Wolf

[kshah777]

So, here's another ditty I've been playing with... I'm pretty sure I need to shorten this out, this whole section takes 8 pages. Lemme know what ya think.


WOLF #1
PAGE ONE
Panel 1- wide est. shot, a cityline at night under a full moon.

Panel 2: A sidewalk, lit by a single street lamp. Bird’s eye view as we see a young woman, dressed in casual clothing, hurriedly walking along the street.

CAPTION: Night.

Panel 3: Long shot of girl from behind, at a distance. The streets are deserted. POV of our narrator.
Panel 4-Closer shot of the girl, same POV.

CAP: The hunt is on.

Panel 5: Even closer.

CAP: She doesn’t even know it yet.

Panel 6-Close up on woman’s face, turning to glance behind her.

Panel 7- Long shot of the woman’s POV, the deserted street. There’s nothing there.

PAGE TWO
Panel 1: Med shot from in front of the woman as she huddles in and starts to walk faster.

CAP:I can smell the cold grit of the street. The acrid stink of the flickering street lamp.
I smell her fear.

Panel 2- Med shot behind her again.
Panel 3- close shot as the woman turns again and sees her pursuer , eyes widening in fear.

CAP: The chase begins.

Panel 4- We see the woman from behind, closer than before, with woman running, terrified.

CAP: Closer.

Panel 5- Med- shot, as she ducks into an alley.
Panel 6- The woman stops dead in her tracks as she realizes the alley is a dead end.
Panel 7– She turns, arms up to fend off her attacker, back to the wall with a shadow looming over her.

CAP: Almost time to strike.

PAGE THREE
Panel 1- Med. Shot- We see the attacker now, a raggedy looking, scruffy, long haired, shabbily dressed young man in a wool cap. He is a thief and a killer, undoubtedly. He waves a knife menacingly and grins.

CRIMINAL: Hello, pretty lady. Preettty laaaady….

Panel 2- Med Shot- The woman whips out a teensy can of mace and holds it like a magnum.

WOMAN: Just keep away! I’ve got mace, asshole!

Panel 3- profile view close on Criminal’s face as he grins wider.

CRIMINAL: Ooh. Scary.

Panel 4- Extreme close up on woman’s eyes widening suddenly.
Panel 5- Med shot- showing her against the wall, fainting, with a much larger shadow looming over her. As she faints, she speaks.

WOMAN: Oh God…

CAP: And just like that- the hunt is over.

CAP 2: My real name is Cain Volshev.

PAGE FOUR
Full page splash/TITLE PAGE: The criminal bending low, unaware, while behind him looms WOLF, tall and menacing. He is a werewolf- muscular, fur covered, with a wolf’s head and a massive body. He stands on his hind legs, hands at sides in fists, snarling as he looks down on the criminal.

CAP: But they all call me Wolf.

PAGE FIVE
Panel 1- Close shot:The criminal feels something (or hears it) behind him
Panel 2- Close- he whirls around, only to find himself inches away from Wolf’s muzzle. He is speechless.
Panel 3- Close shot:Wolf grabs his wrist in one quick motion, his paw enclosing the mugger’s entire arm. He is squeezing hard enough to make the thug drop the knife.
Panel 4- Medium shot: Wolf’s other arm shoots forward, grabbing the punk by the throat and slamming him up against the wall. He is tall enough to easily hold the punk off the ground and look him in the eye.
Panel 5 Close up on Wolf’s face, snarling and grim.

WOLF: WHAT’S YOUR NAME??

Panel 6- Close on criminal’s face, he is too terrified to be coherent.

CRIMINAL: Oh god oh god oh god….

Panel 7: Mid shot of Wolf, still in strong pose, holding up criminal.

WOLF: I’m not going to kill you. Now tell me your name.

CRIMINAL: It’s M-m-mike…..Michael Leone….

PAGE SIX

Panel 1: Close shot, Side profile of Wolf and Mike, face to face. Wolf is growling as he speaks.

WOLF: What were you going to do to that girl if I hadn’t come?

MIKEY: Jesus, I… I don’t know, I-

WOLF: Don’t LIE to me, Mike. That’ll only make things worse.

Panel 2-Close on Mike, eyes looking to the side, scared.

MIKEY: I wanted to… to hurt her… please don’t--

Panel 4- Medium shot of Wolf pivoting and throwing the dumbfounded Mikey to the ground in one sweep of his arm.

WOLF: WHY?

Panel 5- Close shot on Mike lying on the ground, cringing and trying to cover his head with his arms

MIKEY: Y-you said you weren’t gonna hurt me!

Panel 6- close- Profile of Wolf- he seems to be grinning

WOLF: I said I wasn’t going to KILL you, punk. There’s a difference.

PAGE SEVEN
Panels 1-5: Several shots of Wolf attacking Mike, punching, kicking, throwing into walls, etc. He is only beating him, not going for any major damage or trying to kill.
Panel 6- Med shot of Mike, kneeling on the ground, bruised, bleeding and utterly defeated.

MIKEY: I’m sorry… I’m sorry… please don’t hit me no more…

PAGE EIGHT

Panel 1- Med shot-Worm’s eye view of Wolf standing over him looking down, eyes aglow. He is pointing with one clawed finger.

WOLF: Good. Now listen to me. This ends tonight. Either turn yourself in to the cops or get help from somewhere. Get a job. Start a new life, you piece of filth.

Panel 2- Long shot of Mike on the ground again, while Wolf starts to walk away on all fours in the background

MIKEY: Y-yeah…I swear, I will.. just please…don’t…

Panel 3- Medium shot of Wolf turning back, silhouetted in the light, eyes glowing.

WOLF: I know your scent now. And I won’t forget it. If I catch you doing this next time, I’ll hurt you again- even worse. Maybe mess up your face, take off a finger or two. And if I catch you after THAT? Three strikes, and you’re out. For good.

Panel 4-Close on wolfs face, his eyes narrowed and fierce

WOLF: I’m not afraid to kill you, Mike. Make no mistake, I will sniff you out and hunt you down and rip out your throat if you can’t stop hurting other people.

Panel 5- Close shot of Wolf licking his lips.

WOLF-Or maybe I’ll just snap your spine like a tree branch and let you sit in a wheelchair or a hospital bed for the rest of your life. Now get out of here, and pray you never see me again.

Panel 5-Far shot of Wolf leaping over rooftops in the moonlight.

CAP: Three muggings, one armed robbery and that last psycho. Pretty busy for a Tuesday night.



Ok, that's it for today... thanks for reading!

[entombed06]

I like the concept. A werewolf type character fighting crime, defending the innocent, very cool.

But I agree, 8 pages to get to that point is a little long. Value your page space, it’s your biggest limiting factor in comics. You could of utilized the space to better explore your characters. For instance does Wolf have to feed on humans or whatever? Is he always a wolf or does he change after a full moon?

Nice work overall.

[kshah777]

As ye sow, so shall ye BUMP...


Thanks for the crits, entombed. The points you mentioned are described in the very next few panels after what I posted here...I plan to go back and cut the opening just a bit, plus try to squeeze more of that fight down. I do want to establish that A)Our hero is a werewolf in control, not some ravening beast, and B) his "system" of punishment.

So, any other comments? I know there's another werewolf story recently posted, but I'd appreciate everyone's thoughts.

[alterity]

I like the idea. I would like to see a bit more development. Without it I am just watching a werewolf guy hurt some smuck. Also, why is he punishing him if he wants him to get help. That seemed out of character or perhaps something of him that should come out more. But for now it just seems a bit odd. I mean, if he is a guy that punishes people, but wants them to get help, that need to be more salient. That could be very cool. Right now, its not. Would love to see this later after you work it out some more.

Kevin

[Jon Covington]

I loved the character and the story. Great job. I'm hooked and would read into this series. I don't think that any development or backstory on Wolf is necessary in these opening pages of the comic. Leave those details for later in the issue. This are the first few pages of the first issue of a new comic, their sole purpose is to hook.

I would have changed the following dialogue (simple phrasing changes), however:

WOLF: I’m not going to kill you. Now tell me your name.
Into --> WOLF: Tell me your name and I won't kill you!!

WOLF: What were you going to do to that girl if I hadn’t come?
Into --> WOLF: What were you gonna do, Mike?
MIKEY: Jesus, I… I don’t know, I-
Into --> MIKE: I... uh... I...
WOLF: Don’t LIE to me, Mike. That’ll only make things worse.
Into --> WOLF: Don't LIE to me! I might just take back my promise.

WOLF: I said I wasn’t going to KILL you, punk. There’s a difference.
Into --> WOLF: I said I wasn't going to KILL you. Big difference.

MIKEY: I’m sorry… I’m sorry… please don’t hit me no more…
Into --> MIKE: I'm sorry... I'm sorry... please, no more...

And from here to the end, you get too wordy. Let Wolf be a "man" of few words, and leave the imagery to the imaginations of both the reader and Mike (whose imagination will be clearly read through his facial expressions).

WOLF: Good. Now listen to me. This ends tonight. Either turn yourself in to the cops or get help from somewhere. Get a job. Start a new life, you piece of filth.
Into --> WOLF: Good. Now listen. You're done. I've given you a chance to start a new life. You better take it.

WOLF: I know your scent now. And I won’t forget it. If I catch you doing this next time, I’ll hurt you again- even worse. Maybe mess up your face, take off a finger or two. And if I catch you after THAT? Three strikes, and you’re out. For good.
Into --> WOLF: I know your scent now, and I'll find you if I want to.

WOLF: I’m not afraid to kill you, Mike. Make no mistake, I will sniff you out and hunt you down and rip out your throat if you can’t stop hurting other people.
Into --> WOLF: If there's a next time, I WILL kill you.

WOLF-Or maybe I’ll just snap your spine like a tree branch and let you sit in a wheelchair or a hospital bed for the rest of your life. Now get out of here, and pray you never see me again.
Into --> WOLF: Now BEAT IT before I get hungry...
(Add in a panel where Mike flees)

[JC]

[Knuckles]

Nice story. I like the reversal of the werewolf as a good guy. I have to agree with Jon on the dialogue. To me it sounds very cliche. I would take his advice and shorten the dialogue down a little. I also would eliminate some of the captions that are just explaining what is happening in the scene like the one's below. And maybe move the caption that states his name from the last panel on page three to the splash page on four.

Panel 4- We see the woman from behind, closer than before, with woman running, terrified.

CAP: Closer.

Panel 7– She turns, arms up to fend off her attacker, back to the wall with a shadow looming over her.

CAP: Almost time to strike.

Panel 5- Med shot- showing her against the wall, fainting, with a much larger shadow looming over her. As she faints, she speaks.

WOMAN: Oh God…

CAP: And just like that- the hunt is over.

[kshah777]

Well, I thought I'd put up the next few pages. A note here- the story goes on after this for about 6 pages. I was aiming to make the whole thing a 22 pager, but I don't want to get rid of much. Does where I end this section of the script seem like a good place to end an issue? But then the problem is that I would have to add a little more to the story before this section to make it 22 pages. Thoughts? Comments?

PAGE 10

Panel 1-Close of alarm clock showing 7 AM
Panel 2-Superclose of Cain’s eye grudgingly opening.
Panel 3- Med shot- Cain, sitting on the edge of the bed, still groggy.
CAP: This is my other life. Cain Volshev.
Panel 4- Close on Cain in mirror, brushing his teeth.
CAP: Because of who I am, and what I do, I like to keep to myself.
CAP: I don’t make friends, or get in relationships. I don’t “keep in touch.”
Panel 5- Med shot of Cain in kitchen, still in a t-shirt on boxers, eating toast.
CAP: I rent crummy apartments, because I move from place to place so much.
Panel 6- Cain in his room again, putting on a collared shirt. He is wearing slacks.
CAP: Sometimes I’ll go out to a bar, or go to parties with people I meet. But nothing permanent.
CAP: Usually I just read, or plan my patrol route for the night.
Panel 7- Long shot, Cain leaving his apartment building, walking towards a small attached garage.
CAP: Does it get lonely? Yes. But it’s the choice I’ve made. To protect others.
Panel 8-Cain sets out on bicycle.
CAP: And to protect myself.
Panel 7- Skyline of a small city (Joliet)

PAGE 11
Panel 1- Long shot of Cain riding his bike into the city.
CAPTION: This is Joliet, Illinois. Not a bad place.
Panel 2- Closer on Cain, riding through the city streets
CAPTION-I’ve been here about three months now.
Panel 3- Overhead longshot of Cain on the bike
CAPTION- Cleaning up the bad parts of town, scaring the criminals and street gangs out of business. Same thing I do anywhere as the Wolf.
Panel 4- Long shot as Cain pulls up to a gas station
CAPTION: But hell, even us vigilantes need our day jobs.
Panel 5- Med shot as Cain attaches the bike to a bike rack.
CAPTION- I’ve been working at a gas station here… easy job to get, not a lot of questions asked. Gas stations and small local shops are usually the best places to avoid attention, plus they don’t care if you’re a long-term kind of employee.
Panel 6- Med shot as Cain opens the door to the building.
CAPTION- Time to make the donuts.

PAGE TWELVE
Panel 1- Close Shot of Cain, resting head in hands, utterly bored. A newspaper sits nearby.
Panel 2- Cain picks up the paper and glances at it
Panel 3- Close on Cain’s face as his eyes go wide in shock.
Panel 3- Super close of the newsheadline: “THE BEAST” ESCAPES, LOCAL GIRL MISSING”
CAPTION:Son of a bitch. Son of a motherf-
Panel 4- Med shot- A customer is standing with money in hand, shaking Cain out of his reverie.
CUSTOMER: HEY! I wanna pay for my gas here.
CAIN: Sorry… Uh, 85.22, please.
Panels 5-9: Several shots of the clock rolling by, alternating with Cain’s eyes intensely watching, frustrated., finally ending at 5:00
Panel 9- CAP:Finally.

PAGE THIRTEEN
Panel 1-Med shot as Cain is leaving work, his coworker clocking in behind him.
STEVE: They’re sayin’ that psycho is in the area. Be careful, man!
CAIN: Yeah, will do.
Panel 2- Long shot as Cain stands next to his bicycle, looking at the same newspaper.
CAPTION: He’s back. And I bet he knows I’m coming for him.
Panel 3- Cain is biking home, top speed.
CAP: His name’s John MacArthur, but the newspapers dubbed him “The Beast”.
Panel 4- Mug shot of The Beast.
CAP: A vicious and depraved killer, he was wanted for the murders of seven children. The first time, the police found him. He was arrested and was found not guilty by reason of insanity.
Panel 5- Long shot of the Beast in a hospital gown, quietly reading a book in a large room in a mental institution.
CAP: The Beast was instituted, then declared "rehabilitated" six months later. He was released and promply kidnapped a toddler.
Panel 6- Med shot of Wolf on all fours, snarling at the Beast, who is on the ground curled up in terror.
CAP: This time, I got to him first. But I have my rules. Three strikes. So I beat him to within an inch of his life and turned him in.
Panel 7- Close shot of the Beast, grinning maniacally, his hands around an orderly’s head. He has just snapped the man’s neck.
CAP: He was again deemed insane and sent to an institution. Three months later, he managed to escape.
Panel 8: Med shot Wolf powerfully slashes across The Beast’s face, blood spraying off. We are seeing this from directly behind the Beast.

CAP: I found him again three weeks later. He had killed two more children by then.
CAP2-And again, by my rules, I had to let him live. But this time I gave him something to remember me by.

PAGE FOURTEEN
Panel 1: Long shot as Cain arrives home on his bike
CAP: They sent him to a max security institution this time. And for a year, he stayed in. But now he's out. Ready to hunt, ready to kill.
Panel 2-Med/close on Cain as he climbs up the stairs, a duffel bag slung over his shoulder.
CAP: He’s kidnapped another girl. He’ll murder her soon, if he hasn’t already. He’s a monster. A true monster.
Panel 3-Close on Cain arrives on the roof- His face is stern and cold.
NARR: Ironic that some have said the same of me.
Panel 4- Med shot of Cain doing his Zen ritual, closing his eyes and sitting in the lotus.
CAIN: Master the self. Banish the self. Find the beast.
Panel 5-Long shot of Wolf’s silhouette, back hunched over
Panel 6- Close on Wolf, sniffing the air.
CAP: Time to make the donuts.
Panel 7- Long shot as Wolf leaps off into the night.

PAGE FIFTEEN

Panel 1- Med shot as Wolf sniffs the ground in a dark alley
Panel 2- He darts up onto a fire escape
Panel 3- Wolf interrupts a mugging, the mugger screaming in terror
Panel 4- Wolf on a roof, perched on the corner scanning the city
Panel 5- Superclose on Wolf’s nose, nostrils…
CAP: Wait…something…
Panel 6- Superclose on Wolf’s eyes widening.
CAP: There. I'll never forget that scent.

PAGE SIXTEEN
Panel 1- Long est. shot-A large warehouse surrounded by a chain link fence
Panel 2- Close on Wolf slinking through the grass to approach, with the building in the background
CAP: He's somewhere in there… the girl, too.
Panel 3- Superclose on Wolf’s nose from the side.
CAP: Just need to find her scent… there. She’s still alive, thank God.
Panel 4- Close on Wolf’s face as he approaches closer, his nose sniffing more. He narrows his eyes.
CAP: Something else, too… silver. Bastard's got some kind of silver in there.
Panel 5- Med shot as Wolf leaps over the fence in a single bound
CAP: This could get ugly.

PAGE SEVENTEEN
Panel 1: Med shot, a large bay door is noisily lifted by Wolf.
Panel 2: He then drops to all fours and walks in, carefully.
Panel 3: Close on Wolf's eye, widening
CAP: He's on my right--
Panel 4: Close on side view of a large .45 pistol, firing several times (SFX BLAM BLAM BLAM)
Panel 5: Med shot, Front view of wolf, he lurches to the side as the shots all slam into him.
Panel 6: Close shot- we see a semi-silhouetted figure wearing a hooded sweatshirt. It’s the BEAST. His face is shadowed except for his eyes, a wide maniacal grin, and three diagonal slashes cutting across his face at a 45 deg. Angle.
Panel 7: Med shot of the figure walking up to Wolf, who is now lying on the ground. He appears to be dead or at least gravely injured.
Panel 8: The man keeps firing at Wolf’s prone body until he runs out of bullets (SFX: BLAM! BLAM! CLICK CLICK

PAGE EIGHTEEN
Panel 1- Med shot as The Beast raises his fists in triumph, turning away from Wolf, as if to an invisible crowd.
BEAST: Yes! YES! It's DEAD!
Panel 2: Close On his face admiring his pistol
BEAST: The silver bullets... I knew the silver could--
Panel 3- Close on Beast's face, as a shadow rises behind him. His eyes go wide, his mouth hangs open in mid-sentence. Wolf speaks from offpanel above him.
WOLF: Funny thing about silver bullets.
Panel 4- Med large shot, Wolf stands towering over the Beast. Wolf is practically grinning as he wipes off the blood running from his mouth with one hand.
WOLF: They don't really work.




Woo-hoo? :w00t: