Razzberryd79
06-06-2006, 11:43 AM
I'm a new poster here and would love some feedback on this script if anyone has the time. I am practicing writting differnt page lengths. This script is only 3 pages. I know I can write a full 22 page script, but writting from 1-8 pages is something I am working on so I can get better.
I'm not a wiz when it comes to naming things, but you'll get the jist. Even though I've been told that this script would work as a one page, I still had fun making it 3.
Let me know of any spelling or grammer errors. (One can proof read only so many times.) Enjoy. :banana:
© 2006 Tysheia E. Stevenson
Page 1
Panel 1: Establishing shot of a city skyline during the day (Panel is horizontal and bleeds off the page).
Panel 2: Straight-On Exterior shot of an office building in the city. (It’s a city so there will be various people doing their morning routines, pigeons and sparrows battling over pretzels, etc.)
(This is a horizontal bleeding panel also, with the office building in the middle of the page surrounded by other buildings)
Boss Lady (yelling from within the building): I need an intern to go get me a tall, mocha vanilla grande!
Panel 3: Interior shot of an office area. Cubicles in the background, that sort of thing. A Boss Lady in a business suit is pointing to the elevator that is inside the office. A scared female intern is rushing towards the elevator. A couple of other interns are peeking out from behind the cubicles.
Boss Lady (yelling): And it better be hot when you get back!
Panel 4: Intern is in the elevator, impatient and two people are gossiping behind her.
Person 1: Did you hear about Lois from accounting and that new supe in marketing?
Person 2: I know, right in his office! Scandalous!
Person 1: I hear the janitor caught them in the act.
Panel 5: Shot of the intern running across the street to a café called The Coffee Shop. People are out and about in the streets doing their thing.
Panel 6: Shot of the frantic looking Intern at the counter placing her order. She has two fingers held up and in the other hand he has a $10 bill. The Coffee Shop clerk has her back to the reader. People are in line in the back of the intern, a man is directly behind her.
Intern: Two tall, mocha vanilla grandes, please!
Page 2
Panel 1: Intern takes a cup carrier holding two tall cups from an attendant. Another attendant is placing the $10 bill in an opened cash register and the person behind the Intern is yelling their order.
Attendant at the register: Next!
Man behind Intern: I need a small hazel nut coffee, three everything on them bagels…
Panel 2: Shot of the Intern in front of the Coffee Shop, looking both ways as she tries to leave.
Panel 3: Same shot as in Panel 2, only with a bike messenger zooming past the Intern from behind, ringing his bell. There is a freaked out expression on her face as she steps forward. There is a man to the right of her, rushing towards her.
Intern: Aaahhhhggg!
SFX (from bike): Ring, Riiiiinnnggg
Panel 4: The man from previous panel runs into the Intern, but keeps on rushing by. Intern tries to keep her balance. The lid is flying off one cup of coffee and spilling all over the place.
Intern: Oh, no!
Man: Move over, lady!
Panel 5: Shot of intern on her bum, drenched in coffee and yelling in the direction of the man.
Intern (yelling): You big jerk!
Page 3
Panel 1: Same shot as in Page 1, Panel 2. Intern is now on her feet. Her back is to the reader as she is about to head back to the office. Cars are zooming past and a vendor on the left side of the panel is shooing away a pigeon while a sparrow tries to steal a pretzel.
Panel 2: Aero shot of the Intern trying to get across the street. (It’s kind of like Frogger as she hops about, dodging cars, bikes and people).
Caption: I hate this city…
Panel 3: A very disheveled Intern is inside the building and rushing to catch the elevator before it closes. Someone else is already in there.
Intern (yelling): WAIT! Hold that elevator!
Panel 4: Shot of Intern stepping off of the elevator, looking worn out. The Boss Lady in the business suit is walking past and is grabbing the remaining cup.
Boss Lady: It’s about time.
Panel 5: Mid-shot of the Boss Lady drinking from the cup. Intern is behind her, looking relieved.
Panel 6: Boss Lady is in the foreground, making a face, as if she has eaten the most horrible thing in the world. She is thrusting the cup at the Intern. Intern is in the middle ground with a disbelieving look on her face.
Boss Lady: What the hell is this, sewage water?! Take that back and get me another one right now!
Caption (at the bottom right panel corner): End
I'm not a wiz when it comes to naming things, but you'll get the jist. Even though I've been told that this script would work as a one page, I still had fun making it 3.
Let me know of any spelling or grammer errors. (One can proof read only so many times.) Enjoy. :banana:
© 2006 Tysheia E. Stevenson
Page 1
Panel 1: Establishing shot of a city skyline during the day (Panel is horizontal and bleeds off the page).
Panel 2: Straight-On Exterior shot of an office building in the city. (It’s a city so there will be various people doing their morning routines, pigeons and sparrows battling over pretzels, etc.)
(This is a horizontal bleeding panel also, with the office building in the middle of the page surrounded by other buildings)
Boss Lady (yelling from within the building): I need an intern to go get me a tall, mocha vanilla grande!
Panel 3: Interior shot of an office area. Cubicles in the background, that sort of thing. A Boss Lady in a business suit is pointing to the elevator that is inside the office. A scared female intern is rushing towards the elevator. A couple of other interns are peeking out from behind the cubicles.
Boss Lady (yelling): And it better be hot when you get back!
Panel 4: Intern is in the elevator, impatient and two people are gossiping behind her.
Person 1: Did you hear about Lois from accounting and that new supe in marketing?
Person 2: I know, right in his office! Scandalous!
Person 1: I hear the janitor caught them in the act.
Panel 5: Shot of the intern running across the street to a café called The Coffee Shop. People are out and about in the streets doing their thing.
Panel 6: Shot of the frantic looking Intern at the counter placing her order. She has two fingers held up and in the other hand he has a $10 bill. The Coffee Shop clerk has her back to the reader. People are in line in the back of the intern, a man is directly behind her.
Intern: Two tall, mocha vanilla grandes, please!
Page 2
Panel 1: Intern takes a cup carrier holding two tall cups from an attendant. Another attendant is placing the $10 bill in an opened cash register and the person behind the Intern is yelling their order.
Attendant at the register: Next!
Man behind Intern: I need a small hazel nut coffee, three everything on them bagels…
Panel 2: Shot of the Intern in front of the Coffee Shop, looking both ways as she tries to leave.
Panel 3: Same shot as in Panel 2, only with a bike messenger zooming past the Intern from behind, ringing his bell. There is a freaked out expression on her face as she steps forward. There is a man to the right of her, rushing towards her.
Intern: Aaahhhhggg!
SFX (from bike): Ring, Riiiiinnnggg
Panel 4: The man from previous panel runs into the Intern, but keeps on rushing by. Intern tries to keep her balance. The lid is flying off one cup of coffee and spilling all over the place.
Intern: Oh, no!
Man: Move over, lady!
Panel 5: Shot of intern on her bum, drenched in coffee and yelling in the direction of the man.
Intern (yelling): You big jerk!
Page 3
Panel 1: Same shot as in Page 1, Panel 2. Intern is now on her feet. Her back is to the reader as she is about to head back to the office. Cars are zooming past and a vendor on the left side of the panel is shooing away a pigeon while a sparrow tries to steal a pretzel.
Panel 2: Aero shot of the Intern trying to get across the street. (It’s kind of like Frogger as she hops about, dodging cars, bikes and people).
Caption: I hate this city…
Panel 3: A very disheveled Intern is inside the building and rushing to catch the elevator before it closes. Someone else is already in there.
Intern (yelling): WAIT! Hold that elevator!
Panel 4: Shot of Intern stepping off of the elevator, looking worn out. The Boss Lady in the business suit is walking past and is grabbing the remaining cup.
Boss Lady: It’s about time.
Panel 5: Mid-shot of the Boss Lady drinking from the cup. Intern is behind her, looking relieved.
Panel 6: Boss Lady is in the foreground, making a face, as if she has eaten the most horrible thing in the world. She is thrusting the cup at the Intern. Intern is in the middle ground with a disbelieving look on her face.
Boss Lady: What the hell is this, sewage water?! Take that back and get me another one right now!
Caption (at the bottom right panel corner): End