

KARL(op): JIM ? What the hell happened.

Panel 4: A side two shot of JIM and KARL. JIM is standing in a defensive boxing position. KARL has a skeptical look on his face.

JIM: Well after he handed you your ass. He came at me all crazy and shit. So I busted out my Muy Thai kickboxing skills and totally wrecked his shit.

Panel 5: Angle on same.

Panel 6: Angle on same. KARL is talking. JIM is hanging his head in defeat.

KARL: You just kicked him in the nuts, didn’t you ?

JIM: Why can’t you just let me have my moment ?

Panel 7: A worm’s eye view of the PROFESSOR laying unconscious on the
ground. JIM, KARL, and the GOATMAN are standing in the background talking to each other.

KARL: So what do we do now ?

JIM: Get the fuck out of here.

KARL(connected): But our car is trashed.

GOATMAN: I-I may have an idea.

[Page 17][6 Panels]

Panel 1: A bust three shot. KARL is standing there in awe. JIM is rolling his eyes. The GOATMAN is holding a ring of keys in his hand.
GOATMAN: Here it is.

KARL: This is...um...

JIM: You have got to be kidding me.

Panel 2: A shot from JIM’s POV of a large van with SATANMOBILE spray painted across the side.

JIM: Satanmobile ? What was this guy, sixteen ?

KARL: A ride is a ride.

Panel 3: A from behind shot of the van. KARL is throwing the PROFESSOR into the back. The GOATMAN is climbing into the van. JIM’s arm is hanging outside of the driver’s side window.

JIM: Let’s get this show on the road. The sooner we can give LANSING this
walking cliché the better.

GOATMAN: So what happens to me ?

KARL: We were looking for a new fourth roommate. Our old one just...moved out.

Panel 4: A shot of the van through the windshield. The GOATMAN is sitting in
the passenger’s seat. JIM is sitting behind the wheel. KARL is climbing in the side door.

GOATMAN: What happened ?

JIM: That’s not really importa--

KARL: JIM put him in a coma for touching his porn.

Panel 5: A close-up of JIM’s hand turning the ignition.

GOATMAN(op): (mehh) What ?!

JIM(op): Fuck you. I did not put him into a coma.

Panel 6: A from behind shot of the van driving down the road.

JIM: The fall from our fifth floor apartment put him in a coma. I just assisted him over the banister.

GOATMAN: Was that really necessary ?

JIM 2: What ? I have a list in this order: God, porn, family, and friends. He knew what he was doing. He got what he deserved.

[Page 18][7 Panels]

Panel 1: A shot of REX LANSING sitting at his desk in front of a large painting of himself.

CAP: Later.

JIM(op): Well, we brought you your man. Where’s our cash ?

Panel 2: A shot of JIM looking upset.

REX(op): I don’t remember promising you any money.

JIM: Are you fucking serious ? After all we just went through ?

Panel 3: A side shot of REX LANSING sitting at his desk.

REX: and I even if I did, you wouldn’t get it. I asked you to track him down.

Panel 4: A shot of the PROFESSOR on the ground tied-up.

REX(op): Not deliver him beaten and tied up..

JIM(op): But we had no...

Panel 5: A bust shot of REX LANSING glaring at them.

REX: I don’t want to hear any excuses. Just get out of my sight before I call
security.

Panel 6: A close-up of JIM’s face. He looks extremely pissed.

JIM: I don’t fucking believe this.

Panel 7: A three shot of KARL and JIM looking at each other with the same
sly look.

REX(op): Didn’t you hear me ? I said get out !

KARL: Are you thinking what I’m thinking ?

JIM: Oh yeah.

[JonHParrish]

[Page 19][5 Panels]

Panel 1: A shot of the GOATMAN sitting in the van.

GOATMAN: Man, I’m hungry. I wonder what’s taking them so long ?

Panel 2: A shot of JIM and KARL getting into the car.

GOATMAN(op): Are you guys okay ? What happened ?

JIM: We made that asshole give us our fucking money, that’s what happened.

Panel 3: A shot of LANSING sitting under his desk in the fetal position.

CAP(GOATMAN): How’d you do that ?

CAP(JIM): Well, I guess you can say KARL has a way with words.

Panel 4: A side two shot of JIM and KARL. JIM is waving a large wad of
money. KARL has a grin on his face.

JIM: We’ve got a new car, a new roommate, and a fat wad of cash. I have
to say, aside from me not getting laid, today wasn’t half bad.

KARL: Yeah, but DANNY will want a cut of the profits.

Panel 5: A shot of the van driving off into the sunset.

JIM: Fuck him. We’ll split it between the three of us. Me, you, and...hey
goatman, do you have a name ?

GOATMAN: No, my master always called me “minion”.

JIM 2: Well, I guess since you’re half-goat we’ll name you BILLY. BILLY GOAT.

KARL: Did you come up with that all by yourself ?

JIM 3: Shut the fuck up, KARL.

[Page 20][8 Panels]

Panel 1: A bust shot of REX LANSING sitting at his desk. He has a grim look
on his face.

CAP: Meanwhile.

REX LANSING: As much as I don’t want to do this, I need your help. They
took money from me. No one takes money from REX LANSING and lives. That’s where you come in.

Panel 2: A side shot of REX LANSING.

REX: And so, I promise that if you help me, I will let you walk away from this
entire thing with a clean slate. Think of it as a way of paying me back for all
of the money you owed me.

Panel 3: A bust shot of PROFESSOR DANTE with his hands crossed sitting in the chair.

REX(op): Well, PROFESSOR what do you say ?

PROFESSOR: Well, as much as I’d like to say that you brought this entire thing upon yourself...

Panel 4: A side close-up of PROFESSOR DANTE grinning.

PROFESSOR: I’d be insane if I turned down the chance to get revenge..

Panel 5: A shot of REX sitting at his desk. He has a smile on his face.

PROFESSOR(op): Especially the one that kicked me in the genitals.

Panel 6: A close-up of PROFESSOR DANTE grinning with his fangs showing.

PROFESSOR: I’ll take pleasure killing him very slowly.

Panel 7: A bust shot of REX extending his hand.

REX: Then we have a deal ?

Panel 8: A close-up of REX and PROFESSOR DANTE shaking hands.

PROFESSOR: For now.

REX(op): That works for me. Either way...

[Page 21][1 Panel]

Panel 1: Large Panel. A three shot of JIM, KARL, and BILLY sitting at a table
outside of a fast-food restaurant with a paper bag in between them along with some wrapped half eaten burgers and two sodas. JIM is pointing an accusing finger at KARL. KARL is holding a cheap little plastic trinket with a slight grin on his face. BILLY is just watching in a mix of disbelief and regret.

CAP(REX): those boys are more clever than they appear to be.

JIM: You son of a bitch ! You stole my Kidd-e Meal Surprise !

KARL: JIM, you’re a grown man. You shouldn’t be playing with toys anyway.
Besides, it just a pink pony.

JIM 2: Fuck you, I shelled out 5 bucks ! It could be a bright pink shirt that
reads “STD’s for free !” I don’t care. I paid for it and I want it. Give it !

KARL 2: And if I don’t ?

JIM 3: You’ll get a foot in your ass ! Just give me the fucking pony !

BILLY: What have I gotten myself into ?

[Page 22][Panels]

Panel 1: A shot of JIM with his arms crossed.

CAP: Will JIM get the pink pony ?

JIM: I’d better.

Panel 2: A shot of BILLY with his head in his hands.

CAP: Will BILLY regret his decision ?

Panel 3: A shot of REX LANSING sitting at his desk.

CAP: What about REX LANSING ? What are his plans ?

Panel 4: A shot of PROFESSOR DANTE looking very offended.

CAP: And why is DOCTOR DANTE such a douche bag ?

PROFESSOR DANTE: It’s PROFESSOR DANTE !

CAP 2: Correction, why is PROFESSOR DANTE such a whiney bitch ? Find out the answers to none of these questions in our next exciting issue of TERRIBLE TALES FROM EASTHAVEN.

CAP: End.