hoodsdavidscott
05-29-2006, 09:54 PM
As far as comic writing goes, I'm new blood (and a new user). As a screenwriter, I'm five years out and making progress in options. As a short fiction writer, I've been publishing stuff since '89.
In screenwriting, we're limited to the action of the scene and character (with some limited sound). Descriptions are usually kept minimal (simply because it's not the screenwriter's job to determine angle, what a set or a character's clothes look like down to the last detail - we'll get yelled at by the actors, DP's, costume designers, the people who are actually in charge of those details until the producer comes along and says "Oh, so you wanna direct eh? You're fired." - *wry grin*).
So if my panel description comes off lean, it's from my training in a different medium (and two, if I'm mapping out every single detail, then it's not really a collaborative effort between the writer and the artist). I try to keep the scene work (and in this case, the panel work) to bare minimum to the terms of the action and dialogue and convey the story on those merits.
I also may have taken some liberties this particular format isn't designed to encompass, but rather than start converting some full screenplays over (which are either too cost-prohibitive or have an undetermined audience), I wanted to do a test run on a short-subject.
This is a one-shot. Comments most welcome. ;)
"in transit" (pgs. 1 - 10 of 36)
PAGE 1
PANEL 1
In BLACK, a SQUAWK of a radio.
PANEL 2: INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR - MORNING
A car radio jumps through stations until it lands on one.
RADIO ANNOUNCER: …looking at sunny skies today and through the weekend with lows at 57 and predicted to climb as high as 82 degrees by this afternoon. Tomorrow expect early morning fog which will clear by midday, with temperatures in the mid to high 80s.
PANEL 3
A hand moves from the radio to the steering wheel to:
PANEL 4
JUDE MATHIS (20s), a sharp-eyed country boy turned city slicker, the interior of a sporty vehicle, wearing sunglasses.
PAGE 2
PANEL 1: INT. MATHIS APARMENT – NIGHT
In B&W: LEA MATHIS (20s), a no-nonsense corporate secretary, throws her hands up walking—
PANELS 2 - 4
--for the kitchen. Her back, a POV of someone following her into the kitchen.
PANEL 5: EXT. CITY STREETS/INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR – MORNING
A side profile of Jude’s features and his upper torso cruising the streets, breezing by the driver’s window—
RADIO ANNOUNCER: Another body was discovered yesterday in the Milpitas foothills near Calavaras. This marks the sixth body discovered in the past week, starting with the body of Leanne Prescott found just outside Sacramento near Rancho.
PAGE 3
PANEL 1: EXT. ALLEY – MORNING
--as above, water sprinkles down from a broken rain gutter at the edge of a roof.
PANEL 2
It rains on a concrete alley of broken boxes, crates, discarded trash littering the narrow corridor. A make-shift tent of cardboard boxes hides among the debris.
PANEL 3
The make-shift tent quivers.
PANEL 4
LAUREN VERADER (16), a scrawny curved teen, emerges from the cardboard-box tent amongst the gutter shower.
PANEL 5
Standing, she stretches.
PANELS 6-8
Lauren walks toward the corner. Water falling in front of her. Tracking with her as she walks, she slows, lowers her head and shuts her eyes stepping into splattering water.
PAGE 4
PANEL 1: EXT. CITY STREETS/INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR – MORNING
From Jude’s POV, he drives watching the road through the windshield through city streets.
PANELS 2 – 4: EXT. ALLEY - MORNING
A CU of Lauren’s hair from a half-profile, half-full shot, rising to reveal her forehead, eyes, nose ridge, nose, mouth and chin being sprayed by the fall of water.
PANEL 5
Lauren opens her mouth, swallowing water.
PANEL 6
From Jude’s POV, the road ahead through the windshield of Jude’s car
PAGE 5
PANELS 1-2: EXT. ALLEY – MORNING
Lauren leaves the water for the mouth of the alley—
PANELS 3-4: EXT. ROADWAY – MORNING
--and emerges onto a city street, walking down the sidewalk against on-coming traffic.
PANEL 5: EXT. CITY STREETS/INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR – MORNING
Jude’s hand readjusts his rearview mirror. Captured in it, his reflection, his sunglasses bouncing light… then Lauren walking down the opposite side of the street after him.
PANEL 6
Jude looks over his left shoulder out the driver’s window at her.
PAGE 6
PANELS 1-2: EXT. CITY STREETS – MORNING
From Lauren’s POV, Jude’s car swerves to the left and cuts a U-turn.
PANEL 3
Lauren stops in the middle of the sidewalk. She touches the middle of her stained T-shirt.
PANELS 4 - 6
The car stops next to her. She bends for the passenger window.
PAGE 7
PANEL 1: INT. VERADER HOUSE – MORNING
In B&W, HANK VERADER (32), a fat ex-trucker, sits in a beat-up, crappy chair in a cramped living room. Stuff is stacked everywhere. We see only his feet, his boxers, and the end of a frayed undershirt.
PANELS 2 - 3
On the floor, young teenie-bopper magazines, clothes scatter around. Looking up from a little girl’s POV:
PANEL 4
Hank leans in his chair; his finger beckons.
PAGE 8
PANELS 1-3: INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR – MORNING
From Jude’s POV: the passenger door opens. Lauren gets in slamming the door after her.
PANEL 4
Jude’s sunglasses stare: Lauren reflected slumping in the passenger seat.
PANEL 5
A hand on the gear shaft.
PANEL 6: EXT. ROADWAY – MORNING
Jude takes off down the road.
PANELS 7-8: INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR – MORNING
Driving, Jude removes his sunglasses, sets them on the dash before regarding Lauren.
JUDE: Where to?
PAGE 9
PANEL 1: INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR - MORNING
Slumped against the back of the seat and the car door, Lauren stares out through the windshield.
LAUREN: Does it matter?
PANEL 2
Jude drives, glancing at Lauren
JUDE: Are you running from something?
LAUREN (cold): Who—
PANEL 3
She glares at him, fingering her chest.
LAUREN: --says I’m running?
PANEL 4
JUDE (grinning): Sorry. So… you’re along for the ride until I stop. Something like that?
PANEL 5
A suspicious Lauren sits up, facing Jude.
LAUREN: You got a problem?
PANELS 6 -7
Jude puts his sunglasses back on. He points at her feet—
JUDE: Nope. Not at all… there’s a burger and fries in the bag. Help yourself.
PAGE 10
PANEL 1: INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR – MORNING
From Lauren’s POV, a fast-food bag at her feet.
PANELS 2 – 3
Grabbing it, she opens and pulls out the burger, chowing into it. Dipping in, she pulls out fries and munches.
LAUREN (mumbling): Thanks.
JUDE (O.F.): Don’t mention it.
PANELS 4-6: EXT. ROADWAY – MORNING
Jude’s car cuts through traffic and enters an on-ramp up to the freeway curve. He gets lost in freeway traffic. A clear, sun sparkling sky of summer greets them.
In screenwriting, we're limited to the action of the scene and character (with some limited sound). Descriptions are usually kept minimal (simply because it's not the screenwriter's job to determine angle, what a set or a character's clothes look like down to the last detail - we'll get yelled at by the actors, DP's, costume designers, the people who are actually in charge of those details until the producer comes along and says "Oh, so you wanna direct eh? You're fired." - *wry grin*).
So if my panel description comes off lean, it's from my training in a different medium (and two, if I'm mapping out every single detail, then it's not really a collaborative effort between the writer and the artist). I try to keep the scene work (and in this case, the panel work) to bare minimum to the terms of the action and dialogue and convey the story on those merits.
I also may have taken some liberties this particular format isn't designed to encompass, but rather than start converting some full screenplays over (which are either too cost-prohibitive or have an undetermined audience), I wanted to do a test run on a short-subject.
This is a one-shot. Comments most welcome. ;)
"in transit" (pgs. 1 - 10 of 36)
PAGE 1
PANEL 1
In BLACK, a SQUAWK of a radio.
PANEL 2: INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR - MORNING
A car radio jumps through stations until it lands on one.
RADIO ANNOUNCER: …looking at sunny skies today and through the weekend with lows at 57 and predicted to climb as high as 82 degrees by this afternoon. Tomorrow expect early morning fog which will clear by midday, with temperatures in the mid to high 80s.
PANEL 3
A hand moves from the radio to the steering wheel to:
PANEL 4
JUDE MATHIS (20s), a sharp-eyed country boy turned city slicker, the interior of a sporty vehicle, wearing sunglasses.
PAGE 2
PANEL 1: INT. MATHIS APARMENT – NIGHT
In B&W: LEA MATHIS (20s), a no-nonsense corporate secretary, throws her hands up walking—
PANELS 2 - 4
--for the kitchen. Her back, a POV of someone following her into the kitchen.
PANEL 5: EXT. CITY STREETS/INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR – MORNING
A side profile of Jude’s features and his upper torso cruising the streets, breezing by the driver’s window—
RADIO ANNOUNCER: Another body was discovered yesterday in the Milpitas foothills near Calavaras. This marks the sixth body discovered in the past week, starting with the body of Leanne Prescott found just outside Sacramento near Rancho.
PAGE 3
PANEL 1: EXT. ALLEY – MORNING
--as above, water sprinkles down from a broken rain gutter at the edge of a roof.
PANEL 2
It rains on a concrete alley of broken boxes, crates, discarded trash littering the narrow corridor. A make-shift tent of cardboard boxes hides among the debris.
PANEL 3
The make-shift tent quivers.
PANEL 4
LAUREN VERADER (16), a scrawny curved teen, emerges from the cardboard-box tent amongst the gutter shower.
PANEL 5
Standing, she stretches.
PANELS 6-8
Lauren walks toward the corner. Water falling in front of her. Tracking with her as she walks, she slows, lowers her head and shuts her eyes stepping into splattering water.
PAGE 4
PANEL 1: EXT. CITY STREETS/INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR – MORNING
From Jude’s POV, he drives watching the road through the windshield through city streets.
PANELS 2 – 4: EXT. ALLEY - MORNING
A CU of Lauren’s hair from a half-profile, half-full shot, rising to reveal her forehead, eyes, nose ridge, nose, mouth and chin being sprayed by the fall of water.
PANEL 5
Lauren opens her mouth, swallowing water.
PANEL 6
From Jude’s POV, the road ahead through the windshield of Jude’s car
PAGE 5
PANELS 1-2: EXT. ALLEY – MORNING
Lauren leaves the water for the mouth of the alley—
PANELS 3-4: EXT. ROADWAY – MORNING
--and emerges onto a city street, walking down the sidewalk against on-coming traffic.
PANEL 5: EXT. CITY STREETS/INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR – MORNING
Jude’s hand readjusts his rearview mirror. Captured in it, his reflection, his sunglasses bouncing light… then Lauren walking down the opposite side of the street after him.
PANEL 6
Jude looks over his left shoulder out the driver’s window at her.
PAGE 6
PANELS 1-2: EXT. CITY STREETS – MORNING
From Lauren’s POV, Jude’s car swerves to the left and cuts a U-turn.
PANEL 3
Lauren stops in the middle of the sidewalk. She touches the middle of her stained T-shirt.
PANELS 4 - 6
The car stops next to her. She bends for the passenger window.
PAGE 7
PANEL 1: INT. VERADER HOUSE – MORNING
In B&W, HANK VERADER (32), a fat ex-trucker, sits in a beat-up, crappy chair in a cramped living room. Stuff is stacked everywhere. We see only his feet, his boxers, and the end of a frayed undershirt.
PANELS 2 - 3
On the floor, young teenie-bopper magazines, clothes scatter around. Looking up from a little girl’s POV:
PANEL 4
Hank leans in his chair; his finger beckons.
PAGE 8
PANELS 1-3: INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR – MORNING
From Jude’s POV: the passenger door opens. Lauren gets in slamming the door after her.
PANEL 4
Jude’s sunglasses stare: Lauren reflected slumping in the passenger seat.
PANEL 5
A hand on the gear shaft.
PANEL 6: EXT. ROADWAY – MORNING
Jude takes off down the road.
PANELS 7-8: INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR – MORNING
Driving, Jude removes his sunglasses, sets them on the dash before regarding Lauren.
JUDE: Where to?
PAGE 9
PANEL 1: INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR - MORNING
Slumped against the back of the seat and the car door, Lauren stares out through the windshield.
LAUREN: Does it matter?
PANEL 2
Jude drives, glancing at Lauren
JUDE: Are you running from something?
LAUREN (cold): Who—
PANEL 3
She glares at him, fingering her chest.
LAUREN: --says I’m running?
PANEL 4
JUDE (grinning): Sorry. So… you’re along for the ride until I stop. Something like that?
PANEL 5
A suspicious Lauren sits up, facing Jude.
LAUREN: You got a problem?
PANELS 6 -7
Jude puts his sunglasses back on. He points at her feet—
JUDE: Nope. Not at all… there’s a burger and fries in the bag. Help yourself.
PAGE 10
PANEL 1: INT. JUDE MATHIS’ CAR – MORNING
From Lauren’s POV, a fast-food bag at her feet.
PANELS 2 – 3
Grabbing it, she opens and pulls out the burger, chowing into it. Dipping in, she pulls out fries and munches.
LAUREN (mumbling): Thanks.
JUDE (O.F.): Don’t mention it.
PANELS 4-6: EXT. ROADWAY – MORNING
Jude’s car cuts through traffic and enters an on-ramp up to the freeway curve. He gets lost in freeway traffic. A clear, sun sparkling sky of summer greets them.