Tomb Rader

[joshm]

I'm going to try and do a Tomb Rader story this weekend. I start a new schedule on Monday, so I'm trying to take advantage of the next three days. Anyway, let me know if I should fix something.

Thanks,

Josh

PS: Here is a link to my version of Lara Croft:
Lara Croft Sketch (http://www.digitalwebbing.com/forums/showthread.php?t=92560)

[IMG]http://www.comicbookculture.com/sample1/Tomb-Rader.jpg

[JMan]

Cool - she's a great character. I'd suggest varying the size of her in panels 3 and 5. As they stand, they are fighting with each other over the dominance in the page. And, the heads are at the same level on the page. Play around with different figure sizes, angles, and positioning within the panels to allow for each panel to stand on its own in this case.

Personally, I'd leave panel 5 as is, and play around with 3 - either reduce her size and pull back on the shot, or zoom in even more and get a good face shot. Either way, you don't want to have these panels fighting with each other.

[joshm]

Thanks Jman. I'll take your suggestions and show what I come up with. Since I'm trying to finish these pages this weekend I'll start on the full size pages right away and when I'm done, hopefully today, I'll post it.

Josh

[joshm]

Here is the full size rough page of my tomb rader story. Let me know what you think.

Thanks,

Josh

http://www.comicbookculture.com/sample1/tomb-rader-rough-1.jpg

[Matt the Greek]

Looking pretty good here, lots of variation of pitch and angle in your shots which is vital. The one place this really doesn't work is in that second-last panel, the profile shot. No matter how hard you try or how much detail you put in, a straight profile shot will always look like it was drawn by a kid in grade school. Avoid them at all costs! Lift the `camera' and tilt it down a little so we get a look at what's going on in the boat from slightly above while you establish her placement next to it... or something else entirely. Don't let one bad panel detract from your other great work.

[jkyle74]

Its a pretty good page, my main problem is with panel 2 and panel 5. Panel 2 the perspective of the pointing guy's arm seems off, like the arm should have been a touch shorter in the foreshortening. Now the dude standing in that panel needs less detail with the muscles in his back. Sometimes less is more. Give the impression that he is toned but you dont have to go in and detail every last muscle sometimes it becomes grotesque.

No onto panel 5, to me, it looks a bit stiff.I mean the way she's stading on the jetski. Maybe its just the sideshot but to me it looks a little static.

Other than that decent page...Keep up the good work!

[joshm]

Matt the Greek: You make a good point. I'm tempted in just redoing that panel all together now. I'll finish the other four pages and then go back and make corrections here and there. Thanks Matt.

jkyle74: I see what you're saying about the muscles and panel five, but I think the arm looks fine; I could be wrong though. Thanks

Here is the link to the finished page, which I posted before you guys suggested fixing these panels: Finished page 1 (http://www.digitalwebbing.com/forums/showthread.php?t=92651)