ty gorton
05-19-2006, 05:22 AM
there have been a lot of reasons
for my absence
from work
from college
from anything connected to eventual success.
I have a library of logic
to justify
my delinquent meandering
from woman to woman,
ride to ride,
all these miniature black holes
that are never big enough
to swallow my ego.
at 30
I’ve finally discovered
a reason that will stick: success is a temptation I’m too weak to turn down.
like any artist
hoping to achieve anything of
note
before the final call,
I believe to bitter bones
that success is the killer,
the one absolute death sentence.
imagine
a paycheck
big enough to make worry obsolete,
and then imagine
an artist
stripped of all desire, all hatred, all fire, all extremes, all ferocity…
an artist diminished
until the rough, licking tongues of slumber
have more allure
than the blank page, the blank canvas, the blank world.
no, I can’t have it.
I reject success, I reject a chance at success.
I reject the classrooms and management courses and the slippery ladder.
I reject even the suggestion of a worry free existence that isn’t brought on by the art itself.
and most of all I reject the culture that made me hesitate today
and wonder
how lovely it might be
to buy a case of beer without the fear of missing rent by a few lousy bucks.
for my absence
from work
from college
from anything connected to eventual success.
I have a library of logic
to justify
my delinquent meandering
from woman to woman,
ride to ride,
all these miniature black holes
that are never big enough
to swallow my ego.
at 30
I’ve finally discovered
a reason that will stick: success is a temptation I’m too weak to turn down.
like any artist
hoping to achieve anything of
note
before the final call,
I believe to bitter bones
that success is the killer,
the one absolute death sentence.
imagine
a paycheck
big enough to make worry obsolete,
and then imagine
an artist
stripped of all desire, all hatred, all fire, all extremes, all ferocity…
an artist diminished
until the rough, licking tongues of slumber
have more allure
than the blank page, the blank canvas, the blank world.
no, I can’t have it.
I reject success, I reject a chance at success.
I reject the classrooms and management courses and the slippery ladder.
I reject even the suggestion of a worry free existence that isn’t brought on by the art itself.
and most of all I reject the culture that made me hesitate today
and wonder
how lovely it might be
to buy a case of beer without the fear of missing rent by a few lousy bucks.