Lewis
06-01-2006, 09:43 AM
Trying to get some work out there for some honest feedback so any and all comments are welcomed. I know people tend to get more critiques if they critique other's work and I will be trying to do more of that as well.
This story is set in the near future after an event which mutated some of the earth's population. I'm not really looking for feedback on the originality of the concept (whcih is not original at all) but rather the script (pace, panel breakdowns, characters, etc.).
DIVIDED WE FALL
Characters:
NORMS/Alpha military unit
Standard uniforms are calf-length boots, loose fitting military issued pants and shirt with tight T-shirt underneath. Clothing is all black except T-shirt that is gray. Silver headsets, which double as communication devices between members and psi-defenses from mental attacks.
Tucker: Leader of the Alpha Military Unit. Rugged build, late forties, above average height, and sports a second day growth type of beard. Shoulder length wavy hair with strands of gray mixed with dark hair. Hard look in his eyes but does not show much of the wear and tear one would expect from one in his line of work. Fighting knife strapped to his lower left calf. Two shoulder holsters to carry pistols. Short shotgun is in holster that he carries across his back. Carries ammo in pouches on his belt. Always has his sleeves rolled up to show muscular arms. Carries a pack of cigarettes in his front, right hand pocket on his shirt.
Vance: Second-in-command whose expertise is explosives. Not much of a combatant when compared to the rest of the team. Very slight build, pale complexion, red hair, slightly shorter than average height.. Vance is in his late twenties but has a receding hairline with short hair. Most distinguishing feature are his teeth as they are severely crooked and in need of major work. Carries a backpack at all times which contains his explosives and accessories. Pistol is strapped to his right hip. Also carries a small bazooka-like device that is strapped to the backpack.
Wade: Sniper who also has an uncanny ability to assess deviant’s powers with minimal information or observation. Wade is in his late teens. However, due to his skills, he is one of the more valuable members. Sports a blonde goatee, a large earring in his left ear, and a black bandana. He also wears thin shaped sunglasses. Medium build but is athletic in appearance and average height. Shaved head. Weapons include two rifles – one for long-range the other for shorter range/close combat (semi-auto). Also carries throwing knives that are strapped to both of his arms and legs (upper arms and thighs).
Roxanne: Alpha member whose specialty is tracking. Roxanne is in her mid-twenties, slender but athletic build, short dark hair, and is above average height for a woman (Wade’s height). Roxanne is Africa-American. Roxanne does not like the feel of the uniform shirt and often wears only the gray T-shirt, which she does in this story. Roxanne also specializes in long-range weapons and carries a hi-tech crossbow that shoots bolts of energy rather than actual crossbow bolts. She also carries a pistol in a shoulder harness and has tracking equipment in her belt pouches.
Kris: Communication whiz who is the youngest team member in her late teens (slightly younger than Wade). Kris is diminutive in stature with a pixie like quality about her. Shoulder length dark hair and thin facial features. Kris carries mostly communication devices – augmented headset, devices on both of her wrists that work in similar fashion to today’s cell phones, and a backpack for long range communication. Kris only carries one weapon, a small pistol strapped to her left hip. Uniform appears baggy on Kris as she too little for even the smallest sized uniform.
Bonnie: Hand-to-hand specialist and protector of the group. Very muscular build (fills out uniform), average height, blonde long hair pulled back in a ponytail. Bonnie is in her early thirties with a hard look to her as she’s been doing this the longest other that Tucker. Warrior tattoo on the left side of her face. Carries a sawed off shotgun (strapped across her back), two pistols (strapped to both hips), and a staff. Staff is electrically charged to add more damage and retracts so it can be held in a long pouch that runs down her left leg.
DEVIANT
Seth: Tucker’s son who Tucker had thought died years ago. Late twenties. Slim but muscular build, above average height, torn and tattered clothing (pants with rips, torn up shirt), and personal hygiene has obviously been neglected for some time (long, stringy hair, etc.). Deep set eyes that appear to have a faint red glow to them. Powers include a dark energy that emits from his body in a form resembling tentacles.
PAGE ONE
(Large panel) View of an old, deteriorating factory building. The building was once a shirt factory and is several stories high with a large chimney in the rear. Parking lot (empty with various forms of debris scattered about) is to the right of the building and a river is in the background. To the left of the building is a bridge that crosses the river. Environment should look as if people have not been around for a few decades.
CAP: “It’s been 20 friggin’ years when the LIGHT came and changed everything. All of it for the worse.”
Cap: “Most have given up hope that things will ever be as they were. Some of us have not.”
CAP: “We can’t. It’s all we have left to keep us going.”
View in front of Tucker (He is standing in the street in front of the factory that is not shown in this panel). He has his shotgun in his left hand and is holding a cigarette in his right as he smokes. Behind Tucker, in the far background so the reader would have a difficult time identifying him, is Wade. He is perched on the roof of a fast food restaurant aiming towards the factory (covering Tucker).
CAP: “Christ, the kids I have under me now either were too young to remember what it was like or weren’t even alive when it happened.”
CAP: “They have only heard about what things were like before all this crap came down. And as each year goes by, the stories get better and better.”
Scene changes to the side of the factory to the docking bay. Vance and Bonnie are opening two large docking doors to get into the factory. Roxanne is behind them with her crossbow aimed inside the factory doors in case of trouble.
CAP: “Makes me wish it was half as good as they say.”
CAP: “Maybe that is why it’s the younger ones who fight the hardest for the dream. They’re fighting for an ideal when in reality it was never even close to that.”
POV form Tucker. He is looking at the parking lot to the right of the factory. Roxanne is in the background waving Tucker on in a manner to show it is clear.
CAP: “Still, it was better that the hell we live in today.”
PAGE TWO
Tucker and his team are standing just outside the open dock doors. Kris is on a radio following directions that Tucker gave her. Wade is standing beside Tucker taking in the surroundings and is holding his shorter rifle (semi-auto) to his side, almost in a relaxed manner.
Tucker: Kris, get back to HOME and let them know we have arrived at our destination without incident and no indication of Deviant activity.
Tucker: Wade, what’s your take on this?
Wade: Hard to say, boss. There’s nothing here as far as I can tell. Like you said ‘no indication of Deviant activity’.
Roxanne is examining the area outside the doorway entering the factory. Her head is down. Bonnie is acting as a shield for Roxanne as Roxanne surveys the area. Bonnie, standing between Roxanne and the open doorway, has her shotgun and is watching the doorway closely.
Roxanne: Some thing here, Tuck. I can tell that someone, possibly a Deviant, has recently been here but the foot traffic is minimal. We may have been given a bogus lead.
Bonnie: Or this could be a set up.
Tucker, with his hands on his hips and looking very commander-like, looks up at the factory as if waiting for a sign. The other team members focus their attention on Tucker.
CAP: “Bonnie, ever the optimist.”
Tucker: Alright then. If this is deserted it will be a quick run through. You know the drill, once inside no verbal communication. Set psi-shields at maximum.
Vance, with a questionable expression, is addressing Tucker.
Vance: Boss, Wade and Roxanne didn’t pick up on anything and I’ve scanned the area as well. It hasn’t been rigged with any traps as far as I can tell. You sure you want to go maximum?
Tucker: Vance, I know none of you want to deal with the after-effects of going max, especially the headaches. But the old saying goes “If it looks too easy . . . ”
Headshot of Bonnie, with a slight mischievous grin, as she pushes a button on her headset.
Bonnie: “ . . . it is too easy”. Tuck, I really love you but your cliches are getting as old as you are.
PAGE THREE
View from within the factory looking out the doorway as the group enters the building. Inside is dark which contrasts to the light coming in from outside. Bonnie (Shotgun aimed ahead) leads the way with Tucker(Also has shotgun in hand) almost at her side, slightly behind her. Bonnie focuses straight ahead while Tucker scans to either side. Roxanne is third using her crossbow to cover Tucker and Bonnie as best as she can. Vance is fourth as is not as attentive on immediate threats/possible ambush as he is in checking out the surroundings for signs of traps. Kris is in communication with HOME and Wade takes up the rear (semi in hand).
CAP: “As I said, before the LIGHT it wasn’t nearly as good as us older ones make it out to be but it was definitely better than living in fear as we do now.”
CAP: “Hell, before the Light I was swimming in debt and about to lose my business and home.”
Side angle/ profiles of Bonnie and Tucker. Bonnie is kneeling down, lifting her left hand in a fist to signal the others to stop. Tucker is right behind her. He is pointing, left arm over Bonnie’s left shoulder, in front of Bonnie at an object the reader cannot see. Bonnie is looking in the direction Tucker is pointing.
CAP: “Some who knew me back then and knew the situation I was in have joked that the LIGHT has been a blessing for me. That being an Alpha leader was what I was meant to do.”
CAP: “Kind of disproves the theory of survival of the fitness. It’s more of ‘survival-if-you-happen-to-fit-in-whatever-the-hell-is-happening-at-that-moment’.”
Distant view of a support beam in the middle of a very large, open room within the factory. Interior should be as expected, run down and neglected for years. A photograph, about an 8 x 10 size, is stuck to the beam by a piece of tape. Reader should not be able to make out what is on photograph.
CAP: “I see their point however and, more importantly, understand the underlying resentment they harbor towards me. The worst are the ones who had a lot going for them before the LIGHT and had the most to lose.”
CAP: “Yet they don’t understand that they were not the only ones who had something to lose. We all lost something important to us and every one of us would give almost anything to get whatever it was back.”
View from over Tucker’s shoulder as he looks back at Vance, Roxanne, and Wade. Wade is shaking his head ‘no’ to signal to Tucker that he has not sensed any danger. Roxanne is shrugging her shoulders to signal that she is uncertain.
CAP: “That is, if we can.”
POV from Tucker as he looks at the photograph taped to the support beam. Tucker’s hand is reaching out to grab the photo. The photo is of a young boy (Seth), about seven, with a much younger Tucker. Tucker and Seth are wrestling playfully but are posing for the camera, smiling.
CAP: “Looks like someone is trying to make this personal.”
PAGE FOUR
Tucker, Vance, and Bonnie kneel close together, speaking softly. Roxanne and Wade, also kneeling but a few feet from the group, one on each side, continue to scan the area to protect the group. Kris is near the three who are talking but is not part of the conversation.
Tucker: This is a set up and, whoever it is, they’re targeting me.
Vance: How do you know?
Tucker: This is a picture of me and my boy about twenty years ago.
Upper body shot of Tucker as he scans the area by looking up at an angle. Ceiling in background. Tucker is feeling very uneasy/worried and his facial expressions convey this.
Tucker: Some psi must have gotten to me before we got here and has been playing me, playing with us, all along.
Tucker: We’re getting out of here. Now.
Headshot, straight on, of Bonnie with a wise-ass smile on her face.
Bonnie: All apologies, Tuck, but what makes you think anyone would want to get inside that head of yours?
Headshot of Vance facing Tucker but his eyes are looking off to the side nervously. Vance is backing up Bonnie but not looking too sure he believes what he is saying.
Vance: Bonnie’s right, Boss. Roxanne, Wade, and myself have not picked up any signs of this being a trap. I say we finish this by making a complete sweep to verify it’s empty and then leaving.”
Bonnie is smiling even more and placed one of her hands on Tucker’s shoulder. Vance is smiling with her. Tucker has his head down and is looking at the photo in his hand. Tucker is seriously concerned.
Bonnie: Come on, old man. This is a perfect time for one of your little sayings.
Vance: How about the ‘Any job worth doing’ one, Bonnie?
Tucker: You two are really getting on my nerves. We keep this simple and quick and then get the hell out of here.
PAGE FIVE
Dark tentacles (Seth’s powers) spring from everywhere in the room towards the group. Some tentacles are disarming the group by grabbing weapons while other tentacles are restraining the team. All team members are in various stages of surprise/shock. Bonnie and Tucker react the most aggressively.
Kris: Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!
Wade: Christ! It is a trap!
Tucker: NO!
Team members being completely restrained with tentacles covering their mouths. Kris (being gagged) and Vance are in foreground with other members in background. Tucker should not be shown in this panel. He will be restrained but his mouth will not be covered as seen in next panel.
Vance: Kris, radio HOME!
Kris: I can’t. It took my . . . umph!
View from behind Tucker, who is completely entrapped by tentacles. Tucker is looking in front of him as Seth approaches. Tentacles emerging from his entire body and extending to all the team members. Seth has single handedly captured the entire team.
Seth: Despite my orders, I tried my best to warn you, to get you to go back. But you have always been stubborn, haven’t you?
Tucker and Seth face each other. Tucker still looking somewhat shocked while Seth is definitely saddened by the course of events.
Tucker: Seth?
Seth: Even though it’s been two decades I knew you’d recognize me.
Seth: This war of survival we got going is quite something, isn’t it? Two sides after essentially the same thing only one desires a peaceful resolution while the other wants to utterly annihilate the other.
Upper body shot. Seth, while continuing to restrain the team, appears what could be described as melancholy. He is upset with the idea of what he has to do given the circumstances.
Seth: I know of all the atrocities you have committed against people like me just as I know that within your heart you feel what you have done was justified.
Seth: That is why the decision was made to eliminate you. There can never be peace with men like you in positions of power and influence.
Seth: Still, when I was given this assignment I gave you a way out. I left that picture to give you a chance to walk away and save yourself, your team, and me.
PAGE SIX
Page breaks up into two halves that can be treated as separate panels. In the top half, a headshot of Seth is in the middle. He is facing the reader with a sad expression and a single tear is running down his left cheek. All around Seth’s headshot are headshots of all the team members looking at Seth.
Seth: I really wish you had walked away this time . . . Dad.
Bottom half of page shows the old factory from a distance. Large explosion shatters all the windows and flames and smoke erupt from the factory. It should be clear to the reader that nothing could survive the explosion.
This story is set in the near future after an event which mutated some of the earth's population. I'm not really looking for feedback on the originality of the concept (whcih is not original at all) but rather the script (pace, panel breakdowns, characters, etc.).
DIVIDED WE FALL
Characters:
NORMS/Alpha military unit
Standard uniforms are calf-length boots, loose fitting military issued pants and shirt with tight T-shirt underneath. Clothing is all black except T-shirt that is gray. Silver headsets, which double as communication devices between members and psi-defenses from mental attacks.
Tucker: Leader of the Alpha Military Unit. Rugged build, late forties, above average height, and sports a second day growth type of beard. Shoulder length wavy hair with strands of gray mixed with dark hair. Hard look in his eyes but does not show much of the wear and tear one would expect from one in his line of work. Fighting knife strapped to his lower left calf. Two shoulder holsters to carry pistols. Short shotgun is in holster that he carries across his back. Carries ammo in pouches on his belt. Always has his sleeves rolled up to show muscular arms. Carries a pack of cigarettes in his front, right hand pocket on his shirt.
Vance: Second-in-command whose expertise is explosives. Not much of a combatant when compared to the rest of the team. Very slight build, pale complexion, red hair, slightly shorter than average height.. Vance is in his late twenties but has a receding hairline with short hair. Most distinguishing feature are his teeth as they are severely crooked and in need of major work. Carries a backpack at all times which contains his explosives and accessories. Pistol is strapped to his right hip. Also carries a small bazooka-like device that is strapped to the backpack.
Wade: Sniper who also has an uncanny ability to assess deviant’s powers with minimal information or observation. Wade is in his late teens. However, due to his skills, he is one of the more valuable members. Sports a blonde goatee, a large earring in his left ear, and a black bandana. He also wears thin shaped sunglasses. Medium build but is athletic in appearance and average height. Shaved head. Weapons include two rifles – one for long-range the other for shorter range/close combat (semi-auto). Also carries throwing knives that are strapped to both of his arms and legs (upper arms and thighs).
Roxanne: Alpha member whose specialty is tracking. Roxanne is in her mid-twenties, slender but athletic build, short dark hair, and is above average height for a woman (Wade’s height). Roxanne is Africa-American. Roxanne does not like the feel of the uniform shirt and often wears only the gray T-shirt, which she does in this story. Roxanne also specializes in long-range weapons and carries a hi-tech crossbow that shoots bolts of energy rather than actual crossbow bolts. She also carries a pistol in a shoulder harness and has tracking equipment in her belt pouches.
Kris: Communication whiz who is the youngest team member in her late teens (slightly younger than Wade). Kris is diminutive in stature with a pixie like quality about her. Shoulder length dark hair and thin facial features. Kris carries mostly communication devices – augmented headset, devices on both of her wrists that work in similar fashion to today’s cell phones, and a backpack for long range communication. Kris only carries one weapon, a small pistol strapped to her left hip. Uniform appears baggy on Kris as she too little for even the smallest sized uniform.
Bonnie: Hand-to-hand specialist and protector of the group. Very muscular build (fills out uniform), average height, blonde long hair pulled back in a ponytail. Bonnie is in her early thirties with a hard look to her as she’s been doing this the longest other that Tucker. Warrior tattoo on the left side of her face. Carries a sawed off shotgun (strapped across her back), two pistols (strapped to both hips), and a staff. Staff is electrically charged to add more damage and retracts so it can be held in a long pouch that runs down her left leg.
DEVIANT
Seth: Tucker’s son who Tucker had thought died years ago. Late twenties. Slim but muscular build, above average height, torn and tattered clothing (pants with rips, torn up shirt), and personal hygiene has obviously been neglected for some time (long, stringy hair, etc.). Deep set eyes that appear to have a faint red glow to them. Powers include a dark energy that emits from his body in a form resembling tentacles.
PAGE ONE
(Large panel) View of an old, deteriorating factory building. The building was once a shirt factory and is several stories high with a large chimney in the rear. Parking lot (empty with various forms of debris scattered about) is to the right of the building and a river is in the background. To the left of the building is a bridge that crosses the river. Environment should look as if people have not been around for a few decades.
CAP: “It’s been 20 friggin’ years when the LIGHT came and changed everything. All of it for the worse.”
Cap: “Most have given up hope that things will ever be as they were. Some of us have not.”
CAP: “We can’t. It’s all we have left to keep us going.”
View in front of Tucker (He is standing in the street in front of the factory that is not shown in this panel). He has his shotgun in his left hand and is holding a cigarette in his right as he smokes. Behind Tucker, in the far background so the reader would have a difficult time identifying him, is Wade. He is perched on the roof of a fast food restaurant aiming towards the factory (covering Tucker).
CAP: “Christ, the kids I have under me now either were too young to remember what it was like or weren’t even alive when it happened.”
CAP: “They have only heard about what things were like before all this crap came down. And as each year goes by, the stories get better and better.”
Scene changes to the side of the factory to the docking bay. Vance and Bonnie are opening two large docking doors to get into the factory. Roxanne is behind them with her crossbow aimed inside the factory doors in case of trouble.
CAP: “Makes me wish it was half as good as they say.”
CAP: “Maybe that is why it’s the younger ones who fight the hardest for the dream. They’re fighting for an ideal when in reality it was never even close to that.”
POV form Tucker. He is looking at the parking lot to the right of the factory. Roxanne is in the background waving Tucker on in a manner to show it is clear.
CAP: “Still, it was better that the hell we live in today.”
PAGE TWO
Tucker and his team are standing just outside the open dock doors. Kris is on a radio following directions that Tucker gave her. Wade is standing beside Tucker taking in the surroundings and is holding his shorter rifle (semi-auto) to his side, almost in a relaxed manner.
Tucker: Kris, get back to HOME and let them know we have arrived at our destination without incident and no indication of Deviant activity.
Tucker: Wade, what’s your take on this?
Wade: Hard to say, boss. There’s nothing here as far as I can tell. Like you said ‘no indication of Deviant activity’.
Roxanne is examining the area outside the doorway entering the factory. Her head is down. Bonnie is acting as a shield for Roxanne as Roxanne surveys the area. Bonnie, standing between Roxanne and the open doorway, has her shotgun and is watching the doorway closely.
Roxanne: Some thing here, Tuck. I can tell that someone, possibly a Deviant, has recently been here but the foot traffic is minimal. We may have been given a bogus lead.
Bonnie: Or this could be a set up.
Tucker, with his hands on his hips and looking very commander-like, looks up at the factory as if waiting for a sign. The other team members focus their attention on Tucker.
CAP: “Bonnie, ever the optimist.”
Tucker: Alright then. If this is deserted it will be a quick run through. You know the drill, once inside no verbal communication. Set psi-shields at maximum.
Vance, with a questionable expression, is addressing Tucker.
Vance: Boss, Wade and Roxanne didn’t pick up on anything and I’ve scanned the area as well. It hasn’t been rigged with any traps as far as I can tell. You sure you want to go maximum?
Tucker: Vance, I know none of you want to deal with the after-effects of going max, especially the headaches. But the old saying goes “If it looks too easy . . . ”
Headshot of Bonnie, with a slight mischievous grin, as she pushes a button on her headset.
Bonnie: “ . . . it is too easy”. Tuck, I really love you but your cliches are getting as old as you are.
PAGE THREE
View from within the factory looking out the doorway as the group enters the building. Inside is dark which contrasts to the light coming in from outside. Bonnie (Shotgun aimed ahead) leads the way with Tucker(Also has shotgun in hand) almost at her side, slightly behind her. Bonnie focuses straight ahead while Tucker scans to either side. Roxanne is third using her crossbow to cover Tucker and Bonnie as best as she can. Vance is fourth as is not as attentive on immediate threats/possible ambush as he is in checking out the surroundings for signs of traps. Kris is in communication with HOME and Wade takes up the rear (semi in hand).
CAP: “As I said, before the LIGHT it wasn’t nearly as good as us older ones make it out to be but it was definitely better than living in fear as we do now.”
CAP: “Hell, before the Light I was swimming in debt and about to lose my business and home.”
Side angle/ profiles of Bonnie and Tucker. Bonnie is kneeling down, lifting her left hand in a fist to signal the others to stop. Tucker is right behind her. He is pointing, left arm over Bonnie’s left shoulder, in front of Bonnie at an object the reader cannot see. Bonnie is looking in the direction Tucker is pointing.
CAP: “Some who knew me back then and knew the situation I was in have joked that the LIGHT has been a blessing for me. That being an Alpha leader was what I was meant to do.”
CAP: “Kind of disproves the theory of survival of the fitness. It’s more of ‘survival-if-you-happen-to-fit-in-whatever-the-hell-is-happening-at-that-moment’.”
Distant view of a support beam in the middle of a very large, open room within the factory. Interior should be as expected, run down and neglected for years. A photograph, about an 8 x 10 size, is stuck to the beam by a piece of tape. Reader should not be able to make out what is on photograph.
CAP: “I see their point however and, more importantly, understand the underlying resentment they harbor towards me. The worst are the ones who had a lot going for them before the LIGHT and had the most to lose.”
CAP: “Yet they don’t understand that they were not the only ones who had something to lose. We all lost something important to us and every one of us would give almost anything to get whatever it was back.”
View from over Tucker’s shoulder as he looks back at Vance, Roxanne, and Wade. Wade is shaking his head ‘no’ to signal to Tucker that he has not sensed any danger. Roxanne is shrugging her shoulders to signal that she is uncertain.
CAP: “That is, if we can.”
POV from Tucker as he looks at the photograph taped to the support beam. Tucker’s hand is reaching out to grab the photo. The photo is of a young boy (Seth), about seven, with a much younger Tucker. Tucker and Seth are wrestling playfully but are posing for the camera, smiling.
CAP: “Looks like someone is trying to make this personal.”
PAGE FOUR
Tucker, Vance, and Bonnie kneel close together, speaking softly. Roxanne and Wade, also kneeling but a few feet from the group, one on each side, continue to scan the area to protect the group. Kris is near the three who are talking but is not part of the conversation.
Tucker: This is a set up and, whoever it is, they’re targeting me.
Vance: How do you know?
Tucker: This is a picture of me and my boy about twenty years ago.
Upper body shot of Tucker as he scans the area by looking up at an angle. Ceiling in background. Tucker is feeling very uneasy/worried and his facial expressions convey this.
Tucker: Some psi must have gotten to me before we got here and has been playing me, playing with us, all along.
Tucker: We’re getting out of here. Now.
Headshot, straight on, of Bonnie with a wise-ass smile on her face.
Bonnie: All apologies, Tuck, but what makes you think anyone would want to get inside that head of yours?
Headshot of Vance facing Tucker but his eyes are looking off to the side nervously. Vance is backing up Bonnie but not looking too sure he believes what he is saying.
Vance: Bonnie’s right, Boss. Roxanne, Wade, and myself have not picked up any signs of this being a trap. I say we finish this by making a complete sweep to verify it’s empty and then leaving.”
Bonnie is smiling even more and placed one of her hands on Tucker’s shoulder. Vance is smiling with her. Tucker has his head down and is looking at the photo in his hand. Tucker is seriously concerned.
Bonnie: Come on, old man. This is a perfect time for one of your little sayings.
Vance: How about the ‘Any job worth doing’ one, Bonnie?
Tucker: You two are really getting on my nerves. We keep this simple and quick and then get the hell out of here.
PAGE FIVE
Dark tentacles (Seth’s powers) spring from everywhere in the room towards the group. Some tentacles are disarming the group by grabbing weapons while other tentacles are restraining the team. All team members are in various stages of surprise/shock. Bonnie and Tucker react the most aggressively.
Kris: Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!
Wade: Christ! It is a trap!
Tucker: NO!
Team members being completely restrained with tentacles covering their mouths. Kris (being gagged) and Vance are in foreground with other members in background. Tucker should not be shown in this panel. He will be restrained but his mouth will not be covered as seen in next panel.
Vance: Kris, radio HOME!
Kris: I can’t. It took my . . . umph!
View from behind Tucker, who is completely entrapped by tentacles. Tucker is looking in front of him as Seth approaches. Tentacles emerging from his entire body and extending to all the team members. Seth has single handedly captured the entire team.
Seth: Despite my orders, I tried my best to warn you, to get you to go back. But you have always been stubborn, haven’t you?
Tucker and Seth face each other. Tucker still looking somewhat shocked while Seth is definitely saddened by the course of events.
Tucker: Seth?
Seth: Even though it’s been two decades I knew you’d recognize me.
Seth: This war of survival we got going is quite something, isn’t it? Two sides after essentially the same thing only one desires a peaceful resolution while the other wants to utterly annihilate the other.
Upper body shot. Seth, while continuing to restrain the team, appears what could be described as melancholy. He is upset with the idea of what he has to do given the circumstances.
Seth: I know of all the atrocities you have committed against people like me just as I know that within your heart you feel what you have done was justified.
Seth: That is why the decision was made to eliminate you. There can never be peace with men like you in positions of power and influence.
Seth: Still, when I was given this assignment I gave you a way out. I left that picture to give you a chance to walk away and save yourself, your team, and me.
PAGE SIX
Page breaks up into two halves that can be treated as separate panels. In the top half, a headshot of Seth is in the middle. He is facing the reader with a sad expression and a single tear is running down his left cheek. All around Seth’s headshot are headshots of all the team members looking at Seth.
Seth: I really wish you had walked away this time . . . Dad.
Bottom half of page shows the old factory from a distance. Large explosion shatters all the windows and flames and smoke erupt from the factory. It should be clear to the reader that nothing could survive the explosion.