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View Full Version : Truths- Batman and Nightwing scene (2 pager)


sacredsincomics
04-21-2006, 02:57 AM
Here is a scene from a DC crossover idea I have, main theme of the story is truths, the center storlyline is Lex and Clark. C+C welcome.

Truths
Batman and Nightwing Scene
By Kevin Lee
kevin7lee@aol.com


PAGE 1 / 5 PANELS

PANEL ONE: Establishing shot of Wayne manor, it’s shrouded in darkness.

1. NIGHTWING(OP): “I wanna help, Bruce. Connors worried about him…Clark’s gonna need all the help he can get.”

PANEL TWO: Far off shot. We’re in the bat cave; Bruce is stood next to his cabinet, where he keeps all the cool gear. We can’t see from this shot but Bruce is putting his outfit in the glass cabinet. Dick is stood somewhere behind him, again we can’t see, but he’s in his Nightwing attire.

2. BRUCE: No! \\\(alternative) You’ll do no such thing!

3. NIGHTWING: Jesus Bruce, why is it every time I wanna help someone your always whining!

PANEL THREE: Wide shot. At the forefront we can see the back of Nightwing. In the background to the left of him is Bruce, we’re also looking at the back of him. He has a hand on a glass door of the cabinet which is open; it looks as though he’s just finished putting his outfit away. If we can see inside the cabinet we should see something of the bat outfit.

4. BRUCE: Clark’s thinking about himself right now. You’ll only get hurt because of that.

PANEL FOUR: Long panel. We’re looking at the front of Nightwing, he has his arms out while speaking. He’s frustrated.

5. NIGHTWING: I can take care of myself!

PANEL FIVE: Another long panel, larger in width than the previous one. We’re looking at a side shot of Bruce and Nightwing squaring off. As Bruce is taller than Nightwing, he’s looking down at him, metaphorically too.

6. BRUCE: That’s just it, isn’t it. What this is all about. You, trying to prove yourself. Trying to outdo me.

END OF PAGE ONE



PAGE 2 / 7 PANELS

PANEL ONE: Wide shot. Bruce is walking towards us, Nightwing is in the background, he’s annoyed with Bruce and losing his patience.

1. NIGHTWING: That’s bullshit and you know it!

2. BRUCE: Is it?

3. NIGHTWING: When will you learn? Just because you don’t care for others, doesn’t mean they don’t care for you.\\\ (additional option) You of all people should be helping Clark, after everything he’s done for you!


PANEL TWO: Upper body shot of Nightwing. His emotions are really stirred up now.

4. NIGHTWING: You’re gonna end up losing everyone Bruce, all because you’re still that little boy who just can’t walk away!!

PANEL THREE: Headshot of Bruce. It seems that Nightwing has gotten the better of him. The normally impassive Dark Knight is now angry.

PANEL FOUR: Upper body shot. Bruce charging towards us.

PANEL FIVE: Side shot. Bruce has hold of Nightwing by the neck and has him pinned up against the glass cabinet. They’re both angry, but Nightwing more so, he’s absolutely furious, there’s no way Bruce is going to win this argument.

5. BRUCE: You dare!

6. NIGHTWING: That’s it; let’s see what you’re made of…

PANEL SIX: A head shot of Bruce. He looks a little shaken.

7. NIGHTWING(OP): … See who you really are!!

PANEL SEVEN: Frontal of Nightwing up against the glass cabinet. Above his head we can see the ears on the Bat headpiece as if to imply something.


END OF PAGE TWO/ END OF SCRIPT

sacredsincomics
04-22-2006, 07:12 PM
Poor??

spudman
04-23-2006, 02:23 PM
It was well written but of all people I can't see Bats and Nightwing having that fight.

And Bats acting like such a little girl (Infinite Crisis not withstanding) :)

sacredsincomics
04-23-2006, 03:07 PM
Thanks Spudman.

Now that I think about it, it is a little on the emotional side. Though, my thinking is that Batman would react to what Nightwing said.

I'll make some notes and go at it with a different approach. I suppose I do tend to make things too emotional, but never truly realised it till now. Thanks for the info, much appreciated. :)

I'll post my Superman 3 pager later, which also, thinking about it now, is a little emotional. :laugh:

spudman
04-23-2006, 04:47 PM
Better to be over emotional than dull and lifeless :)

r nelson
04-23-2006, 04:56 PM
This is pretty nice – I haven’t followed the forlorn love… Umm… Dynamic Duo for a long time, but I always like their little spats. Yours is nicely done for the most part. Not groundbreaking or original, but the last panel is well done, and makes it stand out amidst a sea of similar fan-fic pieces.

Well done!


2. BRUCE: No! \\\(alternative) You’ll do no such thing!
I find it’s a bad idea to give “alternatives” in your script. You, the writer want to be clear and decisive in your dialogue. If I’m looking at this as an editor (especially if I’m a dickhead editor), I’ve just read here that all of your dialogue is negotiable, which means your story is negotiable, which means… Right! Screw that, no?

That said, remember that space is like real estate in comics – it’s very, very valuable. Unless it adds to the scene, or needs to be said (which is always debatable – it may build character, it may move the plot forward, it may foreshadow – less is more. I’d go with just “No” because it’s short and clear.

On the other hand, “You’ll do no such thing” has that fatherly feeling which is sure to get under Dick’s skin (heh - sorry).

NIGHTWING: When will you learn? Just because you don’t care for others, doesn’t mean they don’t care for you.\\\ (additional option) You of all people should be helping Clark, after everything he’s done for you! I wouldn’t add the second part. As part of a larger story maybe, but for the purpose of what you’ve got here it just muddles it a bit, and weakens the transition to the next panel.

r nelson
04-23-2006, 05:03 PM
Better to be over emotional than dull and lifeless :) Heh. I misread that and thought it said "dull and lifelike"

But yeah -- emotion is a GOOD thing. The thing about writing superheroes is that you HAVE to write them from an emotional POV. If you think about it, they're basically soap operas for boys (or in the case of the current market, soaps for 20-35 year old men, but that's a whole other conversation).

The intricate evil plots, the flashy fight scenes, and the bright spandex are all there to support a passion play which happens to have a superhero as the star.

sacredsincomics
04-23-2006, 05:11 PM
Thanks Nelson.

Some very helpful points...and some funny ones. :laugh:

Much appreciated. :thumbs:

And thanks again, Spudman. :)

spudman
04-23-2006, 05:19 PM
(or in the case of the current market, soaps for 20-35 year old men, but that's a whole other conversation).

Or in my case a very odd 15 year old :rolleyes:

The intricate evil plots, the flashy fight scenes, and the bright spandex are all there to support a passion play which happens to have a superhero as the star.

Shh......

You're not supposed to reveal the truth.

Didn't you get the leaflet about this :p

foxmerquise8
04-25-2006, 08:16 PM
I agree with almost all of what r nelson said. Can't really think of anything to critique except in the second panel, first page, you use stood instead of standing.

kamikaze
04-25-2006, 09:24 PM
Id have to agree with most of what was critiqued. I was confused at first when reading the descriptions at first but it cleared up after rereading it. It did get more emotional than the usual Batman-Nightwing fights, but its cool that the ever cold Batman finally shows any and gets one upped, no less. I wouldn't have made him get upset just yet (although it works because of the two pager). I liked it.

sacredsincomics
04-25-2006, 09:35 PM
Thanks Formerquise and kamikaze.

Much appreciated. :)

kamikaze
05-05-2006, 11:30 PM
are you going to put more of it up for us?

bezelleo
05-06-2006, 01:58 AM
Hmmm... I have to go against the grain here, I guess.

It has a nice tone, good structure, and to the point panel descriptions. So there's the good.

On the other hand, Nightwing is acting like a whiny 12 year old kid, and one of the reasons he became Nightwing was that he matured out of his Robin stage. This is dialogue I would expect from a young Robin, but not from Nightwing. In other words... If I'm going to challenge Batman, not only should I have the balls to do it, but also the voice. "I wanna" is a very poor choice to challenge a father-like figure, and Bruce would just raise his eyebrows and walk away. Show Nightwing really means it. "I want to help Bruce." or "I'm going to help." Then Bruce will listen. I found it ironic that Nightwing called Bruce "whiny" when Nightwing was doing the whining. And maybe that was your point... but from the years of being Robin and now Nightwing, Grayson can't fall that far down the ladder, know what I mean?

But it's a good effort, and I'd like to see you explore the characters and dialogue more in your work. You have the setup skills and plot devices, just get that conflict worked out better. :)

sacredsincomics
05-16-2006, 02:03 PM
are you going to put more of it up for us?

Sorry for such a late reply, been on holiday for two weeks. I will post more up as soon as possible.

sacredsincomics
05-16-2006, 02:07 PM
Hmmm... I have to go against the grain here, I guess.

It has a nice tone, good structure, and to the point panel descriptions. So there's the good.

On the other hand, Nightwing is acting like a whiny 12 year old kid, and one of the reasons he became Nightwing was that he matured out of his Robin stage. This is dialogue I would expect from a young Robin, but not from Nightwing. In other words... If I'm going to challenge Batman, not only should I have the balls to do it, but also the voice. "I wanna" is a very poor choice to challenge a father-like figure, and Bruce would just raise his eyebrows and walk away. Show Nightwing really means it. "I want to help Bruce." or "I'm going to help." Then Bruce will listen. I found it ironic that Nightwing called Bruce "whiny" when Nightwing was doing the whining. And maybe that was your point... but from the years of being Robin and now Nightwing, Grayson can't fall that far down the ladder, know what I mean?

But it's a good effort, and I'd like to see you explore the characters and dialogue more in your work. You have the setup skills and plot devices, just get that conflict worked out better. :)


Thanks Bez, extremly helpful info there.

To be honest I've never read or seen much of nightwing, so I think I need to do a little research there, truly grasp his characteristics etc.

xtylerx
05-16-2006, 02:53 PM
Remember the irritating English teacher who always said, "Show, don't tell"? As I read this, there weere a few instances that evoked that cringe-inducing advice, but this is the one that stood out to me.

PANEL FIVE: Another long panel, larger in width than the previous one. We’re looking at a side shot of Bruce and Nightwing squaring off. As Bruce is taller than Nightwing, he’s looking down at him, metaphorically too.


As this will be drawn out, there is no need to state that Bruce's height advantage over Dick implies self-supposed moral superiority, as it is suggested by the art. Writing it creates a sort of artistic redundancy. If you felt as though it merits inclusion on a crucial level, I think you have 2 options: 1 - pull a Claremont and caption something along the lines of

"Bruce's towering figure proved to be more than just a physical obstacle to Dick, but also metaphorically."

Of course, that is long winded and unnecessary. Second option is to modify your statement for your artist -

"Bruce's larger stature & positioning in the panel should suggest self-supposed moral high ground."

I'm sure a better writer than I could come up with something more succinct, but that's just my two cents, as they say.

sacredsincomics
05-16-2006, 04:57 PM
Remember the irritating English teacher who always said, "Show, don't tell"? As I read this, there weere a few instances that evoked that cringe-inducing advice, but this is the one that stood out to me.



As this will be drawn out, there is no need to state that Bruce's height advantage over Dick implies self-supposed moral superiority, as it is suggested by the art. Writing it creates a sort of artistic redundancy. If you felt as though it merits inclusion on a crucial level, I think you have 2 options: 1 - pull a Claremont and caption something along the lines of

"Bruce's towering figure proved to be more than just a physical obstacle to Dick, but also metaphorically."

Of course, that is long winded and unnecessary. Second option is to modify your statement for your artist -

"Bruce's larger stature & positioning in the panel should suggest self-supposed moral high ground."

I'm sure a better writer than I could come up with something more succinct, but that's just my two cents, as they say.


Crit noted. Show, don't tell.

Thanks xtylerx :)

xtylerx
05-16-2006, 09:04 PM
Hey man, anytime. I love heated man-boy debates as much as anybody!

ReekingHavoc
05-18-2006, 07:50 PM
Maybe it's because I don't know the motivations behind this argument, but Bruce and Dick felt way out of character in this script. Dick came off as very immature, telling Bruce that he "whines" too much. Bruce came off as very pompous, especially with that "You dare!" line.

The theme of truths sounds very interesting though.

sacredsincomics
05-18-2006, 11:39 PM
Thanks for the crit RK. Much appreicated.

Thanks to everyone who commented. :thumbs: