Progress? C/C NEEDED!

[roguepencil]

This first sequential was done a wile back (8 yrs if I remember correctly) in a hurry for a submission, at the time I thought it was pretty good, but comming across it a while back I realized why they didn't take it. http://img437.imageshack.us/img437/1416/lapagella1st2yw.jpg
This,instead, is a newer version I did about a month ago (because of personel problems I haven't got the time to work on it but it is altogether a work in progress.
http://img120.imageshack.us/img120/9519/lapagella8sy.jpg
But somehow even though the first has many errors it seems to be less cold than the more recent one. I could really use some crit on this.
Thanks in advance
Rocco

BTW- "La Pagella" means "THE REPORT CARD"

[j giar]

Rocco, Don't know why you feel that way. The panels for 1,2 and 4 are much better and have great angles. I get the gist of the points of view for 1 and 2. They're much more clear. I'm curious. Why do you feel it's colder? Looks good!
Jim Giar

[sevans]

Nope, looks like a big improvement to me too.
Nothing cold about this page to me.

Keep going on it.

[OZ!]

Big improvement. The one thing you might look at is that the kid is very cartoony while the grownup has a very lifelike quality about him(of course that could be intentional). Either way, this is much better.

[roguepencil]

First of all thank you guys for the feedback, I really appreciate it.

I think Oz put his finger on it, it is by the way intentional I wanted to see if it was possible to graphicly represent the characters in "their own visual language", where the kids are represented cartoonish and the adults more life like.
That's what I mean about the result as being "cold": in the first rendering the father has that characture or cartoony look, with the expressions exagerated somewhat giving the page a more uniforme and warm (by "warm" I mean the heat of the moment mentality when putting down an idea) feel to it. While the second although "corrected" seems to have lost that warmth.
Maybe I should try to represent them in the inverse mode, wher the kids see the adults cartoonish like and vice versa?

Rocco

[Anathema]

Nah, it's probably better to leave it as-is. This way, you see the kids the way they see themselves and the adults the way they see themselves. It's a pretty cool visual trick that I wouldn't have thought of.

If you did it in the inverse, the adults would likely kind of default to looking younger than normal, and the kids might end up looking older than normal. You can see how that ends up in a lot of 70's, 80's and 90's realistic-style comic art compared to more cartoony and/or anime-influenced art. A great comparison would be the way Bart Allen is portrayed in his first appearance in "The Flash" v.2 #91 and in his own title, "Impulse."

[roguepencil]

Thanks Anathema I thought that it wouldn't come across, and actually the idea of the first version of the strip was inspired by some Impulse books I read at the time though I can't remeber the artists name: Bachalo, maybe. (You can notice the refernce on the fist vers. pendant on the door, wich I modified in the 2nd vers., but the name is always the same) Anyway I liked his way of interpreting Bart's thoughts through graphical representations instead of words.
Thaqnks again,

Rocco

[OZ!]

In that case have you ever tried aura drawing? Take two styles and try to meld them together. EG: A young boy(very cartoony) is playing in his room. The room is in the same style as the boy. An older man comes in (he is very realistic looking). He begins yelling and as he does the more and more angry and darker the scene goes the more and more realistic the whole scene becomes somewhat destroying the cartoony fairytale sense until he leaves and the cartoony style begins to come back. It is a good balance and an extremely interesting way to tell a story with two styles.

[roguepencil]

Actually, OZ! I've never heard of aura drawing before, but the way you describe it sounds pretty cool. I think I'm gonna try that, it sounds more empathic and psicologicaly stimulating.

Thanks for the tip,

Rocco