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RonB
02-16-2017, 12:04 PM
These are the first 5 pages of a new story I'm currently working on. Any comments/crits are always appreciated. Thanks for looking.

http://i.imgur.com/u83Leaz.png

http://i.imgur.com/bvqH5bW.png

http://i.imgur.com/1fODPm3.png

http://i.imgur.com/qzthyuT.png

http://i.imgur.com/VhtIoWO.jpg

therafalee
02-18-2017, 09:39 AM
The story looks interesting, I like your lineart and your storytelling,
but I don't think the colors fit, they are too bright and colorful,
maybe something like Paper Girls would make it more interesting.

http://cbr2.imgix.net/wp-content/uploads/preview/PG-1-lettered-page-08-09-f21fe-fa33a.jpg?auto=format&lossless=1&q=40&w=864&h=668&fit=crop

sevans
02-19-2017, 04:17 AM
I thought that the colours were too saturated also.
AND....the last page really bugged me, the dialogue.

She spoke like a 8 year old girl, but looks 18.

MattTriano
02-19-2017, 08:14 PM
In the South grown men and women still say Daddy and Momma

sevans
02-19-2017, 10:00 PM
Really?
But where is this story set.

RonB
03-02-2017, 12:05 PM
Thanks guys. I'll revisit the colors and desaturate a bit. I was kind of inspired by the color palette from "East of West", but might have gotten a bit too bright.

The story is set somewhere in the midwest in a post apocalyptic world that's been at war for hundreds of years. Exact location isn't super important.

The character herself is 16 and has had no contact outside of her father and is still very child-like, but not uneducated.

ward1976
03-03-2017, 11:52 AM
Like the flow of each panel. Try using more blacks, and deeper shadows in your panels with fire.

Renae De Liz
03-06-2017, 08:38 PM
I guess I'm the odd one that likes the color palette, but I also like rich, saturated colors, so....:D

Great job, the storytelling is really well done.

RonB
03-07-2017, 11:49 AM
I guess I'm the odd one that likes the color palette, but I also like rich, saturated colors, so....:D

Great job, the storytelling is really well done.



Thanks!

I've got just about an equal number positive and negative comments on the color palette now. I'm on the side of liking it, so I think I'll continue as is unless I start to get a lot more negative feedback.