foxmerquise8
06-18-2006, 11:40 AM
Here's another story, please rip it to shreads.
A desert can be a beautiful thing, it can stun and overwhelm the eye with it‘s sheer emptiness. However, this beauty can wear thin if one grows, lives, and dies amongst its grandeur. That is the case for the countless wanderers who roam their world of endless deserts, knowing naught of sea, lake, pond, or spring. With the exception of the rich and lucky who live in the small pockets of oases that speck the land, most of the populace shift sand and rock for the food and shelter needed to cling to life one more day.
Wandering for subsistence is not enough for some, especially the young and diffident Leanid. He wanted and promised to die with his best friend and lone companion in the world, whenever that time should come. That time came and luckily or unluckily, the hand of Death repulsed Leanid. Leanid now searches for any remnant of his forever gone friend, bone, trinket, or handwriting, so he can say goodbye one more time incase they never meet again, in this world or the next. Then he can willing let life grind him into the sand that he now roams.
There is one hitch in Leanid melancholy manifest destiny; he has run into a mischievous nymph named Abernathi that keeps interrupting his plans. Now he can’t help but knock his head against troubles and misadventures that stray him from his goal. Abernathi too soon finds out that pranks are deadly serious in life away from her oasis. Alas, so much for resting in peace and skipping daintily through chaos.
Leanid - A young and haggard man with a bit of scruff hair around his chin. He is not exactly apathetic, but it almost appears so because he is so diffident and non-opinionated. All he is sure of is finding some memory of his friend and then lying down to die.
Abernathi (also known as Abbey) - She is the typical nymph that waylays travelers by luring them to their death with her sweet songs and delicate beauty. Her routine goes awry when she meets Leanid, one who cannot acknowledge anything sweet or beautiful. She is impish and mischievous, but good-natured at heart. A truly dainty creature who runs barefooted, Abbey wears a light, white, gown, and a flower in her hair.
The setting - Deserts in this land exhibit a type of variety that run the gambit across an entire spectrum. There are those with giant cacti, sprawls of brush and poison crooked trees, mountainous sand dunes, sun-baked plains, red valleys and canyons, and so on.
Page 1
Panel 1
A close-up of a man’s head (Zat) as it’s nose deep in a small, raggedy book, reading intently. Zat is one particularly “fragile” looking young man, even for the harsh life of the desert.
Panel 2
This panel is similar to the last one. Zat is still nose-deep in the book, but now he looks agitated; he has just read one exceptionally horrific and descriptive passage.
Panel 3
A close-up of Zat’s nervous eyes searchingly peeking over the book.
Panel 4
We pull out a small bit to see a little more of Zat. He is pulling the book away from his face.
Panel 5
We focus on an anxious Zat, who has pulled his book down to timidly ask a question. Zat is atop heavily burdened camel, who is yawning to contrast its excited rider. Just to let you know, the scene and setting is the endless desert where a small all male caravan rides slow camels; Zat is in the middle of this caravan, although he’s the only one seen in this panel.
1) Zat- Uh, excuse me, Mr. Mettal, sir. Ca-Can I have a word with you. In private, sir. It’s something you’ll want to know, I think.
Page 2 and 3
Double Page Spread.
Panel 1
A very large panel that stretches across the two pages, the length is meant to reinforce the vastness of the desert. We get a look at the entire caravan as it makes its way across a beaten path that runs atop a rocky hill; tuffs of dry brush and maybe a crooked, thorn-full, tree or two is along their path. The group has males of all sizes and ages, but most prominent is a grizzled old man at the lead (Mettal). He is the leader of the group.
1) Mettal - Whatever you need to tell me, Zat, can be told to the entire group. We share food, clothes, and pains and would certainty do the same with secrets.
2) Zat - Well sir, it’s a very urgent suggestion, very fair, and earnest, and urgent…
3) Mettal - Just blurt it out and be done with it.
Panel 2
Zat is very excited and flustered as he makes his statement.
1) Zat - Hell is on the other side of that hill, and we’re heading straight into mouth of Death! Sir.
Panel 3
Every member of the caravan is angry and annoyed at Zat, glaring at him from all directions. Zat clasps his book to his chest in nervousness.
1) Caravan Member - You don‘t trust Mettal’s judgment?
2) Zat - Oh no, no. But does he know of Oasis of Hanging Melodies? The vilest, evilest of deathtraps for wanderers.
Panel 4
A teenager (Aviz) with a blindfold to mark his blindness is riding right beside Zat. He has leaned towards Zat in curiosity. Zat is still very agitated, trembling in fear.
1) Aviz - The Oasis of Hanging Melodies? That doesn‘t sound like an evil place. I would like to see it.
2) Zat - You? You might, but not the others. It’ll be the death of all of us if we don‘t change our coarse before it‘s too late.
Page 4
Panel 1
We are right beside Mettal, who looks back on his plodding caravan with a disapproving expression. The group seems to be split between listening to Zat and obeying Mettal’s orders.
1) Mettal - Don’t frighten yourself Zat, you’re imagination’s getting the best of you. I’ll forgive ya’ though, sunstroke ‘ill do that.
Panel 2
Focus on Mettal as he calmly explains his ideas, just as a teacher would do with a group of children.
1) Mettal - I’ve heard of this Oasis of Hanging Memories. It’s neither deathtrap nor oasis. Just pure folklore, legend.
Panel 3
The entire caravan looks on as Zat feverishly waves his book in the air to substantiate an argument he’s making.
1) Zat - Oh, but it’s real. I’ve read it in the book! It tells it all.
Panel 4
Aviz has crept closer to Zat, leaning inquisitively under his arms to get a better look at the book (as if he can see it at all).
1) Aviz - Is that the book? Can you read it to me?
Page 5
Panel 1
Zat tightly clutches the book as he proclaims loudly that he will read it. His eyes have a sort of crazy, fanatical twinkle to them. In the background, Aviz looks up admiringly at Zat (again, as if he could really seen him).
1) Zat - You’ll all get read every bit of it! And maybe you’ll learn how to save yourselves from destruction!
Panel 2
Zat is feverishly thumbing through the pages of the book to find the place he wants to quote.
Panel 3
Zat smiles almost manically with the success of finding the passage he wanted.
1) Zat - Ah! Here it is! And I quote it.
Panel 4
An aerial view of the small caravan as it plods along on its way. Zat is in the middle, noticeably animated in his reading.
1) Zat - “The Oasis of Hanging Melodies - Avoid at all costs! Once a beautiful green watering hole it has slowly transformed over the course of millennia into a smallish hell; bubbled up through the brimstone and bedrock to damn all whom wanderer by it.
Page 6
Panel 1
Focus on Zat, atop his camel as he intently reads the book. He is wide-eyed, and almost seems to exhibit a perverted sense of delight in reading the horrid passage.
1) Zat - “This oasis still hides its secret very well, and there is only one thing that hints at its dreadful qualities; that is a grotesque women of shame condemned to devour the spines and livers of all she catches!”
Panel 2
In the succeeding panels of this page, we are going to move along the caravan and get a look at its various members. This panel features the interested Aviz, and a couple of other members, rugged and weary looking. Maybe Zat’s book is poking in the side to show he’s right behind them.
1) Zat (O.P.) - “This dirty hair wretch sits atop the corpses of her half-eaten victims as she patiently waits to lure other travelers to their death.”
Panel 3
This panel features more caravan members, quietly listening to Zat’s speech. Maybe with their chins in their hands as they contemplate it.
1) Zat (O.P.) - How does she lure them?! “With an unholy screeching that mesmerizes, enchants, and invites the body to join her…”
Panel 4
This panel focuses on Mettal, at the beginning of caravan. He covers his face in frustration and embarrassment over Zat’s speech. A tip of what appears to be a sign is pointing up out of the sand, like an iceberg pointing out of the water.
1) Mettal - He’s a lunatic.
Panel 5
Small panel, we are eye to eye (so to speak) with the sign. Some sand is being blown away, revealing the first letters of “Warning”.
Page 7
Panel 1
A very large panel, we are in a lavish oasis with ferns, trees, and bushes drooping their bright green leaves everywhere. It’s the sheer opposite of the desert seen in the last pages. In the background, we can see an overlooking rocky desert hill with a path running down it. At the top of it is a glimpse of the caravan beginning to come over it. The last thing, at the bottom of the panel is a small hint of a head with only the hair being seen. The hair is dainty, has a flower in it. Lines to denote the owner of the head notices something.
1) Zat (O.P.) - “The mind is unwilling, but that hellish melody trances and seduces the body to move ever closer and closer to its death. Then the song stops; and flesh is rent from bone and one screams and vomits forth his own unholy melody to…
Panel 2
Small panel, Mettal has just started leading his caravan down the rocky path.
1) Mettal - Alright! Enough!
Page 8
Panel 1
We get a good look at the caravan as it travels down the precipitous trail, with Mettal in the forefront. They are all looking down in awe and wonder at the oasis in the valley below, which is not seen in this panel.
1) Mettal - Damn your horror stories Zat! Don’t ruin these drops of water we’re about it get.
Panel 2
We are behind Zat as he stares down at the beautiful oasis, which we can now see. We can barely see Abernathi standing on a little tuft of grass on the edge of the oasis. A few small musical notes are around her to denote singing.
1) Zat (Whisper) - I knew it! It’s the real thing.
Panel 3 and 4
These two panels view the entire caravan from a distant as it makes it way down the steep path. Mettal is getting noticeable farther ahead of the group in each panel.
Panel 5
We focus on Mettal as he looks back on trailing caravan. He is happily motioning them to catch up and move faster.
1) Mettal - Quicken up boys! I can almost taste that water!
Panel 6
We focus on Mettal’s face, his eyes have dilated as if he had taken a drug. Little colorful musical notes filter into his ears.
1) Mettal - I can almost hear it!
Page 9
Panel 1
Mettal and his caravan have stopped at the bottom of their downward path, which alights right in front of the oasis. They are admiring Abernathi, who is standing on her little mound of grass and happily singing to them, as they were her audience. The musical notes of her singing are floating down towards them. Take note that there is a ring of soft sound around her oasis.
1) Mettal - See Zat! No wretch, no blood, just the sound of a wonderful bubbling brook.
Panel 2
We are in the cluttered midst of the caravan, right beside Zat and Aviz. Zat is anxious and leaning sideways to get a better view. The people in front of him seem unusually stiff. In the distant background, Abernathi can bee seen skipping off her mound in towards the group.
1) Zat - Am I the only one who can see her?!
2) Aviz - I’m not sure.
Panel 3
Abernathi has reached the caravan; she is daintily skipping towards Mettal, like a little girl frolicking through a garden. Mettal and the other members of the caravan are stolid as statures, but with smiles on their faces. The musical notes continue to float around.
Panel 4
Abernathi has approached Mettal and she is whispering into his ear, such as a foolish little girl telling a secret would do. Something seems off about Mettal, as if he is in a trance. His smile has grown bigger though.
1) Mettal - Oh yes, a little dip in that pond would be magnificent.
Panel 5
We focus on Abernathi’s face and Mettal’s ear as she whispers in his ear. She looks so innocent and childish as she covers her mouth with her hand as if to stop imaginary eavesdroppers. A colorful, visible rolling wind of musical notes is coming from her mouth and going into Mettal’s ear.
[b] Page 10[b]
Panel 1
We are back in the midst of the caravan as Zat watches the ongoing scene (which we don’t see) with dismay. Aviz is lightly tapping or tugging at him, curious as to what’s going on.
1) Aviz - What’s happening?
2) Zat (Whisper) - Sssshhhh. The myth is truth, we’re the only ones left.
Panel 2
We are back with Abernathi as she whispers into more victims ears, maybe standing on her toes or bending a man down to reach their ears and make the horrid scene even more ridiculous. In the background, we can see a glimpse of Zat struggling to get off his camel.
Panel 3
We are back with Zat and Aviz again. Zat is frustrated as he still struggles to get off his camel (maybe caught in the stirrup). An anxious Aviz stands on the ground beside him; take note that Aviz is holding Zat‘s book. This is not necessary, but if you want, you can have Abernathi in the background, whispering into the ears of closer victims.
1) Zat- Put on your ear plugs. Once I get down we can hide till’ it’s over.
2) Aviz - What about the others?
3) Zat - The others are already damned!
Panel 4
Zat’s body has locked up into his current, awkward position as colorful musical notes swirl around his head. His eyes have that dilated look them now. Aviz is now very distressed, he knows there is something wrong, but can’t tell what, being struck by the deafness of earplugs along with his own blindness.
1) Aviz - Zat?
Panel 5
We are right beside Zat as he lies on the ground, frozen in his same awkward position. He smiles with that same colorful rolling wind of musical notes flowing into his ears.
Panel 6
Small panel, a close-up of Abernathi’s lips whispering the musical notes into the Zat’s ear.
Page 11
Panel 1
The various members of the caravan are jumping (maybe even cannonballing) into the soft-sandpit of that’s in front of the oasis like boys at the pool or riverbank; it turns out to be quicksand. Some are swimming in it as if it was water.
1) Caravan Member (Any) - Water, arggggggghhh! Water!
Panel 2 and 3
We get a closer inspection of the caravan members as they happily flounder and drown in the quicksand. They wear big crazed smiles.
Panel 4
The now deaf and blind Aviz, all alone, feels his way about him in distress as Abernathi squats beside him, happily observing. Remember he still has Zat’s book in his hand.
1) Aviz (Whisper) - Zat? Zat?! Where are you?
Panel 5
Small panel, a close up of Abernathi’s hand taking Aviz’s hand.
Panel 6
A giggling Abernathi is leading Aviz by the hand. Aviz is relieved and looking up at Abernathi, who he supposes to be Zat.
1) Aviz (Whisper) - Zat! Thank God!
Page 12
Panel 1
The extremely mirthful Aberthnati has lead Aviz to the edge of the quicksand pit. Aviz’s friends happily drown in front of him.
1) Aviz (whisper) - You saved me Zat, we’re going to be brothers now and…
Panel 2
Abernathi has put a delicate finger over Aviz’s lips. Aviz has taken this as a command of silence from Zat.
Panel 3
Abernathi is whispering in Aviz’s ear; she is pinching a tuff of cotton, which was once the earplug. A big smile has come over Aviz’s face.
Panel 4
Aviz is joyfully jumping into the quicksand.
Panel 5
Aviz has a big smile in his face as he awkward sinks to his doom; Zat‘s book is in his hand. Abernathi is daintily skipping towards him, not sinking into the quicksand.
Panel 6
A close up of Aviz’s happy drowning, Zat’s book sticking up in the only hand above sand.
Panel 7
A small panel, a close up of Abernathi’s delicate fingers taking the book up.
The rest is here if you want to read it.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/34958217/
A desert can be a beautiful thing, it can stun and overwhelm the eye with it‘s sheer emptiness. However, this beauty can wear thin if one grows, lives, and dies amongst its grandeur. That is the case for the countless wanderers who roam their world of endless deserts, knowing naught of sea, lake, pond, or spring. With the exception of the rich and lucky who live in the small pockets of oases that speck the land, most of the populace shift sand and rock for the food and shelter needed to cling to life one more day.
Wandering for subsistence is not enough for some, especially the young and diffident Leanid. He wanted and promised to die with his best friend and lone companion in the world, whenever that time should come. That time came and luckily or unluckily, the hand of Death repulsed Leanid. Leanid now searches for any remnant of his forever gone friend, bone, trinket, or handwriting, so he can say goodbye one more time incase they never meet again, in this world or the next. Then he can willing let life grind him into the sand that he now roams.
There is one hitch in Leanid melancholy manifest destiny; he has run into a mischievous nymph named Abernathi that keeps interrupting his plans. Now he can’t help but knock his head against troubles and misadventures that stray him from his goal. Abernathi too soon finds out that pranks are deadly serious in life away from her oasis. Alas, so much for resting in peace and skipping daintily through chaos.
Leanid - A young and haggard man with a bit of scruff hair around his chin. He is not exactly apathetic, but it almost appears so because he is so diffident and non-opinionated. All he is sure of is finding some memory of his friend and then lying down to die.
Abernathi (also known as Abbey) - She is the typical nymph that waylays travelers by luring them to their death with her sweet songs and delicate beauty. Her routine goes awry when she meets Leanid, one who cannot acknowledge anything sweet or beautiful. She is impish and mischievous, but good-natured at heart. A truly dainty creature who runs barefooted, Abbey wears a light, white, gown, and a flower in her hair.
The setting - Deserts in this land exhibit a type of variety that run the gambit across an entire spectrum. There are those with giant cacti, sprawls of brush and poison crooked trees, mountainous sand dunes, sun-baked plains, red valleys and canyons, and so on.
Page 1
Panel 1
A close-up of a man’s head (Zat) as it’s nose deep in a small, raggedy book, reading intently. Zat is one particularly “fragile” looking young man, even for the harsh life of the desert.
Panel 2
This panel is similar to the last one. Zat is still nose-deep in the book, but now he looks agitated; he has just read one exceptionally horrific and descriptive passage.
Panel 3
A close-up of Zat’s nervous eyes searchingly peeking over the book.
Panel 4
We pull out a small bit to see a little more of Zat. He is pulling the book away from his face.
Panel 5
We focus on an anxious Zat, who has pulled his book down to timidly ask a question. Zat is atop heavily burdened camel, who is yawning to contrast its excited rider. Just to let you know, the scene and setting is the endless desert where a small all male caravan rides slow camels; Zat is in the middle of this caravan, although he’s the only one seen in this panel.
1) Zat- Uh, excuse me, Mr. Mettal, sir. Ca-Can I have a word with you. In private, sir. It’s something you’ll want to know, I think.
Page 2 and 3
Double Page Spread.
Panel 1
A very large panel that stretches across the two pages, the length is meant to reinforce the vastness of the desert. We get a look at the entire caravan as it makes its way across a beaten path that runs atop a rocky hill; tuffs of dry brush and maybe a crooked, thorn-full, tree or two is along their path. The group has males of all sizes and ages, but most prominent is a grizzled old man at the lead (Mettal). He is the leader of the group.
1) Mettal - Whatever you need to tell me, Zat, can be told to the entire group. We share food, clothes, and pains and would certainty do the same with secrets.
2) Zat - Well sir, it’s a very urgent suggestion, very fair, and earnest, and urgent…
3) Mettal - Just blurt it out and be done with it.
Panel 2
Zat is very excited and flustered as he makes his statement.
1) Zat - Hell is on the other side of that hill, and we’re heading straight into mouth of Death! Sir.
Panel 3
Every member of the caravan is angry and annoyed at Zat, glaring at him from all directions. Zat clasps his book to his chest in nervousness.
1) Caravan Member - You don‘t trust Mettal’s judgment?
2) Zat - Oh no, no. But does he know of Oasis of Hanging Melodies? The vilest, evilest of deathtraps for wanderers.
Panel 4
A teenager (Aviz) with a blindfold to mark his blindness is riding right beside Zat. He has leaned towards Zat in curiosity. Zat is still very agitated, trembling in fear.
1) Aviz - The Oasis of Hanging Melodies? That doesn‘t sound like an evil place. I would like to see it.
2) Zat - You? You might, but not the others. It’ll be the death of all of us if we don‘t change our coarse before it‘s too late.
Page 4
Panel 1
We are right beside Mettal, who looks back on his plodding caravan with a disapproving expression. The group seems to be split between listening to Zat and obeying Mettal’s orders.
1) Mettal - Don’t frighten yourself Zat, you’re imagination’s getting the best of you. I’ll forgive ya’ though, sunstroke ‘ill do that.
Panel 2
Focus on Mettal as he calmly explains his ideas, just as a teacher would do with a group of children.
1) Mettal - I’ve heard of this Oasis of Hanging Memories. It’s neither deathtrap nor oasis. Just pure folklore, legend.
Panel 3
The entire caravan looks on as Zat feverishly waves his book in the air to substantiate an argument he’s making.
1) Zat - Oh, but it’s real. I’ve read it in the book! It tells it all.
Panel 4
Aviz has crept closer to Zat, leaning inquisitively under his arms to get a better look at the book (as if he can see it at all).
1) Aviz - Is that the book? Can you read it to me?
Page 5
Panel 1
Zat tightly clutches the book as he proclaims loudly that he will read it. His eyes have a sort of crazy, fanatical twinkle to them. In the background, Aviz looks up admiringly at Zat (again, as if he could really seen him).
1) Zat - You’ll all get read every bit of it! And maybe you’ll learn how to save yourselves from destruction!
Panel 2
Zat is feverishly thumbing through the pages of the book to find the place he wants to quote.
Panel 3
Zat smiles almost manically with the success of finding the passage he wanted.
1) Zat - Ah! Here it is! And I quote it.
Panel 4
An aerial view of the small caravan as it plods along on its way. Zat is in the middle, noticeably animated in his reading.
1) Zat - “The Oasis of Hanging Melodies - Avoid at all costs! Once a beautiful green watering hole it has slowly transformed over the course of millennia into a smallish hell; bubbled up through the brimstone and bedrock to damn all whom wanderer by it.
Page 6
Panel 1
Focus on Zat, atop his camel as he intently reads the book. He is wide-eyed, and almost seems to exhibit a perverted sense of delight in reading the horrid passage.
1) Zat - “This oasis still hides its secret very well, and there is only one thing that hints at its dreadful qualities; that is a grotesque women of shame condemned to devour the spines and livers of all she catches!”
Panel 2
In the succeeding panels of this page, we are going to move along the caravan and get a look at its various members. This panel features the interested Aviz, and a couple of other members, rugged and weary looking. Maybe Zat’s book is poking in the side to show he’s right behind them.
1) Zat (O.P.) - “This dirty hair wretch sits atop the corpses of her half-eaten victims as she patiently waits to lure other travelers to their death.”
Panel 3
This panel features more caravan members, quietly listening to Zat’s speech. Maybe with their chins in their hands as they contemplate it.
1) Zat (O.P.) - How does she lure them?! “With an unholy screeching that mesmerizes, enchants, and invites the body to join her…”
Panel 4
This panel focuses on Mettal, at the beginning of caravan. He covers his face in frustration and embarrassment over Zat’s speech. A tip of what appears to be a sign is pointing up out of the sand, like an iceberg pointing out of the water.
1) Mettal - He’s a lunatic.
Panel 5
Small panel, we are eye to eye (so to speak) with the sign. Some sand is being blown away, revealing the first letters of “Warning”.
Page 7
Panel 1
A very large panel, we are in a lavish oasis with ferns, trees, and bushes drooping their bright green leaves everywhere. It’s the sheer opposite of the desert seen in the last pages. In the background, we can see an overlooking rocky desert hill with a path running down it. At the top of it is a glimpse of the caravan beginning to come over it. The last thing, at the bottom of the panel is a small hint of a head with only the hair being seen. The hair is dainty, has a flower in it. Lines to denote the owner of the head notices something.
1) Zat (O.P.) - “The mind is unwilling, but that hellish melody trances and seduces the body to move ever closer and closer to its death. Then the song stops; and flesh is rent from bone and one screams and vomits forth his own unholy melody to…
Panel 2
Small panel, Mettal has just started leading his caravan down the rocky path.
1) Mettal - Alright! Enough!
Page 8
Panel 1
We get a good look at the caravan as it travels down the precipitous trail, with Mettal in the forefront. They are all looking down in awe and wonder at the oasis in the valley below, which is not seen in this panel.
1) Mettal - Damn your horror stories Zat! Don’t ruin these drops of water we’re about it get.
Panel 2
We are behind Zat as he stares down at the beautiful oasis, which we can now see. We can barely see Abernathi standing on a little tuft of grass on the edge of the oasis. A few small musical notes are around her to denote singing.
1) Zat (Whisper) - I knew it! It’s the real thing.
Panel 3 and 4
These two panels view the entire caravan from a distant as it makes it way down the steep path. Mettal is getting noticeable farther ahead of the group in each panel.
Panel 5
We focus on Mettal as he looks back on trailing caravan. He is happily motioning them to catch up and move faster.
1) Mettal - Quicken up boys! I can almost taste that water!
Panel 6
We focus on Mettal’s face, his eyes have dilated as if he had taken a drug. Little colorful musical notes filter into his ears.
1) Mettal - I can almost hear it!
Page 9
Panel 1
Mettal and his caravan have stopped at the bottom of their downward path, which alights right in front of the oasis. They are admiring Abernathi, who is standing on her little mound of grass and happily singing to them, as they were her audience. The musical notes of her singing are floating down towards them. Take note that there is a ring of soft sound around her oasis.
1) Mettal - See Zat! No wretch, no blood, just the sound of a wonderful bubbling brook.
Panel 2
We are in the cluttered midst of the caravan, right beside Zat and Aviz. Zat is anxious and leaning sideways to get a better view. The people in front of him seem unusually stiff. In the distant background, Abernathi can bee seen skipping off her mound in towards the group.
1) Zat - Am I the only one who can see her?!
2) Aviz - I’m not sure.
Panel 3
Abernathi has reached the caravan; she is daintily skipping towards Mettal, like a little girl frolicking through a garden. Mettal and the other members of the caravan are stolid as statures, but with smiles on their faces. The musical notes continue to float around.
Panel 4
Abernathi has approached Mettal and she is whispering into his ear, such as a foolish little girl telling a secret would do. Something seems off about Mettal, as if he is in a trance. His smile has grown bigger though.
1) Mettal - Oh yes, a little dip in that pond would be magnificent.
Panel 5
We focus on Abernathi’s face and Mettal’s ear as she whispers in his ear. She looks so innocent and childish as she covers her mouth with her hand as if to stop imaginary eavesdroppers. A colorful, visible rolling wind of musical notes is coming from her mouth and going into Mettal’s ear.
[b] Page 10[b]
Panel 1
We are back in the midst of the caravan as Zat watches the ongoing scene (which we don’t see) with dismay. Aviz is lightly tapping or tugging at him, curious as to what’s going on.
1) Aviz - What’s happening?
2) Zat (Whisper) - Sssshhhh. The myth is truth, we’re the only ones left.
Panel 2
We are back with Abernathi as she whispers into more victims ears, maybe standing on her toes or bending a man down to reach their ears and make the horrid scene even more ridiculous. In the background, we can see a glimpse of Zat struggling to get off his camel.
Panel 3
We are back with Zat and Aviz again. Zat is frustrated as he still struggles to get off his camel (maybe caught in the stirrup). An anxious Aviz stands on the ground beside him; take note that Aviz is holding Zat‘s book. This is not necessary, but if you want, you can have Abernathi in the background, whispering into the ears of closer victims.
1) Zat- Put on your ear plugs. Once I get down we can hide till’ it’s over.
2) Aviz - What about the others?
3) Zat - The others are already damned!
Panel 4
Zat’s body has locked up into his current, awkward position as colorful musical notes swirl around his head. His eyes have that dilated look them now. Aviz is now very distressed, he knows there is something wrong, but can’t tell what, being struck by the deafness of earplugs along with his own blindness.
1) Aviz - Zat?
Panel 5
We are right beside Zat as he lies on the ground, frozen in his same awkward position. He smiles with that same colorful rolling wind of musical notes flowing into his ears.
Panel 6
Small panel, a close-up of Abernathi’s lips whispering the musical notes into the Zat’s ear.
Page 11
Panel 1
The various members of the caravan are jumping (maybe even cannonballing) into the soft-sandpit of that’s in front of the oasis like boys at the pool or riverbank; it turns out to be quicksand. Some are swimming in it as if it was water.
1) Caravan Member (Any) - Water, arggggggghhh! Water!
Panel 2 and 3
We get a closer inspection of the caravan members as they happily flounder and drown in the quicksand. They wear big crazed smiles.
Panel 4
The now deaf and blind Aviz, all alone, feels his way about him in distress as Abernathi squats beside him, happily observing. Remember he still has Zat’s book in his hand.
1) Aviz (Whisper) - Zat? Zat?! Where are you?
Panel 5
Small panel, a close up of Abernathi’s hand taking Aviz’s hand.
Panel 6
A giggling Abernathi is leading Aviz by the hand. Aviz is relieved and looking up at Abernathi, who he supposes to be Zat.
1) Aviz (Whisper) - Zat! Thank God!
Page 12
Panel 1
The extremely mirthful Aberthnati has lead Aviz to the edge of the quicksand pit. Aviz’s friends happily drown in front of him.
1) Aviz (whisper) - You saved me Zat, we’re going to be brothers now and…
Panel 2
Abernathi has put a delicate finger over Aviz’s lips. Aviz has taken this as a command of silence from Zat.
Panel 3
Abernathi is whispering in Aviz’s ear; she is pinching a tuff of cotton, which was once the earplug. A big smile has come over Aviz’s face.
Panel 4
Aviz is joyfully jumping into the quicksand.
Panel 5
Aviz has a big smile in his face as he awkward sinks to his doom; Zat‘s book is in his hand. Abernathi is daintily skipping towards him, not sinking into the quicksand.
Panel 6
A close up of Aviz’s happy drowning, Zat’s book sticking up in the only hand above sand.
Panel 7
A small panel, a close up of Abernathi’s delicate fingers taking the book up.
The rest is here if you want to read it.
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/34958217/