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View Full Version : The C.L.E.A.R. - 1/2 script (pt 2) - looking for feedback


GhostofLincoln
11-06-2017, 02:34 PM
(CONTINUED FROM PT I)


PAGE 14

PANEL 1

NARRATION

Seavers residence
Albany, NY
19:34 hours

Exterior of small house with well-tended lawn on suburban street. It’s an early summer evening, about 7:30, and a few people can be seen enjoying the end of a nice day.

NARRATION

Thing is, Seaver had a wife and kid too, and he had me look in on them once in awhile. It was
part of the deal when he started leaking information.

PANEL 2

Framed photo on the wall of a child’s room. There’s SEAVERS in uniform in the photo.

NARRATION

His kid’s a boy, Leo, and he’s got a photo of his pop all spiffed up in his dress blues on his wall,
down low so he can see it.

PANEL 3

Mom with child on her lap. They’re in a rocking chair. Boy is pointing to photo on wall. Mom is clearly
crying.

NARRATION

The one time I looked in, he and his ma were looking at it. I could tell she was talking about
him.

PANEL 4

Close up of photo of SEAVERS in military dress uniform. Maybe kid’s face reflected in glass of frame?

NARRATION

He’s only four years old, so he never really knew his dad. And now he’s never going to.

PANEL 5

Close up of boy’s face. Mom is sobbing and hugging him close now. He’s still looking at photo.

NARRATION

It was bad timing on my part. Really bad. But I can’t get that kid out of my head.

PANEL 6

Girls playing on the playground, as seen through chain-link fence. Reminiscent of first shot where he’s peering through chain link fence.

NARRATION

At least my Mandy knew me.


PAGE 15

PANEL 1

Long, page-wide establishing shot showing big mess hall from an overhead angle. Soldiers are seated at long tables arranged in rows, leaning over and eating their meals from metal trays. The long wall of the room is broken by a metal push-bar-style double door.

NARRATIVE

Fort Craft, Depot 14
Poughkeepsie, NY
17:14 hours


PANEL 2

One side of the door bangs open to reveal EYE.

DOOR

BAAaaakK!!

EYE

Hayes! Obermeier! My office. Now!

PANEL 3

EYE holds the door open for two invisible soldiers, presumably Hayes and Obermeier, who are exiting the dining hall.

PANEL 4

Over-the-shoulder view of two invisible soldiers seated side by side at one of the table in the mess hall. Their trays are before them, and they’re eating while they talk. The door closes behind EYE and the soldiers.

DOOR

—clikk

SOLDIER 1

The colonel sure was pissed about something this afternoon. All yelling about “lack of gratitude” and stuff.

SOLDIER 2

Yeah, I heard that. Wonder if it was the general got him all riled up.

SOLDIER 1

Beats me. Sure glad it wasn’t me though.

PANEL 5

Reverse view of Panel 4.

SOLDIER 2

I hear you there. And now he’s got those thugs Hayes and Obermeier in his office?

SOLDIER 1

Yeah, I sure don’t envy whoever it was that got his goat. Looks like they might be in for a world of hurt. Hey, pass the salt, would you?


PAGE 16

PANEL 1

Helicopter view of a city block of row-houses. The neighborhood isn’t great—junked cars on the street, uncut lawns, graffiti. It’s night and there’s a full moon but it’s partially obscured by clouds and, aside from pooling streetlights, the streets are dark. No people are around.

NARRATION

I’m outside one of the safe houses now. It’s one the Eye stops by every other night around midnight,
according to Seavers, picking up money or something.

PANEL 2

Same shot as above, getting closer and zeroing in on one particular house.

NARRATION

I’m not sure if this is one of the days he’s here or not. Maybe I’ll get lucky.

PANEL 3

Even closer now, so that one row-house fills the frame. The blinds are drawn but light is visible inside.

NARRATION

My plan is revenge, plain and simple. If I can get to Eye, all the better. I figure killing that devil might stop the whole thing.

PANEL 4

On the front porch now. The front door looms.

NARRATION

Either way, somebody’s going to die here tonight. Hopefully a few somebodies.

PANEL 5

Zoomed all the way to a closeup on the doorbell. If possible to show, the doorbell is being pressed.

DOORBELL

Riiiiiing!

NARRATION

Probably me too.


PAGE 17

PANEL 1

View from interior of house. Maybe we can make transition from door on last page dovetail with opening of door on this one? Front door has just opened and General Barents is entering. He has a briefcase and a bundle of mail in his hand. A cat rubs against his leg and greets him.

NARRATIVE

Home of General Barents
Poughkeepsie, NY
19:16 hours

CAT

Mowrrrr...

BARENTS

Hello, Abby. Need some food?

PANEL 2

Bathroom. Now wearing a robe, GEN. BARENTS leans into his tub and starts the shower. He’s whistling.

PANEL 3

Hallway. From outside, bathroom door opens and GEN. BARENTS emerges in his robe, towel in hand, in a cloud of steam.

PANEL 4

Seeing Panels 4 and 5 as one panel split into two thin verticals, like an action/reaction shot. Maybe 4 and 5 inset in a big panel 6?

Top of a flight of stairs. As GEN. BARENTS walks past top of stairs, a voice from nowhere speaks. Barents jerks with surprise.

INVISIBLE VOICE

Oh, General Barents...

GENERAL BARENTS

...uh?

PANEL 5

General Barents is pushed off balance, caught in the moment he’s about to go flying down the staircase.

GENERAL BARENTS

Wha…!?


PANEL 6

Barents has been pushed and is airborne down the stairs. A look of terror is on his face as he falls, and the towel billows out in space beside him.

GENERAL BARENTS

AAAAAAUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHHH!!


PANEL 7

Looking down the stairs. Barents is broken at the bottom, his head twisted at an impossible angle.

INVISIBLE VOICE (from top of stairs)

...Colonel Eye says goodnight.


PAGE 18

PANEL 1

An invisible man knocks on a door on the porch of a big house. Somewhere on his journey here he’s picked up a big, cruel-looking hunting knife. It now hovers surreptitiously where his waist would be, invisible to whomever might open the door.

NARRATIVE



Fort Craft, Depot 14


Poughkeepsie, NY


14:25 hours

VOICE FROM BEHIND DOOR

Password?

VOICE FROM INVISIBLE ON PORCH

Claude Raines

PANEL 2

The door opens and a man looks out.

NARRATIVE

The first one’s easy.

MAN IN DOORWAY

Hello? James, that you?

PANEL 3

Man is jerked out the door and stabbed in the gut. It should look like someone has grabbed his right arm and tugged him out, while burying the hunting knife in his stomach.

NARRATIVE

But then, of course he is. He’s the “solid,” probably a local thug they took into their confidence, paid a bundle to open the door and deal with the public.

PANEL 4

Man is on the porch in spreading pool of blood, half in dark, half in the light that’s flooding out from the now open front door.

NARRATIVE

Sucks for him.

PANEL 5

Inside the entry now. There are puddled footprints in the doorway and blood drips off the knife that’s hanging in midair. There’s a small table with a lamp, and looking down the hallway we can see other rooms off either side.

NARRATIVE

And just like that, I’m inside.


PAGE 19

PANEL 1

View over COL. FRENCH’s shoulder. He’s at his desk playing solitaire on his computer. An aide with a piece of paper in his hand stands in the open door to COL. FRENCH’s office.

SOLDIER

Uh… Colonel, sir?

COLONEL FRENCH

What is it, soldier? I’m busy.

SOLDIER

It’s General Barents, sir. He’s dead, sir.

PANEL 2

COL. FRENCH rises from his desk and extends his hand urgently to the soldier.

COLONEL FRENCH

What!? Give me that and get out of here.

PANEL 3

The soldier has exited and COL. FRENCH is back at his desk. In one hand he holds the note from the soldier. The other hand is groping for his desk drawer to retrieve his reading glasses.

COLONEL FRENCH

Jesus… Matt, you fool. I told...

PANEL 3

COL. FRENCH has his desk drawer opened and notices a folded piece of paper has been placed within. On the outside of the paper is a crude drawing of GEN. BARENTS, with his head bent at a crazy angle, maybe with “Ouch!” or some other irreverent comment penned over it. COL. FRENCH is already emotionally overwrought and reacts with shock, pushing away from his desk.

COLONEL FRENCH

Shit!!

PANEL 4

COL. FRENCH is slumped at his desk. He’s wearing his reading glasses and has a hand across his brow as he reads the note from his desk.

COLONEL FRENCH

Oh god...

PANEL 5

Closeup shot of note on desk so it’s readable. It’s been placed on top of the other note, and viewers should be able to read a little bit of it (I’ll give you words if you want, but probably a half sentence typed, something like “...pronounced dead at his residence at 21:00 hours.”) To the side, we see a glass sitting on the desk. A bottle of liquor is being poured into the glass. COL. FRENCH’s hand is shaking and the bottle chitters against the rim.

GLASS

Chingk-chingk-chingk

NOTE (scrawled in bold black letters, complete with underlines)

I may be in your office right now.




PAGE 20

PANEL 1

A large room in the house. Two invisible soldiers, both dressed casually, are shooting pool. One is bent over in mid-shot, the other standing and holding his cue stick.

NARRATIVE

Now, why do this stealthy? Isn’t fighting naked a psychological handicap? For that matter, wouldn’t coming in armed and armored be a smarter plan?

NARRATIVE

Good questions.

PANEL 2

The hunting knife is suddenly jammed in the STANDING SOLDIER’s throat, causing a fountain of blood to erupt over the pool table. The POOL SOLDIER jerks his head around.

NARRATIVE

The naked thing? I’m over it. We all are. Train enough and you can get your mind to ignore even the most deeply connected mental tripwires.

DEAD SOLDIER
Erck-gle!

POOL SOLDIER

Uh?

PANEL 3

The POOL SOLDIER has risen and is brandishing his cue stick at the bloody hunting knife hovering before him. The DEAD SOLDIER is slumped on the ground against a wall.

NARRATIVE

As for the other, sure, I could let them see me. But then…

PANEL 4

The hunting knife drops to the ground.

NARRATIVE

...I couldn’t do this.

PANEL 5

The POOL SOLDIER looks about wildly (maybe question marks over his head? “???”) as he holds his cue stick. He obviously has no idea where his enemy has gone. Behind him, another cue stick rises in the air.

NARRATIVE

Really, the advantage gained by stealth is priceless.

POOL SOLDIER

C’mon, traitor. Try me.

PANEL 6

The cue stick drops over the POOL SOLDIER’s head and suddenly jerked to one side, snapping his neck.

NARRATIVE

You could even say it makes this assault a snap.

NECK

KRAakK!!

NARRATIVE

Sorry. Bad joke.


PAGE 21

PANEL 1

The fight continues. As it progresses, the STALKER becomes gradually more visible as he’s soiled with flour and roughed up.

Three more INVISI-SOLDIERS now fight the STALKER in an old, decrepit-looking kitchen. We’ve entered mid-action. One INVISI-SOLDIER has just swung a chair that connected with nothing but a cabinet. Another INVISI-SOLDIER is in the background pawing through a cabinet. The third INVISI-SOLDIER stands poised. Meanwhile, a sharp kitchen knife rises from a knife rack on the counter.

NARRATIVE

Thing is, I know these guys.

SWINGING SOLDIER

Oofff!

PANEL 2

STALKER slams kitchen knife to the hilt in SWINGING INVISI-SOLDIER’s back. The INVISI-SOLDIER near the cabinet has removed a bag of flour and is ready to throw it.

NARRATIVE

And it’s not easy hurting old comrades.

KNIFE

chnk

SOLDIER

Ung!

PANEL 3

One INVISI-SOLDIER is now draped over the countertop with a knife protruding from his back. The bag of flour has been thrown and billows out in one side of the frame, revealing hints of a bare leg. Both remaining INVISI-SOLDIERS react to the attack.

NARRATIVE

I lived with them, ate with them, trained with them.

INVISI-SOLDIER 1

Over there!

INVISI-SOLDIER 2

Dammit! Say something! Who are you?

PANEL 4

The two remaining INVISI-SOLDIERS stand back to back in fighting stances. Despite the STALKER being a bit more visible, they don’t see him.

NARRATIVE

But I figure they’re Eye’s men now, through and through, and I can’t leave them behind me.

INVISI-SOLDIER 1

Stay loose. Watch the sides.

INVISI-SOLDIER 2

Miller? Freed? Marquez?

NARRATIVE

Fortunately, I know their styles.

PANEL 5

STALKER slams two final INVISI-SOLDIERS’ heads together.

NARRATIVE

And their weaknesses.

INVISI-SOLDIER 2

Who are y—?

HEADS

Tcokk!

PANEL 5

Survey of kitchen. Cabinets are destroyed, the table is overturned, and dishes litter the floor. The two bodies are slumped on the floor and the other is draped over the countertop and dripping blood onto the floor. There are footprints in the spilled flour and the STALKER’s bare leg is visible standing in the mess.


PAGE 22

PANEL 1

View over COL. FRENCH’S shoulder at his computer screen. He’s filling in a form, but has just received an alert telling him he has new email.

COMPUTER

Ding!

PANEL 2

Close-up on COL. FRENCH’S hand as he clicks the mouse.

MOUSE

—click

PANEL 3

Fullscreen view of COL. FRENCH’S email program. He’s just opened an email and we can read it on the screen.

EMAIL

Colonel French,

Two of my soldiers, Capt. May and Capt. Parsons, are due for psychological evaluations next week. I’m certain there won’t be any complications that might delay their getting back to my unit and their regular duties.

Don’t you agree?

Respectfully yours,
Col. Eye

PANEL 4

Back to the over-the-shoulder view of COL. FRENCH. He’s sitting at his desk staring at the screen.

PANEL 5

Same view but COL. FRENCH has swept his laptop, all the papers, and everything else violently off his desk.

PANEL 6

COL. FRENCH sits at his desk with his face in his hands.

VOICE FROM BEHIND CLOSED OFFICE DOOR

Colonel French, sir?