Hyenadoc
08-07-2006, 05:05 AM
Hello everyone,
It took me a few days, but I finally got the courage to post here for the first time. I've been a writer for years, but have only delved into the comics medium recently.
What follows is the first four pages of an eight page origin story entitled "Jingo." It's a street-level superhero tale that explores the concept of the patriotic hero -- sort of a Daredevil meets Captain America. The protaganist (of sorts) is a bigoted thug by the name of Cody Kinkade. Due to a traumatic incident in his past, he develops a psychotic break (similar to a split personality) and takes on a role as an upstanding hero. These pages, however, only deal with establishing how unlikable he is. :)
I'll post the remaining four pages if there's any interest. Thanks for taking the time to read this!
JINGO
PAGE ONE (six panels)
Panel 1. Wide shot. We’re looking down into a prison courtyard over the shoulder of a shotgun-wielding guard on the wall. A small group of prisoners has gathered around two fighting inmates. From this distance, all we can tell is that one of them is massive and the other one wiry.
CAP/PRISONER #1:
“So that’s Cody Kinkade? One with the rep?”
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“Yeah.”
CAP/PRISONER #1:
“Scrappin’ with Glom. Punk wanna die.”
Panel 2. Two-shot of the fighters. Glom is bald and structured like a wall. Cody has an unkempt thatch of hair and a much smaller build, his otherwise pleasant face twisted by a look of vicious determination. He delivers a crushing blow to his opponent’s jaw with hands clasped, staggering Glom sideways!
SFX:
THOK!
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“Ain’t died yet.”
Panel 3. Cody adroitly ducks under one of Glom’s clumsy backhands.
CAP/PRISONER #1:
“Kinkade at that rally in ’03?”
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“Yeah.”
CAP/PRISONER #1:
“One where 76er got plowed?”
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“Yeah.”
Panel 4. Glom is too slow turning around and Cody quickly follows up with a vicious fist to the lumbering man’s kidney!
CAP/PRISONER #1:
“Punk-ass superheroes.”
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“76er’s my boy, man.”
CAP/PRISONER #1:
“@#*& you.”
Panel 5. Medium shot of Cody with his arms in a fighting stance. Cody’s glaring down at Glom (out of sight on the ground) with barely constrained fury.
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“He’s gittin’ out.”
CAP/PRISONER #1:
“Who? Kinkade?”
GLOM (weak/OP):
Stop… <Koff!> You… you win.
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“Yeah.”
Panel 6. High-angle wide shot. Cody completes a strong kick to his fallen opponent’s mid-section!
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“Tomorrow.”
GLOM (burst):
Unnnh!!
PAGE TWO (seven panels)
Panel 1. A dilapidated 4-door sedan is pulling away from a monolithic prison entrance. “Colmate Penitentiary” is visible over its massive double doors.
CAP:
Tomorrow:
EDGAR (car):
Cody! You get any tats, man?
TED (car):
Dude, bro’s been on ice three years! That the best you come up with?
EDGAR (car):
Wasn’t three! Like, two years, ten months.
TED (car):
Stop talkin’ man. Gonna depress him.
Panel 2. Looking through the front windshield. Ted’s behind the wheel; he’s a clean-shaven man wearing a jean jacket over a plain shirt. His friend Edgar is sitting in the passenger seat with his elbow resting on the open window. He wears a “Huddwiser” T-shirt, and unlike Ted, sports a redneck mustache. Cody is sitting in the back with a completely emotionless face; his expression remains like this for the rest of the scene. He’s wearing the plain button-up shirt and pants provided to all released inmates.
TED:
So anyway, Cody, sorry none of us came by… s’like a six hour drive…
EDGAR:
And we’re broke, man. Completely tapped. Otherwise…
TED:
Yeah, otherwise we woulda. Visited, I mean. A lot.
Panel 3. Same shot as before with only minor movements. It’s an awkward silence.
Panel 4. Through the driver’s side window. Ted is leaning back with one hand on the wheel. Beyond him Edgar is enthusiastically sitting up so as to look at both Ted and Cody (who’s not visible from this angle).
EDGAR:
Tell him ‘bout the rally.
TED:
Oh yeah! You know it’s only a few days till the three-year anniversary of the greatest party ever, right?
EDGAR:
Cody stuck it to the towel heads and that queer 76er!
TED:
S’right! And we’re havin’ another get together in honor of your triumphant return, bro!
Panel 5. Two-shot with Ted on the right and Cody behind him on the left. Ted is glancing up at the rear-view mirror so as to look at his friend.
TED:
This time, though, instead of the A-rabs, we’re sendin’ a message to all the damn illegals.
EDGAR (OP):
Haw! Yeah, it’s “get out!” Ha ha!
TED:
You’re comin’ right?
TED:
Right...?
CODY:
Mallory still seeing that guy?
Panel 6. High angle shot as the car drives down a two-lane blacktop in the country. A sign along one side reads: “HOBOKEN 60” and “NEW YORK 74”
TED (car):
How’d you hear about that?
CODY (car):
She sent a letter. Is she still seeing him?
EDGAR (car):
Best to focus on the positive, man.
Panel 7. Close-up of Cody. Still no trace of emotion.
CODY:
Drop me off at her house.
PAGE THREE (five panels as a series of horizontal strips)
Panel 1. Wide shot of a small rural house replete with a wrecked truck in the front yard. A large, angry dog is chained to a nearby tree.
SFX:
Krrrsh!!
SFX (DOG):
RAWF! RAWF-RAWF!!
Panel 2. Large, wide panel from a low angle. We’re on the kitchen floor along with a sprawled guy in a suit and some broken plates. His face isn’t really visible, but he has a hand up to protect himself from further blows. The focus of the shot is on Cody, towering over him with a fist cocked to hit the guy again. His shirt is unbuttoned and untucked, and he wears the same look of rage as in the prison yard. In the background we can just make out Mallory (a pretty brunette with mid-length hair) cowering against a wall with tears streaming down her face.
CODY:
If I see you again after today, I’ll put you in a coma.
CODY:
Look at my eyes.
Panel 3. Wide close-up of Mallory’s current boyfriend. His eyes are large with fear and blood is pouring from both his nose and a split lip.
Panel 4. Wide close-up of just Cody’s eyes. They promise all sorts of torture.
CODY:
That’s so you know I’m not lying.
Panel 5. Wide view of the house in silhouette. The back-lit figure of Mallory’s boyfriend can be seen running away from it at top speed.
MALLORY (house/small)
I… hate you…!
PAGE FOUR (seven panels)
Panel 1. Big two-shot. Cody’s back is to us on the left. The set of his head and shoulders suggests possible feelings of shame. Mallory is wedged into a corner made by the wall and the fridge. Her face is a mess of tears and impotent rage.
MALLORY:
You’re a #@%& monster, Cody!
MALLORY (burst):
A monster!
CODY:
…
CODY:
I had a package sent here.
Panel 2. Close-up of Mallory, her eyes are shooting daggers.
CODY (OP):
Did it arrive?
Panel 3. Same Close-up, only now Mallory is looking to her left, either to direct him or just to break eye contact.
MALLORY:
On the porch.
MALLORY (small):
You should’ve never got out…
Panel 4. Wide-shot of the porch. A large crate is in the foreground. One side reads: “Remtech Industries Ltd.” Another side reminds us which end is up and notes that the contents are “fragile.” Cody heads towards it with an inscrutable expression.
Panel 5. He crouches down to examine the crate, completely engrossed. His (and our) angle of view is such that the door is now out of sight.
MALLORY (OP):
Take it with you.
Panel 6. Real tight shot of a surprised Cody as he looks over his shoulder.
SFX:
CLIK.
Panel 7. We’re looking straight down the wrong end of a double-barreled shotgun. Mallory’s wielding it with a steady grip. Her eyes are promising tortures of their own.
MALLORY:
And if I see you again after today…
MALLORY:
I’ll put you in the #%&@& ground!
It took me a few days, but I finally got the courage to post here for the first time. I've been a writer for years, but have only delved into the comics medium recently.
What follows is the first four pages of an eight page origin story entitled "Jingo." It's a street-level superhero tale that explores the concept of the patriotic hero -- sort of a Daredevil meets Captain America. The protaganist (of sorts) is a bigoted thug by the name of Cody Kinkade. Due to a traumatic incident in his past, he develops a psychotic break (similar to a split personality) and takes on a role as an upstanding hero. These pages, however, only deal with establishing how unlikable he is. :)
I'll post the remaining four pages if there's any interest. Thanks for taking the time to read this!
JINGO
PAGE ONE (six panels)
Panel 1. Wide shot. We’re looking down into a prison courtyard over the shoulder of a shotgun-wielding guard on the wall. A small group of prisoners has gathered around two fighting inmates. From this distance, all we can tell is that one of them is massive and the other one wiry.
CAP/PRISONER #1:
“So that’s Cody Kinkade? One with the rep?”
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“Yeah.”
CAP/PRISONER #1:
“Scrappin’ with Glom. Punk wanna die.”
Panel 2. Two-shot of the fighters. Glom is bald and structured like a wall. Cody has an unkempt thatch of hair and a much smaller build, his otherwise pleasant face twisted by a look of vicious determination. He delivers a crushing blow to his opponent’s jaw with hands clasped, staggering Glom sideways!
SFX:
THOK!
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“Ain’t died yet.”
Panel 3. Cody adroitly ducks under one of Glom’s clumsy backhands.
CAP/PRISONER #1:
“Kinkade at that rally in ’03?”
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“Yeah.”
CAP/PRISONER #1:
“One where 76er got plowed?”
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“Yeah.”
Panel 4. Glom is too slow turning around and Cody quickly follows up with a vicious fist to the lumbering man’s kidney!
CAP/PRISONER #1:
“Punk-ass superheroes.”
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“76er’s my boy, man.”
CAP/PRISONER #1:
“@#*& you.”
Panel 5. Medium shot of Cody with his arms in a fighting stance. Cody’s glaring down at Glom (out of sight on the ground) with barely constrained fury.
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“He’s gittin’ out.”
CAP/PRISONER #1:
“Who? Kinkade?”
GLOM (weak/OP):
Stop… <Koff!> You… you win.
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“Yeah.”
Panel 6. High-angle wide shot. Cody completes a strong kick to his fallen opponent’s mid-section!
CAP/PRISONER #2:
“Tomorrow.”
GLOM (burst):
Unnnh!!
PAGE TWO (seven panels)
Panel 1. A dilapidated 4-door sedan is pulling away from a monolithic prison entrance. “Colmate Penitentiary” is visible over its massive double doors.
CAP:
Tomorrow:
EDGAR (car):
Cody! You get any tats, man?
TED (car):
Dude, bro’s been on ice three years! That the best you come up with?
EDGAR (car):
Wasn’t three! Like, two years, ten months.
TED (car):
Stop talkin’ man. Gonna depress him.
Panel 2. Looking through the front windshield. Ted’s behind the wheel; he’s a clean-shaven man wearing a jean jacket over a plain shirt. His friend Edgar is sitting in the passenger seat with his elbow resting on the open window. He wears a “Huddwiser” T-shirt, and unlike Ted, sports a redneck mustache. Cody is sitting in the back with a completely emotionless face; his expression remains like this for the rest of the scene. He’s wearing the plain button-up shirt and pants provided to all released inmates.
TED:
So anyway, Cody, sorry none of us came by… s’like a six hour drive…
EDGAR:
And we’re broke, man. Completely tapped. Otherwise…
TED:
Yeah, otherwise we woulda. Visited, I mean. A lot.
Panel 3. Same shot as before with only minor movements. It’s an awkward silence.
Panel 4. Through the driver’s side window. Ted is leaning back with one hand on the wheel. Beyond him Edgar is enthusiastically sitting up so as to look at both Ted and Cody (who’s not visible from this angle).
EDGAR:
Tell him ‘bout the rally.
TED:
Oh yeah! You know it’s only a few days till the three-year anniversary of the greatest party ever, right?
EDGAR:
Cody stuck it to the towel heads and that queer 76er!
TED:
S’right! And we’re havin’ another get together in honor of your triumphant return, bro!
Panel 5. Two-shot with Ted on the right and Cody behind him on the left. Ted is glancing up at the rear-view mirror so as to look at his friend.
TED:
This time, though, instead of the A-rabs, we’re sendin’ a message to all the damn illegals.
EDGAR (OP):
Haw! Yeah, it’s “get out!” Ha ha!
TED:
You’re comin’ right?
TED:
Right...?
CODY:
Mallory still seeing that guy?
Panel 6. High angle shot as the car drives down a two-lane blacktop in the country. A sign along one side reads: “HOBOKEN 60” and “NEW YORK 74”
TED (car):
How’d you hear about that?
CODY (car):
She sent a letter. Is she still seeing him?
EDGAR (car):
Best to focus on the positive, man.
Panel 7. Close-up of Cody. Still no trace of emotion.
CODY:
Drop me off at her house.
PAGE THREE (five panels as a series of horizontal strips)
Panel 1. Wide shot of a small rural house replete with a wrecked truck in the front yard. A large, angry dog is chained to a nearby tree.
SFX:
Krrrsh!!
SFX (DOG):
RAWF! RAWF-RAWF!!
Panel 2. Large, wide panel from a low angle. We’re on the kitchen floor along with a sprawled guy in a suit and some broken plates. His face isn’t really visible, but he has a hand up to protect himself from further blows. The focus of the shot is on Cody, towering over him with a fist cocked to hit the guy again. His shirt is unbuttoned and untucked, and he wears the same look of rage as in the prison yard. In the background we can just make out Mallory (a pretty brunette with mid-length hair) cowering against a wall with tears streaming down her face.
CODY:
If I see you again after today, I’ll put you in a coma.
CODY:
Look at my eyes.
Panel 3. Wide close-up of Mallory’s current boyfriend. His eyes are large with fear and blood is pouring from both his nose and a split lip.
Panel 4. Wide close-up of just Cody’s eyes. They promise all sorts of torture.
CODY:
That’s so you know I’m not lying.
Panel 5. Wide view of the house in silhouette. The back-lit figure of Mallory’s boyfriend can be seen running away from it at top speed.
MALLORY (house/small)
I… hate you…!
PAGE FOUR (seven panels)
Panel 1. Big two-shot. Cody’s back is to us on the left. The set of his head and shoulders suggests possible feelings of shame. Mallory is wedged into a corner made by the wall and the fridge. Her face is a mess of tears and impotent rage.
MALLORY:
You’re a #@%& monster, Cody!
MALLORY (burst):
A monster!
CODY:
…
CODY:
I had a package sent here.
Panel 2. Close-up of Mallory, her eyes are shooting daggers.
CODY (OP):
Did it arrive?
Panel 3. Same Close-up, only now Mallory is looking to her left, either to direct him or just to break eye contact.
MALLORY:
On the porch.
MALLORY (small):
You should’ve never got out…
Panel 4. Wide-shot of the porch. A large crate is in the foreground. One side reads: “Remtech Industries Ltd.” Another side reminds us which end is up and notes that the contents are “fragile.” Cody heads towards it with an inscrutable expression.
Panel 5. He crouches down to examine the crate, completely engrossed. His (and our) angle of view is such that the door is now out of sight.
MALLORY (OP):
Take it with you.
Panel 6. Real tight shot of a surprised Cody as he looks over his shoulder.
SFX:
CLIK.
Panel 7. We’re looking straight down the wrong end of a double-barreled shotgun. Mallory’s wielding it with a steady grip. Her eyes are promising tortures of their own.
MALLORY:
And if I see you again after today…
MALLORY:
I’ll put you in the #%&@& ground!