View Full Version : I've gone further down the river again...

07-08-2006, 12:40 PM
Antowan slowly inched his right hand towards the gun lying in its holster. The largest of the four dogs growled menacingly, baring his blood stained teeth. The ears on all the dogs were pinned back suggesting that an attack was imminent and not far off.
The trapped young man held his breath. He was near his holster but the dogs were getting more agitated. They knew he was going for his gun!
“Ok mutts,” Antowan said voice wavering slightly. “Looks like we have a Mexican standoff.”
The obvious leader of the pack barked at him viciously. He flinched, causing the first dog to pounce. With inhuman speed Antowan sidestepped and pushed a candy bar display into the side of the hulking beast. In a flash he was on his knees, and distancing himself from the zombie dogs. He quickly but silently slid down an aisle stacked with potato chips on one side, and over the counter drugs on the adjacent shelves. Antowan got his bearings and saw the counter only ten feet away. The television was working again still showing the woman reporting from what would later be known as the front line of the apocalypse.
He took a deep breath looking at the counter top intently. He could hear the dogs tracking him down from his scent. The wet smacks of the dogs licking their jowls filled the now confining interior of the gas station. He took three deep breaths and pushed off the ground towards the front counter. For the third time in twenty-four hours he pushed his body harder than he had ever in his entire life.
Antowan found himself over the counter in record time, however; he had not gone unnoticed by the dogs. Two of the ferocious snarling beasts were alerted to the sight of Antowan running towards the counter. One of the rabid dogs sideswiped the counter with enough force to knock the register off the counter, and on top of Antowan’s head.
Antowan now realized how big of a mistake that he had made. There was nowhere to go, and the dogs knew he was there. The wooden counter-top shook with force as the dog continued ramming Antowan’s hiding place. Antowan pulled the gun from his holster.
Funny, he thought. The gun felt at home in the palm of his hand. In a matter of hours he was almost adept at firing the weapon. He definitely was comfortable with having one in his possession. At least he’d never shoot himself by accident.
Suddenly the dog rammed the counter with enough force to create a hole big enough to push his huge head through. Without thinking Antowan turned and fired. A loud but shortened howl pierced the store as gray matter slapped against a large M&M cardboard cut out.
Antowan stood up on the counter. He felt he had to make a stand. Even if he was imagining being torn to shreds by the four-legged creatures. The remaining dogs ignored their fallen comrade and growled viciously at the gun wielding crazy man.
“Great,” he muttered under his breath. “How the hell am I gonna get out of this one?”
Without warning the storefront was bathed in a bright blinding light. The light turned into two smaller lights and began to get larger. The sound of a large engine roared over the barks and growls of the demonized dogs. The window exploded into a million pieces as a car barreled through the large square of glass. Antowan leapt to safety trying to reach a small bar top that he thought to be nailed down. Unfortunately the bar top wasn’t nailed down securely and he tumbled over bar top and all. He attempted to roll clear of the oak fixture, but couldn’t escape the heavy weight of the table. He winced as he felt a slight pressure on his left ankle and heard a loud snap.
The door to the car opened but he saw nothing. Nobody was in the car from what he could tell. Antowan attempted to stand, but fell painfully back to the debris-strewn floor. His ankle felt broken.
The growls began once more as the dogs were no longer stunned, and turning their attention back towards Antowan.
Antowan tried standing once again, this time he opted not putting any weight on his left leg. Limping he walked as fast as he could towards the new exit made by the car. The growls now closer made the hair on the back of his neck stand up. He turned to face all three dogs inches away from him teeth bared in vicious snarls.
“If you wanna live,” a voice came from behind. “You’ll get your ass out the window!”
Not having time to think, Antowan painfully crawled out the window covered with shards of broken glass. The owner of the voice, a young man with blonde hair, helped him over the window’s threshold, and roughly shoved him to the ground. In the next instance his gun was raised and firing in a precise burst. Antowan covered his face, waiting for the shooting to stop. When he opened his hazel eyes he saw the carcass of another dog on the ground twitching. It’s tongue hung lifelessly out of its mouth. From the ground Antowan barely could see the other dogs running away, perhaps to find more of its kin.
Antowan’s rescuer cracked all the fingers in his hands one at a time. Each pop and crack made Antowan wince. He had a habit of doing the same, but it seemed gross when the mystery man did it.
“The name’s Ryan,” he said extending his hand. “It’s good to see a living person around here. Even if you’re stupid as all get out.”
Antowan stood, still favoring his left leg. He took extreme offense at the smug words Ryan spoke, but was not in the condition to fight. He made a mental note to find medical supplies to fix his ankle.
“What do you mean stupid?” He asked. “I need to find transportation so my friends and I can get to Breeze City.”
“Breeze City?” The man laughed. “Do you know how far Breeze City is from here?”
Antowan didn’t know. He knew that it was in Florida, but not exactly where in Florida. At least they had a destination, he thought.
Ryan began pulling bags and weapons out of the car’s trunk. He was better armed than the scientists that were cleaning up the zombie mess. Just before Ryan closed the trunk he saw a blue vest that resembled the body armor that Bernard wore. Antowan wondered if Bernard knew this guy.
“Listen,” Ryan said. “Breeze City is a two day ride. There’s not much between here, and there, but you have to go through Union City.”
Antowan wondered what was so wrong about driving through Union City. If they didn’t stop, they’d be fine. “What’s the big deal?”
“Haven’t you seen the news? “ Ryan asked irritated. “Union City is Ground Zero. No one survived the attack. The entire city is filled with zombies.”
“Attack?” Antowan asked. He felt like he was in the dark. He had no information except that Breeze City had a shelter. And it seemed that information was useless, unless they figured away to circumvent Union City.
“Listen,” Ryan said. “We have a lot to feel you in on. Come with me, and we’ll get you fixed up.”
For the first time since meeting Ryan he didn’t want to punch him in his mouth. He was beginning to warm up to the smart mouth rescuer, but he still felt that he shou

07-11-2006, 12:20 AM
hey flux, just read it and I gotta say I liked how you can break this down so that it can be imagined. I saw it in my head and went with it. However, it does remind me of a Resident Evil in a lot of ways (namely the zombie dogs). Is this for practice or a piece you really want to work on? If its a piece, then you may want to write about its hook more. The writing keeps me involved but its gotta have something different than the RE references. PUT UP MORE!!

07-11-2006, 01:43 AM
Well thank you man...I have the first parts of it on here, and I'll bump it for you so you can catch up. I appreciate the kind words...and you know I thought about the RE thing afterwards, but these guys are gonna be a little bit different as in the two that survives is in the rest of the story....
glad you lied it!

07-11-2006, 02:27 AM
up, down....it's still on the River....