Aphrodite IX: Doppelganger pages 1-3

[Arciah]

My new submission for Top Cow that I am taking to Wizard World Chicago. Let me know what you guys think.

http://img245.imageshack.us/img245/4200/aphroditedoppelganger1du7.jpg

http://img102.imageshack.us/img102/8311/aphroditedoppelganger23hd7.jpg

[The Anti-crest]

the skirt shes wearing in the bottom panel looks like it wouldnt even cover her groin if she were standing up straight and pulled it down a couple of inches. Looks pretty good though.

[kong]

wow. Looks pretty damn nice to me.

[Baron Spider]

looks good but kinda stiff in places

[JeffW.]

While I'm not a fan of the "in yo face butt shot", I think the pages look pretty good. You've got a really good grasp on woman's eyes, they look great.

[Arciah]

Thanks for the comments guys. I see what your saying about the skirt Anti-Crest, I'll see what I can do for that.

[Wheeljack]

Is it really necessary to have her wearing panties at all? I mean they are just so restricting you know when you have to get into a cat fight and everything.

[br0k3n2]

Have fun working at top cow man. Your style fits theirs to a tee, I see nothin glaringly wrong. there are moments of "stiffness" as pointed out before. Now all you need is to have a submission piece of normal people doing normal things and you should be golden.

-Br0k3n2

[Arciah]

wheeljack- Going commando is way cooler I think, but in the interest of not being too offensive I left them on. br0k3n2 - thanks for the commments

[Jon Covington]

Grade A work. The full upskirt view isn't necessary, however. I don't find it "offensive", but rather "tasteless"

[khoipham]

the artwork is fantastic, but i think the storytelling could be a lot stronger.

what i mean:
the establishing shot doesn't really establish the characters and where they are in relation to each other, because they're too small -- i can't be sure which one's which. i'm guessing the circle-on-forehead girl is the second figure based on her positioning next to the hooded figure, but i don't know, because she's unrecognizable in the first panel. similarly, i'm guessing the girl on the ground is circle-on-cheek girl in panel 3, but when did she stand up? then on page 2, who's closing her eyes? if it's circle-on-cheek, then shouldn't she be facing right to left (180 degree rule)? whoever it is closing her eyes, it looks like she's the same girl opening them in panel 3, but then now she has circle and triangles on her face. or is it panel 4? the positioning is a bit confusing -- the way you have the girl leaping "into" the 4th panel, the reader is not going to register that triangle girl has already taken off her robe below.

try drawing more panels that more clearly depict the characters in relation to each other, and try moving the angry-triangle-girl-smacking-the-circle-girl-upside-the-head panels to the bottom right so that it reads more logically.

hope that helps, and good luck with the submission. :happy:

[Poboy]

I agree with khoipham about the storytelling. I'm not a big fan of the repeated shots (ie same angle in page 1 panel 3 and 4, and page 2 panels 1 and 2).
Other than that, top notch drawings.

[Duckdoodle]

i gotta second(or is it third?) khoi on this. the storytelling's really hard to read. i didn't get that the two pages were connected until i really looked at it. i think part of the problem might be that there isn't really much of a story. it's just chicks...then chick's skirt lifts...and go time!!! really enjoyed ur backgrounds and anatomy tho. good luck with topcow...i might even see ya there!!...at the convention that is...maybe topcow if i'm lucky.

[Arciah]

I totally get what khoi, poboy and duckdoodle are saying about the storytelling. There really is no script I made for this, its kinda just made up, so this could be a reason for it not being very understandable story. Truth is I kinda just wanted to do a 2 page spread since I never have before. And Duckdoodle, thanks for the comment on the backgrounds and anatomy...I will be around the Top Cow booth a lot so maybe I will see you there.

[Boy]

I like it. The butt shot works with the character. Since she's pretty much designed for stuff like that.

[toyfiend2004]

your distance shots are pretty damn good. however, you have made the same flaw in the rest of your work as everyone I watch submit to Top Cow (and I'm surprised no one else has said it here yet) ... even a couple of my own circle of friends have tried. most people get a polite version of "Thank you for your time and effort, buuuuuuuuuut, we already have a Michael Turner." your eyes/faces in all of the close shots of page 1 look like you sat down thinking, "hey Top Cow likes Turner..."

what I am basically babbling on about is that you need your own visual style too, unique only to you.