Page 4

[joshm]

Tomb Raider page four rough done.

Comments please?

Josh

Update: I updated the image to make panel 2 and 3 a little more clear. I'm stilling to make panel bigger and the rest of the panels smaller.


http://www.comicbookculture.com/sample1/TR-rough-page-4.jpg

[mistermaxx]

Tomb Raider page four rough done.

Comments please?

Josh



Josh,

What works:

Thank you, thank you, thank you for giving us the establishing shot in panel 1.

Even though this is only a rough, I know I'm in some ancient temple/tomb chamber, present day, watching Lara Croft running toward some sort of throne. Kudos.

What needs work:

This is just me, but I'm of the mind, since this looks like some sort of immense tomb chamber, to let panel 1 dominate the page, almost like a splash page, and bleed all four sides. Let us know that this place is humongous, and that it's taking Lara some time to run up to the throne area. Really give us some nice perspective to punch up that sense of place. Then panels 2 - 5 can be smaller, almost like a panel of insets, rapid-fire action.

Panel 2: this is almost a gratuitous derriere shot. Bring the camera up a little. But that's just me.

Panel 3: is this panel trying to show that she's climbing? I can't tell. Show me more of Lara.

[joshm]

Josh,
This is just me, but I'm of the mind, since this looks like some sort of immense tomb chamber....

Good suggestion, mistermaxx. I'm going to try and give some amazing view of the tomb. I'll most likely draw the page out and have the other panels over lap like you said.


Panel 2, by the way, is almost a gratuitous derriere shot. Bring the camera up a little. But that's just me.

Panel 3: is this panel trying to show that she's climbing? I can't tell. Show me more of Lara.
I didn't intentionally make her butt in that view. I drew the statue first and then draw Lara's upper torso and then just ended up like that. I'll make the shot more appealing there. Panel 3 is her climbing, so you'll see more when I finish it up. I'll most likely bring the shot in closer to show her larger.

Thanks for the comments and for telling me what you LIKE and don't like. I generally get what's wrong, but hearing what's right is just as important.

Josh

[Poboy]

I'm a little lost as to what's happening in panels 2 and 3.

[mistermaxx]

Thanks for the comments and for telling me what you LIKE and don't like. I generally get what's wrong, but hearing what's right is just as important.

Josh,

Yer welcome.

To me, this is one of the things that DW is all about. Besides encouraging creator collaboration, this community is about sharing what we know, and helping each other to become better at what we do.

To me, that means when I give a piece of sequential art a critique, I START with what I consider are the strong points.

There's very few things that irritate me more than someone ripping my work up without telling me how to improve it. And one of those things is neglecting to include encouragement, or to tell what I'm doing "that works".

Believe me, it's happened many times to me...getting my art ripped without a shred of constructive suggestions on how to improve.

So...long story short...when I give comments on these boards, I will ALWAYS start with a word of encouragement, or "what works."

Uhhh....

...I'll step down off my soap box now.

[joshm]

I'm a little lost as to what's happening in panels 2 and 3.

Yeah, I'm fixing that. I'll post another rough before I start the finished version.

Thanks for the comments.

Josh

[joshm]

Josh,

Yer welcome.

To me, this is one of the things that DW is all about. Besides encouraging creator collaboration, this community is about sharing what we know, and helping each other to become better at what we do.

To me, that means when I give a piece of sequential art a critique, I START with what I consider are the strong points.

There's very few things that irritate me more than someone ripping my work up without telling me how to improve it. And one of those things is neglecting to include encouragement, or to tell what I'm doing "that works".

Believe me, it's happened many times to me...getting my art ripped without a shred of constructive suggestions on how to improve.

So...long story short...when I give comments on these boards, I will ALWAYS start with a word of encouragement, or "what works."

Uhhh....

...I'll step down off my soap box now.


I agree with your philosophy. I try to start off with what positive and good about any work. Then it's easier for an artist to take the critiques and really listen to what you have to say. If you just go on a rampage and cut a piece down, then how will a person be able to improve? It just makes more sense to start off with what's good.

Josh

[joshm]

Updated rough.

http://www.comicbookculture.com/sample1/TR-rough-page-4.jpg

[Poboy]

OK, so the thing she pries out is on the side of the statue... that's where I was lost.
That out of the way, my only crit is that everything is kind of centered. Panel 3 is the only one without something in the middle of the panel. Composition is a hard thing to crit, but it seems like it could be more exciting. Other than that, it looks fine. I only see the shadow in panel 1, be careful to keep your light source consistent.

[Starfire]

Joshm, I do like the perspective, angles and the clarity that you have established here. :banana:

But panels 3 and 4 seems to lack a direction connection or flow -- exactly where is this safe in relation to the statued figure sitting on the thrown? Seems to be a visual gap. :blink:

But don't let my comments spoil anything. I still like what you have here. And I never really take my own observations as serious gospel. ;)

Nice visual layouts and establishing shots.

[joshm]

Poboy: I can always count on you to give me good advice. I'll try to make it clearer and I have a tendency to center everything. I'll work on it.

Starfire: Thank you for commenting. I agree with you about the confusion with where and what she's prying out of the statue. I'll try to make that more clear.

Thanks,

Josh

[sneed]

Luv the gestural quality of your work. . .

Luv the different and exciting angles.

Luv the butt shot ( eye-catcher and helps composition )

Great flow!!!

sneed

:)

[joshm]

Luv the gestural quality of your work. . .

Luv the different and exciting angles.

Luv the butt shot ( eye-catcher and helps composition )

Great flow!!!

sneed

:)

WOW! Thanks Sneed. I appreciate the support, which I can use lots of; as I'm sure many artist will understand.

Josh

[joshm]

Here is the finished page four. Let me know what you guys/girls think.

Josh

http://www.comicbookculture.com/sample1/TR-page-4.jpg