Mamluk Sample

[Trey of Diamonds]

Greetings everyone,

I wanted to share an excerpt from my up coming Military Sci-Fi comic called Mamluk and mention the fact that we are still looking for an artist. A new classified on the subject should hit the Digital Webbing Talent Search http://www.digitalwebbing.com/talent/ soon. Any who are interested can PM or email me at Trey.Wickwire@gmail.com

This sample is from the 48 page debut one shot. I use a graphic to show the panel layouts and positions and can’t post it here so please forgive my brief layouts. Also, I have an extensive Creator’s Bible that details personnel, equipment, technology, etc, so some of the descriptions here are based on the fact that the artist will have the bible and the rest of the script.

This part of the story takes place after a pirate attack on a Mamluk fleet. After the battle a crashed pirate cruiser is found on a planet and a Ghost Squad of commandos is dispatched to recon the area and possibly capture some of the pirate officers.

Enjoy and please offer any comments that come to you.

PAGE FORTY

Panel Layout Plan

Six evenly spaced panels.


PANEL ONE
The Mamluk Ghost Squad has disembarked from the assault shuttle. They stand in three loose groups of five. The three team leaders confer as they prepare to split up. Between them is a small floating sphere that is projecting a transparent hologram of the crash site. Johansson is using it for a reference.

JOHANSSON: Chief, you take your team northeast, Gunny your southeast while my team heads east.

PANEL TWO
Mustafa and Brice from Johansson’s view with the hologram between them.

JOHANSSON: The two of you will have to quicktime it to get in flanking position but no shortcuts.

PANEL THREE
Close up of the crash site hologram. Perimeter guards should be highlighted in red. These can be silhouettes or wire frames or real life. Artist’s choice.

JOHANSSON: These guys have proven they are no amateurs and naval cruisers carry marines so we could be looking at real pros.

PANEL FOUR
Close up on Johansson’s face.

JOHANSSON: Now the old man wants prisoners so that’s what we’re going to give him.

PANEL FIVE
Back to the hologram. Johansson is indicating positions in the hologram with either a finger or a knife. The position he is pointing at should have a line of fire on the guards outlined in red.

JOHANSSON: Once the two of you are in position here and here, give me a heads up on the command channel. On my return signal you open up on the pickets, give them something to think about while we sneak in and try to get some officers.

PANEL SIX
Johansson is taking the sphere out of the air as he wraps up the briefing. The hologram is off or switching off if you can show it.

JOHANSSON: If opportunity presents itself, capture some of their pickets but they are not the main objective. Understood?

MUSTAFA: Aye, Aye Sarge!

BRICE: Sir, yes sir!

JOHANSSON: All right troops, lets move out.


PAGE FORTY-ONE

Panel Layout Plan

Five panels, the first is page width. The second is small and followed by a larger panel. Below, panel four is large and five is small.


PANEL ONE
Johansson and a team mate are overlooking a crashed cruiser in a jungle. The area north of the crash is swampy and the area south is heavy jungle. There are aliens standing guard, they look tough and professional. Their uniforms are non-military and look pieced together. Mostly civilian starship garb. A trail has been cut through the jungle to an underground bunker. A steady stream of wounded personnel are being transported from the cruiser to the bunker.

SOLDIER: What now sarge?

JOHANSSON: We move down by the bunker entrance and wait. Closed comms from now on.

PANEL TWO
Johansson and his team are hiding near the bunkers entrance. Either a guard or someone moving a wounded pirate can be shown near by.


PANEL THREE
Sergeant Brice is moving his people into position south of the crash. They are moving though heavy jungle. One soldier is kneeling and looking through some large leafed plants at some. Maybe we can see some guards or parts of there uniform through the vegetation. The ghost squad is now communicating in a closed comms situation meaning they are communicating through their nanites without voice. Some kind of SFX maybe necessary to show that this is a soundless communication. I leave it to the artist to explore the methodology for showing this. (in other words, I am passing the buck to the genius of the artist.)

CAPTION (Closed Comms): Alpha team, this is Charlie team, we are in position.

PANEL FOUR
Sergeant Mustafa is moving his people into position north of the crash. This side of the crash site is more swampy and the team is moving through some water. Maybe show some nasty water creatures.

CAPTION (Closed Comms): Alpha team, this is Beta team, we are in position.

PANEL FIVE
Johansson motions his fireteam forward.

CAPTION (Closed Comms): All teams, this is Alpha leader, initiate contact, sigma one. Repeat initiate sigma one.



PAGE FORTY-TWO

Panel Layout Plan

Three panels stacked, each the full page width.


PANEL ONE
Mustafa’s team north of the crash opens fire on the guards.

CAPTION (Closed Comms): Beta two, this is beta four, watch your six.

CAPTION (Closed Comms): Beta four, got’em.

CAPTION (Closed Comms): Beta four on your eight, keep alert.

CAPTION (Closed Comms): Roger that.

PANEL TWO
Brice’s team south of the crash opens fire on the guards.

CAPTION (Closed Comms): Charlie five, this is Charlie one, give cover fire to Charlie three.

CAPTION (Closed Comms): Charlie one, Charlie five acknowledges.

PANEL THREE
In the confusion, Johansson’s fireteam kill the guard as they slip into the bunker.

CAPTION (Closed Comms): Alpha team, move out.


PAGE FORTY-THREE

Panel Layout Plan

Four panels. The first is page width, two and three are in the middle and the fourth is page width across the bottom.


PANEL ONE
Johansson can see a wireframe layout of the bunker in front of his eyes. It shows a room not far from the entrance that is blinking red. This is the communications room and there first target.

PANEL TWO
Johansson’s team is discovered by alien pirates rushing down the hall.

CAPTION (Closed Comms): Alpha two, cover fire now!!

PANEL THREE
Bullets fly and several hit the Mamluks. Most bounce off but a couple take hits. The Mamluks hit barely notice it.

CAPTION (Closed Comms): Alpha team, enemy fire is limited and low tech. Proceed to objective.

PANEL FOUR
In the communication room an alien is speaking into a comms unit. He is talking to the damaged cruiser outside.

PIRATE: They’re here! They’re here!!

[chrisjohnwagner]

I hate this. I mean I am all for giving artistic freedom but you don't describe anything. I would also like to complain about the fact that you started this post on page 40 something the prefered method is to start on page one


I read your disclaimer at the top I am just having fun. The story seems pretty good based on what little I see. I would be worried about a run of the mill space marine/military story

[Trey of Diamonds]

Nothing run of the mill about this one. I am going to be exploring the concepts of freedom versus slavery. You see, the human race has been kidnapped and forced to be the warrior slaves of an alien empire. This is because humans are the most aggressive species in the universe. So the main focus of the series will be the Mamluks status as slaves. The name Mamluk has a lot of meaing.

Quote from Wikipedia, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mamluk

The first mamluks served the Abbasid caliphs in 9th century Baghdad. The Abbasids recruited them from mainly Turkic non-Muslims captured in areas north of the Black Sea, the steppes of modern Southwestern Russia and the Caucasus. The mamluk system gave rulers troops with no link to the established power structure. The local warriors were often more loyal to their tribal sheiks, their families or nobles other than the sultan or caliph. If some commander conspired against the ruler, it was often not possible to deal with him without causing unrest among the nobility. The slave-troops were strangers of the lowest possible status who could not conspire against the ruler and who could easily be punished if they caused trouble.
And as the Eqyptians discovered, it isn't smart to give your slaves weapons. :blink:

Thanks for reading!

[Romaine]

It's hard to give a good critique with only a few pages to read, but so far it looks good. Curious to see where it goes.

I noticed a couple places where you clearly mean "they are" you use the word "there." It should be spelled "they're." Just a small crit.

~Max Romaine

[Trey of Diamonds]

Thanks Max, I am bad about that. :whistlin:

Hopefully it will be on the shelves next year. I have a six page preview story that is being penciled now. It will be published as a back end story in a Markosia title late this year or early next. You know I will be posting once I find out when.

[Trey of Diamonds]

Well, I finally signed an artist for Mamluk and I guess patience pays because I found a great one in Steven Yarbrough. Here is the announcement I just made on my creators thread:

http://www.visionarycomics.com/v2/forum/viewtopic.php?t=213

We are going to have our own section of the forum and a blog soon for samples so I will keep you posted on that.

[Scribe]

I hate this. I mean I am all for giving artistic freedom but you don't describe anything. I would also like to complain about the fact that you started this post on page 40 something the prefered method is to start on page one


I read your disclaimer at the top I am just having fun. The story seems pretty good based on what little I see. I would be worried about a run of the mill space marine/military story

I agree with what Chris said. I don't think there is enough detail to really offer a full crit.

The problem with this whole "Aliens enslave the human race" concept is that we know eventually the humans will rise up and free themselves, its expected, and over done, Ron L. Hubbard even used the idea to start a religion.

I think using the name Mameluke, or mamluk whichever is apparently correct, but I think you should do your research and actually set the story where the term originates from. Mameluke literally means White Slave. They enslaved Christian kids tried to strip away every aspect of humanity from them and used them to support a country and religion that wasn't their own.

To me the real story of a Mameluke is a lot more compelling than another "Aliens took us over" story. I'm just saying as a reader I would be a lot more likely to pick up a well researched story that sheds lights on the religious/political make up of the today's world than another story about an alien enslavement.

[Trey of Diamonds]

Hi Scribe,

Sorry about the lack of detail but by page 40 a lot of the instructions to the artist had become brief and I also have an extensive creators bible for the artist to reference.

You are right that there is a great story behind the Mamluks and I do intend to explore it. You see, I have done a great deal of research into them after first learning of them while working in Kazakhstan on the Caspian Sea. I met a Georgian, country not state, who bragged that the Egyptian preferred to steal Georgian children because they made superior warriors.

I have to ask, where did you find your translation of Mamluk? White Slave is a first for me since the word translates as owned. The first Mamluks were of Turkic origin and the ancient Turks were definitely not white. No matter, the word means owned which is pretty much slave.

I plan to explore the concepts of slavery and freedom and don’t worry, it will be very different from the run of the mill stories you mentioned. You see, the Mamluks enjoy a great deal of freedom in the Savant Empire. They only have two restrictions; the are not allowed to settle on a planet and their only occupation can be soldier. In all other matters they have complete freedom and are second in power only to the Savant race themselves.

The Savant run their empire very tightly but they are also very fair. I am designing their rule after Genghis Khan’s empire, the greatest land empire our planet has ever seen and one with more individual freedoms than any other of its age. While ruthless, few subjects would have traded their new rulers for their old.

So, as you can imagine, there is a faction in the Mamluks who want to over turn the Savant. But is it to free their people to live in peace on a planet of their choice, or do they just plan to supplant one tyranny with another? I plan to examine some very deep subjects from our own history. When the US Civil War was over and even before it began there was the question, what happens if we free the slaves? How will they know how to live in a free society? I plan to revisit this question and many many others.

So, I hope I have answered a couple of questions and peaked your curiosity at least enough to pick up the book next year and thumb through it. Cause I know if you open the book, you’ll have to buy it. Take the challenge and see if you can flip through the pages and then put it down with out finishing it. Bet you can’t! :D

[Scribe]

Mameluke is Arabic for white slave, just google the three words together. While the original Manluks might have been turks the vast number of them were from the Caucaus mountains which is where the term Caucasian comes from so guess what color most of them were. Also the Eygptians didn't steal most of the boys, they bought them from their families who were willing to get rid of them because of the demands of their nomadic lifestyle.

Sorry I can't see myself picking this up. Dealing with historical issues set in the far future seems so Star Trek circa 1960. Also the few pages you've posted here don't seem that well paced and rather run of the mill.

Science fiction has been tanking since about the turn of the century. The market isn't there for it even for "successful" entries, Serenity underperformed at the box office and Battlestar Galacitca pulls in only about 1.5 million veiwers per show.

Good luck, but I can't see myself as one your readers.

[Trey of Diamonds]

And how many Georgians have you met? Yeah, they are white, like the Greeks and Italians are white. But don’t mistake them for today’s Aryan stereotype or some Nordic pale skinned specimen. The Georgians I have met are all pretty swarthy.

I took your advice and googled the term, all I found were a couple of sites that said Mamluk means white slave. In other words, it is interpreted as such. The literal translation of the Arabic is “owned”. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t mean to nitpick and I am not trying to sell you on my writing. But please give me a little credit for doing my homework. I am an amateur historian and have lived in the Middle East and Central Asia for many years. I know the history and culture.

No worries on not picking up the book, not everyone can be a fan, nor am I looking for fame and fortune. I just want to tell an interesting story that some folks will enjoy, same, I suspect, as you. ;)

[Trey of Diamonds]

Hello everyone,

Visionary Comics Studio has been kind enough to offer me a staff level position with the studio and I jumped at the chance to become more involved. My title will be the Traffic and Logistics Manager or T&L for short. They summed up my duties as such:

Trey Wickwire will be coming on board as our Traffic and Logistics Manager. His job will be to be in communication with all active studio members regarding deadlines on projects. Essentially he will be overseeing the flow of projects, ensuring all deadlines are being met and that any stumbling blocks are dealt with as best as possible quickly in order to get back on track.

Visionary Comics is really taking off, look for our first two publications this month.

Soulstar: The Dreaming, a 6 page preview in the back of Markosia’s Smoke and Mirror #1

In the Demon’s Path, a 6 page short story in the back of Markosia’s Project Eon #3.

For more info check out our website:

http://www.visionarycomics.com/

[Knuckles]

Congrats Trey! That's really good to hear and good luck. You are not a whip cracker.

[Trey of Diamonds]

Thanks buddy, I'm pretty excited. Really looking forward to seeing some Visionary stuff in print!

:banana: :bounce: :banana:

[Knuckles]

Opps, a question mark was suppose to be at the end of the last sentence. Anyway, looks like they have some interesting comics.

[Trey of Diamonds]

Yeah, I guess you could say I am the deadline enforcer, but I promist to only use my powers for good. :cool:

[Trey of Diamonds]

The Mamluk Blog is now up and running, complete with some artwork samples.

http://www.vcsmamluk.blogspot.com/

We also have a Mamluk forum at Visionary.

http://www.visionarycomics.com/v2/forum/viewforum.php?f=37

Things are really moving fast now, next stop, the shelf at your local comic shop.