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Hyenadoc
08-10-2006, 10:54 PM
This script is really centered more around Doc Ock as told through an unconventional perspective. The wife is a big fan of the good Doctor, so I just had to do a script featuring him. Despite the non-standard point of view, it's an old school superhero tale.

Please let me know what you think. Even a few phrases of criticism can prove invaluable!

INSURANCE

PAGE ONE (six panels)

Panel 1. We’re looking at a small storefront in Queens. This is “The Reptile Factory” according to the logo over the awning, though a series of plywood panels has been placed over what used to be the main display window. A sign affixed to these panels reads: “Closed for Repairs.” Pedestrians are walking past, paying no mind.

CAP: Queens, New York.

MANAGER (from behind the paneling): C’mon Neil… how long does it take to sweep up broken glass?!

Panel 2. We see a man’s jeans and work boots standing on a floor covered in shards of glass. A broom being held rests lightly on the floor, but it doesn’t seem to have been used to do any sweeping.

NEIL/CAP: There’s something wrong with me.

Panel 3. A high-angle shot of the interior of this no-frills pet store. Neil is a young man with long brown hair pulled back into a pony-tail. Aside from the aforementioned jeans and work boots, he’s wearing long-sleeved flannel over a plain black T-shirt. Neil’s standing in an aisle of large glass cases, about half of them shattered. All of the intact ones are filled with various reptiles. Neil is holding the broom, but his attention is locked on the glass case in front of him.

MANAGER (OP): You stay here and clean. I gotta go downtown and talk to these insurance people.

MANAGER (OP): According to them, I hadta have some kind of super-villain indemnity clause to file a claim! Of all the lousy…

CAP/NEIL: At first I thought it was just stress from what had happened.

Panel 4. Close-up of Neil. He has a long, pleasant kind of face that seems ready-made for a dull expression – which is what he’s wearing. His eyes, however, seem hypnotized as they stare down into the case. Neil’s taken one hand off the broom, reaching forward…

MANAGER (OP): Neil, are you listening?

CAP/NEIL: But it’s something else.

Panel 5. The case holds a boa constrictor pressed up against the glass. It’s one of those twenty-five foot monsters. It takes no note as Neil’s hand lightly touches the glass beside its body.

MANAGER (OP): What’s your problem? Post traumatic heebie jeebies?

CAP/NEIL: Something worse.

Panel 6. Close-up of a section of the snake’s body in all its scintillating glory. One of Neil’s fingers is just in view.

MANAGER (OP): I know what you went through was bad…

Panel 7. Same angle. Neil’s finger is in the same spot. But now the snake has turned into a section of one of Doc Ock’s tentacles.

MANAGER (OP): …but it’s been like, a week already.

CAP/NEIL: Was I just an unlucky bystander?

PAGE TWO (five panels)

Flashback Panel 1. Extreme close-up of Neil’s eyes. He looks terrified. Two metal claws are visible on either side of the panel, right at the level of his eyebrows.

CAP: A week ago:

CAP/NEIL: Or a deliberate target?

DOC OCK (OP): Crush it…

Flashback Panel 2. Pull out to a medium close-up. We can now see the angry visage of a sweaty Doc Ock (in his green and yellow duds) right behind Neil, using him as a hostage. The good doctor’s tentacles are holding onto Neil’s head from all sides: left, right, top, and bottom.

DOC OCK: …like a melon.

SPIDER-MAN (OP): Does the super-villain union make you do stuff like this?

Flashback Panel 3. Looking over the shoulder of Ock and the captive Neil, we see Spidey stuck to the side of a bread truck opposite them, poised to make a move as soon as he sees an opening.

SPIDER-MAN: Do all you guys have a monthly “hostage quota” you have to fill?

Flashback Panel 4. The Doc and Neil. Wide enough to see that they’re standing in front of “The Reptile Factory” pet store. Neil’s right hand is grabbing at the back of his neck. Otto delivers his response through gritted teeth.

DOC OCK: Surely you wouldn’t begrudge me a little insurance?

CAP/NEIL: That’s when he did it.

SPIDER-MAN (OP): On the contrary, a doctor like you needs all the medical malpractice he can get!

SPIDER-MAN (OP): Even your bedside manner is deadly!

Flashback Panel 5. Dramatic wide-shot of the showdown. On one side are Otto and his hostage, while Spider-man remains stuck to the side of the bread truck, one arm extended towards them. Further down the sidewalk a mangled light pole has fallen, gouging a hole through a wall. Flames are flickering out of the gap.

DOC OCK (burst): Enough!

DOC OCK: Keep your tiresome trap closed unless you want this situation to get a lot messier! Even now—

PAGE THREE (five panels)

Flashback Panel 1. Close-up of a surprised Ock as a strand of webbing neatly covers his nose and mouth! Neil’s shoulder is visible, but Otto is already recoiling away from him.

SFX: THWIP!

DOC OCK: -Umph!

Flashback Panel 2. Otto staggers back from his former hostage – right towards the front window of the pet store. Already two of his tentacles have started trying to pull the webbing from his face while the other ones flail about in a panic. If possible, use a modified angle or other trick to emphasize Ock’s sudden panic. Neil is falling forward, still looking scared out of his mind.

CAP/NEIL: That was smart.

CAP/NEIL: Spidey knew that given a choice between killing me -- and suffocating -- or saving himself, Otto Octavius would always choose the latter.

CAP/NEIL: Though now I’m not sure he was trying to kill me.

CAP/NEIL: I didn’t always notice stuff like that. Or talk like this. Smart, I mean.

Flashback Panel 3. Close on Doc Ock as he bumps into the window behind him. One tentacle pulls the wad of webbing away from his now gasping mouth.

SFX: Wump

DOC OCK: Huuuuh--!

Flashback Panel 4. Closer on Otto. He’s frozen in place, his tentacle still poised to remove the rest of the webbing. The expression on his face basically says: “Uh oh.” The reason for that look is reflected in his glasses. Spiderman is leaping towards him, fist cocked back in a cool Spidey pose.

Flashback Panel 5. Big gorgeous shot. Doc’s back is to us as he flies through the window of the pet store trailing his tentacles! The glass in the window is still in the process of shattering outward around the hole Doc made, indicating just how fast Otto is going. Spidey is visible on the other side of the glass, fist at the completion point on a massive uppercut.

SFX: KIIRRSH!!

CAP/NEIL: And then it was over.

CAP/NEIL: For them, anyway.

PAGE FOUR (seven panels)

Panel 1. Overhead shot looking down on Neil in his bed. The covers have been pulled half-way down his chest, revealing a wife-beater shirt. It’s the middle of the night and he’s sweating profusely, clutching his blankets in a death grip.

Dream Panel 2. Close-up of Neil’s head in profile. Ock’s tentacles once again hold it with crushing force. His eyes are popped and he looks terrified. But from this angle, we can now see the gloved hand of Octavius inserting some kind of creepy-looking electronics into the base of his neck. Neil’s right hand is moving to try and stop it.

DOC OCK (OP): Surely you wouldn’t begrudge me a little insurance?

CAP/NEIL: That’s when he did it.

Dream Panel 3. Close up of the back of Neil’s neck framed by a few wisps of hair. The device is burrowing its way underneath the skin! The fingers of his right hand are ineffectually curled nearby.

CAP/NEIL: For the first few days, I couldn’t tell anyone what he’d done, since I didn’t know myself.

Panel 4. Narrow panel focused on one of Neil’s closed eyes. He’s shutting it tight, as if in pain.

Panel 5. Another narrow panel of the same eye, only now it’s opened wide. The pupil is very small.

Panel 6. Neil sits up so fast there are motion lines. His eyes are wide, but his expression is strangely vacant.

CAP/NEIL: And now I can’t tell anyone because they wouldn’t understand.

CAP/NEIL: They’re just not intelligent enough.

Panel 7. Neil turns to look in our direction, his long hair now framing a face that’s looking increasingly demented.

CAP/NEIL: I need to find a coat.

PAGE FIVE (six panels)

Panel 1. Wide-shot of Neil walking along a street in an unsavory neighborhood. It’s still the middle of the night. His hands are jammed in an overcoat that spreads out behind him. Underneath the coat he’s still wearing the wife-beater and a pair of sweatpants. No shoes. His hair hangs in tangles around his face, and he now sports a pair of dark glasses. A car full of young punks slows down to take a look at him.

PUNK: Dudes, check it out!

PUNK (music notes to suggest singing): Dork wears his sunglasses at night!

PUNK #2: Haw haw!

PUNK #3 (backseat): What a gimp!

CAP/NEIL: Only he could reformat a brain like it was just another kind of disk.

CAP/NEIL: Giving it the necessary instructions.

CAP/NEIL: The necessary directions.

Panel 2. Neil turns down an alleyway. A beer bottle thrown by the out-of-sight punks rebounds off a wall near him without breaking. He takes no notice.

SFX: Bak!

PUNK (around corner): You better run…!

CAP/NEIL: I’m not him.

CAP/NEIL: He made sure that there would be no mistake about that.

Panel 3. Neil stands nonchalantly to one side, one hand in his pocket. The other tugs a section of drain-pipe away from the wall, revealing that it is, in fact, a cleverly concealed lever. A section of brick slides up into a doorway.

CAP/NEIL: But I’m almost him.

SFX: SCRAAAAPE!

CAP/NEIL: Enough alike to be an instrument of vengeance.

Panel 4. Birds-eye view of Neil walking through a cavernous hidden laboratory. Strange equipment and massive consoles hint at incomprehensibly advanced science. Everything is shadowy and dark.

CAP/NEIL: Octavius. His last name is derived from the Latin word for “eight.” I shall take my new identity from the Latin word for “nine.”

CAP/NEIL: His enemies are now my enemies. His goals my own.

Panel 5. Neil’s hand finishes tapping a code into a metal keypad set into the wall. A readout above the keypad reads: “Beta Harness Online” in an LED font.

CAP/NEIL: So beware, Spider-man…

Panel 6. Beautiful high-angle shot of Neil – now Dr. Novem – standing in the middle of this abandoned lab wearing a harness with only two arms. His coat is flared out dramatically behind him as both his real and mechanical arms raise skyward in a display of megalomaniacal triumph!

NEIL/NOVEM: Tomorrow you shall have to contend with…

NEIL/NOVEM (burst): …Doctor Novem!

THE END.

KH
08-11-2006, 12:21 AM
Good stuff.

The only thing I would suggest is to brighten up your dialogue. Read it outloud right now and I think it's a tad stiff and outdated.

Language in comics seems to be taking a looong time to catch up to the 21st century. I hate to say it but words like, "LIKE", "SERIOUSLY", "DUDE", etc. are here to stay and are included in almost all casual conversation with people between the ages of birth to 30.

Spiderman seems to be one of the few characters that's ridden the different linguistic trends well.

You can kind of hear him say, "Seriously. Does the super-villain union make you do stuff like this?"

Hyenadoc
08-11-2006, 07:30 PM
I went back and streamlined Spidey's lines to sound more natural. Thanks for the help!