Comic intro (no name yet)

[d13]

It's just the introduction. Also i just wanted to see wheter it was good and if i shoudl contiue writing it?



“I suppose that he was right, I’m no superhero”

There was never a problem between the five parts of the city then again there had never been an event that could trigger a problem before. After the event came and passed the city was left in shock and mourning for the next several days. Factions began to form within all parts of the city each faction claimed to be protecting its turf. As with most enforcement groups they became corrupt and lost the meaning for what they were doing and quickly became thugs and gangsters preying on the weak and defenceless. Of course the government had to step in with its own law enforcement group mixing people from the five parts of the city. The government then took notice of the fact that a few of their law enforcement employees were getting injured or killed while on duty. Quickly they changed the human law enforcement employees to mechanized beings that could be replaced as easily as they were taken down. The only place that humans still served for the government was in the white or Caucasian part of town.

[Knuckles]

Should you continue writing? I believe the answer to that is always yes, but the question is do you like the the story. When you have the story fully formed, its up to you to decide if you like the idea, the themes, and story of as a whole. I think you need more here to really judge your writing, but one thing I can say is use a comma. You need it in a lot of your sentences. Also this sentence seems odd to the story:

"The only place that humans still served for the government was in the white or Caucasian part of town."

Where did this come from? Is this an ethnic/race tale?

[kamikaze]

gotta agree with knuckles. I would want to see more only if you feel you can pursue and expand on it. I question the first sentence, I know its a quote, but who is it talking about? Is this person involved in the police becoming thugs? Id have to ask about the white part of the town being the only one in the government, too. I would like to see some clarity on this, maybe rewrite it and repost it. that's just my opinion, but it has promise.

[d13]

Thanks for the help :) . Also the story is race/ethnic tale and thanks for pointing out the comma thing I'm not alwasy the best with grammar. Any way thanks for the help and I will go and finish the story.

[Ballerina]

I agree with Kamikaze & Knuckles.

You keep questions in the air, which is a very good tactic to keep the reader reading but, i've always believed that a story should start with action. especially when your targeting comicbook readers with our short attention spans.