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View Full Version : The C.L.E.A.R. - 1/2 script (pt 3) - looking for feedback


GhostofLincoln
11-06-2017, 02:35 PM
(CONTINUED FROM PT II)


PAGE 23

PANEL 1

View down hallway leading to a staircase. There are doors coming off the hallway in the very foreground and two more farther down the hall, just before the stairs. Against the wall, between the two doorways, is a bookcase that’s filled with books and has a small lamp on top. Facing the viewer are two INVISI-SOLDIERS. One INVISI-SOLDIER is throwing books from the bookcase down the hall, and one is now in mid-flight, pages flapping. The other INVISI-SOLDIER holds a semi automatic pistol aimed down the hallway.

NARRATIVE

These two have caught on. They may be able to see through me, but they can’t throw through me.

GUN INVISI-SOLDIER

Keep it up!

BOOK

Fwap-wpp

PANEL 2

Opposite view, looking down the hall at INVISI-SOLDIERs’ backs. Books are strewn at the end of the hallway where STALKER stands. The THROWING INVISI-SOLDIER has just thrown the lamp, which is hitting STALKER in the head. He’s now bleeding from a cut on his forehead, which will drip over his face over the remaining pages.

NARRATIVE

Damn! That hurts.

THROWING INVISI-SOLDIER
There!

PANEL 3

Opposite view again. The GUN INVISI-SOLDIER has opened fire down the hallway. If possible, we see that STALKER has ducked low and is slipping into the doorway in the foreground.

NARRATIVE

Time to reassess my strategy.

GUN

PoKk! PoKk! PoKk!

PANEL 4

Closer frontal view of enemy INVISI-SOLDIERS. The INVISI-SOLDIER with the gun has it raised and the smoke from the barrel wafts across his face.

THROWING INVISI-SOLDIER

Shit! I lost him!

GUN INVISI-SOLDIER

Throw more!

PANEL 5

Closer rear view of INVISI-SOLDIERs, as seen from the doorway onto the hallway positioned just behind them. While the one INVISI-SOLDIER is madly swiveling his gun around the room, the other’s gun can be seen rising out of its holster.

THROWING INVISI-SOLDIER

Where’d he go?

PANEL 6

Three-quarters view of INVISI-SOLDIERS from behind. The gun has been leveled and just blasted them both in the back of the head.

GUN

PoKk! PoKk!



PAGE 24

PANEL 1

Facing stairway. The boots of at least one of the dead INVISI-SOLDIERs and a puddle of blood jut into the frame from the foreground. STALKER still holds gun, so a semi-automatic pistol is hovering at about waist height. Perhaps smoke from gun barrel wafts across his body?

NARRATIVE

Nowhere to go now but up.

PANEL 2

STALKER is moving up the stairs, the gun held at the ready. Maybe a bloody handprint on the wall?

NARRATIVE

No Eye on the first floor, but that figures. Knowing his ego, he’ll be at the top.

PANEL 3





STALKER has reached the top of the stairs and is checking the few rooms on the second floor. Perhaps he’s in another hallway, and we can see into an empty room.

NARRATIVE

I haven’t been quiet either. If he’s here, he knows I’m coming.


PANEL 4

Looking down hallway at a closed door. A sign mounted on the door says “Private.”

NARRATIVE

There’s only one door left. If Eye’s here, this will be it.

PANEL 5

Closer to door, which is starting to open inward.

NARRATIVE

Please, God, let this be it.


PAGE 25

PANEL 1

Door we last saw in hallway has been pushed all the way open, giving a view of the room behind it. (Maybe we can see hints of his bloodied hand pushing the door open? A bloody footprint?) This is a bedroom converted to an office. A large desk sits front and center in front of a window partially obscured by floor-length curtains. Through the window, we can see a single streetlight. There’s a laptop open amid papers on the desk, maps tacked on the walls, an open-fronted gun safe, and a barrel safe against one wall near the desk, and banks of filing cabinets spaced evenly about the room.

NARRATIVE

I finally reach Eye’s inner sanctum...

NARRATIVE

...and the bastard’s not home.

PANEL 2

The chair behind the desk creaks and settles as STALKER plops into it.

STALKER

At least I can take a peek and see who he’s been emailing.

PANEL 3

View above and over shoulder as STALKER reaches under desk and finds a pile of clothing, including a beret.

STALKER

Wait... What?

PANEL 4





Head-on view of STALKER seated at desk holding the beret. Though we can’t really see it, he’s just realized what this means and instantly accepted what’s about to happen. Behind him, we see EYE’s sinister eye blazing as he emerges from behind a curtain directly behind STALKER.


PAGE 26

PANEL 1

A stereotypical police detective is on the telephone seated at his desk. The desk’s surface is littered with paperwork. A donut and styrofoam coffee cup sit on one corner of the desk atop an imbroglio of coffee rings.

DETECTIVE

… DNA returned a perfect match, Colonel. I don’t know how you did it, but our man’s got a name now, thanks to you.

PANEL 2

Same detective, still on phone, from a different angle. Behind him, Wanted posters are tacked on a bulletin board.

DETECTIVE

Teeth smashed out, body crisped. We’d never have gotten an ID without this break.

VOICE ON PHONE

Just playing a hunch, detective. I’m glad it panned out.

PANEL 3

Closeup of detective’s mouth as he finishes conversation.

DETECTIVE

Yeah, me too. I really don’t know how else to thank you, sir. I’ll keep you in the loop and appraised of our progress, of course. I promise you that. And, really, thanks again.

PANEL 4

Closeup of hand hanging up phone on desk, perhaps reaching over a manilla folder to do so.

VOICE

No, thank you, detective.

PHONE

clik

PANEL 5

180-degree spin to show it was COL. FRENCH hanging up the phone in the last frame. COL. FRENCH sits at his desk. He looks contemplative, steepling his fingers in front of his lips. On his desk in the foreground lies a manilla personnel filled with papers. Readers need to be able to see the name SEAVERS, MICHAEL S. typed on the outside.

NARRATIVE

To be continued…

—30—