View Full Version : Glory Days Submission

Frank G
05-26-2006, 02:50 PM
This is a work in progress. But, don't be shy to give honest feedback. I have a thick skin.


GLORY DAYS is Golden Girls Meets the JLA. GLORY DAYS is about four former superheroes, now living in their twilight years. Four old men reliving their glory days of fighting supervillians and saving the day. They reminisce over coffee, go fishing, hunting, and even try to pick up a date for Friday night. They deal with love lost, death, loneliness and worse, no 401k.

Rough Character Bios-

Forrest Jones/Mr. Quick- Once the fastest man alive. Now, after years of battles, he’s forced to use a walker. He’s slim, tall, and has a full head of white hair.
Robert Smith/Goliath- Formerly the strong guy of the team, went by the name Goliath. Not the brightest guy, but probably has the biggest heart. Robert still has great strength, but no longer feels valid in a world he doesn’t know. Robert is huge, height wise and weight wise. He is also going bald.
Edward Lucas/Ace/Captain Courage- Edward was once the leader of The Mighty Ten. He is super-intelligent. Edward invented many gadgets for the team, and lives quite comfortably because of his numerous inventions. He lives in a big house with the other surviving members of the old team.
Barnaby Jackson- 50-ish. He is a fit, reserved black man. An unofficial member of the team. He was sort of a government liaison when the team tried official government sponsorship. Though the government sponsorship did not work out, he stuck around(might change). Barnaby is the youngest member of the team. He’s been thru it all. And, without the aid of superpowers. Barnaby is the only “normal” human in the group.
Lazerus Jane/Regenerator- Laz was a minor supervillian back in the good old days. The only reason he is not in prison, is because he sold out his fellow comrades and joined the witness protection program. Laz, has the ability to instantly heal his body and can even regenerate lost limbs.

Here's the first four pages. I hope you find something you like in here.

Page 1
Panel 1-Splash Page
An old, scarred hand is holding an opened album marked “Saving the World and Other Miscellaneous Adventures”
The album holds newspaper headlines along with old photographs which line the inside of the album.
An old man stares at the collection. He is in a room with Super-hero memorabilia. Posters, old costumes, and a giant key to the city are on display in this “trophy room”.

Page 2
Panel 1CLOSEUP-a newspaper photograph of a superhero in a heroic pose carrying a villain in each hand by the belt, with the headline “CAPTAIN COURAGE TAKING OUT THE TRASH”.
Panel 2-Edward is standing in a heroic pose with a garbage bag in each hand.
Panel 3- Edward is looking at two children playing in a stack of raked leafs. One has a makeshift cape, and the other a wooden sword.
Panel 4- Edward is walking away from his dumpster. His head is down, and he looks depressed about something.

Page 3-
Panel 1- CLOSE-UP- Edwards hand is putting butter on a piece of toast.
Panel 2- Edward is drinking a cup of coffee, steam rises from the hot cup.
Panel 4- FORREST-“Morn’in. Make enough coffee for all of us”?
Panel 5- Edward doesn’t hear Forrest, and continues to eat his toast.
Panel 6-FORREST- “Eddie, what’s wrong?
Panel 7-EDWARD-“ Did you read the paper today”?
FORREST- “Nah, the news is too depressing these days”?

Page 4
Panel 1-EDWARD- “Hardcase is dead.” He was fighting BlockHead. Took out have of Manhattan. They haven’t found a body, but parts of his super suit have been floating around the black market. I think I’ll hit up a few old contacts, and see what I can dig up.
Panel 2- FORREST- I thought we were done with all that. Let the government handle this mess. Besides, Pitch Black will probably find all the missing pieces in no time.
EDWARD- “ In no time.’ Parts from the most advanced weapon on earth have been floating around the black market for almost 24 hours. I can’t just sit back and watch some criminal get their hands on it.
FORREST- What do you mean hit up old contacts? Isn’t everyone we knew dead? It’s a new game Eddie.
Panel 3 EDWARD- It was mine. I created it.
FORREST- You made that suit for Brian. Because you trusted him to continue where we left off. But, he changed, like we all did. All that power, the adrenaline rush, it’s like being a rockstar. We couldn’t handle it, but, you expected a kid to.
Panel 4- EDWARD-What do you want me to say? I’m sorry for pressuring him into it. But, I thought he could do it.
FORREST- There hasn’t been a true hero in a long time. Just guys running around in tights pretending to be gods. We never made a difference. The world's still falling apart. Everything we did, everyone we lost, never made a difference. Remember Madison.
EDWARD-Don’t you even mention her name.

05-26-2006, 07:51 PM
I like the premise, especially the contrast between the retired hero who wants to get back in the game and the one who seems more embittered. And I especially like the last line hooking us into wondering who Madison is, and why she's a sore spot for Edward.

The stripped-down approach to scripting with virtually no description (or none at all) of what's in many panels puts a lot of responsibility on the artist. I've also seen people go overboard in the opposite direction: they'd have written something like "EDWARD is sitting to the left of the panel, in a wooden chair with cracking paint peeling off the back. FORREST is on the right, carrying a mug of coffee. A wisp of steam rises from the cup. Forrest is wearing pajama bottoms and fluffy slippers. The morning paper is scattered in loose sections across the linoleum surface of the kitchen table..." And so on for every panel. Alan Moore literally takes two pages to describe a single panel.

The choice of how to go with this sort of thing can only be based on how well it works for you...more precisely, how well it works for the artist, and if the end result turns out to be something you both like. Generally, I tend to think an artist would prefer the lighter description over having every detail dictated to him or her...but if you don't know who the artist is going to be, it might be better to err on the side of caution and give a bit more information.

One minor quibble: the name "Goliath" has been used so often by Marvel; it would be better to come up with a different hero name for that character. (Has there ever been a comics hero called "Samson"?)

05-26-2006, 11:59 PM
It's a great idea, I would like to see it fleshed out. Solid dialogue. Best of luck.

r nelson
05-27-2006, 02:19 AM
I've also seen people go overboard in the opposite direction: they'd have written something like "EDWARD is sitting to the left of the panel, in a wooden chair with cracking paint peeling off the back. FORREST is on the right, carrying a mug of coffee. A wisp of steam rises from the cup. Forrest is wearing pajama bottoms and fluffy slippers. The morning paper is scattered in loose sections across the linoleum surface of the kitchen table..." And so on for every panel. :whistlin: I'm SO guilty of that... I usually go overboard with the first two or three panels of a scene, and then start parsing it down to the bare bones after that. I've had artists say it helps catch the mood and others say it's overwhelming to try to catch all the details, to which I tell them "You're in charge of pictures. If it's not necessary (i.e. "IN ALL CAPS") then it's open to interpretation."

Anyways, I figure "better too much description than not enough."

RE Glory Days: the premise and pacing are both solid, and the dialogue is decent. The whole thing could use some tweaking and polishing, as there are some spelling and grammar eyesores in there, but nothing a good once-over won't fix.

Also, just FYI, it seems like there have been a bunch of proposals like this one (retired superheroes, etc) floating around since The Incredibles (this may be a mis-perception on my part, but I know I'm lettering one that's been greenlit by a publisher, and have seen at least two more in some stage of development). You'll really need to make sure that it's top-notch from story-to-dialogue-to-art in order for this to compete with similar projects.

I agree with RichardB on the name Goliath. It's overused as is. But then again, it's probably so overused that no one would consider it a copyright infringment if you DID use it.

- Richard

05-27-2006, 07:19 PM
That's very interesting, Richard-not-B*, and raises the question of how an idea can go unnoticed for decades and then -- boom -- for some reason, it suddenly captures people's imaginations, and a bunch of similar treatments pop up all at once.

I don't know whether The Incredibles is the immediate cause of this particular concept turning up so often. The heroes in that were recently retired in a Watchmen-like scenario...but Watchmen itself also had the really elderly superheroes from the Forties, which wasn't an element in the Pixar film. And it's the "Golden Girls" element that interests me about Frank's premise. Having the former world's fastest man needing a walker, for example -- there's something we almost never get to see in mainstream comics. I can think of another example from 36 years ago (http://www.comics.org/coverview.lasso?id=23321&zoom=4) but for the most part the aging process gets shunned like the plague.

One reason this idea caught my attention was an idea I'd been toying with for a modern-day reunion of superheroes from World War II -- four of them are left, all in their eighties -- and seeing something so similar was a surprise. What led me to that idea was irritation at DC doing a modern-day revival of some WWII characters, but erasing their past history and making them young...when they were so much more interesting as vintage characters. Which makes me wonder: if there's a new surge of interest in elderly heroes as a story motif, could it have some connection with DC bringing back the original Superman and Lois Lane merely to kill them off, and readers having a negative reaction, feeling (consciously or unconsciously) that it might be good to keep some old people around?

* (I once tried to persuade Richard Howell that he, Ricardo Villagran, and I should team up to do a comic as the "All-Richards Squad" but he didn't see the appeal in it. Ah well...)

Frank G
05-28-2006, 01:40 AM
Thanks for the feedback. I'll go back and correct spelling and grammar.

r nelson, you bring up a few good points. While writing this story I've been worried about the Incredibles comparison. But, Golden Girls is much more of an influence on this work. It will be more character driven than a typical action comic.

Thanks again. I appreciate the feedback. I thought you guys would be tougher on me.

05-28-2006, 07:24 PM
I also like using the stripped down approach to writing my scripts, but I think it's necessary to write in at least a basic idea of what's in the panel. If I were an artist I would think that just having the dialogue would throw me off a bit.

Interesting premise. Though I've seen the idea of retired superheroes in other comics, I don't think it's ever been the basis for an entire series. Best of luck to you.