Alien abductions and giant hotdogs...

[Phatman]

A small story I'm putting together of a guy minding his own business who gets abducted by aliens. Any comments or critiques appreciated. Thanks.

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e120/Mossmanart/pg1.jpg

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e120/Mossmanart/pg2.jpg

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e120/Mossmanart/pg3.jpg

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e120/Mossmanart/pg4.jpg

(note: I've allready fixed the incongruity of the earphones on again/off again in the original pages-just haven't updated the scans)

[Grimspeare]

Hey,

Pretty cool stuff. I don't know why, but it reminds me of the 70's.

I really like the design and layout.

In a couple of places I think your anatomy breaks down a little. The last panel on the first page and the last panel on the third page for example--stuff's just not quite clicking right. Using some photo reference for those couple panels would take care of that problem.

Also the perspective on the second page is a little off. It looks like the guy on the left's upper body is even with the hotdog seller, but when you look down at his feet both of them are closer to the viewer than the seller's. I think the perspective on the cart's a little off too. There's nothing here that some well places perspective lines and a little more planning couldn't fix.

I'm surprised no one else has commented on these. I think they're very good and with some more hard work, you'll be right where you want to be.

G.

[Willustrator]

Nice work.
Its a bit inconsistant however, for example, barring a few minor things Page two is great. Your figure work is very good. But the on some of the other pages he faces need some work.
Take a look at the bottom panel on page one, the face is skewed from bottom left to top right.
And page 3 each shot looks like a different person.
Try using photo referance to nail the look of a character.

Theres a lot right with this work though, your definately on the right direction

[Phatman]

Thanks for the comments guys. I've gotten a lot of the same feedback on these pages and I'm editing them right now. Hopefully, I can correct as many things as possible in the next round of pages.

[Vyper]

In the last panel on the second-to-last page, he's not wearing his headphones

[Phatman]

In the last panel on the second-to-last page, he's not wearing his headphones

Thanks Vyper-already fixed.

[Roel_Torres]

The people standing on the sidewalk looks too orderly and arranged. There are no gaps between people, almost like everyone has been told to stand an even distance apart and fill in all empty spaces.

I would put more work on the understructure of your figures before rendering them, especially faces. The bones structure of your faces is a little shaky.

I would recommend changing the levels on your scans to make them brighter and to eliminate a lot of the gray. A simple change of the slider would make things seem less muddy.

[Erick Cruz]

i've already commented on these over at penciljack but you hadnt posted the last page so ill make a comment about that here

You probably could substitute the last panel in pg 3 for the 1st panel in pg 4 and have the close ups on the eyes be the focus of pg 4 and with the extra room that was used for the first panel use it for a larger last panel to show us exactly whats going on the hot dog guy, or skip that last panel and make it into a splash page, imagine your flippiing the pages to the comic you get to the end of pg 4 with all the close ups (and i assume some sort of dialogue) you turn the page and we se an exploded view of hot dog guy trapped in some cyber-organic thingamabob.

[Phatman]

Roel: Thanks for the advice. I'm working on some other pages right now with more crowds and I'll try what you are saying.

Erick: Thanks for commenting here and over @ PJ. After reading alot of the comments on pgs 3 & 4, I think I may just redraw them. The faces are inconsistant and there are some stortytelling problems to work out.