Angeldreams #1 pages...

[icicle]

Here's some sequentials to Angeldreams #1. Thoughts anyone?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/iciclemelton/page14.jpg


http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/iciclemelton/page15test.gif

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/iciclemelton/page16test.gif

[Grimspeare]

Hey,

Nice stuff. I really like the first page. I think it works quite well.

However, in panel four of page two I can't make anything out.

Panel three of page three seems a little underwhelming. Instead of beefing up the bad guy's role on the page you've got a really big shot of the back of the house, which does look nice, but it's not very dramatic. One thing I noticed though on the house is that the vanishing points for the bricks on the sidewalk and the boards on the patio don't line up. Also, the character on the left would only be about as tall as the railing on the patio. In panel three on page two a couple of the lines on the right (on the siding of the house) are way off. It seems inconsequential, but it keeps drawing my eyes to it over and over and it would be really easy to fix.

I really, really like the inking. And the storytelling's pretty good.

Keep putting out the pages.

G.

[icicle]

Thanks for the comments Grimspeare.

Panel 4 of page 2 is the angel rolling across the grass after he just got the smack down from the demon inside the house. It was supposed to be a "motion" panel...of him rolling.

I can see how that huge panel of the house seems odd just there by itself. What's happening (which you can't tell in just the pencils and inks) is that the house is being covered in this black/goo substance (a kind of shield that the demon is covering the house with). It was too be added in photoshop over the orginal drawing.

I see what you mean about the angel in the corner of that panel though. He is much too large.

Perspective has always been a killer for me and that house was a pain to draw. I just need to practice more and more and more!
Again, thanks for the comments.

-Mark

[GRIMSCRIBE]

I hope this is going to be in color. If not, you really need to get some grayscaling done here. Way too many straight lines everywhere gumming up
the black and whites so that image gets blurred. Color would of course eliminate this problem. I like the art a lot...but again, you need to break up that powerful
negative space going on here.
Ron

[Poboy]

You've got some nice work here. I have a few crits:

Page 1, panels 1, 2, and 3, the viewer goes from behind the hooded guy to looking at the hooded guy, to behind him again. I would rework these top panels to convey the same idea, but maybe with say, 2 panels.

Climbing in the window sequence is nicely done. I have no idea what's going on in the last panel - horned guy appears in hooded guy's room? And hooded guy knows him? Where did that dude in the window come from?

Page 2 panel 1, that looks like the guy from the window on the last page - Is he leaving? Panel 2, it looks like the guy teleported into hooded guy's room. Are the bad guy and hooded guy there or is this at a different time? Panel 3, it is unclear what just happened. Also, his left leg at the calf is a little too short, and is in an unfortunate place in the panel it breaks into. Next panel, I think it would be less cluttered if you just skipped to him landing rather than the sequence.
House perspective is already covered. Do you use a lightbox? I usually give up on tight perspective because I don't have one yet. Being able to draw all the points and lines and then tracing would help a lot.
Your level of detail is nice, just watch out for clutter.

[icicle]

Thanks for the coments.

GRIMSCRIBE: Yes the finished piece is in full color. The color does indeed make everything seperate and more clear.

POBOY says: I have no idea what's going on in the last panel - horned guy appears in hooded guy's room? And hooded guy knows him? Where did that dude in the window come from?


The demon follwed Jason (the "hooded guy") into his room. Both the angels and demons are not visiable to the humans (they are in the spiritual realm). The angel in the window is trying to protect the human from the demon (in previous pages the demon and angel were fighting).


POBOY says: Page 2 panel 1, that looks like the guy from the window on the last page - Is he leaving?

He is the same guy. In panel 1 of page 2 it's just a side shot of him looking through the window. He's outside the room in the yard. The demon is in the room.


POBOY says: Panel 2, it looks like the guy teleported into hooded guy's room. Are the bad guy and hooded guy there or is this at a different time?

Yes they are in there. Should I have shown them in that panel as well. They are in the room just off panel. I hoped that the panels would convey that since the background of the room is the same in all the panels since it's the same room.


POBOY says: Panel 3, it is unclear what just happened.

It's a little eaiser to see what's going on when you look at the colored version. The demon hit the angel out of the room. You can see the demon in the window.

POBOY: I usually give up on tight perspective because I don't have one yet. Being able to draw all the points and lines and then tracing would help a lot.
Your level of detail is nice, just watch out for clutter.

Yeah tight perspective is still very tricky for me. Still practicing. Thanks for the tips Poboy and I hope I cleared up some of the confusion.

here's the 2nd page in color:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v111/iciclemelton/p15testb.gif
-Mark