kshah777
05-30-2006, 05:56 PM
Hi, fellow forum-ers... I've been sitting on a couple ideas that I've fleshed out into comic scripts, and I thought I'd test one out here. The format I wrote it in is a bit more prose-y, but I 'm able to change it to a strict panel by panel description if that's easier for the artist/reader. This way left a bit more to the imagination, I suppose. Anyway, here goes...
“All men are cowards.”
Footsteps clatter over pavement, bright shined shoes of considerable size. Two large men, reasonably well dressed in overcoats, are running at top speed, pistols in hand, occasionally glancing back. The shadows of the back alley seem to ripple and move. Something is there.
The men go through a dingy door and slam it shut, locking it tightly, looking each other in the eye. They are terrified. The men hurry down a hallway through a small lobby and finally burst into a smoky room with two or three men playing cards at a dimly lit table.
FRANK:“Boss! We gotta go NOW!”
A balding fat man smoking a large cigar stands up, angry that he’s been interrupted.
BOSS:“What the hell is going on?”
MARTY:“It’s a hit, boss. It’s bad.”
BOSS:“I didn’t hear any shots… what the **** happened, Marty?
MARTY:“We were standing guard with Larry…”
We’re back in the alley, in a flashback. Three men (Frank, Marty and Larry) stand in the alley, heads slowly scanning for any sign of trouble. They hear a noise out in the side ally, garbage cans crashing. “****ing dogs.” one of the gangsters mutters.
Another crash, louder this time. The men grow slightly suspicious, as there is no barking. Then, there’s another crash followed by a distinct sound: a low laugh.
Larry reaches in his jacket and walks towards the small alley. “****in’ punks… I’ll check it.”
The other two keep their watch. They hear more noises: some rustling and a wet sound. Larry doesn’t return. The two glance at each other, each takes out their gun, and they slowly advance toward the alley.
The body lies facedown on the ground, a good deal of blood pooling around where the head and neck meet… while Larry’s head sits a few feet away, eyes wide open. The men’s eyes widen in horror, and they point their guns into the darkness ahead, to the side, even behind them in fright… nothing happens. Then they run to the door, catching up to how we saw them earlier. The flashback ends.
FRANK: “We gotta get out now, boss! Whatever it is still out there!”
BOSS: “Relax, Frankie. We still got Coscella’s boys still out there in the lobby.
Frank and Marty look at each other suddenly. “But… the lobby was empty when we came through…”
The door creaks open, with no one there. All men draw their guns, cursing. Two of them fire out into the other room. There is no sound, no indication of anyone outside. The men keep their guns out, no one sure what to do.
BOSS:“You two check it out.”
FRANK:“But Boss-“
BOSS: “Just DO it!”
We follow the two henchman as they slowly creep into the room, guns drawn. There is nothing there. They step out further, nervously. Still nothing. Frankie sees a shadow on the wall in an adjacent hallway, points to it silently. The two slowly creep up, then leap around the corner.
FRANK: “You son of a- ohhhh, shit.”
They are facing with the lifeless body of one of Coscella’s guards, propped against the wall, his throat cut. A scream emanates from the back room where the Boss is. The two rush back to find the bodies of the other two men in the room, both unconscious. Their boss is missing. They stare at each other in disbelief.
The Boss is being dragged, bound and gagged, up a staircase. Finally the Boss and the mysterious attacker emerge on the roof of the building. His captor, a man clad entirely in a dark grey/black outfit, stops and turns to face him. His face is hidden by a mask, covering everything but his eyes. He finally speaks.
M.D.M:“I am called the Mano della Muerte… the Hand of Death. I have been sent by Vincenzo Mavelli to kill you. This is the place you will die. Don Mavelli gives you the chance to speak your last words… but only I will hear them.”
In a flash, a sword is drawn and slashes open the gag, also opening a cut on the Boss’s face. He coughs and spits out blood.
“Aggh…You tell Mavelli… that he’ll pay for this! I spit upon him, I curse him and his children with my dying breath! You tell him that!”
Caption: He wastes his final words on this world with empty promises of revenge. Foolish.
The sword sings its deathsong again, and the Boss’s head is cleanly sliced off. It is wrapped and placed in a small bag. The shadowy figure then leaps away onto the next building and fades away into the cityscape. After awhile, Frank and Marty finally emerge on the roof, to find their former employer’s body still kneeling, bloodied and headless. They look at each other in shock.
FRANK: “Jesus…”
There's more, but I thought this would be a nice opening taste. The story involves a Japanese immigrant (and yes, a ninja) who settles in 20's-30's era New York and becomes an assassin for a mob boss. Sounds like a high school kid fantasy, I admit, but give it interesting characters and ideas and it gets going. So... whatcha think?
“All men are cowards.”
Footsteps clatter over pavement, bright shined shoes of considerable size. Two large men, reasonably well dressed in overcoats, are running at top speed, pistols in hand, occasionally glancing back. The shadows of the back alley seem to ripple and move. Something is there.
The men go through a dingy door and slam it shut, locking it tightly, looking each other in the eye. They are terrified. The men hurry down a hallway through a small lobby and finally burst into a smoky room with two or three men playing cards at a dimly lit table.
FRANK:“Boss! We gotta go NOW!”
A balding fat man smoking a large cigar stands up, angry that he’s been interrupted.
BOSS:“What the hell is going on?”
MARTY:“It’s a hit, boss. It’s bad.”
BOSS:“I didn’t hear any shots… what the **** happened, Marty?
MARTY:“We were standing guard with Larry…”
We’re back in the alley, in a flashback. Three men (Frank, Marty and Larry) stand in the alley, heads slowly scanning for any sign of trouble. They hear a noise out in the side ally, garbage cans crashing. “****ing dogs.” one of the gangsters mutters.
Another crash, louder this time. The men grow slightly suspicious, as there is no barking. Then, there’s another crash followed by a distinct sound: a low laugh.
Larry reaches in his jacket and walks towards the small alley. “****in’ punks… I’ll check it.”
The other two keep their watch. They hear more noises: some rustling and a wet sound. Larry doesn’t return. The two glance at each other, each takes out their gun, and they slowly advance toward the alley.
The body lies facedown on the ground, a good deal of blood pooling around where the head and neck meet… while Larry’s head sits a few feet away, eyes wide open. The men’s eyes widen in horror, and they point their guns into the darkness ahead, to the side, even behind them in fright… nothing happens. Then they run to the door, catching up to how we saw them earlier. The flashback ends.
FRANK: “We gotta get out now, boss! Whatever it is still out there!”
BOSS: “Relax, Frankie. We still got Coscella’s boys still out there in the lobby.
Frank and Marty look at each other suddenly. “But… the lobby was empty when we came through…”
The door creaks open, with no one there. All men draw their guns, cursing. Two of them fire out into the other room. There is no sound, no indication of anyone outside. The men keep their guns out, no one sure what to do.
BOSS:“You two check it out.”
FRANK:“But Boss-“
BOSS: “Just DO it!”
We follow the two henchman as they slowly creep into the room, guns drawn. There is nothing there. They step out further, nervously. Still nothing. Frankie sees a shadow on the wall in an adjacent hallway, points to it silently. The two slowly creep up, then leap around the corner.
FRANK: “You son of a- ohhhh, shit.”
They are facing with the lifeless body of one of Coscella’s guards, propped against the wall, his throat cut. A scream emanates from the back room where the Boss is. The two rush back to find the bodies of the other two men in the room, both unconscious. Their boss is missing. They stare at each other in disbelief.
The Boss is being dragged, bound and gagged, up a staircase. Finally the Boss and the mysterious attacker emerge on the roof of the building. His captor, a man clad entirely in a dark grey/black outfit, stops and turns to face him. His face is hidden by a mask, covering everything but his eyes. He finally speaks.
M.D.M:“I am called the Mano della Muerte… the Hand of Death. I have been sent by Vincenzo Mavelli to kill you. This is the place you will die. Don Mavelli gives you the chance to speak your last words… but only I will hear them.”
In a flash, a sword is drawn and slashes open the gag, also opening a cut on the Boss’s face. He coughs and spits out blood.
“Aggh…You tell Mavelli… that he’ll pay for this! I spit upon him, I curse him and his children with my dying breath! You tell him that!”
Caption: He wastes his final words on this world with empty promises of revenge. Foolish.
The sword sings its deathsong again, and the Boss’s head is cleanly sliced off. It is wrapped and placed in a small bag. The shadowy figure then leaps away onto the next building and fades away into the cityscape. After awhile, Frank and Marty finally emerge on the roof, to find their former employer’s body still kneeling, bloodied and headless. They look at each other in shock.
FRANK: “Jesus…”
There's more, but I thought this would be a nice opening taste. The story involves a Japanese immigrant (and yes, a ninja) who settles in 20's-30's era New York and becomes an assassin for a mob boss. Sounds like a high school kid fantasy, I admit, but give it interesting characters and ideas and it gets going. So... whatcha think?